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Main Forums => Child Support Issues => Topic started by: melissa3 on Mar 27, 2006, 03:31:35 PM

Title: Question for Custodial Parents
Post by: melissa3 on Mar 27, 2006, 03:31:35 PM
If your ex asked you to account for how the Child Support they sent was used what would you think/say/do?

Would you be for it or against it?

I'm asking because my fiance and I would like the BM to account for how the child support is spent. We don't think BM is embezzalling the money for herself or anything, we just think it would help if all parties had a better understanding of how much the total cost of caring for the daughter is.

Also, we arent trying to make things difficult for BM. Instead of always having to ask BM, fiance would like to already know if his daughter is growing out of her clothes or if she needs more school supplies, ect. We think having a logbook of how money is spent for their daughter would help to gauge what she needs now and help us better prepare for her needs in the future as well.

Suggestion, comments, criticisms or advice is greatly appreciated.

Title: RE: Question for Custodial Parents
Post by: wendl on Mar 27, 2006, 09:37:59 PM
Well I personally have no problem with it, I can show my ex how I spent the $25 I got last month.

$25 on food and travel for out of town basketball tournament (want receipts)

I know other custodial parents wouldn't do it OR they would just write crap down on a piece of paper like

$200 for rent
$50 for clothes
$50 for uliities
and so on.

BUT I THINK the debit cs cards are good, I think every custodial parent (me included) should have to us these, then at the end of the month give the NCP statement and it will show exactly what the cs and where it is spend.

But you know that would never happen.

I think to many custodial moms want to be in to much control and don't stop to think that the other parent would like to know how the money is spent on the kids, heck if you were still together you know darn well what you spent your money on.

But hey that is just me.

Don't get your hope up on her actually doing it or being honest.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**
Title: If I were to receive any child support from my ex
Post by: cinb85 on Mar 28, 2006, 07:18:20 AM
I would have NO problem accounting for it!

Unfortunately not every CP feels the same way.  
Title: RE: Question for Custodial Parents
Post by: melissa3 on Mar 28, 2006, 07:34:18 AM
Yeah my fiance and I had thought about the CS debit card/checking account idea but figured it would be a pain for the BM and she would probably just get the money from an ATM.

As for lying, having the BM show receipts is a good idea - if she could remember to keep them.

In my opinion, I dont think rent, mortgage, utilities or things like that should be included as child care/maintenence becuase both parents have to provide that for themselves anyway. I mean, it's not like BM got a house to live in just because she has a daughter!! In our case, BM owns a two family house, which she pays a mortgage on. It's expensive but no one is telling her to keep the house. She could always sell it and buy a one family for a cheaper mortgage or, if need be, she could just get a nice apartment.

What would you think if the NCP asked you to keep track of what you spent on the child with your own money AND child support?

Are we asking too much from the BM???
Title: I don't agree
Post by: cinb85 on Mar 28, 2006, 07:44:15 AM
Rent, utilities and things like that should be included as child care/maintenance.  If I didn't have our daughter, I wouldn't need a 2 bedroom apartment which is much more expensive.  She also uses ALOT more electricity than I would if I lived alone.  Computer, stereo, TV, etc!

Like I said before, I would have NO problem accounting for what I spent the CS on (unfortunately my ex rarely pays any CS).  
Title: RE: I don't agree
Post by: melissa3 on Mar 28, 2006, 07:55:19 AM
In our situation, BM has SD sleep in her bed. SD is 5yrs and does not have her own room or bed even though they have plenty of space. In this case, BM could get a one-room apartment =)

I see what you are saying about the electricity, I didnt take that into account. Thanks for the input.

I'm sorry to hear about your neglectful ex. Would you like to be our EX/BM instead? =)
Title: Thanks!
Post by: cinb85 on Mar 28, 2006, 08:11:30 AM
DD and I had a one-bedroom apartment until she was 11 years old.  Then we moved to a two-bedroom apartment.  I truly believe that teenagers need their own room.

Yes, DD uses tons of electricity.  My electric bill was nothing when I lived alone!

Thanks!  I have seen so many stories of ex's who are truly trying to be really good dads, only to have the cp put up roadblocks.  Then there are stories like mine where I do everything that I can to have ex be part of DD's life, only for him to completely ignore her!  It's very sad for all of these children.

Good luck to you!
Title: No, thank you!
Post by: melissa3 on Mar 28, 2006, 08:25:48 AM
Thanks, we need all the luck we can get!

