Hi,
My ex husband is taking me to court to modify child support because our son was sent to incarceration for over a year. He wants it changed to take my son off so I only get support for my daughter. Can he do this? My husband and I just bought a new house and if support is changed I won't be able to afford the payments now. Also he is related to his lawyer and I will have to pay a lawyer to keep him from doing this to me. What can I do to keep support where it is? Can I make him pay for a lawyer for me so he doesn't trash my rights here?
You never know with the system.
How old is your son that is incarreated?? Personally WHY should you have have to pay for a child that YOU are NOT helping to support considering he is not in your home.
Sorry but it sounds selfish to me that omg my hubby and I just bought a house and cannot afford the payment IF my ex gets CS reduced or stopped, GET A SECOND JOB then. It is NOT your ex's responsiblity to make your house payment, and personally he shouldn't have to pay cs for a child that in NOT in your home nor that you are financially supporting.
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**
My son is 13. He should have to continue paying because I will need a home for our son when he gets out. I can't work. I have 3 kids and I stay home with them because I wouldn't make enough to pay for their daycare. He makes more then enough money. I just don't know what to do.
Well I am not one to respond then, I am a CP of a 12 1/2yr old son who's ex does not pay support (well sometimes) I personally look at it as you shouldn't count on cs as it may not always be there.
Just cuz you have 3 other kids is no excuse NOT to work, my best friend has 4 kids ranging from 3-17 and her ex doesn't pay cs, she was a stay home mom for 10yrs before the divorce, she had to go to work to support her kids, like many woman do. She just goes without a lot, and she had to get a cheaper house that she could afford on her own.
Since there has been a change in circumstance, then the courts may reduce cs and may also impute your income as each parent has a financial obligation to support their children.
All I can say is do what you can, any parent can request a modification, now its up to the courts to see if it should be increased/decreased or stopped all together.
As for hiring an attorney, cs is pretty cut and dry they go by calculations, time spent with kids etc. You probably could do this without and attorney, go down to the law library and do some research, I am sure you wouldn't qualify for legal aid, based on your currents husbands income.
Also in some states cs is based on incomes of spouses too, not sure about your state though I would look into it.
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**
If they are your kids by your new husband, well - you don't get to use them as an excuse for not working and making your ex pay more child support. And really, that is an excuse. There are LOTS of woman who have kids ranging in all ages that have to work - somehow they manage to do it.
And so far as not being able to make your house payment?!?!?!?! Why in the world would you buy a house that you had to depend on CHILD SUPPORT to make the payments? I have always had a problem with a custodial parent saying child support should be used to help with the house payment because the kid needs a roof over their head. First - are you going to give that child the equity in the house that THEIR child support paid for? Second - doesn't the other parent also have to put a roof over the kids' heads when they are with them?
Now - so far as the reduction because your kid is incarcerated - - who knows? I doubt he gets a reduction, but he may. And really, why wouldn't he? What cost are you incurring for that child during the year he isn't living with you? Frankly, I think he does deserve to have the child support reduced during that time.....but generally, I don't think the courts like to muck around with the amount for temporary situations.
(BTW - my husband has custody of his 2 girls and we receive child support. If one of them were not living with us, I certainly wouldn't expect us to get child support for her. It isn't money that is owed to US, but rather owed to the child for their support. We as the parents are just the guardians of that money)
The third child is from my marriage to my ex. He is claiming he should not pay me because he will have to pay the state for the incarceration. Since I do not have an income I don't have to pay thank goodness. We had to get another house because we did not have enough room and the mortgage company said my child support was ok to use as income. I am upset because he doesn't have to pay for an attorney and I will have to. He only wants to pay for our daughter and not our son and this is wrong. He will only be away for a year and will need a room when he gets back.
he is already paying to support his son. Why should he have to pay you as well?
