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Main Forums => Custody Issues => Topic started by: tgastte on Oct 15, 2009, 12:34:07 PM

Title: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 15, 2009, 12:34:07 PM
I am the father of my 2 kids ages 13 and 11, 4 years ago my wife took off on us on jan 06, she left me with the 2 kids while she parties, do drugs got caught on aprl 07 with drug possesion, under the influence, and parapernaglia.. so my first reaction is to find a home for my kids and a school, so everything went fine they settled in the place im renting right now, doing real good in school, extra curricular activities like after school sports, while i worked full time, go to school part time and taking care of both my kids..the mom only visits them whenever is convenient for her..and then one sad day she wants to get both my kids in her custody after all that she done with her life, we have a mediation coming up on nov 20th and a trial date on dec 11th..what are the chances of her getting my kids???? im totally lost right now, even the kids doesnt wanna see her or being with her and her boyfriend, she had another baby by her boyfriend too and both of them are unemployed and living from friends house to another...can pls somebody tell me what are the guidelines for the best interest of the children...before my mediation and my trial..thanks in advance
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: Giggles on Oct 15, 2009, 01:04:11 PM
If you've had the kids for the past 4 years full time, it isn't likely that she'll get custody.
 
Do you have a court order now?  Has she been paying child support?
 
Your best bet is to focus on the children make sure you have copies of their school records, and what not.  Show that you're the stable force in their lives.
 
If you have mediation coming up, go in there prepared.  Have a parenting plan with you that DETAILS everything!  I do believe there are some samples on this site? The main thing is to make sure you've covered all your bases, that you are to have primary custody and outline in detail visitation to include pick-up/drop-off times and locations.  Address holiday's and school breaks.  Make sure there is a "right to first refusal" clause in there.  I would even go so far to start off with supervised visitation?  You just want to keep the focus on the kids. 
In mediation the key is to know exactly what you are willing to settle for.  Do not settle for anything less than primary custody!  If she doesn't want to negotiate then take it to court. 

Do you have an attorney?  If it does go to court, try not to "bash" the BM again, keep your focus on the kids and the need to keep the "status quo".
 
Did you keep a record of the times she did visit?  Do you have copies of her arrest (just in case) and any convictions?
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 15, 2009, 01:14:24 PM

If you've had the kids for the past 4 years full time, it isn't likely that she'll get custody.

Do you have a court order now?  Has she been paying child support?

Your best bet is to focus on the children make sure you have copies of their school records, and what not.  Show that you're the stable force in their lives.

If you have mediation coming up, go in there prepared.  Have a parenting plan with you that DETAILS everything!  I do believe there are some samples on this site? The main thing is to make sure you've covered all your bases, that you are to have primary custody and outline in detail visitation to include pick-up/drop-off times and locations.  Address holiday's and school breaks.  Make sure there is a "right to first refusal" clause in there.  I would even go so far to start off with supervised visitation?  You just want to keep the focus on the kids. 
In mediation the key is to know exactly what you are willing to settle for.  Do not settle for anything less than primary custody!  If she doesn't want to negotiate then take it to court. 

Do you have an attorney?  If it does go to court, try not to "bash" the BM again, keep your focus on the kids and the need to keep the "status quo".

Did you keep a record of the times she did visit?  Do you have copies of her arrest (just in case) and any convictions?

as of now there is a court order from our previous court date dated 05-09-09 for 50-50 custody she only get the kids on weekends but she only showed up twice since then and to make things worst i have to pay her $850 a month in support coz we have 50-50..she had a lawyer then and i dont but now her lawyer quit on her too..yes i have a copy of the arrest from the court, out of the 4 years she probably saw the kids 15 time the most coz she's always high on drugs or she doesnt have money to see the kids...i just want sole physical custody and to lower or even no child support...and im not gonna let her disrupt my kids way of life now by moving with her, new school district and new friends..the kids are all settled with my neighborhood and the school district for the last 4 years..
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: Kitty C. on Oct 15, 2009, 02:36:04 PM
If you can document exactly or close to how much time she has actually spent with the kids since the original order started, you might want to consider requesting a review of the support.  Of course, this will probably piss her off royally, because I bet you are her only income.  But if your state bases support on income and time spent, you should consider this.  You may still have to pay her something (call it hidden alimony), but given the amount of time you have the kids, you have every right to ask for a reduction.
 
Because of her previous drug conviction, you have every right to demand that she submit to random drug testing and if she fails, she cannot exercise her visitation until she tests clean.  I would also include (if possible) that if she tests positive over a certain number of times, then she loses all visitation until she tests clean for say 6 months.  Or something comparable.  Just make sure that there are safeguards in place for the kids (because of her drug use) and repercussions against her if she screws up.
 
If you've had the kids for 4 years, I agree with Giggles.  Judges like to maintain 'status quo' and if your kids have done well with you (and he sees her history), he will not want to interupt that.  One other thing you might want to have for documentation is reports from school showing how good they are doing and how stable they are. 
 
