SPARC Forums

First Post to the Board but I have been watching on the sidelines for a while now. I wanted to put this story up here so other guys can learn from my nasty experience. I have broken this into a couple of parts so I do not lose people's attention and I do not lose the text due to a loss of connection with the SPARC webserver.

PART 1.

Lived with the same woman for over 10 years in AZ. We never married and now with the benefit of hindsight I realize why. In 1999 my daughter a wonderful little person arrived and the world seemed right. She was not planned by me at least but thankfully (as you will see later in this story) she is here.

Before I begin let me tell you a little about myself and mum (I will refer to her throughout this message as that if it is ok). I was born outside of the US and I would describe myself as a very high functioning, driven person who has always lived life to its fullest degree. I have travelled the world and lived and worked in places across the globe. Mum was born in the midwest and although she travelled as a kid she did not do most of it until she met me. Mum is about 5 years older than me and she is a fairly intelligent with an undergraduate degree and is a very strong willed woman.

I provide this minimal background information only because it will show how one can never know what is going on in the mind of another seemingly ordinary person who one thinks one knows. The rality my friends is a world apart from that.

Fast forward until 2000 when things between us started to go wrong. I found a PhD locally who worked in MFT and I thought that we decided to try and work things out. I guess they never really got worked out. She wanted another child which to me seemed like a bad idea. Not that my first child is bad but having a child to salvage a relationship seemed to me to be a contraindicated response. Turns out my instinct was right but it was hard to see at the time because I loved my first child so much.

Another fast forward to 2001. We left to spend a summer in MI close to her parents but primarly to work on a project together that I thought or was lead to think would allow us to spend time with one another and address some of the issues we had been experiencing. All seemed to be going fine until one day 2000+ miles from home she dropped what can only be desribed as a bombshell on me. She wanted me to move out of our summer home. She just said that she did not feel our relationship could work out. Remember we were in counseling, we had been with one another for over 10 years and now this. I was sort of devastated but not as it turns out for the reason one might immediately think. I could only think of what would become of my daughter. I came from a home with divorce and to be quite candid I feel like it has affected me in my life journey.

After consultation with our MFT PhD mentioned earlier I agreed to move out of the summer home when I found a trailer nearby (within 1 mile) that I could be close by to my child. At this time I guess I was already more worried about my child than mum. Mum and I talked but clearly something had changed. She denied any affair and nothing was that obvious to me that I could pick "him" out in a crowd if indeed there was a him. Mum would tell me during our brief discussions that she wanted to parent our child together and that she would not take or attempt to take anything from our relationship - monetary or otherwise that was not hers to begin with. AZ is not a common law state so this was not exactly news to me but she seemed like she was being reasonable. Boy was I wrong.

All of a sudden one day she restarted our physical relationship and I thought that whatever the malaise was it had passed. Right after the event she tells me that she is sorry and that yes she is seeing a man that we had employed on a casual labor basis to work on the property we were rebuilding. This man turned out to be a migrant Jamaican laborer who was supposedly replumbing this old house with me. Not to be disgusting but it turns out that was not the only thing this guy was plumbing while my back was turned. Turns out this Jamaican lover is a pretty seasoned dude if you will. He is 16 years younger than mum and he cannot read and can barely write his own name. He has at least one other child from another woman and this child now 9 resides in Jamaica with a maternal grandparent. He has had little/no contact with the child to speak of and only provides periodic financial support to the girl.

The flood gates opened and she tells me that it is not him she is leaving me for but she wants to be done with me. The subject of our child now becomes a differently viewed issue. She tells me that she will have sole custody, I can provide full support for her and the child and I can visit when I like. I am horrified. I tell her that nothing other than total involvement in my child's life is acceptable to me. It was as if it all changed at that instant. All the while I was living in this trailer but I was seeing my daughter every day and she was spending at least half of the nights each week with me.

We stayed in MI until after the smoke cleared from the miserable days of 9/11. She said she was frightened to travel back. Turns out there was something even more sinister going on that she had not mentioned to me. We get back to AZ and I start to get calls from her lovers family or so I was lead to believe. As it turns out it was him and he was calling because she was carrying his child and was 4 months pregnant. She asks me to leave my own home but I do the first smart thing I had done in a while and consult with counsel. I stay put, move her into another room and wait to see what comes next.

I filed for paternity in November 2001 and she consents voluntarily. In Christmas of that year she miscarries his child. I have mixed feelings on the subject and I felt bad for her but I feel like this is fate's way of setting things straight. My child only knows that her parents are not getting along. A decision is made that she is to move out. I help her fund a home within 5 miles of my own. I realize that I needed to keep the distance small to effect a parenting plan that would truly be a shared parenting time model which was my minimum accept position.

Mum makes 2 trips to see the lover but I refuse to allow my then 2 year old daughter to go with. In March 2002 she moves out and we continue with our parenting plan all without the benefit of court orders because we are trying to get along. We try to resolve our financial ties to one another with agreements to take care of custody also at the same time to save on attorney $$$. Well that is where the fun really began. She took the money but refused to formalize our parenting plan.

October 2002. Without a word to myself or my daughter (now 3) she brings the lover to the US and marries him here in AZ. She moves him in and then calls me on the phone one day and tells me that she is now married to the guy and he will be living in the home I provided. I was not hurt at the marriage part because I was quite glad to be rid of her but all I could think about was what this must be doing to my child. We did not really know who this person was and here he is living in close proximity to my daughter.

Right away things get more weird. Mum gets a viscious local attorney and I get a letter making some rediculous accusations about strange physical contact with my child. My attorney ignores it and says that this is a tactic the other guy often uses & it is not to be taken too seriously. My child comes home to me and starts telling me that she is sleeping in the same bed as this man. I ask mum in a phone call to cease with this practice and she tells me (a) what goes on in her home with respect to my child is none of my business and (b) that sleeping with her stepdad is the same as sleeping with me.

I hire a PI out of LA (close to Jamaica) and start digging. As it turns out the lover/husband/stepdad has a brother who served 2 years in FL for the lude assault of a 7 year old girl. This individual's plea had him register lifetime as a sexual predator and he was subsequently deported back to Jamaica. Nice family. I present the information to mum who says that it is a distortion of my doing despite the fact that I provide her the information I was given by the FL DOC.

The stepdad continues to lay in the bed with my child. I seek an order from the courts to prevent this. During one drop off he came out to talk to me and asked what he had to do to earn my trust. I told him first and foremost get out of my child's bed or get out of the bed when she climbs in to be with her mother. He tells me that there is nothing I can do to make that happen and that if my child did not want to be with him then she would not get in there in the first place. I argue that a decision by a 3 year old to climb into her mother's bed because she is scared of something should not necessitate her having to lay up against mum's partially clothed lover. He does not understand.

Finally the court generates the order which states that nobody must sleep with our daughter and mum partially complies by not having the stepdad in the bed but she continues her practice unabated of sleeping wih my daughter.

THEN IT HAPPENED

In April 2003 - my child is just 4 I get a call just prior to arriving at mum's house from mum. She says that she has changed her mind today and that I am not going to be able to pick up my daughter. I ask why and she gives me some story about wanting our child to see her parents for a while longer before they leave for the summer. I tell her I am willing to work with her on this but not today. She puts the phone down and I call my attorney. He instructs me to get a civil standby a process where law enforcement accompanies you to a pick up or drop off for that matter to ensure there are no problems.

I get to the house and another law enforcement vehicle is already there. My officer goes in and I wait outside. He comes out and says that I am not going to be able to pick up my child today. He cannot tell me why and I refuse to leave. The other officer comes out and says that all he can say is that there is an investigation and that I need to call CPS. If I still have questions he says I can call him later that day. I return to my attorney's office, call my voicemail and lo and behold there is a message from a CPS Case Manager (CM) stating that an accusation or series of accusations have been made against me and that I am not to have any contact with my daughter. I was devastated. I cried like a baby. I pulled myself together and contacted the CPS CM and we agreed to meet in 2 days. I went to meet the second officer who reluctantly told me that I was under investigation - something I had already concluded from my brief discussion with CPS. I was scared, very scared. I had no CPS experiences in my life and in fact no law enforcement experiences to this point but I was to find out really quick that this was a whole new world and one I did not want to be in ...

