My daughter was almost in tears the other night during my visitation. As my three yr old little girl and I was getting ready for bed she would not let me get near her unless she had jeans on and I had jeans on.
When i called my stbx and asked her whos the monster whos feeding her this garbage. It was the typical "oh i dont know what you're talking about".
I told my lawyer about it today. I'm so mad, how on earth can a person justify twisting a child's mind?
"Prepare for the worst, expect the best."
-----My daughter was almost in tears the other night during my visitation. As my three yr old little girl and I was getting ready for bed she would not let me get near her unless she had jeans on and I had jeans on.-----
Ok, I don't think I'm "getting" it. Are you mad because she's sensitive about her private parts? If ya ask me...that's a GREAT thing, considering how young these kids get "active".
Anyway, if that's your concern...her being "shy", and her mother putting it into her head...well check this out. My daughter was a nudist for YEARS. She didn't care who or what was staring at her...she wanted to be naked! I called her my "streaker" as I've caught her removing her clothes in busy stores, and when she learned how to unlock the door at our old place? I had to put a gate up on the inside keeping her away...because she'd strip down to her birthday suit and rush downstairs. I'd have neighbors in stitches watching me chase this little naked thing around the parking lot.
Well, about a year ago (maybe a tad bit longer) she started getting weird. If my hub was in the house while she's naked...she'd have a stroke. (i shit you not, if she's getting dressed in her room and hears hub come in the front door? my gawd...she'd start screaming) I'm convinced I have perforated ear drums because of the screeching sound that came out of her mouth whenever he'd accidentally walk into the bathroom while she's on the potty or in the tub. This was an all of a sudden thing...remember, this kid used to get naked in public.
A week or two ago, she started getting all weirded out with me, too. She's so weird, that when her shower is done...I have to close my eyes to turn off the faucets. One day last week, I just couldn't find them...so I "peeked"...ripped my eardrums WIDE open with that gawd awful noise.
Girls get weird about their privates. Ya can't explain this...anymore than you can explain many of the weird things little girls do. I guess you should be thankful they're so weirded out...after all...one day they won't be.
Sorry Indi, I have to disagree with you. 3 seems a bit too young to be concerned with such things, unless, of course, there is an older sibling who is raising a fuss.
I would suggest that he make light of it & be very careful. It sounds to me like he might be being set up for a sexual abuse charge. Or, possibly the ex has a new guy & she might be uncomfortable with him.
Call me paranoid but we have all seen it happen all too often.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!
I agree with the prior post. Sounds like one of two scenarios being "setup"...neither of which sound good. I'm also paranoid with regards to Ex's.
I have to agree with msme, you may want to do something to cover your self, ie: vidio tape visitaions. its good you let your atty know waht is going on, i am wondering if you should contact cps???
Why? Because your stbx is a cold hearted b*tch. How many hours until bedtime do you have with her? I would demand that she be dressed for bed when you pick her up, and I would show up in my pj's as well. Have all the stuff ready for a fun evening beforehand, because you'll look kind of stupid running to the store in your jammies.
Oh and don't forget to document your efforts to make your child comfortable with her newfound "modesty" issues. At 3 yrs old, it's just too weird.
My second oldest was like that, and what a hassle! She eventually wanted her clothes on, but man trying to keep her clothes on to go to the store when she was a toddler....
Thank you all for the input. Im just really mad, upset, anxious, worried. My stbx is seeing someone secretly, my atty told me a cop friend of hers has wittnessed him going to the house late at night while my child is there. If i can get this cop to witness great. My att is subpoenaing stbx and her lover for a deposition. I screwed up and called lover boy and told him he's going to get subpoenaed, did i screw up? My atty is going to kick my ass if she finds out i told him, huh? Ive got one bloody big mouth.
Please explain cps, and video. How can i protect myself and more importantly prevent a setup and PAS?????????????
"Prepare for the worst, expect the best."
I have her friday from 5pm til sunday 5pm first and third wkends.
I want to scream!!!
"Prepare for the worst, expect the best."
Let her sleep in her clothes. Give her a choice of being neat, clean, and dressed....or feeling grungy. How did parenthood get this screwed up?
Does your Mom or other female relatives live nearby? Maybe they can help. Personally, I think this is total BS on bioterrorist mommy's part.
