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Main Forums => Visitation Issues => Topic started by: mammahen07 on Mar 07, 2009, 07:56:42 PM

Title: refusal to return on time!!!
Post by: mammahen07 on Mar 07, 2009, 07:56:42 PM
I am new to this forum , however I need help. My ex & I don't see eye to eye = hence why we're divorced. This problem stems from the discipling of our children. I've tried and tried multiple times to encourage a united front so that the children will see that we are still their parents even though we're not together and that they will not be able to "divide and conquer us" sorta speak. I.e our 9 yr old has constantly lied about stupid things, defies openly the step parents from both homes, we've spent 600.00+ dollars recently on cavities from refusal/ lieing about brushing her teeth, very manipulative behavior, half heartedly/ if at all does chores---------- This has been an on going problem for yrs and the older she gets the worse it becomes. I have her in counseling ( that costs me money) yet she doesn't care. She however does gets bothered when her mother ( non-custodial)has to spend a dime " mom can't afford it" yet I can? Her mother gave up custody because she said she couldn't take care of them and she knew I could- yet a year later she goes and has a son while openly gloating that she finally got what she always wanted_ a boy_ in front of the 3 girls. She lives relativly close and has  standard visitation w/ thursday being her 2 hr visitation. She only comes on the Fridays( which we verbally aggreed on fridays at 7p -until9p so it was easier on her) of the week that it's not her visit due to money,' she never calls on the phone to talk to them- which only costs time/ not money- during any of the tme in between the visits however a special event has come up THE JONAS BROTHERS concert. She asked if she could take the girls since it was on her weekend ( which really wasn't my call) however they would be home extremly late and well past the time of dropp off. I told her I had no problem with it--- EXCEPT I didn't think our 9 yr old should be allowed to attend due to her behavior- we discussed it and agreed a week ago she even invited my step daughter to go in place of my 9 yr old. Well last night rolls around and I'm on my way home from work- my wife is with the children and my ex picks up our girls- then she calls me to inform me that she doesn't care what I think she is taking our 9 yr old to the concert regardless b/c it's a once in a lifetime experience and her boss gave her tickets and she doesn't ever get ----blah!blah! blah!! It was all about her and what she wanted and I kept telling her it wasn't about her it was about not encouraging our 9 yr olds bad behavior and making her have consequences for them. She said she didn't care she was taking them- I then very politly said either I can come get our 9 yr old early an you may take the other2 ( by this point my step daughter is in hysterics b/c her heart was set on the concert) or she would have to bring them all back by the ordered time of 7 and then everyone will miss out b/c of this. She then very firmly stated she did not care what I said - she was bringing them and would not have them home by the ordered time and hung up. WHAT DO I DO? IS THERE ANYTHING I REALLY CAN DO? I was told by a friend that this is a form of "Parental kidnapping" and that I need to notify the police after she doesn't return the children as ordered ----help I need to know what to do- I can no longer watch her behavior spill over into my daughters and destroy her life due to shelfish poor choices. What can I do on my end
Title: Re: refusal to return on time!!!
Post by: ocean on Mar 08, 2009, 09:20:04 AM
You can call the police at the drop off time and see what they do. Does this happen a lot? If so, then call each time. If this is the only time, then you need to pick your battles.. You know that the mother will not discipline so you need to do it from your home. Take away things at home and deal with it in your house. You can try to get the counselor to talk to mom in your behalf and have  few sessions with mom?
Title: Re: refusal to return on time!!!
Post by: MixedBag on Mar 08, 2009, 06:37:19 PM
if you're divorced, what does your decree say about the parenting time your daughter should have with her mother EXACTLY.
THEN you can decide a course of action.
Dicipline is one thing, and parenting time with the non-custodial parent is another.
Title: Re: refusal to return on time!!!
Post by: Davy on Mar 08, 2009, 08:20:19 PM
The OP detailed an incidence where the mother refuses to comply with court ordered parenting  time by NOT returning the child at the stated time.  Moreover, HE spoke of the negative impact on the child's demeanor and a possible long term lasting impact.
I certainly hope that no one is suggesting that a mother can do whatever she damn well pleases without considering the child's well-being, court-ordered parenting time, the other parent, etc. 
This may not reach the level of what many would consider Parental Kidnapping but, in my humble and seasoned opinion it certainly constitutes Custodial Interference, Comtempt of Court, and the big one CHILD ABUSE. 
This parent should be supervised if there is a history of this behavior or an expectation of future irrational behavior.
Title: Re: refusal to return on time!!!
Post by: ocean on Mar 08, 2009, 08:50:14 PM
That is why I asked if it was the first time. If the mother asked for the child for the concert this one time drop off child late, I dont think the judge will do anything to her. She will say she asked/told father she was bringing all the children to the concert. The father already said yes but because of the punishment she was not allowed to go.
Title: Re: refusal to return on time!!!
Post by: Davy on Mar 08, 2009, 09:18:02 PM
The judge probably won't do any thing to the mother no matter what which is THE PROBLEM and nobody should care what the mother says except that she did'nt care about the court order, she refused to return child on time or the impact on the child.
Title: Re: refusal to return on time!!!
Post by: superdad01 on Mar 24, 2009, 07:00:20 AM
it happens all the time but what can you prove? it would be a waste of money for a one time deal in court. You got custody, why worry about the small things?  Same thing if her car broke down and the mother was late..... Not sticking up for her just saying,,,