But I wouldn't go into this refusing her everything.  You have to be the bigger person and throw her some kind of bone.  But I would also demand a stepped up visitation schedule, starting out small and if the kids can handle it, then gradually increasing the time.  Start small and also include consequences if she fails to come through for the kids, like with the drug issue I mentioned above.  Like basing the stepped up schedule based on how many times she sees the kids, NOT in months or weeks.  That way, if she fails to show up for visitation, it will be just that much longer before it is increased, instead of not showing up numerous times and then having it increase, even though the kids haven't seen her much.  Get what I mean?
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 15, 2009, 03:00:00 PM

If you can document exactly or close to how much time she has actually spent with the kids since the original order started, you might want to consider requesting a review of the support.  Of course, this will probably piss her off royally, because I bet you are her only income.  But if your state bases support on income and time spent, you should consider this.  You may still have to pay her something (call it hidden alimony), but given the amount of time you have the kids, you have every right to ask for a reduction.

Because of her previous drug conviction, you have every right to demand that she submit to random drug testing and if she fails, she cannot exercise her visitation until she tests clean.  I would also include (if possible) that if she tests positive over a certain number of times, then she loses all visitation until she tests clean for say 6 months.  Or something comparable.  Just make sure that there are safeguards in place for the kids (because of her drug use) and repercussions against her if she screws up.

If you've had the kids for 4 years, I agree with Giggles.  Judges like to maintain 'status quo' and if your kids have done well with you (and he sees her history), he will not want to interupt that.  One other thing you might want to have for documentation is reports from school showing how good they are doing and how stable they are. 

But I wouldn't go into this refusing her everything.  You have to be the bigger person and throw her some kind of bone.  But I would also demand a stepped up visitation schedule, starting out small and if the kids can handle it, then gradually increasing the time.  Start small and also include consequences if she fails to come through for the kids, like with the drug issue I mentioned above.  Like basing the stepped up schedule based on how many times she sees the kids, NOT in months or weeks.  That way, if she fails to show up for visitation, it will be just that much longer before it is increased, instead of not showing up numerous times and then having it increase, even though the kids haven't seen her much.  Get what I mean?

im willing to give her visitation on sundays BUT no overnights, coz she lives on a studio apartment with her boyfriend and their infant son and my daughter is already 13 and my son is 11 and i dont even know whats the background of her boyfriend..secondly the last time she saw the kids, the kids told me that she's so skinny and told them that she has a CANCER, i dont even buy it..she maybe sick or she's back doing METH..i can prove it to court and mediator that both kids are on TOP of their class, thay are already settled with me raising them, the school, house, neighborhood, freinds etc...basically i raised them for 4 straight years by myself acting as a FATHER and  MOTHER at the same time..on the last hearing the judge said to make the KIDS available at all times for the mediator..is that mean that the mediator will talk to them? i dont have a problem with that..the kids are the only one who can tell the truth...and they can voice out their preferences and opinions on the situation..
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: MixedBag on Oct 15, 2009, 03:28:49 PM
did I read that right -- court order dated 5/9/09?  like recently?
 
 
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 15, 2009, 03:40:17 PM

did I read that right -- court order dated 5/9/09?  like recently?



yup!!! u read it right!!! that was when the temporary order kicked through her OSC, but she only saw the kids twice for like 5 hours each time..and then she will call the kids in the middle of the week and make plans with them on sundays and then sunday comes NO CALL, NO SHOW..me and the kids are so tires of her being FLAKE, the kids cant even make plans beacuse of her on sundays..and then on the last mandatory settlement conference a month ago the mediator wrote on her report FATHER WILL HAVE SOLE PHYSICAL CUSTODY..but she refused to take that so we didnt agree to it, so the judge ordered another mediation on nov 20th since she didnt agree now our case is going for short cause trial on dec 11th..and the judge ordered to have his first order to continue, to pay her $850 a month in child support even she doesnt see or care about the children..i dont even know why do i have to pay her support i took care of the kids for 4 yrs...and she's a DRUGGIE and a LOSER and UNEMPLOYED...all she wants is the money so she can party harder and buy more dope..thats the ways i look at it..
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 16, 2009, 10:57:04 AM
with my case...what's my chance of having sole physical custody with visitation on her side? coz i dont want to disrupt my kids way of life, like school, residence and friends coz they stayed with me for the last four yrs already after she took off on us...and how am i gonna present my case to the mediator and in front of the judge..we are both on PRO-PER..thanks in advance im trying to gather all my ammunition for our mediation and trial...
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 19, 2009, 11:37:26 AM
another motion she filed last friday 10-16-09 for ex-parte domestic violence and TRO that I wasnt served or notified good thing i checked the court website saturday..so i went to court this morning for the hearing and she was surprised..the judge dropped the motion and the charge coz the're was no basis to it and its not an emergency..no police report, no medical treatment report etc etc..my record is so clean from any of this except for speeding tickets...i never got closed to her at all except for court hearing and mediation and thats it...she just filed a bogus report basically and trying to gain points on our custody battle coming soon..are those bogus claim gonna look bad on me or her on our custody case?? Im just tired of her trying to do everything that doesnt even make any sense...pls help!!!
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: Kitty C. on Oct 19, 2009, 02:38:31 PM
Pray you go before this judge for any future court appearances!  I'm sure he'll remember it and it will look bad on her.
 
