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Main Forums => Visitation Issues => Topic started by: tstjohn on Nov 07, 2008, 08:50:38 AM

Title: 12 year old has decided not to her father anymore
Post by: tstjohn on Nov 07, 2008, 08:50:38 AM
My brother has a 12 year old that called him and left a message that she did not want to come and see him anymore that she was 12 year old and has made this decision on her own.  No where in the court papers does it state that when she turns 12 that she can make that decision but for some reason, her mother thinks that this is the case.  My brother pays his child support on time and has always. He drives about two hours every other weekend to pick her up faithfully and now all of the sudden she doesn't want to see him or any of his family ever again.  Does anyone know what the legal issue would be on this? and if this were your daughter what would do?
Title: Re: 12 year old has decided not to her father anymore
Post by: Giggles on Nov 07, 2008, 09:23:12 AM
When BM's pull crap like this it just burns my butt.  I would have your brother call and talk to the BM and have him ask her...if the child stated that she no longer wanted to attend school, would she pull her out???  Whats the difference?  She is a child and until the child is 18, decisions like these are out of her hands. 
I would also tell your brother to continue to go and pick up the child.  If the BM refused to turn her over, get a police report and file for contempt.
What are the reasons behind this?  Is it truly the child's wishes or just BM??
Title: Re: 12 year old has decided not to her father anymore
Post by: tigger on Nov 07, 2008, 12:47:21 PM
I agree with Giggles.  This does two things, 1) it shows the mother that she doesn't hold all the cards and 2) his daughter can't be told, "See, he doesn't REALLY love you or he'd come anyway. 

Of course now she will likely be told that if he really loved her, he'd let her live her life but she'll know better.  If not now, then when she has her own kids.
Title: Re: 12 year old has decided not to her father anymore
Post by: stepmum on Nov 10, 2008, 11:46:30 AM
If your brother has a permanent parenting plan order that is on file with the courts, the mother MUST allow your brother to see his daughter regardless of the child's choices. To not do so will put the mother in a position of contempt in which case he could file contempt charges against her for withholding visitation.

If the mother truly feels the child does not want to see your brother, then the mother must take legal action to gain sole custody and/or restricted visitation. Otherwise she is bound by the agreement.

Let's keep it legal, the child's feelings mean nothing, the mother's feelings mean nothing, and your brother's feelings mean nothing. The only thing that means anything is the LEGAL recourse he has. Naturally, your brother can try to reason with the mother, but if all else fails he must act quickly a to prevent the mother from slowly eroding his rights.

~I am not a lawyer and my opinons are my own and not to be taken as legal advice.~
Title: Re: 12 year old has decided not to her father anymore
Post by: janM on Nov 10, 2008, 07:28:12 PM
The others are right, plus...he needs to actually go and try to pick her up, and have a refusal documented with a police report. Have him go to a nearby store, buy something, and save the receipt to show he was in the area at the appointed time. Just hearing on the phone that she's not coming will not cut it. Mom could say he just didn't bother to show up. And save DD's phone message.
Also there is a form letter on here that you can fill in and send to mom (registered) that states that, as per the court order (and quote the relevant paragraphs), you will be exercising your parenting time on X day, at X time, and to have DD available or you may have to pursue legal action. Or maybe you could email Mom and say, is this what dd really wants? and get her to say that dd will not be coming any more. You may or may not be able to use that in court.
Many kids who say (in the CP's presence) they don't want to spend time with the other parent, once they are with the ncp, they are their usual happy selves. Obviously Mom has planted this junk in dd's head and dd is just going along with Mom. Kids do what they have to do.