SPARC Forums

Main Forums => Father's Issues => Topic started by: Heston on Apr 02, 2011, 10:11:53 AM

Title: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Apr 02, 2011, 10:11:53 AM
Hi, I've posted before on the same subject but this is a new development, so under a separate heading.  I already typed this and hit post, but it didn't go thru, so if for any reason a simlar post appears later, my apologies in advance!

The current situation is that I have joint physical and legal custody but my child's mother has residential custody.  The current CO was created specifically to deal with previous problems.  It is set up so if the mother abides by the rules in the CO, the parental exchanges, etc, will go more smoothly and be less problematic for my child.  It's a CO that was painstaking and involved a lot of thought and effort and aimed specifically towards the wellbeing of my child.

The mother has largely disregarded the major points set out in the CO.  Always late, very hostile.  I could go on....

I have masses of emails and other proof of flagrant disregard for the CO and it's taken me a while to gather it all together and categorize it.  There are so many points that have been breached.  I intended filing a complaint to the court for contempt.

Before I could do it, the mother has filed a motion.  And this is to get things court ordered in reverse of what the current CO says.  Basically, the mother is asking for the total reverse of what's in the CO.  So, transportation would be the total opposite of what's in the CO now.  And it's what the mother has been doing anyway, with her blatant and continual disregard of the CO.

The mother has also prevented me from seeing my child many, many times.  If I respond only to the current Motion lodged by the mother, I am not sure I will get the opportunity to bring this up.  Preventing me from seeing my child is even more serious than the disregard of the conditions of drop off, etc.  But the current Motion doesn't touch on this subject, naturally, so I may be unable to address it.

I wondered if anyone knows whether it's legally OK to lodge a motion for contempt.  And a separate motion to address the issues in the motion started by my child's mother.  If it is possible to do this, I could address the frequent lateness, the denial of parental time, the failure to respond to CO email comms regarding visitation, etc, etc in a motion for contempt.

If I can only respond to the points in the current Motion, I fear the mother will get away with all of her contempt for the current CO, and possibly even get her proposals put into a new CO.

It would be a crying shame if she was allowed to disregard the current CO, consistently since implementation, and then approach the courts and be granted a new CO, granting her requests, because it would in effect be condoning all she has been doing.

I realize judges don't take the time to read through lots of stuff.  I may have to represent myself, so would sure appreciate advice or suggestions from anyone else that has been in a similar situation.

Thanks
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: ocean on Apr 02, 2011, 11:27:17 AM
You can put in a counter motion.... But not sure what to add... maybe something like "father requests the following language to be added to the current court order as mother has broke the current order multiple times. Father has filed contempt of court papers to deal with the numerous attempts by mother to limit the time child spends with father." Then list the current issues with more ways to combat her antics. AND add consequences for mom if she does not follow them. (and that to both set up papers).

File contempt papers first...then counter motion...they may put in all together and have mom face it all...

From this point forward, follow that court order to a "T". Go to the meeting place, if she is not there, get proof you were there, and file. Drop off child at court ordered time and not mothers wishes. Stick to order. If she misses visit do the same thing- get police reports for missed visits.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Apr 03, 2011, 03:10:12 AM
Thanks for those suggestions.  I've been working on a draft counter motion.  I will do the contempt motion for sure, before submitting the counter motion.  It's lack of knowledge on the ways to do things that's an issue too.  The other side submits a motion which is given a date and time for the hearing.  Am guessing if I submit a counter motion in response, it gets dealt with at the same hearing.  The other side has put a 2 hour limit on the hearing, most probably so I don't have much time to respond.  Will ask for sufficient time and for the 2 restriction to be lifted.

I guess the language of the amended Court Order gets hashed out behind the scenes, after the judgment is made.  I know I have a good case and a ton of evidence to back up all my claims, it's just a matter of presenting it right.  I've spent so much on court cases, caused by previous contempt of court orders, that this time I have to do it myself. 

I am not sure if all States allow a non lawyer to file a motion.  Something I need to check out....
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Jun 06, 2011, 03:40:48 AM
I've prepared a Counter Motion but I would appreciate some advice, since I am unable to enlist the help of a lawyer at this time.
 
Should the Counter Motion only address the issues raised in the Motion the BM has filed?  She has asked for the reverse of what is in the current agreed order on several points.
I've got it ready to file, but I added a few extra points, such as it being ordered that neither party can record phone conversations between the child and the other parent, and that upon the death of one parent, custody is automatically awarded to the surviving parent.  My logic behind adding a few other points, is that I want them to be "throways".  I HAVE to win on all the points the BM has raised because she is trying to reverse what is in the current order and the current order was created in the best interests of the child.  But no one gets to win on every point, so I thought I could agree to withdraw some of the other points raised.  But what I need to know is, is it legally acceptable for me to add a few extra points of my own, asking the court to order a few extra things?
 