So far as the attorney - you can be upset, but that's about all. I think my husband's ex found an attorney that did a lot of pro bono work on her behalf. Yeah - it wasn't fun having to pay out of our ass for an attorney to defend against her insane complaints when she was paying nothing (or very little) - - but that's life.
I just really don't understand why you think your ex should be responsible for paying you to support his son when you aren't providing for your son......especially if he is having to pay the state to take care of his son! How do you see that as being right?
wait a minute....
he has to PAY the state for your son being there....
and you are complaining because he doesn't want to pay YOU and THEM???
and then you also complain that he might be getting a break on lawyer fees?
lady you have seriously come to the wrong site for these complaints...
Your ex has to pay the state for your sons incarceration and you feel you should still get child support too. How wrong is that, in my opinion he is paying cs support to the state for housing and feeding your son while he is in juvie or whatever he is in, so you think its fair for your ex to pay the state to house your son while incarcrated and child support to you. OMG that is just wrong.
Guess what honey, I would LOVE to buy a house so we had more room for the kids BUT wait we can' t my ex must pay cs to an ex that doesn't spend the money on the kids and I have to support my son without or with very little child support from my ex.
You need a reality check, how would you feel if the tables were turned and you were your ex having to pay cs to you and to the state, you would feel the same way he does.
PS Custodial mothers like you give mothers like Kiddosmom and I a bad name.
you CAN work part time while the kids are in school, IF your hubby is self employed he could work around a schedule to allow you to work some.
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**
Who's custody was he in when he commited whatever crime to be stuck with the state???
Perhaps they will look at it as dad's might be better for the boy once he is out if mom cannot control him.
He lived here but his dad won't let him move to his house when he gets out because of the crime he did. He has to live with me and I have to keep a place for him to come back to. I will have to move and won't have room for him. He doesn't have to worry about providing a home like I do since he won't take him now. It isn't like he cant afford it.
If that is his choice then it will be his loss.
You should not expect him to have to pay cs twice. You should also not buy things that are beyond your means.
cs does NOT last forever, and house payments last up to 30 yrs.
Being a SAHM is no EXCUSE either.
My mother supported all 5 of her children and my grandmother and went to school with NO help at all. Not from the state or any ex.
I do understand, I had to live in low income housing as I did not have enough money to rent a nice place, I lived in a hell hole so my son would have a roof over his head, I kept it clean and did not talk to my neighbors, I did this for 2yr until I had enough to purchase my own SMALL place.
I have learned to NOT live beyond my means. I do understand that is why when I purchased a two bedroom small home I based it on what I could afford without child support or the help of a man.
It is sad that he won't let your son live with him and chooses not to see him, my ex made the choice not to or to rarely see our 12yr old now he is starting to realize what he was missing out and is finally trying to be a dad.
Sorry if we all sound harsh towards what you are going thru but ncp's here have ex's whom try and ruin the ncp's financially just cuz they can and use it as a tool to deny visitation.
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**
So are you saying that if he said he would take your son into his home after your son is released then you wouldn't expect Child support from his father while your son is in jail?
What you don't seem to understand is that you are not entitled to CS just because your ex can afford to pay you and/or the state. You would be entitled to support if you are physically carring for your child.
Many states have income shares. Each parent's income is computed along with the number of days per year that each parent has physical custody of the child and any extra expences like day care and insurance. If one parent doesn't work, then their income can and is usually imputed. Imputed means that the court determines what the parent could/would be making if they were working. This is based on the parents education, location and previous experience.
Child support isn't about you needing it to pay for your new house. It's about taking care of your child. You will live in your house regardless of whether your son lives there or not. It's your house not his. You ex has a house and he doesn't expect you to pay him when you son is visiting him. He has to keep a house for when your son visits. He still lives in his house when your son is not there.
Housing, in my opinion, should not be included in child support. It is unfair to the NCP to pay housing related expenses such as Electricity, Mortgage/Rent, Gas, or water. The reason for this is that the each parent has the same expenses regardless of who has the child and how often. The expenses are still there for both.