Thank you for sharing your story.  I know it requires alot of time and emotional energy to recap it all.  However, there's no better way to help others than to share experiences and wisdom that only "those who go before us" can share.  

I, personally, could never have imagined that my STBX would have done what she had done to date.  I don't know that anything would surprise me at this point.  

Please continue with your story............

PART 2.

It was about this time with my attorney telling me to just wait and see that I decided this approach was fundamentally flawed. I did some research and hired a well known forensic trial consultant (FTC) to aid in my case.

I arrive down at CPS and meet with my new CM – a female of around 30 who seemed nice enough but clearly the vile nature of the accusations had troubled her. They were so egregious that they had given her pause for thought. As with all these types of things the State of AZ could not tell me who made the complaint but by listening it soon became very clear that mum was at the steering wheel when this particular plane hit the side of the hill.

I asked if I could tape the entire meeting which the CM agreed to and we met for around 3 hours. I did the tape to ensure our recollection of events was identical. By the end of the meeting the CM consulted with her supervisor and said she needed more time to do her review but that she saw no reason why supervised visitation could not be restarted right away. I did not like the supervision part but figured it would only be for a few days. The CM contacted law enforcement and mum neither of whom wanted to comply with the CPS directive. The CM made it clear to both parties that visitation was to restart immediately all be it supervised.

I made the CPS CM aware that my child had been interfered with at her pre-school not 2 weeks before and perhaps if anything had happened it might be source misattribution. The CM did not understand what this was and why law enforcement had not become involved when they were told in a manner consistent with the AZ Administrative Code. Lots of finger pointing subsequently ensued and the pre-school was closed down permanently later that year but they were not prepared to look at all circumstances in their totality. They thought they had a guilt father and damn it they were going to make it stick.

In these discussions the CM disclosed that they had already interviewed my child at the Mummy/Daughter house as well as the local Family Advocacy Center – a fancy name for a place they try to get disclosures from children who often have nothing of their own to say. Turns out I find out later on that mum has made a series of audio tapes with my child interviewing her. Mum has no experience doing so but this is the evidence that CPS was so concerned about. On the tapes are mum asking my daughter whether or not I had urinated on her. This problem as described by mum is called uraphilia and without incurring the wrath of the mental health community if I get it wrong is a passive sado masochistic tendency disorder/behavior unlike its nasty brother coprophilia. One thing you need to know about my little girl is that she understands what the truth is and what a lie is and with the benefit of hindsight having drilled this into her at an early age was my saving grace.

This accusation was pretty clever. It is obscure enough to be way beyond what most people in a small town in Arizona have seen, it is disgusting enough to get a visceral response from those exposed to it and best of all there is no physical evidence I can lay my hands on to disprove it. I begin to realize what I am up against so my FTC hooks me up with a nationally known psychosexual expert to perform a complete battery of tests to appease CPS who wanted me to try and disprove what mum had accused me of. As I am sure all the informed parties on this list know about it is one thing to prove something but it is a whole different ball game to prove that the something did not happen.

Supervised visitation restarts on a lousy schedule (2 hours per visit in a strange place with someone staring at me not 2 feet away once per week) but it is hard. My child wants to know why she cannot come home with daddy. I reinforce that while there is a problem I am working on it and I will have it resolved as quickly as I can and that she can then come back and see her cats and dog. So I head off to see the psychosexual expert and meanwhile the State of AZ through CPS and law enforcement is busy trying to do yet another so called forensic interview. My legal team which now includes one of the State of Arizona's best criminal legal minds goes to court to prevent more violations of what are called here the Interagency Protocols for Investigation of Child Sexual Abuse cases. They succeed in first getting a delay until they can get some controls around the process. The State of AZ wants to use a so called expert out of Phoenix that does not know her you know what from a hold in the ground but she will only be available in 45 days or so. That gives mum more time to try and coach my little girl which did concern me at the time. As it turns out I should have had more faith in my child and her constitution. In this hearing the judge assigns a GAL to supposedly protect my child. This 60+ year old woman swoops in and now I am fighting mum and her.

Within the next 2 weeks all of the psychosexual data comes in and the FTC briefs my criminal attorney and off he trots to see law enforcement and the prosecuting authority. Remember no charges have been filed and I have NEVER been interviewed. They did try to get me to say something in a phone call they setup between mum and I shortly after the accusation was made but all they got was me denying any guilt 31 times in a 45 minute call. My attorney goes in with hundreds of pages of data to support my claims. The State agrees to review the material but will not be dissuaded from having yet another go at my child with their so called expert. Subsequently my criminal attorney says that in all of the capital cases he has tried he had never seen a case where a client took such proactive steps to prevent a wrongful prosecution or grand jury indictment. I have the FTC to thank for that.

I am unable to get through to my child on the phone because mum continues to block all phone contact despite CPS' instruction that she makes our child available to me. I become more and more concerned about attachment loss given that we are around 90 days since normal visitation was interrupted. Of course the cowboy from law enforcement and the hapless CM do not understand and they just repeat that when they saw the child last she seemed happy. What a bunch of idiots is what I thought to myself!

The GAL refuses to accept that mum lied and that the accusations must be true. She comes to see me but it is clear she has preconceived notions about me having met with mum many times prior to our first visit. This confirmatory bias has continued to this day but these days as I will allude to she has limited involvement and now retains her role just to (a) generate more fees and (b) avoid the stigma of exiting a case before the finish, whatever finish really means. The GAL assists in getting us in to see the CE for which she slaps herself on the back and then charges us for it. She says that although she does not believe me she will ultimately defer to the PhD because there is no way I could fool him. If that is not an inflammatory statement then what is?

We receive an initial unsubstantiated from CPS and mum goes bananas. She goes down to their office and complains that I am a danger to my child still. They agree to keep the case open until the custody evaluator determines what should occur. I was not happy of course but I can smell victory coming. We recommend a CE to the court and he gets selected. As it turns out he is an expert in child suggestibility so he could see what contamination had occurred in the context of the tapes. The CE who is nationally known also determines that in his opinion there is NO empirical evidence to support the allegation that any child abuse occurred and certainly not at my hand. He documents this and orders a restart of my unsupervised visitation and recommends a 3/3 shared parenting model as being in the best interests of the child. Mum was livid. She had her counsel tell the judge in a status conference that the CE must have an IQ < 10 if he cannot see what I am doing.

Shortly after CPS formally closed the case once and for all and we are headed to court to get a temporary order. My child's mother would not restart the visitation without the judge telling her that she had to. Such is the level of intolerance in this woman that this was the only action that would force her to give me back my child. We go to court and the judge orders a restart right after the hearing. I was jubilant. He further orders the 3/3 go into effect that day and that we operate under it until there are further orders from the court.

More to follow ...

Hey there,

Well, I must admit that I am waiting for the additional part of this horrific event in your child's life. It is parents like that who make it tough on the child who tells the truth to be heard and kept safe.

I am hoping that there is positive light at the end of this dark tunnel.

true

Anytime now...and my heart goes out to you and your little girl!

The damage to me personally was great but the damage to my child from this first round of allegations of child abuse was greater. For me it was as simple as loss of friends, loss of money and loss of self esteem. I could not possibly have known how hard this was on my child until a combination of subpoenas and attorney applied leverage produced the product of the State of Arizona's efforts in my case.

As it turned out mum had taken my daughter to her pediatrician days before the referral and when asked by the doctor if she was concerned about child abuse she said that she was not and specifically as it related to me. Days later she was in the office asking for anal/vaginal exams and UAs for non-existent infections caused by my alleged bad behavior. In the space of 2 weeks the pediatrician had done 3 internal/external exams of my daughter. On top of that the State of Arizona through CPS at its family advocacy center did at least one more and subsequently when the Queen of Forensic Interviews (NOT) did hers there was another. These are the ones that I know about. Add to that the burden of all of the not so forensic interviews – I know of 5 totaling 5 hours + but there may have been additional that for some reason did not make it onto video tape. It is kind of scary to think about that possibility because the ones that did make it were insidious and depressing to watch.

