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Main Forums => Father's Issues => Topic started by: brewha1982 on May 24, 2009, 01:59:29 PM

Title: MOM changing plans all the time!
Post by: brewha1982 on May 24, 2009, 01:59:29 PM
It was my weekend for the Memorial Day weekend, and I agreed to let my daughter go to her cousins  ,  ( on her mothers side ) with her mother from 1pm - 3:30 pm on Sunday 5-24-09,  to visit with her cousin and his new fiancee', who were in town visiting! Upon arrival at the ex's house she decided to see if after the cousins visit if she could take her to another bbq and swim party!  The other party was never discussed until that time.  Of course it sounded like fun to my 11 year old, but I had other plans and it is my weekend,, my ex continued to ask and make me look like the bad gut,,, i said no repeatedly,  and that made my daughter cry and continue to beg to go.  Her mom tells her to go inside, and I told her it is my weekend, and if she wants to go at all, she must agree to the first party only.  I called the police, and they couldnt do shit.  She took my daughter and left and says my weekend is over and Sarah is not coming back,,,,If i did this, I would be charged,,,,what can I do?
Title: Re: MOM changing plans all the time!
Post by: Giggles on May 24, 2009, 04:02:39 PM
Unfortunately, you probably handled this badly...if in the future, mom wants to use your time, insist on a make up day and get it in writing!!  Make sure all plans are set first prior to agreeing to the extra time.
Title: Re: MOM changing plans all the time!
Post by: gemini3 on May 24, 2009, 04:30:16 PM
If you have it in writing that she was supposed to return your daughter at a certain time and she hasn't you can call the police and make a report.  Then you could try to get a contempt charge out of her if you wanted to go that route.
 
With people like this you have to stick to the letter of the agreement.  It's cassic "give 'em an inch" behavior.  Obviously flexibility is best, and should be attempted, but if this is how she acts when you give her some flexibility then I wouldn't do it anymore.  Unless something big is happening that can't be done any other time I wouldn't change the schedule.  If you do change the schedule for some reason, always get it in writing, and get make-up time.  Your flexibility shouldn't mean less time with you for your daughter.  Your ex should be respectful of your time with your child and, if she asks you to give some up for something she wants to do, she should give you some of her time in return.
Title: Re: MOM changing plans all the time!
Post by: Kent on May 24, 2009, 05:54:37 PM
I am not sure how you normally communicate with her, but I would either send her an email and use the receipt confirmation function in Outlook, or send her a certified letter.
In this message, you can state that any and all changes she wish to make to the parenting plan, she needs to request this in writing at least 1 week in advance.
Then, if you get into this same situation, you can remain calm and remind her that she is required to request these kinds of changes in writing 1 week before, and since she failed to do so you have made other plans (and make sure these plans are something your children look forward to! This is their time, and it should be about them).

Furthermore, as a general rule, after my ex pulled this stuff a few times, I informed her that, since she doesn't know how to behave, we will not deviate from the standing court order unless there is an emergency. After that I told her "no" for every change she asked for, and after a while she just didn't ask anymore.

Also, not knowing what your parenting plan is, and assuming that you have the "traditional every-other-weekend", you only see your children 4 days per month. Make sure these are the most unforgettable days of the month for them. Find out what they like to do, and do it with them. Be the fun parent that they want to be with. Take them to the movies, to the park, fishing, camping, whatever they like, and make the weekend about them.

Kent!
Title: Re: MOM changing plans all the time!
Post by: Kitty C. on May 25, 2009, 03:47:01 PM
I agree in asking for a make-up day....but in this case, I would ask for a make-up holiday....exchanging holiday weekends since she took one of yours.  This is a 'lesson learned', but I'm sure you will be better prepared if it ever happens again.  And I would still ask for a make-up holday as it is, but make sure you do it in writing and ask that she respond in writing as well.  Document, document, document!