The expenses that change with the child are food; clothing; medical expenses including medication, dental, vision and mental care; school supplies and fees; school and other activites and other misc items that are for the child exclusive use.
Yes, you need to have a house for your son. But you should provide that, in my opinion. You have an equal financial obligation to you child just as your ex has an equal obligation to physically parent your child. Him not upholding his obligation does not obsolve you of your financial obligation.
I find it interesting that you are thankful that you don't have to pay the state to care you for son because you don't work. You seem all too willing to let ex hubby foot the bill for the child you both created.
Your not working is a choice not a necessity. If you absolutely cannot afford daycare then you need to get a second job when your husband can be home with you other children. There are also co-ops for child care. You could even get a job at a day care and get the care for attending children redused.
I'm not saying that you ex is right in not allowing his son to move in with him after your son gets out of jail. He may be more willing if you ask him to consider giving him a trial and see how things go. If that is not possible and you cannot handle him there are many programs for troubled youth.
I hope you can work thing out. Both with your ex and with your child.
Good Luck
~D~
You said that your 3rd child is from your second marriage. IS the truth really that you had to get a bigger house because of your new child or was there some othere reason.
If that's the case then.....?
And, just because the mortgage company said it was okay to use CS as income does not make it okay. They were trying to sell you a BIGGER loan in which you pay them interest on. They will count any income. It's your job as a home buyer to make sure you can afford the mortgage payments. Buying a home that is less than you can actually afford is smart for many reasons. Especially if you will not have all the income you included for the entire life of the loan. What were you planning to do when your ex didn't have to pay child support anymore?
I have 4 kids 1 boy in detention and 3 girls 2 with my ex and 2 now. My husband makes less than half of what my ex makes but he has had to put a roof over our head. It is only fair that my ex pay for his children to have a house. The children are supposed to live equaly both places. We have to have a separate room for him because of the juvenile court. He will have to pay support for a long time because our daughter is only 6 so we got a 15 year loan.
Is is your responsibility along with your current husband to put a roof over your head. Your ex husband does not ask you to put a roof over his head does he?
What I am saying here is that you need to get a job and stop holding your hand out.
Your ex is going to pay the state to care for you child. Tell us again why you shouldn't have to contribute to that? Oh yeah that's right you chose not to work and allow your current husband to pay your way along with your financial obligation to your children from your previous marriage.
I will say it again JUST BECAUSE YOUR EX HUSBAND MAKES MORE MONEY THAT YOU NEW HUSBAND DOENS'T MEAN HE SHOULD HAVE TO SUPPORT YOUR NEW LIFE STYLE AND YOUR TWO NEW KIDS.
If you can't pay your bills then get a job. Find a way to spport yourself and stop relying on the men in your life to do that for you.
make him pay for a lawyer for me.
BOO HOO! Wish I could have a 15 year mortgage and wish I was getting child support so I could use it to pay my mortgage. I have to have a 30 year mortgage because I have to pay child support for my SD for the next 12 years.
The reason you are in trouble is because your priorities are messed up. How arrogant of you to expect your husband to pay you child support for a child he also has to reimburse the state for his incarceration.
No wonder your son's a mess and in jail....his mother has her head up her a$$.
What you asked for was a way to make your ex PAY the state and PAY your mortgage, and PAY your lawyer fee.
Frankly If your son did that bad of a crime then mabe your other childs custody needs to be evaluated also since you are not raising them properly.
It is NOT your ex's fault that you had 2 more children and decided to move into a larger home. That responcibility falls to the father of the latest 2.
The fathers responcibility is to pay the caregiver of his chid, and right now, that AIN'T you.
I will go someplace else. Goodby
Don't let the door hit you on the way out!
What is so Christian about you wanting to violate your ex by using a child???