Good job of staying on top of things and finding out about the TRO.  Would have loved to see her face when she saw you walk in, since she expected to get one over on you and you caught her red-handed!
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 19, 2009, 02:54:58 PM

Pray you go before this judge for any future court appearances!  I'm sure he'll remember it and it will look bad on her.

Good job of staying on top of things and finding out about the TRO.  Would have loved to see her face when she saw you walk in, since she expected to get one over on you and you caught her red-handed!

we had the same judge from the very beginning..so hopefully the judge will remember this situation...she even wrote down on her declaration that I beat her up, slaps her around and force her to have sex with me 5 years ago...my question is, if that was the case why didnt you file for domestic violence and restraining order 5 years ago...i didnt even did those false accusations everytime we're fighting i just walk away...what can i do with all this false accusations for the mean time till our court date on dec 11th and custody mediation on nov 20th?
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: Kitty C. on Oct 19, 2009, 03:17:28 PM
Nothing, except to cut her off at the pass everytime she files.  Which is why you still have to be diligent in knowing what's going on in court.  I'm sure you've heard the saying 'Give 'em enough rope to hang themselves'?  Well, that's exactly what she's doing and the more she does it, the tighter the noose gets.......
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 19, 2009, 04:29:31 PM

Nothing, except to cut her off at the pass everytime she files.  Which is why you still have to be diligent in knowing what's going on in court.  I'm sure you've heard the saying 'Give 'em enough rope to hang themselves'?  Well, that's exactly what she's doing and the more she does it, the tighter the noose gets.......

I hear yeah....like what i said its been 5 months after the first order she only saw the kids twice for 5 hours per visit...she doesnt even care about them all she cares about is the temporary support that she getting..hopefully the mediator and the judge will see this point..FYI: both kids has cellphone and she can call them anytime...yup she does call them to make plans with them on sundays but sunday comes NO CALL, NO SHOW..its just pissing me off that the kids are waiting for her and cant make any other plans and she always breaking our kids heart for 4 years...now both the kids doesnt even wanna see her, be with her...hopefully my next mediation has a better outcome and my trial too...
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: MixedBag on Oct 20, 2009, 09:07:14 AM
hate to say this, but the BEST thing is to get to know your state's code.
 
when she failed to get that domestic violence/TRO by the judge, that can/may actually be used against her down the road.
 
in WV the code addresses false reports....
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 20, 2009, 02:37:03 PM

hate to say this, but the BEST thing is to get to know your state's code.

when she failed to get that domestic violence/TRO by the judge, that can/may actually be used against her down the road.

in WV the code addresses false reports....

all im hoping is what she filed and got denied will haunt her down in our custody battle... all i want now is to get this thing done and get a sole physical custody of my kids and i dont want her to disrupt what the kids got used to in the last four years theyre staying with me, since she left them to me 4 yrs ago and i solely raised them...
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: MrCustodyCoach on Oct 20, 2009, 06:53:24 PM
Very often, status-quo is given a great deal of consideration when it comes to matters such as these and having a 4-year parenting plan in place is a huge advantage for you.

However, with the family court system heavily tilted in favor of mothers, be prepared very well in advance, because "mom" very often trumps everything else in family court.  Don't go in as a father as though your continued arrangement is a foregone conclusion.
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 21, 2009, 09:49:14 AM

Very often, status-quo is given a great deal of consideration when it comes to matters such as these and having a 4-year parenting plan in place is a huge advantage for you.

However, with the family court system heavily tilted in favor of mothers, be prepared very well in advance, because "mom" very often trumps everything else in family court.  Don't go in as a father as though your continued arrangement is a foregone conclusion.

i just hope the mediator and the judge look at my case right..and i think the mediator or the judge will going to talk to the kids they're 13 and 11..once they talked to the kids thats it!!! all they need to do is tell the truth that i took care of them for 4 yrs, she never ever go to the kids school for conference and PTA meetings, I always do even on the kids other extra curricular activities like sports..im just hoping to get the best result from this which is "SOLE PHYSICAL CUSTODY" and visitation on her part without overnights, coz she doesnt have a permanent place to stay she's sharing a studio apartment with her BF, her new born child and another person, I dont even know the background of all those people I dont want my teenage daughter and my son to be sleeping everywhere...thank you..keep the suggestions and comments coming
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: MixedBag on Oct 21, 2009, 10:14:46 AM
As a mediator, I wouldn't talk to the kids.
 
