My name is Michael, I have been divorced for 2 years and my ex-wife got sole custody because she upped the scheduled court date for the divorce but didn't send me a notice of the change, I didn't find out the divorce was final until 1 month later, when I tried to call my girls.
Since then we have been back to court for setting up visitation 5 times and each time my ex is not willing to set up any times and since she was given sole custody the judge isn't pushing the issue. The judge ordered we go through mediation, my ex states she can't afford it, I was willing to pay for the entire mediation cost. My ex will not return the mediators calls and refuses to allow me any visition. The judge stated the her final decision was for us to go to a mediator and come to some sort of agreement. How can we do that if my ex is unwilling? Is there anything I can do since she apparently has all the rights and I have none. I really miss seeing my children and I want to be a part of thier lives while they are still small (8 & 4).
Any help is greatly appreciated. I can't really afford to keep paying an attorney for nothing. :(
Document, Document, Document!
1st) to set up any mediation, send a certified letter with return receipt to ex. Send a copy of each letter you send to the circuit clerk to add to your court record.
2nd) Have your attorney send letters requesting mediation with return receipt, have those letters also sent to be added to your record.
3) make a copy of every written response and have a copy sent to your court record.
4)make sure your keep a copy of EVERYTHING-postmarked envelopes, letters, responses, post office receipts.
5) do not contact ex through e-mail right now. If kids are old enough, set up an e-mail account for them, mail it to them certified, add a letter in there that you have been trying to reach them and hope this can make it easier for everyone. Be super sweet, since ex will problaby read it too. Send cards and letters through the e-mail for the kids. Print copies. Most on-line cards will send you a notice it was sent and if it was seen. Print out both copies. They print with dates.
6)Set up a weekly time to call your kids. Call religously like 2 times a week. Just say to ex, "I would like to speak with (kids names). If she says no, ask it there is a better time to call. Document the conversation. Do not input your own thoughts, just exactly what was SAID. If she gets mean and nasty. Say that you will try again another time. Document it. Mark each attempt on a calendar for the judge's easy reading.
7)Send a copy of everything you do to your attorney.
I know it may take awhile, but after about 6 months of all this (like 6 letters from you, 6 months of calendars and telephone notes, letters from your attorney, e-mailed cards to your kids, etc) Talk with attorney to see about presenting to a judge again. See if you can wing another judge. Every once in awhile they rotate.
Keep documenting her unwaivering state about setting anything up. According to the statutes, you might want to start seeking custody yourself, as what she is doing is not in the best interests of the children. Also if the divorce was moved up and you were not informed, that should have been appealable and you should have been able to get the judgement set aside. I would start interviewing other attornies, yours may not be strong enough. If there is limited money, see if you qualify for Prairie State.
Lynn