If he files for custody of the 6 year due to the situation with the 13 year old & not to mention the fact that he has the means to provide more financially he has a heck of a good chance. If this happens how are you going to pay child support even if it's a small amount? Think about it, say he pays 800, the 13 is in jail, and he gets custody of the 6 year old. You are ordered (because of lack of educational & career skills) to pay 200 a month. This is a total of 1,000 coming out of your house a month. Think about it....NOTHING IS A GIVEN, YOUR CUSTODY WAS NEVER GUARENTEED & by purchasing a house beyond your means you just set yourself up again for failure!!!!!
As for legal bills. Why would he pay yours? The party that is sometimes ordered to pay legal fees is the one who wronged the other party. That would be YOU by refusing to settle for less support knowing full well your ex shouldn't have pay support twice. The judge can award HIS attorneys fees REGARDLESS of your ability to pay. The judge can also order you find employment.
You just don't understand that you are skating on thin ice here do you? We aren't making these statements to be mean to you. The statements were made because this is what is LIKELY to happen in court.
Let it be your wakeup call. Settle it before your actions once again cause another domino effect. Surely you can find a night job or a weekend job to make up the difference until the deliquent son is returned to your care. (if that happens, because if he's a ward of the state they can keep him until he's 21.)
KAT
they taught that it was ok to take advantage of your exhusband and make him pay for your house.
Must have missed the Sunday when they taught that it was ok to have your exhusband pay the state and pay you for the care of your child.
Must have missed the Sunday when they taught that it was fine to have kids and use them as an excuse to sit home and do nothing and let other people support you.
Christian? How funny.
Just had to add - - - you are absolutely correct that I do not consider myself "christian". And the reason is attitudes like yours. I would not want to associate myself we a group that simply throws out "being christian" as an excuse for any and all behaviour, as long as it suits their purpose.
Why is your son incarcerated?
LMAO I am actually Catholic, and I didn't read anything in my posts offensive. JUST Factual.
OH your a great Christian, aren't you suppose to help others and forgive, instead you want hand outs.
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**
He poor son musta been forced to go to church and forced to do this and that and, that is why she couldn't control and keep her son on the straight and narrow path.
Personally if she was a stay home mom how the hell did her son get into trouble with the law, as a stay home mother isn't it easier to monitor when, when and where and whom the kids are with??
I work full time and have a 12yr, I know where he is at, who he is with and what they are doing, how do I know this, MY SON CAN'T LIE, he has tried, but comes to me and fesses up within a day.
You need to get your life in order so your other kids don't go doing ilegall stuff to.
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**
Madmom drives a cadilliac too?
My father always said the biggest hypocrits sit in the front pew of the Church.
You must have missed the Sunday sermon that reviewed the Ten Commandment...Honor Thy Mother AND Thy FATHER.
Your children's father is nothing but a welfare check for you and your new husband. Shame on you!!!!! You lazy, lazy excuse for a woman and a mother.
And why should you receive child support from your ex when the child is not in your care. You are a typical example of why the system is so screwed. We all know that the money that is supposed to used for the child is quite often used for other things. And women like you feel that it is right. Three Cheers for the ex.
use the money for. I am the one that has to pay for clothes, food, a place to live and everthing else. I take care of his kids he should be happy to pay. All I want is what I am suppose to get. My husband doesn't want me to work - he wants me to stay home to take care of our kids. He might not be in my care now but he will be again and he will need a place to live.
Well honey your ex DOES buy the kids clothes, food etc as he pays cs what the hell do you think child support is. IT is NOT to support you. He is also putting a place over your sons head by paying the flipping state to care for your kid in jail or juvie.
IF your current hubby doesnt want you to work, HE BETTER GET A BETTER JOB THEN. Hell if I depended on my ex to pay cs and use it so I could stay home, my son and I would be living in a cardboard box on the underpass.
It is your fault you purchased a house beyond your means. You could've purchased a cheaper home that would house all the kids, seems like you needed a bigger place cuz you had another child with your current hubby, not because your son from your ex lived with you, hell you needed a bigger place therefore let your new hubby foot the bill.