I have also prepared a Motion for Contempt, in which I am raising all the issues the BM has been guilty of disregarding.  Many of these are issues which she is trying to reverse.  So in fact she disregarded the current order and just wants the court to sanction her misbehavior by ordering things are done her way.  I have to show this in the best way possible.
 
I need to file both motions today if possible and if not, tomorrow. Any help or suggestions would be much appreciated. 
 
Thanks
Heston
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Simplydad on Jun 06, 2011, 06:35:17 AM
When you file your counter motion you will need to cover everything that you want addressed by the courts.  If you do not include it in the motion it will not be addressed at all.
 
I am not saying that this is the case but logically speaking I think that they will deal with the contempt motion first because it may be the more pressing matter.  Once you deal with the contempt motions and she is found in comtempt it almost makes her motion non-existent because her true intent will be shown.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Giggles on Jun 06, 2011, 07:12:18 AM

Before I could do it, the mother has filed a motion.  And this is to get things court ordered in reverse of what the current CO says.  Basically, the mother is asking for the total reverse of what's in the CO.  So, transportation would be the total opposite of what's in the CO now.  And it's what the mother has been doing anyway, with her blatant and continual disregard of the CO.


 
I read the response in the other thread from either Mixed or Kitty...not sure which...but I agree with them...what is her "change of circumstance" for filing the motion?  If she doesn't have one, then simply file for denial of motion based on no change of circumstance.  Also do file your contempt and from here on out, each time she violates the order you need to file another.  After so many, you then need to request FULLY CUSTODY with perhaps supervised visitation to the BM?
 
Basically, if she doesn't have a strong change in circumstance...then it should be denied.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Jun 06, 2011, 09:52:54 AM
Thanks giggles and simplydad for your responses.

I was hoping the contempt motion would make the court realize what is going on.  The BM has simply done as she pleased but is now trying to get what she wants court ordered but without any change in circumstances on her part.  The reason cited by the BM for a change in dop offs, (i.e she no longer wants to bring the child to me, but wants me to collect the child from her), is "timeliness"!  Whoever drives in Friday rush hour traffic will face the same problems, yet the BM acts like there is more chance of a timely drop off if I do the driving.  The BM has a hidden agenda for wanting the reverse on this issue and there's a hidden agenda behind most of the points the BM wants reversed.

I can't mention the hidden agenda to the court as it would be hearsay, but am hoping that at least if the court sees the BM's contempt and then the motion to change things to fit the BM's contempt, that it will have the desired effect.

So with the Counter Motion, should I change it to mention that I wish the BM's motion to be denied based on no change in circumstances or should that be the argument used in court?
 
Oh yes, the BM's attorney made sure I received a copy of her motion after the date for a response had come and gone.  I requested and got an extension of time for the hearing.  Am hoping they allow me to submit the motions out of time too.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: ocean on Jun 06, 2011, 06:42:45 PM
I would try and get it thrown out of court first. Go for that without all the other stuff. IF they allow and the judge rules that it stays ..then you can answer each one. At that point you can add a modification paper to include what else you want to deal with in court plus what you want to stay the same.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: thomkirk on Jun 08, 2011, 10:58:10 PM
Sounds like you've needed to get your ex back in front of the judge for some time.  I'd say now's as good a time as any. 

In times past, I've used the Answer and Counterclaim (one document) with great success.  Basically, it's one document that does two things.  1)  Answer:  You deny everything your ex says in her claim.  2)  Treat your Counterclaim as a affidavit, stating your charges for contempt. Then based upon your Counterclaim, file your Motion for Contempt.  Additionally, based on your ex's history of behavior, you should also Motion the Court for "Remedy Clauses" in your next order.   

Tom
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Jul 05, 2011, 05:03:39 PM

I would try and get it thrown out of court first. Go for that without all the other stuff. IF they allow and the judge rules that it stays ..then you can answer each one. At that point you can add a modification paper to include what else you want to deal with in court plus what you want to stay the same.


Thanks Ocean,
 
I filed a counter motion and a contempt motion.  On the counter motion I asked that the points BM wants to change, remain the same as in the current order and gave some reasons, but not too many, as I would want to present reasons at the hearing.  I filed a contempt motion showing all the issues BM is in contempt of, which include the very items she is trying to change in her motion.  The court has scheduled the contempt motion hearing for a week after the counter motion, which is not helpful.  I have requested mediation re the first hearing on the motion and counter motion.  I am representing myself.  The court says I have to attend the first hearing and in the afternoon of that day, mediation at the court is scheduled to take place.  I am not sure how this will play out.  I am concerned that the BMs lawyer will try and get the court to deal with the issues at the first hearing, before mediation.  BMs lawyer also knows that once the contempt hearing takes place a week later, it will shed a new light on the items the BM wants to change, as she is actually asking for changes that will in effect condone her contempt.  She has not followed the order on the points she is asking to change.  Their only hope of getting the changes they want is to get them made before mediation and before the contempt hearing.  I am not sure what I should do when I attend the hearing next week, to ensure the BM does not get her changes agreed by the court.