I don't know if you've read my other posts but the BM is a little unbalanced. She says she wants my fiance to be involved but then she dismisses his attempts to be involved. They have this court mess going on, with fiance having supervised visits. Fiance does all he can right now by calling his daughter all the time and we send her surprises and gifts when she's sick. But BM still writes nasty emails saying fiance doesn't care and isnt involved!! I guess you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Title: She doesn't know how lucky she is
Post by: cinb85 on Mar 28, 2006, 08:36:14 AM
to have an ex who does so much for the child.  

My ex has court-ordered supervised visits (but he NEVER visits our DD).
I HAD to get supervised visits because he is an admitted Heroin abuser (luckily he admitted this in court one day because for years I tried everything to prove that he was a drug abuser, but wasn't able to).  Even though he abuses drugs, I want our DD to know her father, he just has to be supervised so he doesn't put her into a dangerous situation.  I also don't want him around her when he is high for obvious reasons.

He just doesn't seem to want to be a Dad (not sure why, because when I told him that I was pregnant 15 years ago, he was VERY happy)!  He rarely pays CS (only when he knows that they are going to arrest him), he's NEVER paid one dime for ANY medical bills, and he doesn't call DD or visit DD!  Tell the BM in your situation that I said that she should thank her lucky stars that her ex is a good father!!!

Good luck to you all!!!
Title: RE: She doesn't know how lucky she is
Post by: melissa3 on Mar 28, 2006, 09:02:45 AM
Haha haha  I would love to tell BM that everyday!! Unfortunatly,I can't talk to her because she doesn't like me being around - hence this court mess we are in now =)

See, BM told the courts fiance was abusing drugs also. Fiance has a prescription for the surgery he had on his arm and BM said he was abusing that. She had a tape of him taking his medication, thats all! She has no proof he ever hurt his daughter or put her in danger in any way while on medication. Sadly we had a really sucky lawyer who did little to defend us and that's how we wound up with supervised visitation.

These visitaions, plus the cost of the evalutation, child support and the cost of living have really put us in a hole. We haven't had any money to see SD lately and that's why BM says fiance is a bad parent - becuase he has no money to see his daughter. The thing is, we'd have money if BM didn't bring the courts into this in the first place. =(
Title: As a CP...m
Post by: Giggles on Mar 28, 2006, 09:04:21 AM
I have NO qualms about accounting for where I spend the CS I receive...when I receive it that is...sigh.

And like CinB says, things like rent, electricity, water/other utilities should be included in the calculations because the child is using those things.  I'm not saying that if a 2 bedroom apartment is $800 a month that the child's portion should be $400!!  The childs portion should be the difference between the cost of a 1 bdrm and a 2 bedroom.  So say in that same complex you could get a 1 bdrm apartment for $700 a month then the childs portion of the 2 bedroom is only $100 per month because the CP would have to provide housing for themselves anyway.

The last time my CS was reviewed was when it was set over 8 years ago.  I have recently asked my X if we couldn't discuss raising the support without involving the court because as DS gets older there are things he wishes to do that I just cannot afford.  I even gave X a breakdown of ALL of DS's expenses to show him how little of DS's upkeep he pays.  This was all brought on by me asking if he could pay 1/2 of the cost for DS to attend Tae Kwon Do or increasing CS by $60 (going from $275 a month to $335 a month).  It's frustrating because X wrote back saying the only time he hears from me is when I want $$ ( completely forgetting the times I tell him about DS's report cards, Parent/Teacher talks, etc).  I do e-mail him on occasion when it's getting towards the end of the month and I haven't received the CS that was due at the 1st of the month (reminds me...I need to send a reminder e-mail to him..cuz I still haven't gotten a thing...grrr).  X also only visits with DS 1x per year (summer) and yet got a break on his CS because he's responsible for travel costs (he moved away).  He doesn't have to foot for DS's "other" costs like b-day parties he's invited to, his B-day party, school supplies, school clothes, medical co-pays, Easter bunny stuff, stocking stuffers at christmas and just general "ooh that is soo neat" stuff that makes kids happy.  It's these things that I think a lot of NCP's don't think about and some CP's go overboard and punish NCP's with.