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**
The children are in your care, if you can't handle it, give custody to the Father.
If new hubby wants you to stay home, let him pay the bills.
You give all mothers a bad name, just like the very few fathers who don't pay child support. And then the rest of us are branded as dead beats.
What does that make you?
You are a greedy, selfish person....
"Children learn what they live"
And exactly how do you pay for these things if you aren't working? You take care of the kids, he should be happy to pay?
Oh yeah - I'm sure he is THRILLED to pay you. And it seems that he is getting such a grand return on his investment. Let's see - he pays you child support, which you depend on to make your house payment - and his child has ended in incarcerated. Now you expect him to continue to pay YOU and to pay the STATE for the care of his son.
BTW - are you going to tell us why your son is being incarcerated?
You know the really sad thing - as screwed up as the system can be, your ex probably will have to continue to pay you. If you truly were such a fine, honest "Christian" woman, you would return a portion of it to him for the year your son is not in your care. That would be the honest, fair, "Christian" thing to do.
What a scam. You take child support and use it to help with house payments, claiming that the child needs a place to stay.
So - you take money that is to go to supporting your child, spend it on a house that is used for YOU, your husband, your other kids - in addition to the child the support is for. Then YOU get the profit from it when you sell the house.
Do you not see anything WRONG in that? Not only are you spending the child support on something that truly is not for the child, but you are making a profit on it as well.
That the parent who is forced into involuntary servitude to the other parent who refuses to work, who refuses to financially support their children should be able to file a motion in court after all the children are emancipated to recover 50% of past child support paid to the custodial parent. This being because as you stated Cathy that the slave parent doesn't benefit from the years & years of equity in home that is paid for by the greedy parent and in addition, it's pretty much an agreement that by the custodial parents willful failure to provide that the child support payments made by the slave parent have fully 100% supported the child(ren). Since both parents are EQUALLY REQUIRED to provide for the child(ren) then it only stems to reason that the slave parent is entitled to a refund.
KAT
I have 2 children with my ex and he pays a WHOLE $90.00 per MONTH and is over $11,000 behind.
And now to ask where would me and my 2 almost teen daughters be if I thought that ex should pay for my house payment................Our girls and I would be on the streets because how far does $90.00 go in the world today???
What does this $90 and your teenage daughters have to do with your house payment and your original post with your 6 y.o. and your jailbird teenage son? Can't you keep your story and your kids straight? Lady...you are deep in your own stuff....there's no digging yourself out now.
> My ex husband is taking me to court to modify child support because our son was sent to incarceration for over a year. He wants it changed to take my son off so I only get support for my daughter. Can he do this? My husband and I just bought a new house and if support is changed I won't be able to afford the payments now. Also he is related to his lawyer and I will have to pay a lawyer to keep him from doing this to me. What can I do to keep support where it is? Can I make him pay for a lawyer for me so he doesn't trash my rights here?
Excuss me was this post intended for me?? I sure as he** am not blowing smoke up anyones a** if it was!!
You got madmom and step0418 mixed up!
Thats what I thought but wanted to make sure that the post was not intended to me.
Step,
I don't think Joni meant that to you.
:)
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**
I know she did not mean that to you. Probably fed up with the ignorance of this madmom. At least she found an appropriate name to post under.
I have accidently posted under wrong posters a few times. Happens to the best of us...
"Children learn what they live"
For sure I got them mixed up. SORRY!
Joni,
Dont worry! I understand just wanted to clear it up and make sure that it wasnt directed to me although I did not think that it was! LOL!
Well, this poster has stirred up a bit of drama....and it's no damn wonder!
Let's see if I understand now...
>My ex husband is taking me to court to modify child support
>because our son was sent to incarceration for over a year. He
>wants it changed to take my son off so I only get support for
>my daughter. Can he do this?
Why shouldn't he? Your son is no longer under your care and he's already paying for him to be incarcerated. Why should he pay twice??
>My husband and I just bought a
>new house and if support is changed I won't be able to afford
>the payments now.
