SPARC Forums

Main Forums => Shrink Rap => Topic started by: metamorphosis on Jul 31, 2005, 01:50:16 AM

Title: Any insight?
Post by: metamorphosis on Jul 31, 2005, 01:50:16 AM
My 6 yr old step son recently got over a bed-wetting problem.  Now he has taken to urinating on the floor of his room.  Even during the day.  He just looks at me when I ask him why he has done it.  No response.  I hesitate to even bring it up with the BM because when we tried to talk to her about the bedwetting she claimed that he didnt do it at her house.  We got a much different story from the children though.  
6 yr old SS: "i only take a shower at mom's house when I wet the bed."
"I dont have sheets on my bed at mom's house because I have too many accidents."  etc. etc.

I don't even know where to start with this.  I feel that it is a bigger problem than just, "I couldn't make it to the bathroom."  because he has never had a problem with it before.  He also doesn't wet the bed anymore at our house, although I suspect it still happens at mom's.

Anyone have any ideas?

Title: Sounds like an anger problem
Post by: 4honor on Aug 03, 2005, 07:50:50 AM
Any animal when angry with its owners will urinate, spray or deficate, regardless if they are otherwise housebroken.

Children are much like animals initially. They revert to instinctive behaviors until they learn otherwise.  Peeing on the floor and the reaction you give him is more learned than what you are trying to teach him.

Make the teaching process separate from the behavior. Take him aside when he is not doing the behavior and tell him about the consequences-based punishment for doing that behavior. Make a big deal about it with lots of attention.

When he performs the negative behavior you administer the punishment  with as little fuss and bother as possible and move on. That way he is not getting additional attention for negative behaviors.

If it continues after consistent handling by your household then contact a professional about any other problems he may be having.

Title: RE: Sounds like an anger problem
Post by: metamorphosis on Aug 03, 2005, 09:40:25 PM

Woule he exhibit this behavior at our house because of something going on at his mom's house, or would it be because of something at our house only?  As far as I can tell, he doesn't have any issues with us.  

Also, since he is only here every other weekend, can we really make a difference in this behavior?  Doesn't it need to be consistent, especially at his primary place of residence?  If that is the case, then I'm not sure what we can do.  As I said before, we get no support from the BM on these issues.  All we get is denial that they exist.  Very frustrating.
Title: SS learned to behave according to the rules...
Post by: 4honor on Aug 06, 2005, 12:15:29 AM
in about a years time -- but we were seeing him only once a month on average due to denials and other games by BM (CP).

Make your household consistent in handling of the matter and he will learn not to do it at Dad's. Actually it seemed to help SS to make the transistion between households when we made behavior expectations clear.

SS is now 14. He had just turned 6 when we got married. Since then DH and I have added 2 more boys.

We have found that some areas he caught onto easily and others we are still working on. Things like don't pee in the kitty litter was one of the easier ones.

We did find that SS acted out at our house. He was angry that he couldn't have more time with his Dad and took it out on DS1 and DS2... after all, they got DH all the time.

Try a lesson on consequences:

Get out a board and some nails.

If you have time, paint some of the  nail heads red and some green.

Bend some of the red ones so they are not so pretty.

The red nails are negative actions/not the best fit for him.

The green ones are good/positive actions.

Tell the child that the board is his life and the nails are like his actions.

Let him pound some nails into the board. Do this in the driveway not on the kitchen table. Use both kinds of nails.

Then have him pull the crooked negative ones out.

Remark that the negative/poor choices were hard to work with and look, they did the most damage to your life, even after we pulled them out. remark how pulling out the negative ones can make the positive ones off kilter.

Remind him that discipline/getting punished is like pulling out the red nails, but look at the holes and scars and damage they leave behind, that is the consequences of his actions.

Remind him also that by making good choices for our actions we are able to build a great many things with our lives.

When he understands this, he is ready for a talk about what behaviors are expected of him and what the consequences for falling short of the expectation is. You can do this.

Title: RE: SS learned to behave according to the rules...
Post by: metamorphosis on Aug 06, 2005, 10:09:46 AM
That is a great idea.  I will try it with both SS's.  I think it will work better with the older one, but we'll see how the younger one does.
Thanks for the help!