It's not easy one party thinks it's too much $$ the other thinks it's not enough.  And I have YET to see a "formula" that truly meets the NEED of the child.
Title: Wanna trade?
Post by: melissa3 on Mar 28, 2006, 09:36:31 AM
OMG! I wish I could trade our BM for all of you!!!!

All fiance wants is to get along with BM and to help raise his child. I can't express to you how depressed he is becuase he hasn't seen his daughter. When we pick out toys to send his daughter fiance gets so miserable becuase he knows he wont see the excitement on her face when she opens the surprise. And to top it off, BM doesn't care that he drops things off she just asks when she's going to get the support check and gets mad when I sign the card!!

Fiance doesn't hear about birthday parties, sleep-overs or events until a month later, unless his daughter tells him about it. Bm wants money to fund these things but she won't tell fiance about it in advance!!

To be honest, I really can't figure out what the BM wants from fiance. (I do know she doesn't want me around, but that's to be expected.)

1.She wants fiance to be involved but she wont give him the opportunity.

2.She want's him to see their daughter but she denies visitation.

3.She wants him to call his daughter but, when he does, BM viciously harrasses him over the phone.

What is he supposed to do!?!?!?!
Title: If I knew the answers to those questions...m
Post by: Giggles on Mar 28, 2006, 11:29:22 AM
I think I would write a book for every NCP to follow.  Your PB is crazy and sounds extremely controlling.  She wants things done her way or no way...ugh.  Not a very good environment for the kids but since your NCP you have to play nice because CP's tend to have the power :-(

As a Mom, Cp and Ncp...I realize how important that other parent is in my child's life!!  Sadly, not all people feel the same.  If something were to happen to my DS...HIS FATHER would be the FIRST person I call.  When DS has school pictures...I order extra to send to his father, his father's family and I pay for them (these are usually what DS sends to his Dad for Christmas).  If DS gets sick (cold or what have you), I send his father an e-mail so in case if he wants to call and see how DS is doing (this has never happened *rolling eyes*).  Thankfully, my DS has never needed hospital care, but if he did, I would call his father on my way to the hospital...then once I knew something I would call him again.  Why do I do this??  

Because...This is the way I would want to be treated if I were NCP!!!
Title: RE: I don't agree
Post by: wendl on Mar 30, 2006, 11:01:22 PM
only a portion of it, as what the difference between a one and two bedroom are a PORTION of the utilities (we all know our kids leave every light in the house on)


I have no problem providing my ex with what I spend the cs on, hell I would give him copies of the receipts (if he paid cs)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**
Title: How bout a court order?
Post by: melissa3 on Mar 31, 2006, 08:39:10 AM
If we ask BM to keep a log of child care I'm sure she will just see this as a strike against her.  

What is the probability of us getting this mandated in the court order?

I'm dead-sure we can prove the advantages......
Title: RE: She doesn't know how lucky she is
Post by: wysiwyg on Mar 31, 2006, 06:56:50 PM
Here is my opimion:

1.  we pay the ex nearly 50% of hubby's paycheck for child.  When the divorce was final, she got the house and a new van that were 100% paid for with money hubby brought to the marriage, which is documented in the final order that she contributed NOTHING to the marriage financially, so her 1,000 a month in CS was for what?  The child wore torn ripped too small clothes to school and to us, she went out and purchased a new van.  The money we gave her was used to fight us in court for the last 12 years.

2.  Why do NCP's not get CS when child is with them?  NCP's have rent/mortgage to keep a home for the child to come visit, I doubt any court would allow parenting times if NCP lived in a box by the tracks.  Even when courts give 50% abatements for long parenting times when the child is with them it seems totally senseless that they have to pay CS for a child that is with them, when that money could be used to pay the increased costs of food, bills, clothes, movies, or vacations that are incurred whenthe child is with NCP.

3.  I remember a situation where my ex's father married a woman that had a child whose dad was wrongfully killed in a bike accident that awarded the child a large settlement.  Since the mother was mentally challanged, the funds were put in a trust and an attorney as executor of the trust.  The mother was to buy things for the child that were necessary and send the receipts to the attorney for reimbursement. My ex father in law used to stand outside department stores and pick up the receipts that fell to the ground and send them to the attorney to get the funds wrongfully.  How was anyone to determine what was actually for the child or not?  Thet's kinda like documenting the money isnt it?

I am not sure what the answer is or should be, it is too much of a gray area.  
Title: RE: Question for Custodial Parents
Post by: Stirling on Apr 03, 2006, 12:06:21 PM
Why does you SO what to know how CS is spent?

