I've been kinda busy lately. so I just read Brents birth control post. So I thought I'd add this.
We have a shelter in our area for abused WOMEN and children. No services for men. However, in their pamphlet they state that forced sex, and WITHHOLDING sex is considered sexual abuse!!
So Guys how many of you have been sexually abused in this way?
If a woman does it, its her right, but if a man does it, its sexual abuse!!
I told our local clinic that I was offended that they provided so many services for abused women and none for men.
>We have a shelter in our area for abused WOMEN and children.
>No services for men.
There are more shelters for abused animals than there are for men. There are thousands of shelters for women, and thousands for more cats and dogs....but almost none for men.
>However, in their pamphlet they state
>that forced sex, and WITHHOLDING sex is considered sexual
>abuse!!
Only if men do it. No one will say out loud that a wife witholding sex is "abuse". When the man does it, of course it's abuse, because almost anything a man does can be labeled abuse- talking too loud, yelling, staying and arguing or leaving the room -they've ALL been labeled "abusive behavior" by various feminist groups.
If you insist on staying and working something out, you're controlling (and that's "abusive"). If you leave to cool down for a bit, you're avoiding resolving the problem (and that's "abusive" too). If you watch the family finances, you're financially controlling your wife. If you let her spend the family into the poorhouse, you're not providing financial stability for the family. Surprise, surprise, both of those behaviors are labeled "abusive" by feminist groups.
>So Guys how many of you have been sexually abused in this
>way?
Ummm, well, I'd wager that we all have, every single one of us. Is there a man out there that hasn't been "cut off" by a wife or girlfriend at some point in their relationship?
>I told our local clinic that I was offended that they provided
>so many services for abused women and none for men.
Good! Maybe if we all started doing that, they'd get the message and things might change.
What, guys are supposed to "service" their wife/gf on command? I remember my unenlightened, totally religiously repressed mom trying to explain the "marital act" to me. Basically just put up with it. Lay back and think of Ireland! ROTF!
In light of women's empowerment, it is only fair that they provide services to battered men. After all, women are just like men these days....right?
I finally got over the thing about my duty to provide sex to my husband when I got tired of his cheating. I didn't want to catch something, because he was picking them up everywhere. Yuck :-(
Hey, it's not like he had to go without, right?
Reminds me of when I started dating an Irish guy. I heard that Irish foreplay was:
"Brace yourself, Bridget!"
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!
Hahaha! I haven't heard that one in years :-)
Tho the one I hear from DH he took from 'Mrs. Doubtfire':
'Brace yerself, Effie!'
I agree that withholding sex by either partner is abusive. Somethimes, however, the reason might be purely bad timing, or depression, or some physical attribute going on at the time.
I think it is cruel to withhold sex in order to control your partner. And taking into consideration that males must release the sperm in some way or face discomfort, it is wrong to purposefully make them suffer, or masturbate, or whatever. it is this inconsideration and oftentimes ignorance of the male reproductive system that makes it so cruel. The male reproductive system is constantly manufactoring fluid and sperm that creates increased pressure. most males who are denied sex will release some fluid buildup during sleep (if they are lucky). Denying sex as a control method is like denying a new mom who has is engorged with breast milk from pumping it out, imagine how that would feel!! Educate yourselves ladies! It will increase your own sexual experience as well.
sorry if this offends anyone,
-----If a woman does it, its her right, but if a man does it, its sexual abuse!!-----
Ok, can the gender crap because BOTH sexes do it and it's being done alot. It's not "abuse" if you ask me. A person withholding sex is nothing more than a childish freak playing sick and twisted games with the WRONG pawn. Someone willing to do this isn't mature enough for marriage, let alone a sexual relationship. And, if you catch me on a day my hubs just recently shut me down...I "might" say they deserve a serious a** whoopin....
-----Somethimes, however, the reason might be purely bad timing, or depression, or some physical attribute going on at the time. -----
Or the infamous "headache". Hub has pulled that time and time again. My opinion? If you have a headache that lasts 6 months GO SEE A FRICKEN DOCTOR!!!!! I've said that to hub...all dripping with sarcasm..."honey, I'm concerned about your headache...what if you're dying? You've had this headache for months now, something MUST be wrong, could be a tumor...I'll make an appointment first thing in the morning". voila...suddenly better. Interesting, isn't it?
Depression? hmmmm...I know one thing that "temporarily" cures depression...sex. I've been depressed and a good ol fashioned bangin' does the trick! Course you must have deep "therapy" at least 5 times a week to "cure" depression.
Bad timing. Well, I sorta agree with this one. I mean, if you want sex while sitting at the supper table with the kids, that's bad timing. If you're in walmart walking with your spouse and children you can't suddenly have an attack of "Ineedsexitis". At home...when the kids are sleeping...when nothing is on tv...that ain't fricken bad timing!!! lol
This is a touchy subject for me as my husband is NOTORIOUS for popping a headache...one that lasts ages...cept not when he's out with his friends, or at work, or at the store...it's one of those "creeping sex headaches".