Yeah you did screw up. We've all screwed up on that end at least once. Never let the enemy know your strategy.
As for a witness for your stbx's adultery or fornication, Forget it. The court doesn't care, and "no fault divorce" is now the law of the land. I don't think that the court will care that she's behaving badly in front of your kid. I'm sorry, because I know how you feel.
Don't go to CPS! Stay the hell away from government agencies!!!! PAS sounds like it's already taking place. Right at this very minute, all you can do is to tell your attorney what you did, and see my suggestion further on down this thread. I think the best thing you can do, is to ignore the PAS symptoms and carry on like nothing is wrong. Someone here will probably have better suggestions. Have you checked out the articles on this site?
But WTF? The child is uncomfortable getting naked around daddy...and mom is suddenly this freak from hell? Did I miss something here? Sounds like everyone is making this a mountain, when all it is is a molehill. I haven't seen diddly SQUAT that shows mom has put "anything" in this poor kids head.
And for you, ForMaddy...who the hell are you to get all pissy about her "secretly" seeing someone, when on the other board, you said you had an affair with a known druggie that you've been "trying" to get rid of. You can bang someone...but your ex can't? Sounds like you're a bit too controlling, if you ask me.
You complained on the other board about your ex having a PI follow and film you, yet here you are, desperately trying to get this "cop buddy" to testify that he saw this guy go into her house late at night. Double standards out the wazoo here!
You also mentioned that:
-----Im doing this because I feel that i have little hope in the courtroom when the drug issue comes up. Other than that I'm a outstanding citizen, excellent work history and work in a professional arena. -----
My advice? Don't use drugs. When you're free from dope, things become much clearer...and every little thing doesn't become this big HUGE monstrous mess.
Indigo Mom, thanks for your input. No, you're not stupid. I could care less who my stbx is banging. I DO care if my child is in the next room sleeping while they're banging. Or as one poster put it, perhaps mommy said all that so that my little girl wouldn't get in bed w/ mommy's boyfriend w/o jeans on.
Are things fuzzy? No IM they couldn't be clearer. Am I irrational, paranoid, angry? Well, perhaps I am paranoid. Wouldn't you be if you have someone out side your window filming your car, following you? Wouldnt you be angry and tempted to be irrational when you're child says statements as such?
Yes i had a affair IM. But you know what? I never denied one piece of it even still. I confessed to every detail. Yet, mommy lies with each breath that she only saw this fellow once and that was for business. When i have a half dozen witnesses that says otherwise. I'd say there are double standards here, but not from me.
As far as drugs are concerned, ive offered to be randomly tested at MY cost whenever she wants, as well as, my girlfriend.
warmest regards
"Prepare for the worst, expect the best."
I'm thinking about filming her every visit w/o her knowing (the child) that shes being filmed. At least i can document every visit. Stbx claims i just made this up. I have no family.
"Prepare for the worst, expect the best."
Well that could work to protect yourself. Is your attorney good? He or she should have some suggestions on how to deal with the stbx.
-----I DO care if my child is in the next room sleeping while they're banging. Or as one poster put it, perhaps mommy said all that so that my little girl wouldn't get in bed w/ mommy's boyfriend w/o jeans on. -----
Ok, now this has to stop. Do I understand you not wanting your child around just "anyone"? Yes...but mom is moving on. There's going to come a time when she's going to have sex with the child in the next room. Same as you. It's life, man. You move on from a relationship, maybe find another one...and ultimately, you "do it". Married people have sex all the time with their kids in the next room. I'm assuming you and the mother bumped fuzzies while you were together. Did you call a babysitter to come get the child beforehand? See, here's the thing. Right now, you're the NCP. If I remember...you have the child one day a week and every other weekend. It's SOOO much easier for you to "not" have boom bibbidy when she's not there. You have 8 days a month with your child...and 22/23 without her to bang what you please. Mom, on the other hand...should only be "allowed" to have sex on the 8 days you have her? I know my ass ain't waiting that long....would you? If "I" had to wait for my kids to leave my home before I could have sex? Shit...I'd be a born again virgin!!! It would have been so long since I was "allowed", I'd regrow my...well, you know....