And even with my personal experience during this last go around....be careful with that.
 
Again, look into your states codes and see what it says about when a parent has filed a false domestic relations report and how that plays into things.  Be ready to QUOTE it and know that it exists.
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 21, 2009, 11:05:35 AM
I just read the documents she filed for TRO and DV, shes claiming that Im harrassing her, hurt her physically when we're together 4 yrs ago...I never hurt her physically and harrass her..and no police report..is this gonna have an affect on my custody case? and when she filed it she wants to be protected, her BF, her infant, her BF ex wife and her BF kid and the most craziest thing i saw is tho have our kid protected against me which thet live with me for the last 4yrs...on our last OSC the judge ordered to go for another mediation and it says in there to have the kids available at all time for the evaluator to talk to them...im assuming that they'regoing to talk to the kids..when i went to the mediation orientation they said that my kids are old enough to speak or voice out their custodial preferences..if that's the case, my kids saw what happened to us when she took off 4 yrs ago, i provided for them in all aspects without her help...
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: ocean on Oct 21, 2009, 04:00:56 PM
The whole TRO was denied? She cant ask for the whole family to be under HER TRO....LOL...
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 21, 2009, 05:22:00 PM

The whole TRO was denied? She cant ask for the whole family to be under HER TRO....LOL...

YUP!!!!!!! she did try...but how the hell can she file for TRO against me to protect my kids when the kids are living with me...all she wants is to throw false accusations against me so she'll look good in court..like what i said on my previous postings my record is clean..im talking about clean..only speeding tickets..THATS IT!! unlike her she has a record under the influence, possession, and parapernalia of METHAMPETHAMINE...i dont know what she thinking..hopefully that's a point againsta her for filing a bogus domestic violence against me..
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 22, 2009, 03:07:04 PM
I have one more question...Like what I wrote earlier that the kids stayed with me for the last 4yrs 100% of the time..how do I present my case to the mediator and to the judge about it..or how am I going to let them know to just follow "STATUS QUO"..Im sorry im just totally lost when it comes to this custody,divorce and child support legalities..
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: ocean on Oct 22, 2009, 03:43:15 PM
You can make a year calendar and make all the days you had the kids blue and all the days she saw them in orange....
Great picture all in one shot so they can see.

Can do the same thing for phone calls...if you kept records...

Just say "I have been the primary parent for the last 4 years. Ex left the home and did not return until XX. In the 4 years she has called the children XX times and saw them XX days" Since the court papers have been filed she has seen the kids XX times and called XX times. I have been the kids primary parent since XX month, XX year and have done all the school events, activities, and dr appointments. They are both doing well in school. I want to work with XX to give her ample time to see our children but at the same time give them the stability that they need."

Also fit in there that "last week that she filed for a TRo that was denied" (not sure how to word that part)>
You can have a little speech ready in your head to say...sometimes you will be able to speak...others times..judge will just keep asking questions...some of your speech can come out during those questions...
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 22, 2009, 04:13:02 PM

You can make a year calendar and make all the days you had the kids blue and all the days she saw them in orange....
Great picture all in one shot so they can see.

Can do the same thing for phone calls...if you kept records...

Just say "I have been the primary parent for the last 4 years. Ex left the home and did not return until XX. In the 4 years she has called the children XX times and saw them XX days" Since the court papers have been filed she has seen the kids XX times and called XX times. I have been the kids primary parent since XX month, XX year and have done all the school events, activities, and dr appointments. They are both doing well in school. I want to work with XX to give her ample time to see our children but at the same time give them the stability that they need."

Also fit in there that "last week that she filed for a TRo that was denied" (not sure how to word that part)>
You can have a little speech ready in your head to say...sometimes you will be able to speak...others times..judge will just keep asking questions...some of your speech can come out during those questions...

So with my situation what are my chances of getting "SOLE PHYSICAL CUSTODY"? pls somebody be honest; is it slim to none? 90%? 100% so I can get myself ready and the kids for the worst...also she's killing me with false accusations and temporary support, i nver got credit for taking care of the kids for 4 yrs..gimme a break..if i lose this case i dont know what to do anymore, i will lose my kids, money that i barely make and evrything coz my kids are everything to me..if she keep on pushing the $850.00/ month support she moght as well take the kids in her apartment coz i wont be able to afford the rent..thats why i rented the place is for me and my 2 kids for them to have a secure house and environment..i wont be able to afford it anymore...pls help!!!
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: ocean on Oct 22, 2009, 04:19:46 PM
You just want primary custody...even if it is joint is not the end of the world. If it is joint she has a say if you wanted to change schools or dr appointments...but they live with you and it would be a joint decision.
With you having them for 4 years, you have a high shot of keeping custody. You can also say that you would like the child support to reflect the custody as it is making it harder for you to keep up with the kids cost. Why are you paying that much again? Is that temp support ? Why was that ordered if you have kids?
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 22, 2009, 04:46:25 PM

