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State Message Forums => Minnesota State Forum => Topic started by: tulip on Jun 05, 2004, 04:01:56 PM

Title: We got a restaining order.
Post by: tulip on Jun 05, 2004, 04:01:56 PM
I don't know if anyone will read this, because there are no messages here, but I'm afraid to post it another board, because I would get ripped to shreds for "denying visitation" by people that don't know our situation.
DH thought things would calm down after he got custody. No more court, no more psychotic behavior. Yeah right. There have been TONS of psychotic behaviors the last few weeks. This is the most recent.

Thurs, BM was supposed to be staying at the house next door to us babysitting. She had asked dh if he would take those kids to the bus stop in the am--he said ok, if they're ready when I go.

She called in the afternoon, crying because her car got repossessed. She actually had the nerve to ask dh for the $$ to get it out. Then she asked him for a ride to HND (house next door) so she would be there when the kids got home from school. He agreed to give her a ride, which really made me mad.

That night, she called our house at 9:00. We have told her many times not to call her after 8:00, and told the kids not to have calls after 8:00. The kids were downstairs in bed, and dh was down there saying gdnt to them, so I didn't answer. She came over. I told her she was not welcome to come over here or call at 9:00, and she wanted to know what time they were leaving in the morning. After I told her the time, instead of leaving she sat on my front step arguing with me for a few minutes until I told her to leave. Then she stormed up the steps and said "I want to see my kids." She forced herself into my house, kicking the door open when I tried to close it, so I pushed her out. Then she flew back up at me, falling on the floor in my house and wouldn't leave. I called the police and they said I might be charged with assaulting her!

The next day dh filed an order for protection. She is not to call here or come within a block of our home. I was surprised it was signed, because we would be lying if we alleged that she had been physically abusive to the kids, and that's what we were told those orders are for. We just listed that she had threatened to kill me and been harassing us, and obviously, that she is a meth addict. The hearing will be in front of the same judge that handled the custody case. We're not bringing our atty this time, can't afford it.

I hope that this time they will order her to go to treatment before she can see the kids again.
Title: RE: We got a restaining order.
Post by: hisliltulip on Jun 07, 2004, 01:48:05 PM
Well, I for one will not "slam" you.  You have done exactly what you should have done.  What I would have done.

Are you sure you can't get an attorney for this?  I know how strapped you can get in this kind of mess, I just don't want you screwed because you didn't have an attorney.

How are the kids holding up in all this crap?

Title: RE: We got a restaining order.
Post by: tulip on Jun 07, 2004, 02:18:54 PM
Yeah, I don't know about the atty. We still owe almost $3,000 to atty, and I don't think he wants to do anything more for us unless we pay that off. We had thought that the hearing would be in front of the same judge, but looking at the papers again today, it looks like not. He is supposed to file separate papers to get a hearing with family court judge to change visitation. I don't think this order is going to stand, dh has been in there twice in front of the same judge on OFP hearings. The first time, when he and bm separated, he was covered w/bruises and filed against her. The judge said there was no evidence she had done anything to harm him. Threw it out. The next time, this April, she filed one on him, didn't show up for the hearing, and the judge still threatened to throw dh in jail.

This am dh called to find out if she had been served, and she had not. I think it's weird that she didn't try to call the kids all weekend if she hadn't received the no-contact order. She called Fri eve and asked when he was going to bring ss over, didn't ask about sd. I don't think she knew what time it was or even noticed that sd hadn't come home from school. She told dh she was going to kill him. He said if she calmed down, he might let the kids talk to her in a couple days. She said "You'll be dead in a couple days."
Title: RE: We got a restaining order.
Post by: hisliltulip on Jun 07, 2004, 02:46:39 PM
Please tell me he recorded these phone calls!

Did your attorney put you on a payment plan?

DH's did for our whole mess.  We have three years to pay it off, in monthly installments.  Anything new we'd probably have to pay upfront for though.

Call your attorney.  Even if you can't afford him, he can probably give you a name of an attorney that works on a sliding scale.

Since your DH has been in front of this Judge before with unfavorable results, I think it is prudent that you find an attorney.

Good Luck and God Bless.

Title: RE: We got a restaining order.
Post by: lucky on Jun 07, 2004, 04:16:21 PM
Tulip, you guys did what you needed to do.

I'm so sorry that you have had to go through all this.

((((Tulip & family))))

I will keep you in my prayers!
Title: She's in treatment.
Post by: tulip on Jun 09, 2004, 02:59:30 PM
She checked in Sunday night. She called Monday and said instead of coming over and blowing your head off last night, I called 911 and had them take me to treatment." She said they are getting her a social worker, and helping her get an atty. Then, in a month she will be clean and sober and is "coming at us with both barrels."

I really think the OFP is going to be dropped, with or without an atty.
Title: RE: We got a restaining order.
Post by: Lawmoe on Jun 09, 2004, 03:29:39 PM
Restraining orders are temporary in nature and in most cases do not allow the Court's the ability to order treatment.

You should file for  supervised visitation if you can document that the other parent is a danger to the monor children and/or is using illegal drugs which affect here care.  This must be filed in the familycourt.
Your Order for Protection is likely only to address contact between the parents if the minor children were not exposed to the dispute

For Minnesota information visit us at
Title: RE: Good that she's in treatment
Post by: hisliltulip on Jun 11, 2004, 02:30:42 PM
They are getting her an attorney?  Are you sure she's not just blowing smoke up your backside?

Title: She checked out of treatment.
Post by: tulip on Jun 11, 2004, 09:42:10 PM
I think she stayed there 3 nights. Thursday, during our garage sale, the neighbor kids came over and told skids their mom was at their house. SS came into the house in tears and told me that his mom checked out of treatment. SD went for a bike ride to get away from here. DH called around to find out she had not been served with OFP, so our local police came over and served her. The OFP includes a 1 block radius of our home, but they did not make her leave immediately, just told her to get out of there asap. About an hour later, they left, and a few minutes later, the neighbor's van came back, pulled into the garage for a minute, then pulled back out and parked in the driveway. She may still be over there.

My mom, the counselor I saw today, and a friend I talked to on the phone today can totally understand why I am so stressed out and scared, but not my husband. Next weekend we are going out of town. I'm going to pack up all my pictures in my car in case the house is burned down when we get back.
Title: RE: She checked out of treatment.
Post by: hisliltulip on Jun 14, 2004, 11:21:46 AM
I understand, you may want to get rid of any valuables and important papers for a while too.  Safety deposit box, or at your Mom's or something.

I know how you feel about being nervous.  BM is pissed that we won't give her the address to the house we bought until after we move.  We're renovating and ALL of hubby's tools are there and some heirloom furntiture that my Grandpa and Grandma sent.  Why does she need the address when we aren't even living there yet?

Anyway, hang in there, hopefully the drama will end soon!


3 Boys!