Tonight I want to share the latest and greatest from my EX-wife. My wife (MB)'s EX's girlfriend (Camilla) reads here as we all know if you've followed our family's situation.
Camilla reads, prints, and then calls my EX and tells her everything MB says.
So EX, this is me and it's time for me to share the wonderful messages you've been leaving on my voicemail these last few days and let's see what these fine folks think.
See, this happens everytime during the week or two before my EX is supposed to send our son out to see me for our time together. My EX has left several voice mail messages and I will post exactly what she said. Then where I think it would help you to understand, I will explain myself further.
Before you begin to read, think about the fact that this has been going on since 1997 and there's our son involved at the heart of it.....
S I'm calling to find out what you're planning to do for spring break on Z but my request is that you keep K out of our business about our son is not hard is not rocket scientist she can find a new obsession besides me I'm tired of being it. Since Z does want to come see you, you know please get back with me on this but I'm done S, you need to you need for our sake for my sake for Z you need to tell that ... K to stay out of it totally. She's not the parent here. You and I are the parent this is not an unreasonable request and it should have happened a long time ago I'm tired of being K's bitching post on the internet and elsewhere. She needs to back off and leave me alone. I've had it with her. I never married her. She's not my wife. She we have no business no business together we have no children together its pretty simple mark, thank you. Please get back with me so I know where you stand. If you don't see your son on Spring break it is your own fault, not mine. Thank you bye.
S this is B. I tried to call K and talk to her about this about her staying out of it about her not putting e-mail about me, about not calling the schools, about not calling the doctor and about not calling uh CPS apparently she has this complex that she thinks she is god and she has the right to judge me and no S, she is not god I have a god, I don't need K as my god. She has no right to judge me or say I'm being a good parent or a bad parent which is exactly what I'm talking about you and I had Z, you and I have to make the choices for Z you're the one whose not getting Z out there for Spring Break what I'm asking is that you need to have a talk with your wife and tell her I am none of her business and she has no rights to me and furthermore she has no legal rights to Z, she is his stepmother in name only, she has no blood she has no legal rights S I am so totally tired of this shit, but I am not going to allow it any more I have put up with K for 9 ½ years. I'm not going to do it any more, I don't give a rats a$$ if she thinks I'm a good parent or a bad parent. That is none of her business, she is not my god. Thank you. Please get back with me if you desire to see your son. If you don't desire to see your son on Spring break, then I tried and I will not be in trouble because you are totally responsible for arrangements. Thank you good bye
S I have one other question for you and you can ask K who thinks she's god, what right does she have to judge me when she gave her son away in a custody battle when she was having an affair with you and because she was in the military and couldn't (stutter) thought it would be better. A woman that would give her own son away on a plea bargain has no right to judge me. She is not my god. And you need to get her off my back. I will work with you, I will work with you till the end comes, S, but you need to do something about that wife of yours. I've had it with her. thank you bye
O.k. S I'm gonna lay the card on the table. I went to see a Judge Advocate with the AF. Yes, I should have been award half of your military retirement. OH law did not have the right to deny me. And yes, I can go through the AF and I can get half of your retirement. I don't want it, I don't need it I just want to work with you and you only and you put a cork in your wife finger and mouth I'm tired of it all she is not my judge she is not my jury I don't want anything to do with her I want to be totally left alone if matters concerning Z, then it's you and me and not K because she isn't even the mother, she is the stepmother, big whoop ti do, that gives her no legal rights but if she doesn't stop it S, and if she doesn't call (cough), if she doesn't yea , I guess I'm gonna be forced to have to hit you in your pocket book because I'm totally fed up and I'm totally tired of her. She says "Hell with you B, I don't do anything to you." BS she doesn't have the balls to call me and talk to me face to face. But she sneaks around on the internet, she calls doctors, she calls CPS, she calls schools, none of that is her right. She has no right to do any of that and I'm asking you to please get control of her and tell her to leave me alone and we'll go on. I don't even care about your retirement, I'm doing fine but if that's the only way you're gonna listen to me and get her off my case, I'll do it. Thanks for your time. Bye.