And about this "perhaps" thing. Yes, maybe your ex did do this jean thing so she wouldn't crawl into bed with the boyfriend without her jeans on. Do you see a problem with that? Would you prefer your child crawling into this bed with just undies? Or naked? jeans or naked...which would you choose? Ya don't seem to know this guy. He "could" be a great guy...or he "could" be a shithead..I know one thing for sure...If I had a choice? My daughter isn't crawling into ANY bed with a man without clothes on...even my hub, who's been in her life for 5 years. In fact, I don't want her in bed nekked with me, either.
I know people are giving you "worst case scenario"...but what about mine? Mine was shot to shit because of the whole "innocence" thing? Why? Why must everything be considered "bad"? How come ONLY the bad seems "logical"? My daughter went through this whole weirded out thing with hub a while back, and is still in it...now she's going through it with me. There's no one to blame, there's no paranoia...she's a little girl who is getting "shy" about her parts. And since they "are" her parts...if she wants to cover them, let her. Gawd knows one day, you and I are going to DIE because our girls WANT to show their parts...egads!!!!
-----Am I irrational, paranoid, angry? Well, perhaps I am paranoid. Wouldn't you be if you have someone out side your window filming your car, following you? Wouldnt you be angry and tempted to be irrational when you're child says statements as such?-----
Repeat after me...."Being irrational, paranoid, and angry is detrimental to my case". Say that a couple hundred times....why? Because you're writing to THE MOST irrational, THE MOST paranoid, THE MOST angry person in the entire world...in my opinion, of course. (but I bet not many people would disagree) I was so fed up with the bullshit court system, and my own case, that I can honestly say...I helped bury myself. Though there was a bunk Judge and evil GAL....my 'tood didn't help me any. I flipped this Judge off, dude....I told her where she could go...and it wasn't to the beauty parlor, that's for sure. You can BE pissed off at the whole world, at the whole system...but you, like me...are a nutjob. Being a nutjob while in the middle of a cruel case is going to be your downfall. Don't call your ex bitching and moaning...don't say SHIT to the boyfriend, don't say a damned thing to your child...just BE her dad. (and be happy about it) Worry NOT about what you "think" "could" be happening (when there's really no basis for a sex thing)...until you know something is happening. Jump the gun too soon? And her defense is all ready for court.
-----Yes i had a affair IM. But you know what? I never denied one piece of it even still. I confessed to every detail. Yet, mommy lies with each breath that she only saw this fellow once and that was for business. When i have a half dozen witnesses that says otherwise. -----
You know what? Honesty is great....but you're still pissin' and moanin' about mom and this guy. Who cares about this guy? (well, if he's a criminal...then worry) She's moved on. Who cares what the witnesses say about her seeing him. Does it matter? Does it really matter in the whole scheme of things????? Look at it like this...what "if" he's a great guy. Your daughter will benefit from a great dad and a great "other male figure". If you're worried about HIM...and not her "being" with him...then have him checked out. If you know his name...look for police records, and such. But don't worry about her being with another guy. And I hate to say it, but it sounds like this is the problem....
-----As far as drugs are concerned, ive offered to be randomly tested at MY cost whenever she wants, as well as, my girlfriend.-----
Are you absolutely serious? If you are...call that Quest Diagnostic place back (i think that's what it was). Tell them you want RANDOM WEEKLY drug testing. (drugs across the spectrum, not just any "specific" one) They'll call you on any given day and you have to show up by X time on that day and submit to a test. Don't wait for your ex to pick a day...what does she care? YOU take the intiative here. YOU submit to random weekly UA's. If you have something to prove...that you don't use drugs...and you know she's going to bring it up? They'll probably be ordered anyway...but if you go to court with 90 days of clean UA's...and they were random and weekly chosen by Quest? Well, you've just put a stick in that wheel, now haven't you? Take one test in a 90 day period...and well...the Judge might say that you "could" use drugs, but allowed them to get out of your system before you submitted to a test...OR...that you cleansed your system and then went in.
I'm sorry dude, but I see you flippin' out over little shit. Worry about the big shit. Getting your child more often than 8 days a month.
'Bumped fuzzies'???? Must be colloquial, cuz that's a new one on me! Gotta try that one on DH, LMAO!
You actually flipped off the judge???
IM I can see that you're trying to put this into some perspective at least your perspective. Notwithstanding that I do see your point and what your trying to get across to me. It does make sense for the most part.