After the second unsubstantiated things resumed to normal whatever normal was/is and despite warnings from my FTC that women who do this once do not give up I figured it had been a few months and maybe she was done. Wrong. Early in October 2003 I received a call from CPS – a new CM who was somewhat familiar with my file history. She said that another complaint had been made against me for physical abuse of my child. In reading the referral subsequently the accusation amounted to inappropriate touching a little child rape thrown in for good measure. Not much of an improvement on the first accusation really and again designed to sicken people who might have cause to get involved with our case.

This CM seemed sympathetic on the phone but by now I have my guard up. She asks some questions to try and validate the complaint that was made. She asked about whether or not there had been any judicial orders on custody. I told her yes and agreed to fax a copy of the documents to her at CPS. She stated that she had seen this type of accusatory pattern of behavior before and I should try not to worry. It was a silly statement really but I believed at the time she meant well. She stated that at this time she had no plans to interrupt visitation because again the statements made by mother had not been corroborated by our child. The CM indicated that the matter had been escalated to a regional director in AZ and that CPS had determined given the case history and mum's pattern of making accusations that they were not going to do a medical exam something which they are entitled to do under their standard operating procedure apparently.

I need to go backwards before I can go forwards because I did not find this next part until the following Monday. As it turns out mum had gotten a little smarter. This time she did not make the referral herself. She let her concerns be known to a mandated reporter who despite not having confirmation from our child decided to report the concerns to CPS. This way the blood was not on mum's hands but someone else's. I went to see this doctor on Monday and requested a copy of the office visit for the date in question. I was denied access to my records by the doctor because there was a note in the file written by mum that was handed to the doctor and they did not want to give it to me.

I immediately made my attorney aware and we subpoenaed the full medical record for my child and after the doctor consulted with her own counsel to validate whether or not she had to comply she did turn the file over in its entirety. This process did however take 10 more days to accomplish. As it turns out this note from mum to the doctor was quite interesting. Given that mum had failed previously to get my child to go along with her she did not want to make another daddy accusation in front of the child so she hands over a note that says I am concerned that daddy is touching our child's bottom and putting her in the empty bath and doing bad things to her. Mum knew full well that had she stated this in front of our child that my daughter would have said what she said all along "daddy did not do anything.". The doctor did some questions about good and bad touch and truth and lies, subjects that my daughter has a very good grasp on. The net was that my child said that she was fine and that nothing had happened to her that she thought was bad touch and that she felt ok.
Despite this the doctor did another anal/vaginal. I guess she thought my daughter had not been abused enough at her mother's hand. They did another UA which also came back negative 3 days later.

Back we go to the weekend before. Sorry about the jumping around but I want you all to see what I was going through. So this CM and I agree that she can come to my house on Sunday to visit for a few minutes so she can see my daughter and I and see if something was amiss. She observed our child and asked a couple of innocuous sounding questions and then once my little girl had spoken to her alone for a few minutes about what life was like at the Daddy/Daughter house and what she was up to the lady left. No attempt was made to interfere with our visitation. She did ask that I not discuss this latest accusation with our child which was not a problem because I have no desire to give it any more credibility than it already had.

The CM heads down to see mum who just happens to be at home with her husband – you remember him the brother of the sexual predator and her best friend an attorney (not representing her in this case mind) who had just recently tried to end her own life and who was in therapy. Nothing like being judged by a group of your peers is there? I know the next part because someone at CPS provided me through counsel an unredacted copy of the CM's notes from the visit to mum's house. Throughout the meeting mum made accusation after accusation about my alleged deviant behavior, the fact that I had been abused as a child by my parents (I had not) and that I had a sexual freaky side. She demanded that the CM remove our child but the CM stated she had seen the child just a few minutes ago and she was doing fine and that there was no evidence of any abuse going on.

Next day the case was given back to the CM who handled the first referral and within 2 more days it was closed without services. It should be noted subsequent to this that the CM who handled this off hours call apologized to my counsel for violating my right to confidentiality and she assured us it would never happen again. So in summary case #1 – uraphilia – 87 days, case #2 – child rape – 5 days. It appeared that CPS had figured out what she was doing and was not about to waste necessary state resources on silly accusations. I was disappointed to find out that the CM did not cite mum for emotional abuse as she had indicated that she would. We are still working this issue with CPS but believe it or not it had to take a back burner position because there was even more to come that I did not forsee.

Stay tuned ...

My heart goes out to you and your daughter!

I have to say that you have a way of keeping your readers in suspense! Come on we want to hear the rest!

PART 4.

Life again returns to what it was like after accusation #1 but I am resolved to be even more careful and diligent than I had been before. I do not think I made any mistakes relative to the parenting of my child but clearly my child's mother is an opportunist when it comes to stuff like this.

Another status conference and the judge on the GAL's request (who was being pushed like a dog down a dark hole by mum) orders that our child to go see a therapist to deal with the stress of our situation. I have mixed feelings about it because I know that this is an attempt by mum to get a new battering ram to beat me with. There were no PhDs here that could or more correctly would see our child. Many of the good mental health professionals do not want to go near court. Finally we end up with a thirty something unmarried lesbian who has a specialty supposedly in attachment disorder but who thinks she can help.

I took our child for the first few meetings because that is how the schedule worked out. I make it very clear to the therapist that my understanding of what she is supposed to be talking to our child about and that she does not attempt to turn this into a try to prove dad molested his child exercise. She said that she understood her role and that she would focus only on the development of feelings and coping mechanisms. Sure sounded harmless enough at the time but not all is as it seems to be. And then it was mum's turn with the schedule the way it is. Suddenly the sky darkened and things became unclear again.

I am able to ascertain this next part because I got these "progress" notes from the therapist and I have walked backwards to try & reconstruct what transpired in these sessions that were attended by Mum/Child/Therapist. Mum indicates to therapist that our child is playing with herself excessively to the point that she cannot leave her house because of it. DOGGY DOO is what I think of that story. The therapist notices one time in one session that our child grabbed at her crotch – perhaps it itched who knows but the therapist signs on to mum's game and off we go again. That was enough to make it into the progress notes as "confirmed". Well let's look at what has happened to this child. She has had so many anal/vaginal exams and so many people have wanted to talk about it because daddy has done so many things to it, I think it is little wonder that she is touching it. In my experience when I am with her it is unremarkable. I remember when I was a kid I used to periodically touch mine. Given all the things this little person has been through it is a wonder that she is not whipping it out for all to see. Sure she did think it got her attention but I had always made it clear to her that this part of her body was her own and it was private. Of course she wanted to know why all these other people wanted to talk about it and I told her that was because someone had said bad things about daddy and her vaginal area. When I become aware of this latest twist I ask the therapist if she had possibly not looked at the issue properly. I provided her reports from my FTC from the Mayo Clinic that showed girls of her age masturbate 50% of the time and it is considered NORMAL. Why then if my child is doing it does it become remarkable? I asserted that perhaps my child was so sensitized to the issue that maybe she did touch it a little more than others but the more they bloody well talked about it the worse it would become. It was as if this woman was caught in the headlights of a truck. She just stared at me like I had wandered in from Mars. I guess nobody disputes the intellect of a therapist.

Within days I get a letter from mum stating that we needed to visit on this masturbation issue. After consultation with counsel I write back and state my long held belief that if she is seeing this perhaps it is because she is stressed at her home and she needs to relieve it or perhaps our child has figured out that people pay more attention to her when the subject of her anal/vaginal area comes front and center. I suggest to her that maybe if she stops making silly allegations about it or even talking to it that the behavior if true will cease. That just fanned the fires of hate some more. I get more stupid notes back and I ignore them as there is no way I am going to get her to see the insanity of her ways. I rarely see my daughter touch herself but I have told her that if she wants to play with herself she can do it in private as long as she washes her hands before and after. I am not going to make out like it is a dirty thing because it is not.  My child observes those rules and it is perhaps why I am not seeing it but wanting to explore your own body on your own is fine.