Hi S this is B, I got your message regarding Z's flight and everything what I need from you and K is a certified letter or a letter from you and her stating that she will stay out of it she will not talk about me on the internet, she will not call government agencies schools doctors offices etc regarding Z Once I have that letter, I'll be glad to put Z on the plane for ya, until I get that letter (long pause)...o.k Thank you , good by.
S what I meant was a notarized letter from you and K stating that she will stay out of my business totally, she will not get on the internet, she will not call agencies, she will let me and you handle Z and she will stay out of my life. Once I get that letter and if I get that letter, Z will be on the plane as stated.
S this is B I've been doing some thinking and that letter I requested from you is not really necessary because I have told you and you have verbally agreed to call Koff of me and she will leave me alone I do have access to the internet and I do know when she is posting and uh I do plan on taking Z to the airport for you and if K does not stop S, I will start legal action of my own and your retirement will be retroactive to the day we got divorced according to the judge advocate I've talked to. After 9 ½ years of your legal shenanigans, and putting up with K I'm not playing games anymore, you know what I've asked of you and you know what I've asked of your wife. One more post or one more phone call that she should not be making because she is not the parent and I will pursue it. Thank you.
S I received your letter today it is so full of BS and lies I am the custodial parent. K has no right to Z whatsoever um I don't care if you call it blackmail, you're obviously don't wanna to work with me, you're not giving me an inch you're not willing to call your wife off of me. So I will go through the military and I will get your retirement and it wll be retroactive and this BS about me agreeing to let you keep your retirement is absolutely BS and you know it and I would like to thank you for this letter because I plan on using it against you and you get Z to Alabama anyway you want because legally I'm not obligated to get him there. And after this letter I'm not willing to do one god damn thing for you. Z yes, I'll move the earth for Z, but I won't do nothing for you or the bitch you live with. Thank you.
I'd like to talk to you S, this is B about a couple of things you wrote in this letter. There is no bench warrant in OH for my arrest. We have checked, so you can quit trying to blackmail me with that. Second I do have a copy of the transcript in OH and I never agreed to keep mine and let you keep your own retirement. This letter is so full of lies and so ful of BS and I am going to hold on to it, and when I proceed with my proceedings through the military judge advocate, it will be part of it. Furthermore, like I stated this morning I have a court order that says you are responsible for travel. Get him there anyway you'd like. I'm not stopping Z from coming to see you but I'm not gonna do nothing for you.
S this isB, I'm trying here, yes I know Z wants to come visit you Sunday and I want him to come visit you but I have talked to him and he also understands my position where I just want to be left alone by K and I want K out of it. She has no legal rights to Z whatsoever and the topper on this for when she called CPS not once but 3 times, she had no right to do that, S, Z is my son and your son, yes she is a step-parent, but she has no legal rights, I am the custodial parent I don't understand you say you love Z and you want to see him I don't understand why you would not ask K to stay out of it and leave me alone and let you and me handle it. This is about our son, it kinda looks to me and Z that you know basically you love K more than you do him. Your willing to forego a visitation with him, I don't know what to say. But that letter was what....there is no arrest in OH, we have checked on that. I never promised to spread our retirement, I do have a copy of the transcripts, I'm so tired of lies, all I'm asking you is to please call K, no postings, no calling people, you need to deal with it, he's our son, not hers I don't get involved in her son and her, I never got involved in her daughters and her, why the heck should I allow her to be involved with our son. Except as a parent when she's down there, I can't do anything about that. Alls I'm asking is that you ask to her or tell her to leave me alone, that's it S, what's so hard about that, what's so hard to understand it thank you.
Instead of underneath each of my EX's voice mails:
MixedBag has been posting here since the site started at first to get help, and now to give help.
She never calls my EX, never writes, never even sends any kind of letter to her, and above all never bothers my EX at work.