The drug testing suggestion is right on babe but try 85.00 a pop. Prices are different around the country but for ark this is the price at Quest. Donations anyone? I have purchased home test rapid response tests for 5 bucks a pop and even written a form for her to sign after witnessing me piss in a cup right in front of her. Suggestions?
I'm trying to build a case TO get my child more than 8 days a mo. My lawyer seems to think that depositioning the two of them will benefit, too late now cause the ball is rolling. However, i feel she is milking me. Sure she can question the two of them for 400.00 worth and long as they tell the same story on the stand its all for naught.
Really, i dont care about this dude. Ive got in his face already and we've had words. He's a serious drinker and thats my only concern is my child riding around in a car w/ a alki. He has at least one recent DWI and a reputation for drinking.
Again IM you're so very right, im a freaking nut maybe im bipolar. I go from wanting her back to hating her. Tell her one thing and do the opposite. I have a big mouth and i just cant seem to control it even when i know its sinking my ship.
I do appreciate you being forthwright please continue, i need it.
blueskies,
alex
"Prepare for the worst, expect the best."
-----The drug testing suggestion is right on babe but try 85.00 a pop. Prices are different around the country but for ark this is the price at Quest. -----
Try calling the City Attorneys office in your town. Quest can't possibly be the "only" drug testing facility there. We have "big" places like that, but if you think about it...people in "trouble" with the law usually aren't rich. Take my ex, for example. When he was ordered mandatory, weekly random drug testing, his probation officer gave him a list of MANY facilities...and the "average" price...$25 a pop. These are little facilities...and a few of them go by income, too. You don't "have" to be in trouble, or under court ordered drug testing to use these places, either. You also don't "have" to use such a "huge" place such as this one.
-----I have purchased home test rapid response tests for 5 bucks a pop and even written a form for her to sign after witnessing me piss in a cup right in front of her. Suggestions?-----
Yes, don't use those. I TOTALLY don't know about those...but I'll be willing to bet a Judge won't take those as "official".
As for the rest of your post? You are so down and out right now, you "could" be causing your own case more harm than good. I'm not slamming ya...cause I've BTDT. You ARE pissed, and you have a right to BE pissed....but to "act" pissed is going to kill you. Put it this way. Your ex has everything (power) in her hand. She has nothing to be all pissy about. She's going to walk into court, all calm, cool and collected. YOU, on the other hand...are going to walk into court with an attitude. (like meeeee) The Judge is going to see that, and guess what? Your "anger" (no matter HOW justified) makes you look bad, makes her look the "better" parent. Ya have to settle down....you really do. And no, it's NOT easy. My case is over, my son won! But I'm STILL pissed about it!!! I STILL rant and rave and scream about the injustice of it all...but I learned NOT to show my anger or frustration. I learned to walk into court with that "smile" on my face, even though deep down inside, I wanted to rip my exes asshole out through his throat.
-----I have a big mouth and i just cant seem to control it even when i know its sinking my ship.-----
:::::swoon::::: There IS another person just as loony as I! I love it! But, you have to control your insanity! Luckily, I'm out of the woods. I can be as nutty as I want to be...my ex can't do diddly! Find another outlet for your anger. Yell at me! Don't get angry with your ex, her boyfriend, OR THE JUDGE!!!!!!!! Even if the Judge calls you every name in the book...take it, dude. Just take it. Even if the Judge removes 95% of your rights...take it. No matter what accusation comes out, no matter what your ex says...just take it. And while "taking it"....remain calm ON THE OUTSIDE!!!! After court, go home and knock a hole in the nearest tree...you must release all that pent up anger inside you...when you get rid of the crap you have stored inside of you...you'll be in a better "position" to get more time with your daughter.
Also, request a Guardian Ad Litem for your case...seems you need a 3rd party looking into this mess.
Please explain:
Also, request a Guardian Ad Litem for your case...seems you need a 3rd party looking into this mess.
"Prepare for the worst, expect the best."
HUH? I write part 2 in my series of novels to you...and THAT is all you wanna know? LOL
GAL = Guardian Ad Litem. It's a lawyer for the child...not you or your ex.
Yo, IM girl you wanna know what i want to know? Why i had an affair to begin with. Why did i do what i did to my little girl. I still cant explain it. Yeah, I'm pissed off at the world but mainly at myself for being such a low life. I used to be a man of ethics and morals. If i said it you could take it to the bank. Now Im the scum of the earth in this area.