I go back to see the therapist on my normal schedule and we talk about this subject some more. I provide her with more possible scenarios, my own way of dealing with the problem and she concedes that I might have a valid point. You see I take very copious notes in all of the meetings that I have whether it is counsel, GAL or therapist so she damn well knew her position on this issue would find its way into some letter I wrote that would make it hard for her to credibly take a position that was in opposition to these latest statements she just made.

Sure enough I go back to see the therapist in about 3 weeks – mum had been a couple of times in between and the therapist beams at me and says we have the masturbation thing under control. Mum says it is no longer happening. BS is what I think. I remind the therapist that if a behavior had reached an acute state such as mum had described it would not just cease to happen. The therapist thought for a bit about it and said we should just be glad that it was under control. See what really occurred as far as I am concerned was that mum figured out that this approach was not going to get her any new referrals to CPS and that she needed to try a new tact if her new battering ram was going to help her. It is amazing to me how supposedly intelligent people like this therapist can be fooled into thinking all sorts of things however stupid they might be.

Something I hear in one of these sessions gives me pause for thought. The therapist out of the blue talks about what she believes her role is and she rambles on about how kids do not disclose information about their abusers sometimes and that while she is not counseling our child as a victim of sexual abuse if that were to occur then she will of course pursue it in the context of her therapy. I already knew this was coming. Ladies and gentlemen may I now introduce you to CSAAS – Child Sex Abuse Accommodation Syndrome. Not a DSM4 recognized diagnosis and indeed widely recognized as junk science but here it was coming out her mouth. I consulted with my FTC and we provided a large amount of material to calm this new fire. When I delivered it to her through counsel the therapist was more than a little shocked. Just because AZ is a backwater and CSAAS is not officially regarded as rubbish it does not mean it does not fall into that category.

I am of the opinion of late anyways that if one nips stuff like this in the bud that it does not go too far. I put the therapist on notice about CSAAS and that my "team" was well aware of it and it's lack of credibility in the scientific community. My comments to the therapist even made it into the progress notes and this one goes back into the cupboard perhaps for use with the next poor fool that comes along. What was interesting about this was back on accusation #1 which is where I subsequently remembered that I had heard it the local law enforcement sex crimes expert who spells vagina as Virginia (yes it is true) made some mention of the fact that maybe our child was not ready to disclose. I think he had received some training from the nut in Phoenix with her Liberal Arts degree who is now the State of Arizona's expert on forensic child interviews. We had planned to depose him but believe it or not he managed to avoid it after 7 months. See my final thoughts when I get there for more about this particular subject.

The GAL requests a meeting with my counsel and I. She indicates to us that she is going to meet with mum and her attorney also. That turned out not to be true as I come to find out later but I guess there is no penalty for lying if you are an officer of the court. In this meeting the GAL restates her long held belief that she believes our child disclosed to mum at some point even though under the grilling she got from CPS & Law Enforcement she said nothing to make anyone believe that to be true. The GAL gives us her lopsided view of events and discounts all of the items we have become aware of e.g. mum still sleeping with child. She says that she has a whole different "shtick" for mum when she sees her but of course as I stated above that meeting never occurred.

November 2003 rolls around and one day I pickup my little girl on the normal schedule. She gets in the car and starts telling me that mum is going to take her to the doctor to have her vaginal area looked at. I asked why and my daughter says that she does not know. I ask if anything is hurting or itching and she says no. I smell a rat and immediately call the first CM who always seemed more reasonable. She concurs that this may be mum about to do it again. The CM contacts the therapist and between them they decide to call the doctor and try to determine why mum is going to take the child to see the doctor.

Believe it or not there is more to come ...

I would think by this time your daughter is showing signs of sexual abuse. Simply because her mother has insisted she have, what is it now 5 or 6 pelvic exams. And I am sure mommy dearest is doing her best to get this little baby girl to agree she has been abused. If mommy dearest continues to tell her about the alledged abuse she will eventually come to believe.

Your duaghter still needs therapy to overcome the fact  her MOTHER sexually abused her by allowing the continued exams.

There was a guy on this site some yrs ago that went through something similar. He was evenually awarded custody with mom having supervised visits. Although initially she continued to alledge sexual abuse of their children, it fell on deaf ears. She has since cut off all contact with the children and chooses to no longer see them.

I have a feeling you will finish your story with a happy ending, as in custody was awarded to you. However if this is Not the case, I would think that a petition to the court for sole custody based on mommy dearest's physical and sexual abuse would get you there.

the Witch

Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!

I agree that what mum is doing is abusive. Unfortunately the way CPS is in Arizona at least is that they do not like finding against mothers. Mine is no exception to this rule of thumb. The threshold for this type of emotional abuse seems to be higher than for anything else CPS is involved in.

I was very lucky because my little girl is not suggestible to any degree and when compared to her peers she does not even register. Despite violating every portion of their own protocols and in spite of the amount of time afforded mum to coach my daughter more every one of her six plus attempts has fallen by the wayside.

My little girl sees the situation as mummy and CPS/Police against her and daddy. She views the situation in terms of teams. She and I are one team pitted against mummy's team. I am proud of my daughetr because she understands right from wrong and throughout interrogation by police, CPS, mum she never broke and never said anything that would implicate me in anything inappropriate, immoral or illegal.

The kind of therapy she was getting was NOT for the things you suggest. Instead we were all working to develop her coping skills and to allow her to deal with this crap better. I see that as treating the symptom of the problem not the problem itself.

Mum continues to threaten me and make more accusations. It has now gotten to the point that the law enforcement agencies (there are 2 - county and city) do not even write reports when she calls in. CPS opens referrals as they have to by law and promptly closes them as they should be UNSUBSTANTIATED. I keep trying to get those elusive words of SUBSTANTIATED for emotional abuse against mum but thus far the state has not cooperated.

I hope you are right. I will not give up because I do realize that my child needs me just as much as her mother. What she needs more than any specific parent however is her parents to acknowledge, sustain & nurture her relationship with the other parent. I am not sure that I will ever get mum to do that.

The road is long and lonely.

There are many here who are on that same road with you.  If it gives you any comfort.....you are not alone!  You have friends and fellow travelers here.

That is of some comfort. Thank you. Read installment 5 tonight. It just gets worse and worse believe me.

Apparently you have good attorneys...but GOOD LORD, this is ridiculous! You need a forensic psychologist who is renown for interpreting PAS.  False allegations of sexual abuse are considered severe PAS and you should look into the Marks v. Ayslworth case, here is the link...
http://www.shanahanlaw.com/cases.htm#MARKS
 to find out who his forensic psychologist was/is.  The case laws in this case should also be looked at.  Good luck, and I feel as if I am reading a novel... and I am used to finishing a book in one day...can't wait, although I am almost sick at realizing the worst is likely yet to come....

U left us hanging Aussie??? We are waiting in suspense for "PART 5".

Sorry ... uploading in a few minutes. I had my daughter an extra day and I did not want to be distracted.

My FTC is on this case also so I am familiar with it. I am just not as high profile as she is.

The AZ courts recognize PA but not PAS. Without PAS achieving the DSM-IV designation it is hard to get the theory into the courts because of evidenciary standards - Frye in Arizona's case. I am not a lawyer but I am told that this is one of the problems with PAS as things stand today.

The issue in my mind is more that the state and its agencies - primarily CPS in this situation find it hard to believe that mum's can and do file false allegations of child abuse. It is a system at least in my jurisdiction run by women in totality and it is hard to get them to see as I have said before that not all of us armed with a penis use it in such malevolent ways. I found and still do find a huge reluctance on the part of the CPS CM, Child Therapist and GAL - all women to recognize that perhaps there is something more clandestine going on here.

I did not intend to write a book here although I am working on one because I have been through it all. I merely want to share what I have been through ahead of my trial so that after we are done this month that I can then report back to the community at large and hopefull share some of the lessons that I have learned.