Yes, at my request, she has called schools to get report cards and to send things to our son's teacher. Yes, at my request she has called doctor's offices to give the proper insurance info since my EX fails to give the third insurance info and I gotta pay 90% of the uncovered/unpaid medical/dental bills after the EX pays the first $100 each year. When all three kick in, there should almost be NO out of pocket expenses, ever. There are good reasons for my wife to be calling; she is the one in the household that keeps up with the bills, and keeps me straight with birthdays, anniversarys, special events at schools, ect.
I have asked my wife to call the Sheriff's Dept out west when the EX has threatened to "Deep 6" my son (this was not the first time, she threatened the children's lives once before in another state/police report accomplished to document the incident). She has also made some follow-up calls on my behalf. I asked her to do this in part because I myself am in law enforcement, and I do not want any perceptions given to my children that I would influence the decision of fellow officers if in fact they had done anything against the law.
When B called, Mixed told her that she knows she's not Z's mother. I heard her even though I wasn't in the room. She told EX that IF she would be doing the right thing, then there would be no examples to share here on the site to show others that "Yes, we understand". MB told her to be a mother and step up to the plate and put Z on the plane this sunday. EX yelled back at her and said she wasn't doing ANYTHING for MB. MB said "It's not for me, it's for Z because he wants to come."
MB knows the legal boundaries of being a stepparent to Z even though they are very gray.
EX isn't willing to hold her husband to the same standard of involvement or rather uninvolvement. I do want to add here that I am not angry what-so-ever with her husband. He in fact has stated plenty of times she needs to put Z on the plane, but his words are futile also. He has been a good stepfather to my son, and has put up with the verbal abuse from Z from time to time, but I also know he really cares about fostering Z's relationship with me, because it's the right thing to do. God forbid if they were ever to get divorced...I might be able to talk him into testifying how she intentionally violated order after order!
The order says that I have to pay for transportation (at first for 3 children, but now we're down to one). The former local judge (even though he is a family friend of hers) told her in court that she had to take the children to the airport AND he said I should reimburse her for gasoline. I have sent her money each an every time even when she demanded it before she would leave the house. The State Supreme Court Mediation judge told her the same thing. So did her attorney who quit on her because she should have lost custody a long time ago for thumbing her nose at the system. (I've got it in a letter from her attorney!)
MB was blackmailed by her EX into giving up custody. There was no plea bargain, because there were no charges filed. MB's EX in a short nutshell said "Give me custody or I ruin your 15-year military career." She had two other mouths to feed and $40K in debt, she decided to feed her children and keep her career. On the other hand, her EX was a civilian and his company doesn't CARE about debt and his infidelities (Camilla), so the scale wasn't balanced at all.
My retirement was addressed in the final order from OH. She keeps her retirement and I keep mine. Notice she doesn't even mention in any voice mail that she has a retirement from the reserves and I should have received half of that. She never stepped foot in an OH courtroom BUT she was represented by an attorney. I guess she doesn't understand the concept that "he" spoke for her, and agreed upon issues on her behalf, that's what she hired him for, isn't it? Therefore, since too much time has passed (1999), the order isn't appealable. The JAG on base can't do anything for her, they are not licensed to practice family law and can only give advice. They can not overturn Ohio's decision! She also states in her voice mail (# 4 post) the only reason she is going to go after my retirement is because I won't make MB stop posting, otherwise she doesn't want or need my retirement...talk about blackmail (extortion).
And yes, there is a bench warrant that was issued for her arrest as a result of the first contempt filed after the divorce was final in OH. Thankfully, MB goes to OH once a month and she can look into it personally at the local courthouse to see why when EX/B called that she wasn't told that one is out there. There was actually a sentencing hearing in which the judge gave her 30 days in jail for her contempt. My wife should have plenty of time in April to check on this issue.
My two older girls both decided (one year apart) to leave their mother as a direct result of her actions, not mine. But she hasn't learned her lesson.
So who wants to step up to the plate and tell my EX that SHE's the one who is causing herself all these problems?
