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Main Forums => Father's Issues => Topic started by: melissa3 on Mar 19, 2006, 06:50:51 PM

Title: Email in court = good or bad?
Post by: melissa3 on Mar 19, 2006, 06:50:51 PM
I was wondering what everyone's experience has been like with using email to communicate with the ex/other parent and with using emails as evidence in court.

Recently, my fiance suggested he and his ex use emails to communicate and express major concerns or issues. Using the phone has become extremely difficult, seeing as my fiances ex would use the phone to verabally attack him and then deny him phone time with his little girl. Also, we figure this would be a good way to document how her mood/attitude changes from naughty to nice everytime she gets a support check. (Typical!)

My fiances emails have been respectful and rational, even when the BM was completely awful. He has not been insultiing, never sweared and was always focused on their daughter. But after thinking about it, we are afraid the courts will think our polite emails are just a bluff and are an attempt to fire the BM up to make her look bad.

Also, we have court in 3 months and are trying for both 50/50 physical and legal custody. We would ulimately like to show that all parties can work together to raise this child. However, the lack of cooperation on the BM's part will most likely sway the courts into thinking 50/50 is a bad idea, in which case, BM having sole custody would be MUCH worse.

Please share your stories, nightmares or details of your still on-going battles =)

By the way, we live in MA, in Hampden County.

Title: See thread in -- Custody Issues --
Post by: CustodyIQ on Mar 19, 2006, 07:38:10 PM
Title: RE: Email in court = good or bad?
Post by: charlie967 on Mar 21, 2006, 11:44:45 AM
My personal opinion is that it depends on the judge..just as everything else does.  So you might ask your attorney what they think about the judge you'll be going in front of.  That being said it worked well in my case.  It was easier for me to write out everything I need to say in a nice and calm manner and got the point across.  It also provided me with a record for such things as if BF wanted to get nasty, well there it was in black and white.  If he wanted to say, no I'm not going to give him the medicine his dr prescribed, well I had that also.  It also helped when he threatened me and my DH and he was given a very stern warning about that and it hasn't happened again.  The first time we went to court I didn't have emails to back up what I was saying so he lied on the stand.  The 2nd time I had them so he couldn't try to back peddle his way out of it.  Because I had in writing that he was taking drugs (you think what an idiot would admit to it in writing right) then he had to admit to it on the stand.  So know he knows I will use emails in court so he has no reason to be anything but nice.  

 Anyway, I think I read somewhere on the site here that you want to make sure it's an email system where the server or whatever it's called isn't stored at your house where you could make it appear as if you received mail saying something that it really didn't.  Something like a hotmail or yahoo acct is what I think was suggested so that way the info couldn't be faked.  

Good luck to you and your fiance.

edited to add: I'm in Texas btw.
Title: RE: Email in court = good or bad?
Post by: melissa3 on Mar 21, 2006, 12:36:57 PM
Thanks for the advice.

All email addresses are Yahoo accounts.

BM has been really degrading and insulting in EVERY email, no matter what we wrote previously.

Another thing, I dont know if this matters, but I have helped my fiance compose the emails. I help give him a 3rd party view and I make sure his email isn't hostile or abbrasive. Well, the other night BM asked if I was the one writing the emails becuase it didnt sound like my fiance. The truth is, BM has never heard a thing my fiance says on the phone becuase she can't shut up for a minute.
Title: RE: Email in court = good or bad?
Post by: charlie967 on Mar 21, 2006, 01:13:12 PM
I don't think it matters if you helped him word it or not.  My DH helped me word things and helped me weed out the unnecessary words.  Sometimes it's good to have a 3rd party who isn't too emotionally in it look over and give suggestions.  And your fiance could just say nope I'm writing them.  As long as he is the one typing it out and sending it I don't see the problem.  But that's just from my personal experience.