The Very next time your ex has your daughter subjected to a pelvic exam to attempt to make another accusation of abuse You petition the court for custody and cite physical, mental, and sexual abuse as the reason. Have the attorneys tell the Judge your ex has and is subjecting your daughter to continious, and unwarrented gynocologial exams.  Tell the Judge there have been numerious calls to CPS by mother and while you fully understand the need for said agency to investigate these claims and perform such exams, to date all reports made have been unsubstanciated. To continue these actions is detrimential to your daughter health and well bring. The only way these actions by mommy dearest will stop is to change the custody and order mommy dearest have only supervised visits and therapy.

What she is doing Can and Will have a long lasting  negitave effect on your daughter. Her views on sexuality, men, doctors, police and other officials will become damaged and she will begin to see herself as a victim of abuse.

Personally I think I would be in court filing a petition the minute you hear from CPS. This will not stop and eventually your D will give in just to shut them all up. And that my friend, will probably land You in jail.

The Witch
Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!!!

Aussie,
Email this man [email protected]

He was fasley accused of child molestation to his young daughter, CPS interview his child with leading questions and so on you know the drill. Anyways he was convicted and sent to prison for 10yrs.

Now he works with very good attorneys, forensic scientist etc, he is the one that started the use of penile testing, basically its like a lie detector, they put in on a mans private area and then they show him a series of pics, and as many know men cannot control erections,  they monitor the erectiions ets and its admisable in court.

Do a google search on this man, I think you will enjoy the research and what you find out.

Here is some info on this man

Who is Dean Tong?
Guest Expert, Consultant, Author and Speaker

Dean Tong is an internationally known family rights and forensic consultant on child abuse, domestic violence, and child custody cases.

Dean Tong qualifies as an expert in false child abuse accusations cases under Florida Statute Ch. 90.702 and under Federal Rule of Evidence 702.

Tong, a published author, speaker and consultant retained by parents and attorneys in 41 states, has appeared on more than 2000 radio talk shows over the past 13 years and numerous TV programs, and in articles in the Boston Globe, Washington Times and Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel, Christian Science Monitor, Richmond Times-Dispatch, and The Washington Post. Dean Tong appeared as a guest child abuse-custody expert on August 2, 1999 on COURT-TV (Johnny Cochran Tonight) and on Crier Live on September 30, 2002. Contributor to the recently published booklet LOVE & LOATHING: Protecting Your Mental Health and Legal Rights When Your Partner Has Borderline, Personality Disorder.

Dean Tong is the author of three books:
Elusive Innocence,
Ashes to Ashes...Families To Dust,
Don't Blame ME, Daddy,
and the creator of the video/audio series:
Sexual Allegations in the '90s: Tools You Can Use,
In Fear Of Fathers: Defense Strategies For The Falsely Accused.
Affiliations:
Academy of Behavior Profiling - Affiliate Member of the Forensic Section

CFP (Coalition for the Preservation of FatherHood), Advisory Board Member

CRC (Children's Rights Council), member

ISN (International Speakers Network), lifetime member

PMA (Publisher's Marketing Association), member

Board of Directors, National Fathers Resource Center
The Speaker
Dean Tong presented Borderline Personality Disorder in High Conflict Divorce Cases September 24-26, 1999 at the Childrens Rights Council Conference in Washington, DC. Call 1-800-787-KIDS for more information.

Dean Tong presented Child Abuse 2000: False Allegations and Parental Alienation Syndrome at the November 7, 1999 National Cry for the Children Rally in Washington, DC. Visit //www.nationalcryforchildren.org to order a copy of his compelling speech!

Dean Tong, in April 2000, addressed Fathers for Equal Rights-Denver and dvmen.org-Colorado Springs Dean Tong, on Fathers Day 2000, was the *Keynote Speaker* at fathersday2000.org (supply HTML link here please) at the Capitol in Washington, DC.

Dean Tong, in September 2000, presented alongside the Honorable Senator Anne Cools from Canada, addressing the group Fathers Are Capable Too. See fact.on.ca

Dean Tong, in May 2001, presented for the fifth time in the last ten years at the Children's Rights Council in Bethesda, MD. His workshop was entitled CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE: Dispelling the Myths in Child Abuse and Custody Cases.

Dean Tong presented TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS: Recent Developments in Children's Suggestibilities to the organization VOCAL NY - FRONT on November 17, 2001 and COUNTERING 209A's and 51A's to the organization FATHERHOOD COALITION on November 19, 2001, both in Massachusetts.

Dean Tong, in October 2002, presented for the sixth time in the last ten years at the Children's Rights Council in Hanover, MD. His workshop was entitled True & False Child Abuse Allegations.

Dean Tong presented "There's Help for Canadians in Abuse Cases" on December 28, 2002 at the Saskatoon Inn in Saskatchewan, Canada. For more information please e-mail Jeff at [email protected]

Dean Tong presented "Abuse: A War Against Fathers and Families" at the Million Dads March on the west steps of the United States Capitol on Father's Day June 15, 2003

Dean Tong is available for national or regional media interviews. Please call Lily Goodsell at (813) 671-4190 or (813) 278-8356 (pager) to make arrangements.

Dean Tong is a member of the Justice For All Speakers Bureau | //www.justiceforallspeakers.com

Dean Tong is available to speak in your city on abuse-related/sexual harassment issues. Please call Lily Tong at 1-813-671-4190 for Mr. Tong's speaking fees and to coordinate arrangements.

The website is: http://www.abuse-excuse.com/ae_about.html

I went to a seminar and have the tape it was very informative.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

PART 5.

All parties agree to head mum off at the pass. They tell her that she cannot take Sydney to the doctor for any physical examinations and they confirm this with the doctor. Mum cancels the appointment. For me at least it is pretty easy to conclude that denied the option to take our child for yet another round of invasive physical exams mum suddenly loses interest. I did reluctantly get the CM and the therapist to agree on the phone that mum's conduct was unusual and that they could not figure out how our child got better so fast. I cannot help feeling that if I did that there would be hell to pay but as I have said many times before the system just makes it harder for men even if they are right.

About a week later my attorney receives a motion to relocate. The basis although flimsy for it is that I have taken all of her money and she cannot support herself, that she wants to take care of her aging parents – they are in their sixties and are both healthy and travel the US each and every year in an RV, she will transfer with her job. I found the timing of this request to relocate very interesting. It had never been mentioned before in the context of mediation or the CE. In fact during the CE we were both asked about potential relocation and she denied that it was something she was considering. Well, I can spell out for you all what the intention was CUSTODIAL INTEREFERENCE. Having been unable to make the first lot of CPS charges stick she decided that this was her only option. If only that fact had been true I would have been very excited.

With the help from my FTC we submit peer review articles and white papers to our judge on this subject to help demonstrate the clear case of custodial interference. We object to the request which means that this item too will be heard at our trial. Mum knows I cannot move to MI. I have no family ties (mine live on the left coast), no business interests etc. so the move would be devastating to me in many ways.

A meeting is called with the therapist, GAL and the parents plus our respective counsel. The therapist and GAL go through this list of concerns that did have some merits. There is still a pervasive level of denial in the room that mum could have been making any of the stuff up even though we have seen several CPS accusations come and go. There is a sense that our child's loss of advocacy relative to CPS is a big issue because mum has cried wolf so often. The state appears to have an informal 3 strike policy that they seem to pay attention to. I have NEVER made a referral despite being very tempted to do so.

The therapist documents that our child still needs her own sleeping quarters amongst other things. This item turns out to be important so remember it as it will appear later on in the story. The therapist refuses to accept that mum lied but she reluctantly agrees that she too will defer to the court appointed CE who had a PhD and that there were no signs that any sexual abuse had occurred at the hands of dad. The GAL openly states that she believes mum has told the truth even though there are now signs that there are gaps in her story. It is like the system is closing ranks behind mum.

Trial is still set for the end of February.