So there, EX. This is your EX speaking, not MB. See it doesn't matter if she posts, or if I post, the story is the same because it's the truth.
Put Z on the plane on Sunday and you take away my ability to go back to court once the decision from the Supreme Court comes back, or go right back to court for contempt.
It's in your hands, which is why it's so messed up. A special thanks goes out to the one who my wife calls Camilla...because we know that within a very short period of time this post will be printed, and sent to my EX.
I find it "very" funny when the EX says my wife is obsessed with her, when the facts dictate that the EX is in fact obsessed with my wife. I also find it extremely amusing to know that both my EX and MB'S EX's current live-in (i'm not to call her "fake wife") talk regulary on the phone to discuss my wife and I. Talk about double obsession!
Thanks for reading my novels...it has been such a long time since I, myself, have posted on these boards! Thanks again!
sound much like DH's ex.
yea I can relate sounds like DH ex. I have many daily phone calls like this, the best one was 8-9 calls asking for something really trivial, no one was home (was at work) and with each phone call she got madder and madder and finally was swearing and giving the answering machine 15 minutes to call her back. This all took place over the course of about 2 hours.
Thanks for sharing that! I can not tell you how many times my EX calls, at all hours of the day and night. Sometimes she calls 4 to 5 times between 3:00am and 5:am...then it will be between 8:00am and 10:am...then it will be in the evening. She leaves these messages on the voice mail and then tells me I can't use them against her because I had no right to record her. I now just let the voice mail pick it up and let her ramble on knowing she is going to say something that might be useful later. Thank God I have plenty of minutes on my phone cause she sure can waste her share! You know, it would be different if she would say something new, but for going on 9 years now it has been the same things. I find it entertaining at times now to see how many different ways she can say the same thing. She is only hurting the kids, and doesn't see it like I do! Thanks again!
This sounds like our SM in my case. She and EX had a fight with themselves over my voicemail one day while I was in a meeting at work. I came back and I had 7 missed calls and 45 minutes worth of voicemails. I couldn't believe that they started a fight, came to a resolution and by the last call all was well...totally bonkers, all while I was not even present. These people make no sense...and neither does this BM. If she only knew this is going to bite her in the ass...she wouldn't be acting this way.
All I can say is WOW. I'm a Long Distance Mom who is suddently VERY grateful that my situation isn't nearly this bad.
If these tapes are word for word then I'll certainly be happy to step up to the plate and say this woman has a definite obsession with your wife and is bordering on unstable. Any judge who listened to these tapes would see that. How does she not realize that? I mean, she put on a RECORDER that she's going to "hit your pocketbook" if you don't cave in to her demands??
This woman isn't going to have to worry about driving her child to the airport to see Daddy . . . she's going to end up behind bars if she doesn't cool her jets.
::shaking her head at the insanity::
The craziest part is when I read that 2 of the children have already left her for being this way??? And she hasn't learned anything from that??
Oye Vay. If there wasn't a child involved I'd say just keep handing her the shovel because it's her own hole she's digging. Maybe when she hits bottom she'll wake up, but at what expense to the child?
I'm so truly sorry that you and your wife have to endure something like this, but even more sorry that the child has a custodial parent whose willing to put them (and their visitation with the non custodial parent) smack in the middle of a blackmailing threat.
Truly.... a judge needs to be made aware of this behavior.
This woman needs a wake up call.
And I say used to because she is now in jail for, yes, trying to kill her own children to keep them away from my DH (and me). Thankfully, she didn't succeed - but she is definitely relieved of her parenting responsibilities. 15 years behind bars and the kids will be adults when she gets out. So taking those threats seriously is absolutely what you must MUST MUST do!!! I'd be recording her phone calls, personally, and letting her know that. For your child's wellbeing. And I'd also be filing police reports for visitation interference if she doesn't put your son on the plane. We did that a couple of times - in our state it's punishable with a fine or time in jail - and we cleared that little problem right up.