What does he hope to gain or change from having such knowledge?



Typically a CP is under no legal obligation to either account for how CS is spent, or to spend CS on the children.  Given the lack of legal support I suggest that you let the issue go and accept that your fiance has absolutely no say in how CS is spent.  

As far as what CPs would say if they were asked to give an accountling goes, I think it is safe to say that the CPs who receive small amounts of CS would have no problem giving an accounting, and those that receive large amounts of CS are likely to refuse.  
Title: RE: As a CP...m
Post by: Stirling on Apr 03, 2006, 12:14:28 PM
"The childs portion should be the difference between the cost of a 1 bdrm and a 2 bedroom."

My personal opinion is that CS shouldn't be used to pay mortgage or rent since the NCP has to provide living space for the child during parenting time.  The NCP has to pay for the extra space even when the child isn't with them.  Also, I don't feel that CS should be used to purchase the CP a home.  

Both parents need to provide a home for their child so I feel any extra expense to do so should be a wash.  Therefore, no CS should be spent on rent or mortgage.
Title: Hey ya Stirling...m
Post by: Giggles on Apr 03, 2006, 12:30:51 PM
In a perfect world you would be right.  But if this WAS a perfect world, would CS even be needed???  

I happen to know for a fact that the NCP in my case does not provide an additional room for my DS.  I on the other hand being an NCP to my OD, do provide a room for her in my home.

Had I not had children...whewww weeeee I'd be VERY WELL OFF :-)  But, I do have them and it's upon me to provide the majority of their care.
Title: RE: Hey ya Stirling...m
Post by: Stirling on Apr 03, 2006, 12:56:07 PM
Yup Giggles...you are absolutely correct that in a perfect world we wouldn't need CS.

To be honest I think that we are in some what different places on this issue based upon magnitude.  From what you have posted you would have no problem showing that your children directly benefited from how you spend the CS you receive and you probably wouldn't even have to consider rent/mortgage in doing so.

In my situation CS is the largest expense that I have each month.  To put it in perspective, what I pay in CS is 1/3 larger than my mortgage payment which includes insurance and tax escrows.  It would probably be difficult or even impossible for my Ex to show that our children receive a direct benefit from all the CS that I pay.  I have never asked, but it is probably safe to say that my Ex would refuse to give me any type of an accounting.  Besides, in her mind I am a deadbeat, good-time Dad and she is supporting our children all by herself, so there's no need for an accounting.  
Title: RE: Hey ya Stirling...m
Post by: wysiwyg on Apr 03, 2006, 02:01:50 PM
I agree there should be no child support, and my reasoning would be, if one parent passed away - who would pay the other CS to support the child?  When my parents divorced in 1965 my dad got custody and my mom was NOT ordered to pay CS, when I divorced in 96 the judge did not order my ex to pay CS for the three kids.  I survived as I was provided for by my dad, and I provided to  my kids.  

I also do not understand how CS can be orderd to maintain a home with CS, (which is as I see it ok to use that $$ for) but trying to keep a home here for us and our kids and a place for the Step child to come to is verging on impossible, oh and yea.........the ex got the home that my husband paid for 100% during their marraige so why does she need so much money every month?    

just my 2 cents...................
Title: RE: Question for Custodial Parents
Post by: melissa3 on Apr 03, 2006, 02:10:13 PM
Basically, we thought tracking how much money goes to child care would be GOOD for everbody concerned - for both parents and the child. Like I said before, knowing how much daughter costs NOW will help us to plan for and/or be better prepared for the future.

Also, this may help to ensure that BM never tries to pull a fast one. For example, right now BM could say she need $xxxxx to take SD clothes shopping and fiance and I would have no idea if BM took SD shopping or if she took her "NEW" boyfriend out to dinner. If we had a logbook, we could look and see how many articles of clothing were previously bought for SD and how much was spent eachtime, with eachparent. There would be no way for either parents to bullsh*t the other.

Note: I know I mentioned previously that we didn't think BM was using child support for herself but, honestly, the thought has crossed our minds from time to time.