You just want primary custody...even if it is joint is not the end of the world. If it is joint she has a say if you wanted to change schools or dr appointments...but they live with you and it would be a joint decision.
With you having them for 4 years, you have a high shot of keeping custody. You can also say that you would like the child support to reflect the custody as it is making it harder for you to keep up with the kids cost. Why are you paying that much again? Is that temp support ? Why was that ordered if you have kids?

that was only a temporary support order while our case is in litigation "PENDENTE LITE ORDER"..i have No idea where did the judge get that figure, coz during the first OSC that she filed we agreed to 50-50 i think thats why she get that kind of money but since that order pushed thru she only saw the kids twice for 5 hours each visit..so i re-filed for another OSC to modify the support and custody, we went to another mediation and the mediator's report said clearly in papers " THAT THE FATHER WILL HAVE SOLE PHYSICAL CUSTODY" went to court when the judge is about to finalize it she didnt agree to it now we have to go to another mediation on nov 20th and a trial on dec 11th, i dont think the judge put an IMPUTED income whe he did the numbers on support coz she's unemployed and just dont wanna work at all...the judge also ordered for our next mediation that make the kids available at all times for the mediator or evaluator, the kids are 13 and 11..so what do u guys think?
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: boilergal on Oct 23, 2009, 08:25:33 AM
I think you are getting lots of good advice here.  And unfortunately nobody can give you any sort of idea what the outcome may be.  We can't say 50 50 chance or 90% likely or anything.  Because we just don't know.
 
I certainly understand your worries and need to find some answers, but the answers are really only going to come from the mediation and the judge.
 
I don't remember, but are you doing this without a lawyer?
 
Have you filed a motion for Sole Physical custoday since the 50/50 earlier this year?
 
I can't remember what others have said, but I'd look into filing for Sole Physical Custody now if you haven't already.
 
Keep us posted.
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 23, 2009, 10:38:50 AM

I think you are getting lots of good advice here.  And unfortunately nobody can give you any sort of idea what the outcome may be.  We can't say 50 50 chance or 90% likely or anything.  Because we just don't know.

I certainly understand your worries and need to find some answers, but the answers are really only going to come from the mediation and the judge.

I don't remember, but are you doing this without a lawyer?

Have you filed a motion for Sole Physical custoday since the 50/50 earlier this year?

I can't remember what others have said, but I'd look into filing for Sole Physical Custody now if you haven't already.

Keep us posted.
YES!!! i did file for a SOLE PHYSICAL CUSTODY thats why we're going for another mediation and trial after..this time Im not going to be the Mr. Niceguy who gives way to all her request, I will be firm on my sole physical custody and then ask the judge to review my child support order coz its to high and i have the kids 100% of the time..all i know is she's trying to screw me up and the kids by asking or taking money from me for the support..my PLAN-B is is the child support is still gonna be still the same $850/month i will tell her ok u want that money? take care of the kids and house them, take them to school and maintain their current lifestyle, with that rediculous amount of support i wont be able to pay our rent, i rented this place coz its the best environment for kids, best school district, best neighbors and neigborhood, 2 miles away from my work etc..if the judge didnt change the support order, i got myself ready and prepared for the worse which is give her the kids and i will just take them on the weekends and holidays and i will move to a lower rent area that i can afford..feel free to respond or comment on my case..thanks in advance...i really dont want to lose custody of my kids but the support is killing me and they dont even wanna go with her or even see her at all...
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 27, 2009, 10:35:46 AM
Whats next?? i just got a letter from my payroll department and they're taking away $854 a month on my paycheck for the temporary child support..that is so rediculous..she hasnt even seen the kids or took care of them..I still have them from day one she took off 4 yrs ago...i have a mediation on nov 20th and trial on dec 11th, can the judge order to return all the money that she recieved coz she didnt take care of the kids..this is my and the kids rent money...im so lost with this..pls help!!!
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: MrCustodyCoach on Oct 27, 2009, 10:44:48 AM
Given the circumstances you describe, you ask for the whole ball of wax (sole physical custody) with detailed provisions for generous time to mother.  You can even go as far as to provide for regular revisits to review the custody arrangement based upon significant, positive changes in circumstances for mom.

Don't go in asking for less than what you have now.  That would be a tremendous mistake under the circumstances.
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: MrCustodyCoach on Oct 27, 2009, 10:47:42 AM
Whats next?? i just got a letter from my payroll department and they're taking away $854 a month on my paycheck for the temporary child support..that is so rediculous..she hasnt even seen the kids or took care of them..I still have them from day one she took off 4 yrs ago...i have a mediation on nov 20th and trial on dec 11th, can the judge order to return all the money that she recieved coz she didnt take care of the kids..this is my and the kids rent money...im so lost with this..pls help!!!

