SPARC Forums

Fathers have such low status.

After finding out that our ex lets father see the kids every other weekend and tuesdays and wednesdays, our lawyer said "oh thats not bad" When father explains that the ex changes the schedule around on her whim and expect him to be at her beck and call, lawyer says, well at least you can take time off from work to see the kids.

In mediation, the  mediator proposed the following vistation schedule. The father picks up the kids from school every day and take them to extra curricular activites at the community center. The location to be limited to the community center, step mother should have no part in the activiites, kids may not spend time at their dad's house, and must be home in time for dinner if children don't want to participate in activites at the commuity center, father does not get visitation. When Father objected that this is not parenting, it is taxi duty, mediator said, you should be glad to see your kids everyday, that is more than I get to see my kids every day.

In counseling when father said that he would like to work out a schedule where he can be with the kids half of the time. Counselor said "oh so you want to split the kids down the middle" Father replies, I want to have the opportunity to provide just as  much influence on how the children grow up as their mother. To that the counselor says, well the mother doesn't want you to have the kids and you won't get anything better than every other weekend in court. why can't you be happy to have every other weekend with the kids. Father says I want a chance to RAISE my kids. Not go to disney land every weekend with them.  Counselor looks at him incredously and shakes her head.

When father asked mother why she has such a problem sharing the kids with him. Is it his parenting skills or is she concerned about the influence of the new girlfriend? What can he do to change so he can see the kids more often? Mother says "I don't have to explain myself to you" "After all you put me through, you sure have the nerve...""When have I ever kept the kids from you? you were the one that left us" "you don't even call the kids anymore.. (due to interference from her...) you need to start calling those kids or you are going to lose them!! and you aren't going to put that on ME!"

Father went to court to have "educational decision making" designated to him on the bases that the mother wanted to withdraw the kids from an A ranked school to a C ranked school in her school district (only a couple miles away) The judge said, well, its not like the kids are trying to get into harvard yet and they are still young (8 and 10) so I don't think the choice of school will have much effect.  Mother pleaded that the kids have already attended the new school for 2 weeks and now have friends and she doen't want to disrupt them and the judge granted it.
Oh and did I mention, the mother now as a new boyfriend of 3 weeks and she will be moving in with him in a different school district this month. No she doesn't think this matters  too much because after all, it is all the father's fault for not paying her  child support (court order pending).  Only saving grace is that this new school is a B ranked school, not that the mother cared.

Sorry to be so pessimistic, but sometimes, I just want to quit.