The latter part of the year passed without incident when compared to the earlier part of 2003. Some minor issues like phone access happen along the way but for the most part all is quiet. Something as simple as phone access might seem just that but my child's mother has turned the phone into a weapon. As part of the CE I got telephonic access recognized and made a part of the court order but that does not necessarily mean that I can count on it. Mum times all phone calls – tells my child that she needs to get off the phone after 4 minutes whether my child is done or not. I have chosen a different path. I do not restrict when she can call, what she can talk about when she calls – she tapes all my calls and thinks nothing of jumping on the line if she does not like it but most of I allow my child to make the decision when the call is done. I think my child should be allowed to decide when she is done with her conversation not when I think that she should be. I have finally concluded that it is just another way to control the relationship between my child and me.

December 2003 arrives and I make a decision with my legal team that a full psychological evaluation of mum is needed because the FTC is concerned about the pattern of allegations – malicious mummy syndrome, PTSD, BPD, Bipolar etc. We motion the court and she finally responds and says that she does not think our choices of psychologists are inappropriate. It is a common practice for her to object without providing other options. Finally a status conference is called and her attorney suggests a name that nobody has ever heard of. With the help of my FTC we dig into her name because we have a limited amount of time to do so. It turns out that this psychologist is a personal friend of her attorney. I call him up and ask him about his practice and come to find out that he specializes in the treatment of SVPs (sexually violent people for those who are not up on this particular acronym) and he has little/no experience with the problems that my child's mother appears to be suffering from. At the end of the conversation I casually asked him if he knew mum's attorney and he responded that he had known him socially for many years. I am sorry but I do not think that is appropriate conduct for counsel. I have subsequently drafted a complaint letter to the AZBAR but I will wait until after trial to send it. I do not want counsel derailing this hearing again for something unrelated.

We go around and around on this and finally my counsel presents the data I gathered on this in middle January regarding the SVP specialist chosen by my child's mother and her counsel through a motion to the court and we again ask for one from our list to be appointed. They decide not to respond at this point because clearly the information gets back to him that I had a conversation with this doctor his friend. The delay is so chronic that we are forced to ask for a delay in the trial and we are reset to the middle of April so that the psychological evaluation can occur. I agree to go see the same doctor and go through the same process so that there can be no accusation that I was not willing to walk the same walk.

March rolls around – it took that long to get the signed order from the court and I arrange to go and see the psychologist and do his psychometric testing – objective and subjective. Mum waits a few more weeks and then sets her appointment 3 days before trial. Clearly this tactic was designed to frustrate the trial date and lo and behold they motion the court for another delay. We cannot object because that would mean going without the report that the doctor is now working on. Mum rationalizes her timing because she cannot get time off of her job. The only problem as we come to find out later she had left her job weeks prior to this appointment with the psychologist and before she ever set a time to see him.

Apparently when mum went to see the psychologist she could not help but think of me. When she got there she made as he put it an "outrageous and outlandish" allegation that I had been in counseling since I was a teenager. She told the doctor that she could prove it through written records. It should be noted that to date she has provided this doctor nothing to substantiate the claims that she made that day. Once I found out through counsel I signed releases to all insurers over a 10 year period to support my position. We know today that I did in fact tell the truth and that was yet another of those false allegations. However the doctor felt duty bound to investigate nonetheless. He said that while these types of last minute allegations are not unusual the nature and veracity of the allegation was something he had not seen before. I told him that it was entirely consistent with the wild allegations that she had made about everything else so why not. The results of the testing are not in yet – yes I know it is late but we have been summoned back separately to see the psychologist to review the test results next week. It should be very interesting indeed.

We are getting to the end of this part of the story. Maybe one or two more parts and then my thoughts. I urge you to stay interested because like I said it only gets better. I will do my best to deliver the next part quicker but believe me as someone famous once said, you ain's seen nothing yet.

You will all be glad to know that Dean is on my team. He is the FTC that I refer to in my posts. He has been invaluable. He can be a little crazy at times but I firmly believe that is because he passionately care about the cases he handles. He has been there for day 1 and he will be coming to trial in less than 3 weeks to consult and be at counsel table. I have great faith in Dean's insight and I trust his judgment.

The smartest thing I ever did was to hire Dean within days of finding out about the first accusation. His advice may sometimes sound like it is contrary to the way you need to go but as I have found out for the most part he is on the money. If anyone wants a more detailed & specific review of Dean send me a message and I will respond but I do not think it serves any of us to post my entire Tong experience in this thread.

Suffice to say if you are in a bind and you have been wrongly accused or your ex/partner is out to get you then Dean is a must have. Thanks for your advice but I already had this part in hand!

Wait until Part 6 and you will see that this almost happened again but something very weird transpired. I do not want to take it out of context but it did catch me off guard.

My judges and I mean plural have seen this and thus far have yet to act. I hope that is because they want to hear it all and not act until all the data is in but only time will tell.

I know this has hurt my child. I know what mum did and continues to do to hurt me has had a consequence for my daughter. She is a strong little lady and she has bounced back. I have managed to prevent any exams for a year now through the skill of my team and being very vigilant. It has been a hard slog though.

My daughter will not talk about her genitalia because she was and is embarassed at what transpired. I continue to reinforce a healthy attitude about how she deals with her own body and I hope that and my tenacious spirit in fighting for her rights will make this a thing of the past. To be honest as I have intimated before if people had been that persistent about my genitals and I was 4/5 I would be touching them a lot also.

I firmly believe that mum's conduct has been disgusting and that unless the judge is just having a bad day that the court will see this and act in my daughter's bestr interests. The thing about women that suffer from problems like this - by the way I believe the making of false accusations of child abuse is largely a female problem, is that they can seem very reasonable as if butter would not melt in their mouths. That does not mean this is totally a female problem but by a great preponderence it is.

Again something else happened that is in Part 6 that I do not want to take out of context but as my old gym teacher used to say I am all over it like a bad smell. If after reading it you still have comments then go ahead and make them and I will do my best to respond.

I am so glad you hired him and yes that was the best thing you did well among other things right.

Keep us updated on thigs.

:)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

I have kept up from the first post and would like to saythat you should consult with a writer/editor and team up with them to write a book about this type of situation.  Maybe if you break the seal on this type of abuse (meaning what the mother is doing to your daughter), then maybe the courts will beging to recognize the signs and nip it in the bud before another child has to be traumatized as Sydney has.  I am very impressed with the way you have apparently handled all of this.  I wish you the best and I think I speak for all when I say, you are in our prayers and we will be pulling for you.  

I can't believe that this has gone on as long as it has.  The fact the no one has seen through the BS tells me that they are sleeping on the job.  I feel badly for you and your daughter, thank GOD she has YOU.  That woman sounds like a FLAKE, hope your daughter got more of your genes than mums!

The amount of time (3 1/2 years) and $$$ are quite shocking.

I have learned new ways to be tormented by this woman. I feel that I have learned some important lessons but my little girl did not need to lose her innocence. As I have said when someone's hate for you is greater than the love for their child ... WATCH OUT

My child's mother is an intelligent woman. She is just using that intellect for strange purposes. The state of AZ has no interest in doing a good job it only seeks to do the bare minimum to get by. My case is living testament to that fact.

Once trial is done I will report back to this thread but I still have some more parts to go. Please stay tuned.

and can't wait to hear the rest.  If/when you write the book, please let us know...I will be the first in line!  

I absolutely agree that you should not spend time on Sparc if your daughter is with you.  Your time with her is precious...

Also, just wondering, did you happen upon this site or did someone refer you?

At the behest of my illustrious FTC I am keeping very detailed accounts of what has transpired. The particular portions of interest I think to folks in similar situations would be the period around the false accusations made by mum and how I responded thanks to my team of experts - legal and otherwise. I am not going to take credit but even my criminal attorney - I hired one to prevent the State of AZ from screwing my child & I said that in all his years in criminal law - he has done some very high profile capital cases in this state and is currently doing a similar high profile case in my town in the child sexual abuse area and will be making new law for this state, he never saw a defense and strategy like we put up to take the sting out of the false accusation(s).

I will write a book of some sort because this experience has spanned 3+ years and that is not the blink of an eye. Regardless of whether you are a man or a woman and live in AZ or not the road I have travelled alone most of the time has been a hard one. I am not looking for pity just a chance to share the things I have learned. I am glad that you & others like you have enjoyed reading this if for no other reason than to scratch your heads and go "Oh my God".