It's not the fault of your payroll department, it's the fault of whoever issued the order.

If you currently have custody of the children, under no circumstances should you be paying child support to the mother.

Do you have an attorney?
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 27, 2009, 10:59:55 AM


Whats next?? i just got a letter from my payroll department and they're taking away $854 a month on my paycheck for the temporary child support..that is so rediculous..she hasnt even seen the kids or took care of them..I still have them from day one she took off 4 yrs ago...i have a mediation on nov 20th and trial on dec 11th, can the judge order to return all the money that she recieved coz she didnt take care of the kids..this is my and the kids rent money...im so lost with this..pls help!!!


It's not the fault of your payroll department, it's the fault of whoever issued the order.

If you currently have custody of the children, under no circumstances should you be paying child support to the mother.

Do you have an attorney?

I know its not the payrolls fault, its my ex who enforced it its a pendente lite order from our first OSC..i dont even know why did she enforced it and she knows that i have the custody and she doesnt even call or visit the kids..she's not following the court order..all iknow that all she wants is the support money..she dont care about the kids..she abandoned them 4 yrs ago...i dont have a lawyer.. too expensive and i cant afford it from the very beginning, ishe had a lawyer before but the lawyer quit on her now she's also a PRO-PER...hopefully on the trial the judge will see where im coming from..i dont think he look or read or ask about our situations...
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Oct 27, 2009, 03:02:03 PM
All i want is SOLE PHYSICAL CUSTODY and if i can get the LEGAL too why not? coz i dont want her to disrupt the kids school and life..her life is so miserable i dont want her to drag the kids with her..she doesnt have a permanent place to stay, she has a newborn baby, NO JOB for 3 yrs now, on welfare, got busted for methempethamine..i dont know whats wrong with the judge why she got that rediculous amount of support..because she's unemploted? or she's a loser? im just gathering up all my ammunition for my mediation and for my trial..any suggestions or comments are more welcome..
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Nov 09, 2009, 11:59:53 AM
Getting close for my mediation on the 20th..im just trying to gather up my thoughts and my papers...Im just going there with the facts and reality that i was taking care of both my kids for the last 4 yrs..and i should be the full physical custodian of both my kids...thats it!! comments and suggestions are more welcome..
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: asof2005 on Nov 09, 2009, 03:32:12 PM
Does your family court website have a list of criteria when determining custody?  At ours we have the 12 custody factors that they basically go down the list and choose a parent that either "wins" the point or it is equal.  After all 12 have gone through, the parent who "won" the most factors is generally awarded custody.  The factors in our state include the capacity to care for the child's medical, schooling, etc.  It also has the "moral fiber" as one and so on.  Some are considered ties such as they both have love, affection and emotional ties to the children.  My list shows the factors and explains them.  I would go through each factor and write down how you personify it with your child.
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Nov 09, 2009, 03:50:58 PM

Does your family court website have a list of criteria when determining custody?  At ours we have the 12 custody factors that they basically go down the list and choose a parent that either "wins" the point or it is equal.  After all 12 have gone through, the parent who "won" the most factors is generally awarded custody.  The factors in our state include the capacity to care for the child's medical, schooling, etc.  It also has the "moral fiber" as one and so on.  Some are considered ties such as they both have love, affection and emotional ties to the children.  My list shows the factors and explains them.  I would go through each factor and write down how you personify it with your child.

nope our court here in california doesnt have any criteria just the "BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD" with my situation i think i have a good shot of keeping the custody coz i had them for 4yrs straight already, same school district, same house, ame doctor, same set of friends..if u dont mind can u pls post the link of the 12 criteria so i can make notes from that and use it as a reference when i go to my mediation and trial..thanks a lot!!!
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: asof2005 on Nov 09, 2009, 04:06:33 PM
http://courts.michigan.gov/scao/resources/publications/manuals/focb/cp_investigationmnl.pdf

If that doesn't work, I typed in Michigan's 12 custody factors in my search engine.  Now, again this is Michigan, but I think what is in the criteria is probably pretty standard around the board.  I guess using it as an outline for yourself wouldn't hurt.  Good luck.
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Nov 09, 2009, 04:55:19 PM

http://courts.michigan.gov/scao/resources/publications/manuals/focb/cp_investigationmnl.pdf

If that doesn't work, I typed in Michigan's 12 custody factors in my search engine.  Now, again this is Michigan, but I think what is in the criteria is probably pretty standard around the board.  I guess using it as an outline for yourself wouldn't hurt.  Good luck.