I want to move and get away but I cant and wont move from my little baby. I used to know what to expect in the months to come, now i dont know what to expect the next day. The girl i had the affair w/ became a Fatal Attraction and fits that character to a tee, competley wacko. I thought i could get away w/ it, manipulate the situation and move on. I suppose thats what turned me on is trying to control everything. It burned me in the end and ill never forget my ignorance.
Do they have PM format on this site? Ability to send private messages to other members?
chin, chin,
"Prepare for the worst, expect the best."
How long are you planning on punishing yourself for your past mistakes? I seriously urge you to buy the book called, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I think it could do you some good. Help you out of this "repeat punishment" phase you're in. Continuing to punish yourself, to talk badly about yourself, to "hate" yourself...well, that's holding you down. And that is not good.
Also, by PM, I'm assuming you mean private message? Up at the top of the page, it says "profiles". Click on that and it should bring you to a list of everyone here. I believe you click on a username, and it'll ask what you want to do.
Oh..what the heck does "chin, chin" mean??? lol
I've always done that to myself, probaly due to my religous upbringing.
Oh, BTW in response to the deposition her lawyer told my lawyer, "yeah they were together overnight once while the child was there but it was only once. They're willing to confess if you drop the depositions."
Now my lawyer is charging 200.00 an hr for what i dont know i cant even get a itemized statement from her. All she says is the money i've charged you is fair". I hav'nt paid her what she says i owe her becuase its freakin ridicolous. 1000.00 for half a dozen phone calls less than 15m a peice and half a dozen office meetings less than 30m a peice. Two letters sent. Although I cant be sure because ive not been keeping record. W/ these depositions coming up that could be another 1000 in itself. Can i change lawyers?
This is a small town and all the lawyers know each other. My last lawyer who done twice as much as this one and charged me less, gave me a itemized statement, i paid the day he gave me the bill, in full. Im thinking about going back to him. Could he then resume the depositions? Money is tight and i just cant afford this.
"Prepare for the worst, expect the best."
I went through similar programing , But I have a boy so She was telling him I was going to hurt Him etc, So I have really won this out , What I did is stay out of this with My Son And then Be reassuring and comforting etc , And DON'T TALK BAD ABOUT MOM TO THE KIDS thats a big mistake , And don't ask too many questions , Mabe one or two in order to See if they say who told them that , My son told Me right away . Mommy said you are going to hurt me ! I feel the way I won out is to , Give him a piece of candy when she pulled this crap ,And always be reassuring , and talk good about his mom , Even if you just can say mommy is ok , and she say's those kind of things , But I love you And I never hurt you , Later on He even said That He could see that I don't hurt him , I think that It started to back fire on her when I didn't engage the crap with him , And he Began to see who was the monster ! Believe Me be the loving reassuring parent that doesn't talk crap and Myson started to want to be with Me more because He said he feels good around me , And I know from expierience , talking crapm makes the kids very uncomfortable , Don'ty do it on your end and you will fare much better , It's hard to foresee , But it will happen , I think you may want to ask if some one has done something too her with there pantys off Just in case there could be an issue there with some one else. tHIS IS THE AGE THE PSYCHOS KNOW THAT THEY CAN TELL KIDS ANY THING THEY WANT , Its sick But Just enjoy your time with the children
If your child tells you bad things that her mom says, you can just say that you are sorry mommy said that but you cannot do anything about what mommy says. Tell her that you do promise to always tell her the truth. Be sure to tell her that sometimes there will be things that are grown up & don't concern her & you will not discuss those things with her.
Good luck & God bless.
Thanks guys for the advice, my thoughts and plans exactly thus far. Stbx wont communicate at all now. Each time i have to have a police officer call her house to arrange a time to talk w/ my daughter in which she runs to her parents house calls me for my daughter to talk and then records the conversation between child and I.
Stbx and her lover has confessed in spending the night w/ each other w/ the child there. Both are being depositioned and one of the questions will be if this fellow acted inappropiately around my child.
hurt,
ag
"Prepare for the worst, expect the best."
To clarify, if this fellow touched my little girl in a incorrect way. God forbid.
"Prepare for the worst, expect the best."