SPARC Forums

To make a long story short: My husband gained custody of his twins about 7 yrs ago. They are now 11 yrs old. We moved to mankato in sept of 07. it moved the kids about 100 miles from their mom. we told her that we would drive 2/3 of the way on her weekends. sometimes farther if we could do it. within the past 2 weeks- she has moved 30 miles closer to us. so we asked her to meet 1/2 way now. (which is only 14 miles of a difference for her). she threw a fit! she has been calling the kids' father a stupid A$$ hole TO the kids (not just in front of but TO). she told them she wasnt going to pay for a mothers day gift from them for their "step B!tch" (me and also said that TO the kids). Then asks the daughter if that hurts her feelings that she talks about us like that.... daughter said no it doesnt cuz (as the daughter states) shes afraid mom will start yelling and be mad at them. the son- goes to her house and tells mom things (truths and lies) and told me that he does that so that she is "nicer" to him.
Those are a few of the most recent issues. she sends them home in clothes that are 2 sizes too small, she used to make them sleep together in the same bed- up until about a month ago. when my hubby first asked her about it- she told the kids to lie(they did in fear of what she might say or do). then we found out later on that she did that, and he once again confronted her. it finally stopped and then she moved.
We are just sick of her and her crap. it is so unhealthy for the kids to hear and see this kind of behavior.
is there anything we can do?

What does the court order say about transportation?  If she's pitching that big a fit, you may have to revert to 'specifically' what the CO says...even if that means you do ALL the transportation.  If there is no mention in the CO about trans., then it's a crap shoot.

But remember one very important 'unwritten' rule:  He who wants, fetches.  That means if she wants the kids for her visitation time, she can come get them.  And if you want them back at the end of her visitation, you go get them.  JMO, but if there is no mention of transportation in the CO, that is the 'rule' I would fall back on.  And if she threatens taking you to court over it, let her.  If she wants to blow that much money on an atty. and filing fees, it's her wallet, because the ONLY way a current custody order can be changed is if there is a 'significant change of circumstance' for the children, which she would have to prove.  Her getting her panties in a bunch over driving doesn't qualify.

As for the comments she's making to the kids, that's a toughy.  Emphasize honesty in your home, but you have to know it's understandable that they would take the path of least resistance when they're in her home......it's self-preservation to them to keep from being punished.  If it's causing them a lot of stress, you might want to consider getting them into some kind of counseling.  Or they might want to talk to a counselor at school.  But keep in mind that if you try to act on this yourselves, it will only be a 'he said, she said' issue.  You have to have an objective 3rd party involved in order for it to be believed.

The court order does not say anything about transportation.  AT ALL.  It does state that she is to have them everyother Friday by 5pm, until 5pm on that sunday.  and everyother wednesday- but those she gave up cuz of the distance.  and when the order was given- and my husband was give full custody it says she is granted resonable parenting time once she has securred houseing to accomodate the kids.  
thanks for your reply on this.