Regarding the retirement - as you probably know, whatever is in that decree stands, but it could be challenged. If she wants to spend money on that, whateva. My favorite response to all that is "We'll deal with it when you file the papers." Courts DO NOT tie finances to visitation, so she could get herself in real trouble here by withholding your child b/c she doesn't like the way retirement worked out nearly, what, a decade ago?
A WIFE (stepmother or not) can legally make calls to schools, doctors and police etc on behalf of her husband. If you want to back that up with paperwork, you can always give her a power of attorney - there are custodial POAs - and I'd send that to your ex, just so she knows the bases are legally covered. And of course your wife can email or post online - it's a free country. I assume she is a careful enough woman to know not to post your ex's name and address, so it's not like it's harassment. Your Ex of course doesn't have to read what your wife posts! That's HER CHOICE.
Personally, given the similarities here between what I see in these messages and what we went through, I'd be worried. The more they object and defend, the more you should be concerned about how your child is being parented. There's a biblical passage I like in John that basically says if people are doing good, they don't mind having the light of day shone on it. If they are doing wrong, they prefer to do it at night. In other words, as long as your ex is making the best decisions, she shouldn't care who calls whom about your son. But we can see clearly that she isn't - she IS emotionally blackmailing her own child, and that is bad parenting.
Oh, also, if you have an answering machine, trash it and get voice mail and caller ID. Our BM's calls went WAY down once she realized that her voice was not echoing through the house, courtesy of the answering machine. Her little power trip went down the drain right there.
That is one crazy psychotic woman!
wow, what a story. I just wanted to say that I've seen MixedBag on here for years and very rarely talks about her own story. She usually offers good balanced advice based on her multi-roles in the family. And as far as I know - I have NEVER seen any identifying information so this can't be a liable or slander suit at all. None of us know who you people really are.
And a note to the person, Camilla, who has kept all this nonsense going:
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!
There are always stories like this of people "finding" exes on the net. It's people like YOU, Camilla, TRAITORS that cause this shit. Some friend you are. All you are doing is causing the whole family (AND THE KID) stress. Smarten up.
and I wanted to take a minute and say think you.
I remember what you went through and worry about you and your family a lot....
MixedBag
(Amanda)
I can really relate, but in a different way than most probably.
BM in my case likes to post on military spouse forums. She regularly incriminates herself on these websites, and posts things which give me a good starting place to look for other offenses.
Whenever she finds out my screen name and that I am indeed reading her posts, we always go through a series of harassing phone calls telling me that I am breaking the law by reading her messages. But the fact remains it is stuff that she shares on a website. She often tries to use her "righteous indignation" at my "snooping" as a lever against me, and more often than not her own anger causes her to do stupid things like deny my parenting time. Things that will eventually cost her custody.
The only thing I would warn about, and I say this from the "devil's advocate" side, is to be careful of what you say about her, even if you don't use her name.
BM in my case has called me "animal", "a@@hole", and "sperm donor" on her chosen forums, but never used my name. But I still make a case that someday our son will be able to find those posts, even if she has forgotten about them, and he will have to read his mother saying these terrible things about his father. That is the same as if she said those things to him directly. That, to me, is alienation of affection, and is a very serious offense in my eyes.
I haven't read all the stuff by MB, but it sounds like she wouldn't be guilty of that anyway, but I would be careful about what you say about your ex. Remember, it works both ways, and what you say on here is open and public and possibly even submissable in court, and you do need to think what affect these posts might have on your son if he were to ever find them.
Catherine,
since you hit on this topic.... I used DH's EX's first name here and I used Camilla's REAL first name here before. I think I was answering someone's post and they got confused because my "situation" is confusing.
NEVER did I use first and last name together.....or last name.
That being said -- here's what happened and I'm not sure you were around when it happened (Nov/Dec 01). Camilla is great at creating web sites and I found one where she posted pictures of her and her family. It included pictures of my son. So I posted the link on divorcenet and said "Hey here's pictures of my son!" because I am very proud of him.
