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Main Forums => Custody Issues => Topic started by: Nandra on Oct 27, 2005, 11:11:58 PM

Title: I'm dating a felon, can my childs father get custody?
Post by: Nandra on Oct 27, 2005, 11:11:58 PM
Hello, I am new here and looking for help.  I am 23 years old and engaged to a man who is not too proud of his past.  He has quite the record and has been in prison for both violent and non violent crimes.  He has never been violent towards my son and is excellent with him.  He has been through anger management and is who I have chosen for my life partner.  My sons father's mother is a sargent at the prison my fiance was in, and now my sons father says he doesn't want my fiance near his child and is going to file for custody.  Is it possible to lose my son over this?  Does he really have the right to decide who I date/marry?  Please help...

Title: Ahhh.....the fine line
Post by: MixedBag on Oct 28, 2005, 06:50:05 AM
No he has no right to say whom you marry...

BUT he has the right to be concerned about who is present or is taking care of, or is RAISING his child.

See that's the difference.....focus on the child, not yourself.

So yes, it is possible that you will lose custody and I lean that way since you didn't say why your new loved one is in prison but you did say that he has "quite a record for violent crimes"...

Case law in your state is what you need to research.  The state's laws probably won't come out and say that you will lose custody.  They aren't written like that.  But you might find that in Case Law for your state another parent has already been through something similar and what the results in that situation were.

Dad will have to prove that fiance/future step-dad's presence is harmful to the children, not you.

And given what you've said -- he's got a good chance at making it happen and that you/mom will end up with supervised time in the best interest of the CHILDREN.

Not what you want to read, I know, but giving it to you straight up...
Title: RE: Ahhh.....the fine line
Post by: Nandra on Oct 28, 2005, 05:30:56 PM
Yeah, Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but what I figured I guess.

His crimes were when he was younger ( he is not in prison now, nor has he been in quite a while ).  Never killed anyone.. or hurt children in anyway ( we are talking more than 10 years ago. ).  Was just curious.

If I felt my child OR myself were in danger, my fiance wouldn't be present in the home, however, I DO understand my sons fathers point of view.

If it is between my son and my fiance... my son wins.. automatically.. that's a given.  Just hope it doesn't come down to that.

Title: RE: Ahhh.....the fine line
Post by: MixedBag on Oct 28, 2005, 06:57:07 PM
You said you were 23 and this stuff happened 10 years ago...

Just how much of an age difference is there between you two??

Chances are that you could do better...

Just keep your chin up and keep looking...

and your son will win, and you'll be happier then.
Title: RE: I'm dating a felon, can my childs father get custody?
Post by: Lawmoe on Nov 07, 2005, 01:04:57 PM
He cannot decide who you marry. However, a court can decide if it is in the best interest of teh children to be exposed to that person.  Depending on the crimes committed and how long ago, the court may certainly change custody
Title: RE: I'm dating a felon, can my childs father get custody?
Post by: JW on Nov 10, 2005, 12:45:10 PM
I know this sounds terrible, but I have a felony record from when I was about 23 years old. I am now 46. I had just gotten home from a tour with the army, went back to hometown, and got into a big scuffle trying to "prove" I was a "man."

It was not a pretty fight, and the other party ended up in the hospital for over a week. It was a felony assault and battery. To this day, I don't have a mark on my record. I think the time since, the type of crime, where and why, all that matters. If it was a recent drug charge, abuse charge, etc., I'd be cautious. But if like me, from 20+ years ago, everything should be fine.

Good Luck - and remember - everyone has made, or makes, mistakes they wish they could undo. I know I have.

Title: RE: I'm dating a felon, can my childs father get custody?
Post by: backwardsbike on Nov 13, 2005, 12:27:08 PM
Hello to the poster!

I am sorry that I did not see this  a lot sooner.  I just saw it now and have to respond.  I am married to a felon with a long and sundry record of assualts.

In my case Dh was diagnosed with Bi polar disorder and since getting meds and treatment has not had so much as a brush with the law.  I am in PA.

In the begining I had joint custody with 50 50 placement.  The X has been bitter about the divorce.  The guy really has an ax to grind.  Just a generally angry individual.

Long story short...I ended up with EOW and had to fight for half of all summers, which I got. We had to endure my kids not being allowed to be in the home if my husband was present for two years.  We had to go thru a total of four psychological evals.  Two were custody evals and one psych eval for DH and one for me cause the judge thought I was crazy.

My X and his new wife have been alientaing the kids like crazy.  Older one was diagnosed with depression once already.  But custody evaluator will not change custody due to my husband's past.  He has had no legal invlovement for seven years.

The reult is that my husband feels constantly guilty and as though he is looked down upon by our whole own.  This isn't a delision-its real.  BF and SM spread Dh's story all over the place.

Over the years my family has had numerous contacts with counsleors of all sorts.  Nobody has ever filed a CPS report except the X and his was unfounded and a "spite report".  Yet I do not have custody.

As for my own background. I have never had any legal invlovement, I am a nurse, hold child abuse and criminal clearances and a certified parent educator.  My Dh also ha a child abuse clearance!

Bottom line's not about what is, its about how it all looks.  Judges here are elceted.  Mine would not chance his career by giving me custody and then having one of the children hurt in my care.  Even if it were accidental, my X would make it out to be because of my DH.

I'm not saying to not marry the guy.  I am saying be very careful of what you do and be extremely sure of what you want from your life.  My Dh and I already had one child when X petitoned for custody!  I could not in good consious break up our family in order to potentially gain custody of my older kids.  Dh and I went on to have a second child.  SO God has given me a family to help soften the blow. Although one child never repalces another.

I must tell you that I am an extremely strong person, emotioanlly.  I have had a lot of therapy in my life ( first marriage was abusive).  That has helped me.  But it is still a difficult thing to go thru.  Mostly because we all know it isn't really the way the X paints it, but nobody will do anything different because they are all about protecting thier own interests.  Best interests of the child?  Huh?

I continue the fight.  I will not stop.  I have a custody mod coming up in Decenber becasue the X is so unreasonable and has denied me medical and dental records.  he goes behind closed door with old court orders which show Dh could not be here when Ihad the kids and then makes us out to be these horrible, dysfunctional people.  I must got ot school every year to check the permenant reocrds of my kids and add the new court orderes showing that all the old provisions have been changed.

Good luck to you.  I just wanted you to hear form someone who has been there.  Feel free to contact me offline if you'd like. I am only to happy to share my story.  I will never judge you.  Be assured you will always be respected becasue that is something that is in short supply when you live with and love an ex-con.