Life After PAS: Gaining Custody After Parental Alienation
This article was written by a stepmother after she and her husband successfully fought to gain custody of his severely alienated child. As you'll see, the results aren't what you might expect they would be.
Gaining custody of a child raised by an alienator comes with its own unique set of problems and issues. Children who have been in an environment where Parental Alienation was practiced may have serious, perhaps even insurmountable difficulties in adjusting to a more normal environment.
"When dad gets custody after 10 years of severe Parental Alienation, it isn't the dream we thought it would be. The years that my stepson lived with dear old mom hearing what an asshole his dad was cannot be forgotten. While he is confronted daily with truths that he realizes his 'mom' lied about all these years, the child will never admit that mom is a bald-faced liar. He will defend the psycho biomother till he dies most likely, because he is just like her. On the other hand everything dad does or says has to be 'proven'. Like he is an idiot, because that is basically what 'mom' told the kid all these years."
"The truth of the situation is that women who alienate children from the other parent out of revenge or whatever ruin the child's life, ruin his character and make a mess out of his mind."
"The child will grow up untrusting and sneaky and malicious in nature, he will be devious and untrustworthy. He will go thru your possessions and take whatever you offer with no thanks (because you 'owe it to him'). He will do whatever he can to come between dad and the 'new' family. He will twist and malign every situation to fill his own selfish needs. Just like dear old mom did/does."
"But how can you blame him? That's what he's learned. He will never learn the values that you would have taught him, like hard work, honesty, loyalty, and common sense etc...it is much too late to teach those lessons. The best you can do is step aboard the screwed-up kid's life and hope that you can hang on for the ride for the remaining years, and when the ride is over hopefully you can pick up the pieces to your life. It's like this child has destroyed your life's 'hard drive' with an incurable virus, the one named 'Alienated Child'."
"When you dream of how different it would be if YOU had custody, please stop and consider that children's minds are basically 'wired' by the time they are five, and if they live under extreme alienation as many do, it is such a gamble to get custody at the expense of your life, your new spouse's life and other children involved in the picture. Yes, you may feel it is your responsibility, but remember that little monsters seldom become little angels even in the best of circumstances. And while you can approach the child with kid gloves, it is more appropriate to don battle fatigues when dealing with post traumatic victims of Parental Alienation Syndrome."
Hope After PAS
Quite some time after writing the comments above, 'cinder' wrote us again. After an extended time in the new, more normal environment, some changes were apparent in the behavior of this severely alienated child.
"The child we are speaking of has come a long way towards changing to fit into (our) environment. Which is a total change from his mother's home."
"The mother, who is now the NCP has continued to refuse any contact with the child. After all, the child is now in the enemy's camp. She is crazy enough to hang on to her hatred of my husband in lieu of loving her son."
"Well, that is where the term PBFH (Psycho-Bitch From Hell) comes from I guess. Normalcy is not relevant to these people who are obsessed with "revenge". They see no farther than their own agenda which points directly to many of them being totally psychopathic by nature. Of course, these are the ones who discount the eternal damage which PAS inflicts on the children, and the permanent psychological dysfunction which may result directly from their own bitterness towards the ex-spouse."
"We are dealing with this situation best we can. Learning from it too."
"On the bright side, the child is now beginning to comment on the abnormality of his own mother after being in a more 'stable' home for nearly a year."
"So, the long term damage that PAS inflicts on our children might always remain with them on a subconscious level, while the external effects can be minimized if you can keep the faith and pursue it on a daily basis. Questioning a system that seems to disregard such blatant and abusive brainwashing of the children must be done on political levels. But this process can happen only after proof of such abuse is more obvious to our society as a whole. I for one, believe that there will soon be rampant and overpowering proof of this abuse by CP's in the near future, because the problem is so widespread and the system seems to disregard it almost to the point of encouraging it."