Well, as another poster said: BOOHOO!!!! My gosh, since when was it ever made clear that cs was intended to use for house payments, car payments, etc..?? Haven't you been informed that cs is used to care for the children? It's used to ASSIST you with the financial responsibilities associated with raising your children....not so you can go and live beyond your means and buy this huge house you don't need. Many of us here go without....we don't depend on cs as an income, because it ISN'T! What happens if your ex loses his source of income due to sickness or an accident and he's no longer able to make such payments? What do you do then? Your train of thought makes absolutely no sense at all.
Here's a brain wave: GO GET A JOB! I have THREE children too....ages 6, 20 months and seven months. My six year old is from a previous marriage and I can't get a damn cent from her father....so I provide everything for her. My other two children are with the man I'm with now that pays cs for three other children. We both HAVE to work to make ends meet and pay the bills. Do you think I LIKE leaving my babies with a sitter? Do you think I WANT to be away from them? It's not a matter of "want" honey, it's a matter of "having to".
>Also he is related to his lawyer and I will
>have to pay a lawyer to keep him from doing this to me.
All I can say is good for him. If he can find a way to fight you without having to pay a single cent, I say, go for it.
>What
>can I do to keep support where it is? Can I make him pay for
>a lawyer for me so he doesn't trash my rights here?
Hopefully not. What rights do you think you have?
With all of our logic, madmom will never get it.
youda thought a christian fairing woman woulda picked something more respectible to be called. But, ya call em like ya sees em missy!
I VOTE...hell yeah, he should get the deduction.
I must say it was refreshing to read some of the CP's opinions of you and the raising of support for the reasons you stated.
and, pay for you own dang lawyer...you hired em, you pay em....
choice w/ your mortgage and that is your and your NEW hubbies fault, take the hit and deal with it...
EQ
YOU chose to make your mortgage DOUBLE of the normal mortgage and you want someone else to pick up the mistake..? oh geez, give me a break!
As I read through these threads.....madmom, how about this idea?
Your son is incarcerated for a year. I can honestly see your point in that you have to have a home for him when he gets out. YOUR overall fixed expenses don't change, but your variable (food, electricity, water) does.
The system makes parents pay for the time the child is in jail, right?
If Dad wants child support reduced because child is now in jail and he is being told to pay -- but you are not being told to pay, THIS is based on income and earning capacity....Dad has no choice and from HIS point of view, I agree with him. I'm guessing -- ok GUESSING -- that the child was in your PRIMARY care when whatever happened, happened to cause the incarceration too. Don't you think DAD is a bit upset over this? (Asking himself if he could have saved the child and done a better JOB???)
So why don't you offer to pay the fees that the state/or whomever is asking for out of your child support? Or better yet, most states set up child support on an shared income ratio..... Say that's 80/20 -- and then you should pay your fair share of whatever the state/whomever is going to charge the parents.
The money dad is paying to you should go to the CHILD who happens to be in jail for a year.....
Since I'm a CP, I can also see that you're overall budget includes your child support income -- I did that too when I was laying out my expenses vs. income. HOWEVER, I also learned the lesson long ago that I shouldn't depend on that CS -- when my EX#1 stopped paying when I divorced EX#2, (because they got together against me), I woke up. It was a long time before I relied -- or took a loan out -- on that child support to come in and go out the other door.
Hopefully I've given you a possible option so that you can avoid court and attorney's fees and all that ugly stuff.....
Think about it from both sides, not just your own.
You should have gotten a 30 year loan and paid it back over 15 years because you could.....
and tell me, please...
What in the hell you were going to pay your mortgage with when the CS ends? Certainly, the mortgage you took out was for at least 20 years...you don't have 20 more years in CS.
hum...doesn't sound like the son she is trying to get Dad to pay for is a Christian either...so the point is???
then he gets to find a second jobbie job to make the mortgage...
it's not up to your ex to pay your mortgage....