As I said before, this isn't an attempt to try to control BM. Fiance just wants to be as invovled as he can be (he is only the NCP) and BM doesn't share information unless it is directly related to fiance giving her more money. Instead of giving extra money to the BM, fiance just wants to be able to spend it on his duaghter himself. Why shouldn't he be able to take her clothes shopping, school supply shopping, birthday-gift-for-friend shopping? He's tired of giving the BM money to do these things when he could have the "honor" of doing it. (yes I said honor because he truly cherishes anytime he spends with his little girl.)
Title: RE: Question for Custodial Parents
Post by: Stirling on Apr 03, 2006, 02:42:44 PM
"knowing how much daughter costs NOW will help us to plan for and/or be better prepared for the future."

The only thing you really need to plan for is paying the CS in full and on time.  Clothing, school supplies, etc. is what CS is supposed to be used for.  However, you can certainly give BM a gift of extra money if you want to.  Personally, I learned long ago not to give my Ex extra cash.  In stead I would buy my kid's things that they needed.  However, I was always conscious to just suppliment what was needed rather than supply all of what was needed.  This way it sort of forced my Ex to use CS on our kids.  

I know that you stated that it is not your fiance's intention to control BM, but what does he intend to do if he doesn't like how BM is spending CS?  Will her try and get her to spend it differently?  

"Instead of giving extra money to the BM, fiance just wants to be able to spend it on his duaghter himself. Why shouldn't he be able to take her clothes shopping, school supply shopping, birthday-gift-for-friend shopping?"

I strongly suggest that he start doing this.  By the way, was isn't he doing it this way now?  Is he affraid of how BM will react?
Title: And in the case of a mortgage....
Post by: cathy on Apr 03, 2006, 06:03:12 PM
The money isn't just being spent - - it is building equity.  If CS is used to pay a percentage of the house payment, it seems that a percentage of any profit when the house is sold should be credited somehow.  To claim CS for mortgage payment is kind of like double dipping.

Oh - and let's now forget the tax advantage gained from that mortgage payment!

But having said that - it doesn't really matter.  I don't think any state really looks at expenses in that way when determining child support.
Title: Butting in here....
Post by: cathy on Apr 03, 2006, 06:17:40 PM
Cause I think the question that Stirling raised is excellent!

And if you do get an idea that the Bm took her boyfriend out to dinner instead of taking SD shopping - then what?  There isn't really much you can do.  And do you really think she would tell you that anyway??  And if she spends $$ to go out to dinner with her boyfriend, is that money from her paycheck or from childsupport?  I

We receive child support now and it goes in the bucket.  It doesn't really get set aside in any special way, although I try to put most of it in a separate account to get the girls a car at some point.   Right now, we get $340 (although BM has filed a motion to modify to try to reduce/eliminate) and it certainly wouldn't be hard to account for that amount being spent on the girls!

Anyway - I do understand how you feel and felt very much the same way, especially when we were paying $1390/month for 3 kids that were poorly clothed and never had ANY extras except what we provided in addition to the child support.   But if a CP is honest and taking care of the kids and spending the money on the kids - then the accounting isn't needed.  If they aren't, then they will just lie about the accounting and there really isn't anyway to validate it.  
Title: RE: Butting in here....
Post by: leon clugston on Apr 04, 2006, 04:51:05 PM
The monies so we are told is for the better of the child, however this is quite often not the truth in many cases. Also if the monies were realy for the enterest of the child, or to better the child then how come theres no accountability "or laws, or penaties" if the monies are not directed to the childs well being?. The answers to all these questions are in the state plans, where you will find there is no reference anywhere in any state plan, or under the fedral side for the better, or for the welfare of the child, it is all about creation of revenue for the state, but dont take my word for it, go read youre TRUE state plan for youreself and see.
And yes I am a custodial parent, paying another who doesn't contribute nothing financialy to are child, the truth is there its on certified documents, signed by the indiviual states and ok'd by the feds and its not what most people think its for.
Title: RE: Butting in here....
Post by: Jeff2121 on Apr 08, 2006, 03:48:33 AM
I am keeping my kids 80 % of the time ( have for about a 18 months) and I am still paying child support (700.00 a month).  I buy there cloths, medical, food, and insurance and everything else that goes along with raising 2 tenage boys.  She run around in a BMW ( I guess I am paying for that, she is not supporting the kids with it).  

I am scheduled to see a lawyer on april 11th to get full custidy or joint custidy, what ever she advises me to do.  I have good ducumentation on the time the kids are with me and what time they are with there mother.  I am real nerves about all of this, I hope the courts will see my point of view.