The current order was carefully drawn up to protect my daughter.  BM wants it changed.  She has her own agenda for the changes.  But unfortunately, I can't draw this to the attention of the court as it would be regarded as hearsay or opinion.  I can only argue it on facts and the bests interests of my child.
 
So, should I appear at the hearing and ask that the motion is thrown out?  What would be a valid reason for this request?  Should I say the current order was carefully drawn up in the best interests of the child and that it does not need changing?  And that the forthcoming contempt motion due to be heard one week later addresses those issues and more, whereby the BM has been in contempt of the very points she wants to change (and more) ?  Does the court have a modification paper?  Or do I create my own?  BTW in my counter motion I have stated that the items BM wants to change should remain the same and given logical reasons in the motion.  Would I still need a modification paper?
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Jul 05, 2011, 05:27:46 PM

Sounds like you've needed to get your ex back in front of the judge for some time.  I'd say now's as good a time as any. 

In times past, I've used the Answer and Counterclaim (one document) with great success.  Basically, it's one document that does two things.  1)  Answer:  You deny everything your ex says in her claim.  2)  Treat your Counterclaim as a affidavit, stating your charges for contempt. Then based upon your Counterclaim, file your Motion for Contempt.  Additionally, based on your ex's history of behavior, you should also Motion the Court for "Remedy Clauses" in your next order.   

Tom


Thanks Tom,

I filed the counter motion and contempt motion before reading this so was unaware of the Answer and Counterclaim.  What I've done with the counter motion is list the points raised in the BMs motion and asked that the points are not changed and remain the same as in the current order and I have given logical reasons, but intend to argue the reasons at the hearing if needs be and show evidence of contempt on some of those points.  I've also made some additional requests, some are important and some of them I am not too bothered about - so if they are turned down it's OK.  I figured I can't win on every single point, and wanted a few in there that I would not mind having turned down.  There are some issues that I just have to win on, for the sake of my daughter.

Unfortunately, the court scheduled the contempt hearing after the hearing for the BMs requests (and my counter motion).  I am hoping the fact I've requested mediation on the first hearing/motion will help, but am not quite sure how this will work.  I was wondering whether to ask at mediation that contempt issues be included in medation, but am not sure if this is the way to go, or whether I should just deal with the first hearing issues in mediation and let the contempt issues stay as they are and be addressed fully in court?

Bearing in mind there are now two hearings, one for the BMs motion and my counterclaim and one for a contempt hearing, should I file a motion for Remedy Clauses before both hearings?  Should this be attached to the contempt issues?  I have spent so much in the past on lawyers fees that this time around, I have to represent myself, and am not familiar with all the ways of the courts, the papers, etc.
 
One other issue is...I have damning evidence agains the BM on tape.  It would help with my arguments on why pick ups and drops offs should remain the same.  I am not sure what process to use to ensure the judge hears the tape.  I am wondering if I should present the tape/CD to the court but with a typed transcript also?
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: ocean on Jul 05, 2011, 05:30:05 PM
In my experience nothing will happen at that hearing in the AM, the judge will see that you have the contempt hearing the following week and should be the same judge for both. At the morning one, play it out, and just say we are mediated on these issues this afternoon and request this hearing be postponed to see if you come up with an agreement.

You may be able to make a deal with her lawyer and get what you want in exchange for dropping the contempt charges. Call lawyer up and ask (or make a deal) and use her money...lol

The courts have the modification paperwork but what do you want changed?

I think you passed the time to have it dropped, in your response it could of been "father requests the courts to drop this case as nothing has changed since the last order and it only has been XX months". (BUT you can still SAY that at this hearing...or whenever it comes up).

Tapes- we were able to get them in but it was tough...have to say the tape was in locked up the whole time until trial and was not altered, only in your care, give to guards when you walk in as evidence and with the tape recorder. Get  a good one that has volume so the judge can hear.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Jul 07, 2011, 06:09:47 AM

In my experience nothing will happen at that hearing in the AM, the judge will see that you have the contempt hearing the following week and should be the same judge for both. At the morning one, play it out, and just say we are mediated on these issues this afternoon and request this hearing be postponed to see if you come up with an agreement.

You may be able to make a deal with her lawyer and get what you want in exchange for dropping the contempt charges. Call lawyer up and ask (or make a deal) and use her money...lol

The courts have the modification paperwork but what do you want changed?

I think you passed the time to have it dropped, in your response it could of been "father requests the courts to drop this case as nothing has changed since the last order and it only has been XX months". (BUT you can still SAY that at this hearing...or whenever it comes up).

Tapes- we were able to get them in but it was tough...have to say the tape was in locked up the whole time until trial and was not altered, only in your care, give to guards when you walk in as evidence and with the tape recorder. