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Main Forums => Shrink Rap => Topic started by: littlebit on Mar 01, 2004, 02:31:20 PM

Title: What do I tell 10 yr old about going to court?
Post by: littlebit on Mar 01, 2004, 02:31:20 PM
I have taken the plunge and filed for custody of 10 yr old son and contempt of court against ex.  She will be served Friday right after I pick up son for the weekend.  

I am stressing very bad over what to tell my son, or even if to tell him anything at all. My top priority is HIM, ALWAYS! I do not want him to have to deal with these pressures.  That is the main reason I decided to go through the ridiculous court system again, to try to give him a little relief from her.

OK, I'll try to explain as briefly as possible.  Divorced when son was 5, I got custody.  2 yrs later ex won custody.  Although she used every sick tactic known to mankind, the judged ruled that I was a "fine father and good provider". But because I work for a living, and she & new husband stay home & live off government, son is better off with her instead of in daycare, and I got enlarged visitation.

--Fast forward 3 yrs to today--

Ex has tried relentlessly to erode mine and son's relationship and time together (PAS all the way). I have been silent and done nothing, thinking that it would be less stressful to our son and at least he could have peace of mind while at my house.  As soon as he is returned to her Sunday, she will make him read all the legal paperwork and make sure he understands everything that his Daddy is trying to do to them (that is small stuff for her!).  

I am agonizing about what he will be subjected to between now and the time we actually go to court (about 6 months).  

Should I have a talk with him about this?

If I do, What should I say? Will I be causing the same anxieties in him that his mother does?

If I don't, Will be completely unprepared for his mother's reactions?  And will he have nothing to base his opinions on except the garbage she is feeding him?

Wow! If I'm having such a hard time dealing with this, imagine what it must be like for a 10 yr old!!??  I have got to make the right choices for his sake!

Any help will be greatly appreciated!
Title: RE: What do I tell 10 yr old about going to court?
Post by: Peanutsdad on Mar 02, 2004, 01:19:46 AM
Thats a tough spot to be in. Normally, I am against involving the kids at all in the court issues.

In your case, you might break it to him that yes you are going to ask a judge to take a look at the arrangement since you and mom cannot agree on issues. I really wouldnt take it further than that,, except to tell him you and mom both love him, but cant agree on whats best for him, so the judge is the person that helps you both get to that.
Title: RE: What do I tell 10 yr old about going to court?
Post by: richiejay on Mar 04, 2004, 09:04:48 PM
IMHO...I don't think you should tell him anything....yet.  If you can get it changed then get into it.  Why it happened, how much you love him.  But I think 10 is awfully young to be put in the middle of it.  If you tell him, then you are only solidifying the fact that you and ex don't get along and he is smack dab in the middle.  If you lose in court...he is none the wiser (if ex tells him about it, it only makes her look bad when he is older)......I never told my son anything..just that I loved him.  Pbfh told him much more than he needed to know...stuff that is way too inappropriate for a young boy.  I'm hoping when he gets older he will realize that I NEVER put him in the middle of it.  Good luck with your plight.  My prayers will be with you and your son.
Title: RE: What do I tell 10 yr old about going to court?
Post by: littlebit on Mar 05, 2004, 05:03:08 PM
Thanks to both for the input.  Looks like I'll have another week to fret over it.  Serving papers has been put off agian until next Friday...civil servants just don't get in much of a hurry ya know.