Jeff  
Title: RE: Butting in here....
Post by: leon clugston on Apr 09, 2006, 07:04:13 PM
you know the kicker to custodial parents paying non custodial is there is no law or regulations for it,it is made up by the courts, or administrative law, which has no force and effect of law, nor applies to the oublic at large, but most people dont have a clue and so they get screwd.
Title: RE: Butting in here....
Post by: wendy11068 on Apr 13, 2006, 09:10:47 AM
I am the NCP with joint legal and joint physical and I pay CS to a person who lives with mom and whose mom pays the house bills and whose mom leased the person a brand new pickup truck.  The CP in this case chooses not to work despite plenty of jobs available in the chosen field.  The CP gets themselves fired time and time again and then has a million excuses as to why this keeps happening.  So I guess I pay to support the CP in staying at home while both children are in school full time.

I not only pay CS, but I also take the children to doctor and dentist and I buy the children new clothes and shoes because even when CP buys them clothes, for some reason they are too small or in poor condition most times.  I also have a residence to support and the bills that go along with it and I have insurance and car payments and all that.  My state does not take into consideration any other bills that the NCP may have other than taxes taken from the paycheck and who is paying for the medical insurance.  They just don't care that you have to provide a residence for the child to come to.  And that 50% credit is just about worthless the way they figure it but it's something I guess.

I guess I would like to know that the CS doesn't go to entertainment for the CP and for the CP's new vehicle and the CP's "friends" although I am fairly certain that it does based on what I see and hear.  I just keep doing for the children knowing that I can make more money.  The system is neither right nor fair and needs a complete and utter overhaul.  But, I do what's right for my children and try not to worry too much about it for now.
Title: RE: Butting in here....
Post by: leon clugston on Apr 13, 2006, 09:28:03 AM
A question if I may? you say you are the NCP, but have joint legal and physical, is youre time with youre kids equal as the other parent has time or is this like a 70-30,. The reason I ask is beleive it or not there is no defffinition of a custodial, NCP in the federal law or regulations nor is there a deffinition on the UNited States Code side( statuatory law) the reason I bring this up is congress wrote the child support laws up for absent parents,(deadbeats) the states twisted it into every application possible, and then demand it be applied in every case, divorcing splitting ETC.. and hence forth revenue for the state.My intent is not to inform one side its for the knowledge of either side, when you dont have hardened deffinitions in the federal law side (statuatory side ) or the regualtions(CFR's) then you have states perverting things to there administrative desires,,ie..revenue.
Title: What do we do?
Post by: melissa3 on Apr 13, 2006, 09:58:16 AM
What can "We The People" do to rectify this???  What is it going to take for the family court system to get a major overhaul?

I've seen a lot of activists and "Rights" groups on the internet that are fighting for reform. With all the effort they put in, how come nothing has changed yet??

I guess my question is, what is it going to take to get the voices of the outraged heard?
Title: RE: What do we do?
Post by: leon clugston on Apr 14, 2006, 09:38:33 AM
more people pushing there legislatures and there representitives for a change, and demanding the abolition of th3e cooperatove agreements woulfd be a good start. One place the people could start is by writing mass letters to there newspapers, (letters to the editors) and or by trying to get a reporter to tell there story. I used to get lots of letters published here in Alaska untill I hit a nerve w/ a lot of agencies and now the paper wont print any of my letters, but I got my point out and started getting some people heading down the right path.

There is no easy way, and it takes time, but either people in a whole need to work together or there will be nothing done, and lets face it are kids undoubtedly in the way are society and are morals have crumbled will go through the same processes and decadences that we have. Either people will prevail or just wine and be sqeaky wheels, and that starts with simple persistence.
Title: RE: Question for Custodial Parents
Post by: atlparent on Apr 25, 2006, 01:39:05 PM
As a CP myself, I would have no problem with showing that the child support is indeed spent on the child.  My child's biggest problem, as stated by many others, is her father doesn't believe in paying CS nor does he ever pay for things on his own.  He is currently court ordered to pay $900/month child support.  The last time he paid anything was a month ago, $50.  The time before that, it was $25, paid a year ago. However, to address the ??, if he were paying the $900/month, I would have no problem showing documentation as well as receipts to show how the money is spent.  I believe that when considering monthly costs, NCP's need to understand that it isn't always the same amount every month.  If the CP knows that a big expense is coming up for the child in the near future, the CP could put some of the CS aside every month in anticipation of that expense(such s summer camps which are generally much higher than afterschool care throughout the school year).  
Title: RE: Question for Custodial Parents
Post by: lmkillion on May 06, 2006, 08:07:33 AM
Hello,
I have to say that I was a previous user of this site as a NCP. My daughter is now 15 and havs lived with me for the last 3 1/2 yrs. Now, I get a lousy 25 dollars a week in CS that can't be raised until she reaches age 16 another 4 months away. He works at a job that he make $25.00 per hour, has no other kids to support etc, I basically got screwed because I agreed to $250 a month for both of our girls. But, when the oldest turned 18 they reduced it by half. My expenses for moving the girls back to my home rose dramatically. Let's see how this breaks down...