i read it and its very helpful.......i scored 12 out of 12 on that custody determination..so hopefully the mediator and the judge will look at it..thank a lot!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: MrCustodyCoach on Nov 11, 2009, 10:42:27 PM
Those lists of criteria often leave off the part where it's graded on a curve in favor of the mother in most cases.  If you're the mother, that sole criteria often trumps everything else that they put in those documents for show.
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Nov 18, 2009, 01:25:10 PM
UPDATE: ok im going to have a mediation this friday 11-20-09, so she already got some child support money taken out of my paycheck $854, so our daughters birthday came and gone and my daughter told her since she got the money for the child support, she should pay for the party, so she agreed...take note she getting money for child support but the kids are living with me for the last 4 yrs straight thats why im going for the trial to take out the child support and have full physical custody of our kids..by the way the party is gonna be this coming saturday 11-21-09, she invited all her friends coz her mom told her that she will take care of everything, food, drinks etc..my daughter has been calling her for 2 straight weeks, either no answer or she's in the hospital, the EX told my daughter that she's in the hospital for 9 days straight for HIGH-BLLOD pressure, i worked in the hospital and i finished my nursing degree, there is no way that the hospital will confine her for 9 consecutive days for high blood pressure, me and the kids already know that is a BIG LIE!!!..what upset me is my kids are going through this, especially my daughter everytime she try to contact her about her party she's not there...for the last 2 weeks my daughter is so stressed out and crying everyday about her party because her mom is not responding or taking care of the party..Im just hoping the mediator and the judge will look into all the angles of my situation..thank you everybody for inputing and responding to my situation...WISH ME LUCK ON FRIDAY FOR MY MEDIATION AND ON MY TRIAL ON DECEMBER 11th...THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS!!!!!
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: sillystring on Nov 20, 2009, 11:42:15 AM
GL today, let us know what happens!
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Nov 20, 2009, 02:11:41 PM

GL today, let us know what happens!

****11-20-09**** UPDATE!!!
 
So we both went to the mediation this morning and she requested separate meeting and she went ahead first...first of all the mediator was great!!!my stbx spent 30 mins in the room with the mediator and then it was my turn... i went in there with just facts and reality in my mind..I told the mediator that i had the kids for 4 yrs straight, took care of them without any problems, i also told the mediator about her not visiting since the last OSC order that she only saw the kids 3 times for about 5 hours each time..i also told the mediator that i will give here visitation every other sunday from noon till 6pm but supervised, no overnights coz she's living with her boyfriend and their infant child in a studio with other people..with all the facts the mediator made n wrote the recomendation report for the court..the mediator told me that there is no way that my ex will get custody of the kids since i had them for the last 4yrs straight n took care of them, i saw the report from my ex the mediator only had her side of the story on a half sheet of paper compared to mine i had 3 pages long in the end the mediator told me there is nothing to worry about coz this is our last mediation before the trial and base on the his reports and reviews that i will get FULL PHYSICAL CUSTODY!!!..mediation ended walked out of the court with a big smile on my face...and then my plan for the trial is i will ask the judge to base the child support on the custody or parenting time...coz right now im getting screwed with $854.00 a month and she doent even see or take care of our kids....thank you for all the advice, comments and suggestions..GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!! and keep all the BLESSINGS and advice, comments and suggestions coming coz this site really helps a lot!!! THANK YOU AGAIN AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: asof2005 on Nov 20, 2009, 02:34:56 PM
Awesome!  Another victory for the father's side!  I hope everything continues to go in the children's favor!
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Nov 20, 2009, 06:24:20 PM

Awesome!  Another victory for the father's side!  I hope everything continues to go in the children's favor!

thanks!!!! hopefully it will be a win all the way through!!!
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Nov 24, 2009, 02:38:20 PM
I got one more question to everyone here....Does the judge always or usually follows the MEDIATORS recommendation??? coz this was our third one the first one we had 50-50 for her to spend some time with the kids BUT that order kicked in MAY-09 till now she only saw the kids 4 times, the second mediation the recommendation was father will have FULL PHYSICAL CUSTODY but when we faced the judge she disaggreed to it, so now we had to go to TRIAL on DEC 11th but before that the judge ordered a FINAL MEDIATION, so this time the MEDIATOR gave me FULL CUSTODY...what i wanna know if the JUDGE always follows the MEDIATORS report or recommendation?? pls help!!! thank you for all you inputs and comments..GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU!!!!
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Dec 03, 2009, 10:52:47 AM
****2nd UPDATE 12-03-09****
 
 
I just recieved the MEDIATORS REPORT/RECOMMENDATION..the last time we went to mediation they recommend that "FATHER WILL HAVE SOLE CUSTODY" but when we went in front of the judge the mom object to that report so now we had to go to trial but before that the judge ordered us to go into final mediation, so now here is the report; they changed the wording into "FATHER WILL HAVE PRIMARY RESIDENCE OF THE CHILDREN" with step-up plan for the mother..so my QUESTION is; whats the difference between SOLE PHYSICAL CUSTODY and PRIMARY RESIDENCE OF THE CHILDREN..the step up plab for her is on sunday 10am-7pm for a month and then every other weekend if she follows the step up plan..can sombody halp me with this before my custody trial on dec 11th..PLS HELP..and GOD BLESS!!!
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: gemini3 on Dec 03, 2009, 11:37:27 AM
Semantics, really.  The difference is in how it sounds - like the difference between "parenting time" and "visitation". 
 