I had heard about this site from my FTC. Like I said I was watching for a long while and I thought now was about time to participate. I am finally less than 3 weeks from trial and our judge has said no more delays - yeah baby as the Great Austin Powers would say. I want to be able to frame this for people so they can see what I see in fairly close to real time. If I get the story out before the trial begins then I am in good shape to detail the events of what is already shaping up to make case history in my county and perhaps even AZ. Why you ask? Evidenciary hearings, Findings of Fact, Dad Going for PRC (Primary Residential Care) after having had multiple CPS & Criminal Allegations made. This may not sound great to you all but AZ is sometimes a backwater when it comes to progressive interpretation of the law.

I do not write when my child is here. I focus on her and her alone. She does not need me burying my nose at the computer. Please keep watching & reading. The support of you and others like you is important to me. Honestly.

What is going on, how are you? How is dtr?  My best wishes...nosonew

Today I received the psychological evaluation results from the court appointed psychologist.  I wanted to include this information in the last part of this write up. I realize I have been absent but trial is coming within the next 2 weeks and I am busy. I have not forgotten my obligation to this board. I promise you the last part is worth waiting for. Incidentally I am having many issues dealing with the 63 year old GAL who has a blind spot as big as a house. Coming down the final stretch!

You are only obligated to yourself and your daughter. First things first...your trial.

Posting what you have gone thru will help others know the warning signs and what to do. You have so much to offer, but a few weeks patience is not too much to ask.

I know I have also been wondering about you. And am anxious to read more.  But I can wait...

Let us know how the trial goes

Good Luck and God Bless!

Prayers are with you and your daughter LMAO hmm is your GAL the same one we had, Just kidding.

Continued prayers to your family for all of us here.

:)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

Yes, your priority is your trial and your daughter... We will be here waiting and praying... the trial is at the end of the month?  27th? 28th?  

Just know we are rooting for you!!!!

Trial is on the 26th. Just to give you all some idea as to how complex things are I will try to snapshot it here.

1. Dr. P - Will testify about psychosexual evaluation that he did. This data was provided to CPS and Law Enforcement as well as GAL and anyone else who had an interest. Even mum has a copy because I made the decision to place it all into the public record that way nobody could say I was hiding anything. Dr. P is nationally known and came via my FTC.

2. Dr. C - Will testify about our ongoing counseling. I see her as part of my support network that took a beating along the way as mum made all of her allegations.

3. Dr. T - Will testify about the psychological evaluations he did on mum and I. I now have mind in hand and will release a copy to mum and her attorney on Monday. Mine was VERY good and mum took a couple of beatings in my report even due to her false allegation habits.

4. Dr. Y - Will testify about his original findings on custody as well as corroborating what Dr. P and Dr. T stated. He is also nationally known but more importantly he is one of the top CEs in AZ. His opinion counts for alot as he has the ear of many top political and legal officials.

5. Detective R - Will testify that mum has made multiple allegations of stalking and harassment that law enforcement sees as having no credence. Rarely do they in fact write a report on them. He will perhaps most importantly testify that she imagined she saw me on the playground of my daughteer's school with 2 shady looking men who apparently are my PIs. Hmm.

6. My Mother - Will testify what most mother's would. I am not going to put my family through this any more than they have to already. Lead counsel assures me that judge's for the most part turn off after 1 or 2 so we are putting her up to demonstrate I have familial support.

Experts #3 + #4 were court appointed.

I do apologize for the delay but as you can see trial is upon me. 3 1/2 years and it all comes down to this. Right now we have a full day with the judge but I am sure we will only get part of the way through this as the other side continues to duck & dive like a prize fighter.

My side will be arguing for:

1. Denial of motion to relocate filed by mum - like I said earlier custodial interference and not well disguised at that

2. Motion for contempt against mother on several grounds for her continued willful violation of existing court orders.

3. Motion for Finding of Fact that all the allegations made by mum were in fact unfounded or false. This is the one that the GAL has weighed in on with some insane logic. I may just start another thread to deal with this issue alone.

4. Motion for Injunctive Relief due to the number of false allegations. I am yet to agree on this finally with counsel but now with the mental health evaluation in hand I see this as critical to make the next few years surviviable.

5. Motion for PRC - Sole Legal Custody due to the behavior of mum as she tries to destroy the father/daughter bond through allegations of child abuse, move away etc. We will know more about our viaibility on this one as soon as we can see the mental health evaluation for mum which should be before the end of this week as the subpoena was issued to the psychologist yesterday.

NOTE THESE ABOVE ITEMS ARE IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER. I JUST WANT TO GIVE YOU ALL SOME IDEA OF WHAT IS GOING TO TRANSPIRE.

There are many motions in front of the court and I will go into all of that after the trial so that people can see what it has taken to come this far. I also have a scathing indictment of the GAL and the GAL role at least as far as this one is concerned and how AZ places them in roles of such importance and the damage they can do.

There are a couple of individuals I am concerned about as they have already demonstrated confirmatory bias and refuse to believe that mum is making up all of the stuff she has accused me of. This is despite the overwhelming amount of data and science we have brough to the table. I think I have the right team so I am hopeful we can negate the dubious things these people have to say.

Thank you all for your well wishes. I am having a final meeting with my lead attorney and FTC this week. Battle commences at 9am on 8/26 so keep your fingers crossed for me.

I have been watching your story unfold, and wait to see how it turns out. My own ex has practiced many of the tactics yours has, just not to the same degree.

My thoughts and prayers go with you.

I am sorry you have had to go through what I have. It is so sad that a person you once cared for can turn around and do this to not only you but your child. I have had many wistful moments these last 3+ years wondering what ever became of the mother of my child.

I did get my psychological evaluation back and it was really good. He even recognized the false allegations made by mother and their totally detrimental effect and the fact that when she came to see him she could not stop ripping into me while I never did anything like that to her during my evaluation. Basically in summary all tests MMPI, MCMI III etc. came out normal and no mental issues other than situational anxiety and depression tied to the events of the last 18+ months.

I have discussed with counsel and we will be releasing an unedited copy to mum and her attorney tomorrow. We are going to request hers but if her patten of behavior is consistent we will in likelihood be ignored and she will try to prevent us from seeing it until trial. We have generated a subpoena to the psychologist just to cover all bases. The FTC had some additional ideas about how to get the information to the original CE but as yet my lead counsel has not commented.

I did finally secure the progress notes from my daughter's therapist and of course no surprise there because she still leans heavily towards mum and for some reason wants to believe I did something just like the GAL. Incidentally we did as I indicated earlier file a Motion for Finding of Fact & Conclusion of Law (MFFCL). Last week the GAL filed a response and stated essentially that just because CPS unfounded that does not mean that the alleged acts did not happen. Of course she ignored all of the other data we supplied to support my MFFCL and argues that basically once an accusation is made that no matter what any agency finds - CPS or Law Enforcement in my case and no matter what experts have to say even if they are mine or court appointed they must be wrong. This is NOT advocacy for my child. This GAL has lied throughout the process. She has called me a "GROOMER", she has accused me of trying to outsmart and outwit (sounds like an episode of Survivor doesn't it?) all of the professionals. Despite evidence that even other objectives parties have concurred with she REFUSES to accept that mum lied & the notion that mum is trying to bury me legally and emotionally is beyond her comprehension. This GAL's behavior is so egregious that I am going to devote an entire new thread to the way she has conducted herself. I have read other's experiences with these individuals on this board and it is a sad statement I make that mine is orders of magnitude worse than anything I have heard here.

It is a good job that I am not a conspiracy theory person. It is a wonder that I am still standing. When I am done I will tell you all more about me because I am an average Joe who nearly got screwed by the system in AZ and it is frightening what can occur in one's life that almost takes everything away including your freedom.

I realize that this was more than just an answer to your post but I had a few things on my mind.

10 Days and counting ....

If it's any comfort, I did gain primary custody, and my childs mother is ordered into therapy and/or medication until such time as a psychologist is ready to claim she doesnt need care any longer.