I decided on a few things a while back. He wants to play games, I'll one up this guy. When I'm in the mood and he refuses...I say "Ok, I'll be in the room for a little while...please don't bother me". I go in the room, lock the door, and read a book, come out 15 minutes later with a smile on my face. So far it has NOT worked...but I know one of these days it's going to sink in that his game isn't funny, cute, or even nice. It's stupid, it's bullshit, and he's gonna lose in the end.
Being repeatedly denied sex without any explanation is the single most disturbing thing a spouse can do. However, dwelling on it only makes it worse. Turn this shit around on the person who's playing the game and things ease up a bit. Either that, or learn how to take care of biness yourself.
I understand what you are saying, but how do you know that your partner is just playing games?? consider this: for years my husband did not seem much interested in sex, even though our first year was wonderful. I imagined all the possibilities from another woman, to I was less desirable, etc, etc. Then when we did have sex, he sometimes could not maintain an erection. I thought it was me! I tried everything. Finally I told him that I had needs and that unless he made an appointment with a doctor that he was making the decision to suffer the consequences of his decision to ignore my needs. Well he made his appointment and had a blood test for testosterone levels. The results came back that his testosterone levels were WAY below normal! His doctor put him on testosterone supplements and wow what a difference it made. there are all kinds of symtoms of low testosterone: dry skin, low libido, loss of muscle tone, fatigue, and yes, definately hot flashes! Most men will not admit that they may have problems with testosterone and fail to seek medical intervention. I say if a couple is having problems with sex, first check the medical reasons instead of just automatically assuming they are withdrawing sex to be mean. My husbands problem almost ruined our marriage. I thought he was no longer interested in me. But it was his (sorry Brent) "male ego" that prevented him from admitting that he was going through male menapause and seeking medical attention. He feels so much better now and believe me it can happen to men as young 25!
On the other hand, low hormone levels in women can also affect the desire for sex, and the one that causes the most trouble? low testosterone! women need a certain amount of testosterone to get sexually aroused.
People, do we really believe that there are so many cruel people in this world?? Come on! sexual desires are absolutly governed by chemical processes not by personality! Don't assume he or she is trying to torture you. It took me years to get my husband to open up, but hey..The wait was worth it!! And besides, if you maintain an intimate relationship outside of sex it will hold you together till you can find the solution, you know like, caressing, back rubs, hugs EVERY DAY! The lack of touch because of sexual problems only puts more distance between a couple. you made a committment to a relationship, now stick to it and go find a good doctor! And happy foot rubs
ok, I considered it....
But I'm talking about all the people who refuse to "give it up" because of headaches, depression, whatever....but those things suddenly disappear when it comes to doing things THEY want to do. For instance, my ol man...bless his damned heart (lol). Headaches and him being tired are the "big" thing/excuse around here. That's all cool, right? Not when he's able to go hang out with his friends...or his headache isn't "severe" enough to warrant him taking a tylenol and nap. Football is a HUGE headache causer...yet he'll sit there hooting and hollering, booing and screaming at the TV for gawd only knows how many hours...but a simple wham bam thank you ma'am is "too much" for his head? NOT....
I know some people have problems. People with problems KNOW they have a problem. Obviously, something is "wrong". The fact that they REFUSE to go to the doctor because it's "embarrassing" shows me they STILL don't give a rats patoot about their partner, their partners feelings or needs.
Regardless of what anyone says (and feel free to call me a sex pig, but hey, i happen to be one of those chics who needs the damned thing) but sex is a HUGE part of a relationship. H-U-G-E! When you're having sex all the time, then it suddenly drops off...WTF? That's wrong. It's like having chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and supper for months on end....and someone says "screw you, you're eating spinach now". eh eh....unacceptable.
-----People, do we really believe that there are so many cruel people in this world?? -----
You know what? I used to think the world was basically a good place filled with pretty good people...then I entered family court and realized that more people are f*cked up and cruel and downright nasty to their "life long" partners. So yes, there are SO MANY cruel people in this world. Now, remove the word "cruel" and replace it with "selfish" then reread your sentence. We live in a TOTALLY selfish place....seems no one gives a shit about anyone else anymore.
Besides using children as pawns...sex is the ULTIMATE weapon.
Then I do not know how I made it in this world thus far. I know there are some very selfish people out there. I run into every day. I do not know why people tend to neglect their partners after a while or take them for granted. And it appears you are being very neglected! A football widow! I guess you have tried counseling, tried making some friends outside your husbands crowd, tried joining the moose club, etc.
none of these things will replace the need for sex, but unless you want to find another partner, , it could give you room to vent frustration...along with a little help from yourself.