It sounds like the mediator could tell that BM was having a hard time with the idea, so he changed the language to make it sound a little better for her, but without actually changing anything.
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Dec 03, 2009, 12:33:07 PM

Semantics, really.  The difference is in how it sounds - like the difference between "parenting time" and "visitation". 

It sounds like the mediator could tell that BM was having a hard time with the idea, so he changed the language to make it sound a little better for her, but without actually changing anything.

Oh ok..was worried coz i dont wanna loose the full custody of my kids since they're already stable and established with me..like school, friends,sports activities and the neigborhood for the last 4 years...thank you and GOD BLESS!!! keep the comments n suggestions coming..
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: MrCustodyCoach on Dec 04, 2009, 08:58:44 AM
Semantics, really.  The difference is in how it sounds - like the difference between "parenting time" and "visitation". 

It sounds like the mediator could tell that BM was having a hard time with the idea, so he changed the language to make it sound a little better for her, but without actually changing anything.

There is a significant difference between sole custody and primary residential parent.  It gives the OP less control over the situation.  It very likely means that mom will get more parenting time up-front, probably unsupervised, and the step-up plan means that there will be provisions to increase her parenting time as time goes on.

Sole custody is just that, one person has all the custody and perhaps there are provisions for very limited "visitation" to the other parent.

As an aside, it has been my experience that in probably more than 50% of the times, mediators, parenting coordinators, and custody evaluators will tell you one thing in sessions, and then blindside you with something different when the final report comes in.  It's not as uncommon as one might think.
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Dec 04, 2009, 11:07:18 AM


Semantics, really.  The difference is in how it sounds - like the difference between "parenting time" and "visitation". 

It sounds like the mediator could tell that BM was having a hard time with the idea, so he changed the language to make it sound a little better for her, but without actually changing anything.


There is a significant difference between sole custody and primary residential parent.  It gives the OP less control over the situation.  It very likely means that mom will get more parenting time up-front, probably unsupervised, and the step-up plan means that there will be provisions to increase her parenting time as time goes on.

Sole custody is just that, one person has all the custody and perhaps there are provisions for very limited "visitation" to the other parent.

As an aside, it has been my experience that in probably more than 50% of the times, mediators, parenting coordinators, and custody evaluators will tell you one thing in sessions, and then blindside you with something different when the final report comes in.  It's not as uncommon as one might think.
so what suggestion do you have when i go to trial next friday?? just push for sole physical custody? or just stay with primary residential of the children?? PLS HELP!!!!
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children" ***TRIAL RESULT N ORDERS***12-11-09
Post by: tgastte on Dec 11, 2009, 05:31:13 PM
TRIAL UPDATE 12-11-09
Went to my custody, child support, alimony, DV trial today, first the judge handled the custody since i had the kids foe the last 4 years, he kept it that way, i got SOLE PHYSICAL CUSTODY and SOLE LEGAL CUSTODY which is all im fighting for, then child support since we had our first OSC back in may '09 the we'll be recieving $854.00 a month as a PENDENTE LITE order and support but since the judge found out that the kids are staying with me for the last 4 years he did ZERO out the child support and here is the funny part she has to pay me $5.00 a month in child support..coz she doesnt have a job but the judge told her to look and get a job so she can start to pay me child support since i have the sole custody of our 2 kids..judge gave her a deadline till march,24,2010 to submit her income and expense declaration and if she fails to get a job the judge will do an IMPUTED income on her part..which is really good, then alimony...the judge asked her why did she waited 4 years after we separated to file for alimony, she answered " i the court will grant her alimony then she can start moving into her own place from her studio where she's staying right now..and i also told the judge that her living quarters is not suitable for my kids to stay for overnight visitation..so alimony was DENIED-ZERO..then DOMESTIC VIOLENCE/RESTRAINING ORDER..all she told the judge was that i was scaring her and she should be protected against me..all the judge said was..THERE WAS NO BASIS FOR YOUR REQUEST FOR RESTRAINING ORDER COZ THERE WAS NO POLICE REPORT OR NONE WHAT SO EVER..so i guess me and the kids are gonna have a good HOLIDAYS ahead of us..no more stress!!! another victory for a responsible father and i did it without a lawyer coz im really short on funds..thank you for all your help,suggestions and comments..MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERY ONE AND GOD BLESS!!!
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: MixedBag on Dec 11, 2009, 06:37:35 PM
congrats!
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: tgastte on Dec 11, 2009, 06:45:37 PM

congrats!

thanks!!!!! this site is soooooo helpful to people like me..god bless all of you!!
Title: Re: "Best interest of the children"
Post by: Kitty C. on Dec 11, 2009, 08:42:44 PM
Way to go!  The kids win again!!!!!!!!!!