Hi Aussie -

Wow...what a horrible story.  Uraphilia - just when I thought I heard it all!

I am so sorry for what you are going through and I will be praying for your victory in this mess.  Thank God you have the means to good lawyers & such....and thank God you had the smarts to find them!

again, i will be praying for you and your little girl.

I am just about to post a longer message but my case appears to be headed down this road. The psychological evaluations have arrived and finally some good news! Read on.

Well the psychological/mental health evaluations on both of us came in. These were originally due for our trial in April 2004 but at the last minute mum made yet another allegation that I had been in counseling since I was a teen. Completely unprovable but it did stop the evaluator dead in his tracks. I had motioned for these back in December of 2003 and after some strange goings on which will be part of the main story I got our judge to compel the evaluation to occur. I agreed to go also to prevent any accusation that I was not willing to walk the same walk that mum was.

My report was unremarkable with no evidence of any mental health issues other than situational anxiety tied to the false allegations of child abuse made by mother. Mum however got slammed. The psychologist tagged her with AXIS1: Anxiety & Depression and AXIS2: BPD. He went on to recognize that she her allegations were part of a complex set of acts designed for revenge. Additionally, he found her to be actively trying to terminate the father/daughter bond through parental alienation and custodial interference activities - move away. Basically as my FTC is fond of saying (and incidentally he predicted these findings a long time ago) she has a smorgasbord of mental issues. This report should be devastating to her case.

I met with lead & co-counsel today as well as FTC and we look like we are ready to go. We will amend our pre-trial statement and file a couple more motions and responses to replies to motions from the GAL and mum's attorney just for completeness although I do not believe we have to do these filings.

Wish me luck!

That's great!  I will keep my fingers and toes crossed that they don't ask for the case to be continued....while they try to find a way out of the psych mess! WONDERFUL NEWS!  Will be waiting anxiously to hear how trial goes.... all thoughts and prayers with you and your daughter!---Nosonew

Interesting you should say the bit about the continuance. Mum took ill today 5 days before trial and my FTC is going ballistic as he only sees the dark side so to speak. There was a general concensus in the room the other day that we would see some last minute games and I cannot help wondering if this is it. Mum's report is so bad that there is a feeling that even her spin-meister lawyer could not do much with it. It is quite funny really because one of the key things that came out of her report was that she has a strange preoccupation with sex to an unhealthy point where she sees carnal images in ink blots. It got me wondering too. I have taken some of the highlights out of her report substituting names in all cases. Enjoy.

 "During this evaluation [MUM] made several inconsistent statements that lead me to question her motivation for some of the allegations she has made."

"Given that the allegations currently before the court are not likely to stop without some type of consequence and intense treatment,"

"She has given contradictory statements regarding records, problems she has encountered during the custody battle, and of interest, she maintains that [DAD] has the problem "letting her go" when treatment records indicate otherwise."

"Of importance, behavioral and emotional difficulties appear to have existed prior to her pituitary gland operations and cannot be accounted for solely by that operation."

"The allegations are no doubt having a profound impact on her daughter and [MUM] does not appear to be sensitive to this."

"[MUM] has indicated that she is suffering from post-operative memory problems."

"Her test data and her history suggest traits consistent with narcissistic, histrionic, and borderline personality disorders."

"I recommend that [MUM] seek guidance from her physician regarding what seems to be a hyperactive sex drive. This appears to affect her thinking and may at some level be considered a preoccupation."

"The escalation of accusations from uraphilia through stalking and harassment suggest a relentless approach at revenge."

"These characteristics are obviously maladaptive."

This next one is really intriguing. [DOCTOR] sees that her behavior is based on anger, hate etc. and that there is an underlying self-serving plan at the base of the behavior.

"On the contrary, the collateral information, the test data, and my observations suggest that she may be reacting from some intense anger and hate and that these actions are vindictive in nature and likely have some self-serving goal behind them."

He even catches the parental alienation and custodial interference.

"There are also records to indicate that [MUM]l may be attempting to alienate [DAUGHTER] from her father and may have plans to move out of the State."

In general my counsel is of the opinion that this strengthens my case an order of magnitude for primary residential care with mum on supervised visitation until she takes care of her personality issues. Now just as long as that stupid GAL sees the world more clearly we should be ok!

is consistent with histrionic disorder.

http://alwaysyourchoice.com/ayc/emotional/personality/histrionic.php

Our bm is supposedly bipolar but this article describes her perfectly.

Sorry to be blunt here, lol, but did you say, "No shit, I could have told you all that years ago?" LOL....Hee Hee...

Hope all turns out well...will keep my fingers crossed!

Sometimes when one is standing too close to the scene of the action so to speak it is hard to see things as they really are. Having been out of the relationship for 3+ years I have no problem recognizing it now but when I was right in there I could not see much at all. It was all obscured by other things that today seem of little consequence whatsoever. Mum had spent years telling me that it was me who had the problems not her and she always refused to accept any personal responsibility for her actions.

When I was reading the report I did think to myself "No shit sherlock" many times. It seems that getting these individuals to take a real position on someone's mental health is not easy so I am glad that I got as much as I did. Now according to counsel and the FTC is to show how it impacts her ability to parent our child - should not be too hard with all the strange and outrageous things that she has done to my daughter over the last 18+ months to get at me. It is not enough to merely show that she has mental defect apparently so the team is busy strategizing and planning how to use the information as best as we can in court this Thursday.

Good luck in court today!

Court begins in the next couple of hours. Many thanks to all of you who have spared my daughter and I a thought or two. Counsel and my wild and crazy FTC are ready to go. The experts are in town so it looks like we are ready to rock and roll. I am now hearing that due to the case complexity that we will likely run 2 days - second day sometime out int he future. I guess we need to start somewhere. Today is crucial because the pscyhosexual and psychological testimony will be heard and the former should lay the issue of sexual deviancy to rest and the latter will hopefully take care of putting my child's mother's mental issues front and center.

I will try to do an update tonight.

Many of us will be thinking on and yours today. Prayers that everything goes how it should.

:)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

Sending prayers that you and your daughter prevail in court today!!!

sending tons of prayers your way..

just as a side note i belong to a different website where a woman approached me tonight who was a urophilliac (not sure of the spelling)....not only was it disgusting but it was an eerie reminder of your post.  it was the first time i have ever encountered such a thing and would not have even known about it if it weren't from reading your story....anyway - i told her that while i didn't judge her i urged her to get some help because it wasn't normal. it was just so sick!

i have every confidence that you will win.  god bless you and your daughter.

When I was accused - see other thread on trial update for more information on the accusation itself, I was not sure what in fact mum was talking about. Through my FTC I approached Dr. Ralph Underwager - sadly he is no longer with us and he asserted that if the allegations of my interest in uraphilia were as stated by mum in her complaint to law enforcement; I had peed on her 156 times in a one year period that it would likely make me the most prolific uraphiliac in his 50 years of psychological endeavors and that I should be studied. Needless to say I could never fulfil Dr. Underwager's lofty expectations and he died without meeting the man who was almost the world's most accused uraphiliac. As you will discover in the other thread the things that mum said make more sense when we finally found out what ails her mentally. In some ways I feel sorry for her because at one time I loved her enough to have a child with her. Today I am reminded of that once forgotten love with my beautiful daughter. It makes me very sad to see what has become of her.

sorry but LMAO you pee'd on her 156 times how can she be sure what she documenting every drop sorry.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

I guess the 156 made it so disturbing and rediculous that in reality it lost her credibility with law enforcement. She was trying to say that I liked to engage in water sports so it must be true that I urinated on my child. She is not a stupid woman and she figured it would give her even more credibility but in truth it gave her less. Perhaps now you are all seeing what I was dealing with. As my mum so often says ... I picked her. Thanks mum!

I have been reading your posts from the beginning and can't wait to here how your day in court went.  I hope everything goes in your favor, for the sake of your and your daughter's sanity.  It's such a shame that a situation like this can continue for so long.  

...on the edge of my seat...

~EvaCollette

I am reporting the trial in a separate post. Please go there because it will be easier to follow along.