$15.00 for school lunches
$10.00 for DD allowance.
 = $25.00

Doesn't go very far now does it. And to top it off the 19 yr old still lives at home while she is going to college.

Actual expenes
$25.00 food for DD (She is not limited to 25.00 a week in food that is just the share that is spent on her behalf)

50.68 a month for DD cell phone.  (Yes she has one, but she uses it to keep in touch with me and call her dad since it is long distance and shee gets 500 mins a month long distance. Funny, he's the one she talks to most and I pay for it.

9.95 for internet access for DD computer.

156.00 electric  (My bill used to be 80.00 before the girls came back home.

32.00 water (used to be around 16.00 monthly.

89.00 a month for car insurance for DD alone (She just recently got het learner's permit and guess what it costs extra to have insurance on her to be able to learn to drive Who knew...

And, this is only the drop in the bucket, so to say. It doesn't include clothes, shoes, activities, co pays to the doctors etc.

Yes the CS does have to be allocated towards the FAMILIES living expenses not just here  u go DD You get to have the entire CS check every month.

 MY point is, Is that when and if you have your kids living with you, you will see that your expenses go up all around. It doesn't matter if you have a large or small personal income. KIDS COST MONEY.

I am not saying that CP's/NCP's are should not have to pay what is fair amount for CS. I am saying that when you really break it down you would see that the expenses usually far out weigh what is actually recieved. And in alot cases the expenses are for the houseshold just not the child.

I could be a real B%$$^ to my kid and deny her thte little luxuries she gets all in tha name of CS. But, I don't. She has her comp and internet to do school work and email her family and friends, she has her cell, that I can call anytime and she answers it or she calls me and let's me know where she is, what she is doing and who she is with. (I work a 48 hr wk to support my kids so I can't always be there, but the phone is and it works) we now have insurance that also covers her while she is learning to drive and will continue even after, I can't take the risk of losing my car if she should get in an accident.

So you see it all adds up no matter who or where the kids live.



Title: RE: Question for Custodial Parents
Post by: got_no_rights_man on May 07, 2006, 11:33:41 AM
I think they should have to account for it's usage. As a NCP I have seen my 2 boyes with ratty clothes and poor hygiene at visits. However they always have the latest hand held video game systems and a collection of games for them.
Massachusetts offers a debit card with the support monies put on it for CP's and I believe that both parents should have access, say online to view activity and I believe that cash out of the money box ATM should not be an option since almost everything can be bought through debit card. I also believe that these statements of activity should be admissible in a court.
I pay 235 a week in "child support" the term is correct because I am supporting a "child" my ex. To purchase toys and materialistic items. Not clothes, food, and hygiene items for our children.
Title: RE: Question for Custodial Parents
Post by: leon clugston on May 07, 2006, 08:21:01 PM
I would agree in youre synopsis of the situation, but the problem is the people as a mass haven't got together and pressured there legislatures to open there eyes to the problems created by the present system that thrives on the corrupt placement of children with adults, who do not bring forth the necessities of the children.The funny thing is I actually found a fedral reg that said the child support was to be assigned to a responsible adult, it didn't say which, or the noncustodial, it said the responsible adult, kinda makes one wonder, and yes it is all federal law, the cooperative agreements that every state has(to be able to receive title IV-d funds) makes it all federal law, the states are mere administrators of the federal law, funnuy thing to that most states are not even following the fedral guidelines or restictive guidelines, that they technicaly and legaly cannot go beyond due to the lack of regulations.
As long as the states are receiving encitive payments for the higher amounts w/ no responsibility towards the applications of the awards they will do nothing, because it has no effect upon them in there administrative world.