Well, she had a poem there that upset many moms and she had her e-mail address linked so some e-mailed her. As a result I found out some of my assumptions about her past were wrong and that the truth was even worse (IMHO, you can form your own opinion). EX's last name (and even my last name now), is fairly unique -- like NOT smith or jones. So when you search the internet on it, you find HER because she uses that last name. And in one spot she says "I'm Camilla LastName, and I live in Podunk, State"......and Camilla blames ME for revealing her name on the internet. I bragged about my son and shared a link. Her site revealed her name etc....
Boy.....can I relate to this.....but the VM's we (BF & I) have are much, MUCH nastier.....pretty much same subjects too....
And Mixed, you know my feelings on all of this. You have been a tremendous support to so many out here on SPARC and for this chaos to still be continuing......it's very humbling and makes me consider the issues with my DH's ex to be small potatoes.
You watch.....Z will be old enough to follow suit of the other two. It's just sad that in the mean time, this continues.
Hope he is able to be on that plane this weekend!
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dsm - 35
DH - 38
SD - 16
LO - 10
BB - 2
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam, Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh
What is all this about retirement funds? WHy does she think she is entitled to this? How would this benefit your son in any way?
I gave MB the name of our atty here in NV and I highly recommend her, if it deems necessary...
I dont advocate that this "stuff" comes to a public board. MB knows our situation and is aware of my husbands ex also being on this board (although she was banned many times...)...
here's the thing--this will NOT be solved by bringing this here. I know first hand, believe me. And sadly, our PAS bm brought the children here to read, too. Or copied and altered posts, I am sure.
So, we take the high road and since the kids are turning 18 soon, if they should want to know, the truth will come out (we have originals of all posts, emails, etc.....).
let it go and take the high road~
Thanks for giving her the name of your attorney. I'm sure she wil let me know the info later. The question on retirement...during all of the proceedings in Ohio she never attended one, and was represented by a lawyer. Her lawyer, myself, and my lawyer were there and the arrangements were she was to keep hers and I was to keep mine. Both are military retirements, so she thinks she is entitled to 1/2 of mine no matter what was decided and agreed upon in the courtroom. My retirement was based on active duty service while hers was based on reserve service. During the appeals stage of the divorce she motioned the court for spousal support and my retirement, but before it went to court she dropped the motion herself...final decree was issued. Now, after 9 years she is saying that if I don't do this or that she is going back after my retirement, in essence blackmailing me. Her voice mails, which are admissable in court, will show that she is only doing this because I will not do what she has "told" me to do; that is demanding that my wife stop posting on these boards about anything!
About posting on these boards about my situation...well there are many reasons for my doing this, and not really enough time to go into all of them. I will say that it gives an outlet, and allows me to see if there are others in this same situation.
Unfortunately, my older children (21 and 23) are put through the wringer almost every time she calls them. She is the one that continually brings up the past and makes them live through it again, and again.
Thanks for your advice!
That pb gave up her rights and let me adopt ds. Because those were the types of calls we would get too, except dh was CP so her threats didn't mean too much to us b/c we knew we had the law on our side.
So thankful to not deal with this anymore and sorry you continue to have to go through this. Although I dont think posting all this does anything to help the situation.
Honey,
I have been here for a few years to and my dh's ex stalked me here along with many of her so called friends for the minute (since she can't seem to keep friends as she uses them all)
Anyways, she and her crazy friends read and print my stuff to. You would think they have better things to do than follow us around NOT.
Thank god we don't have a phone (only a cell)
I could tell you some really funny crap about my dh's ex. Really pathetic crap.
They just love the drama. It is like they live in a fantasy novel or fantasy world and cannot comprehend REALITY and real life.
**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**
make sure you keep all of the messages, send her a letter stating all phone calls will be monitored and recorded then when she flips out again you have it on tape.. Id take your machine and have it transcribed and notarized.. then you can use it in court, also send the Dr's,Dentist,school etc a letter stating you Z's father give the office permission to speak and share information with your wife in your absence or at your request. Thats what we did, and courts say to bm.. hey he can whoever he wants call and ask ??'s as long as he gave prior permission.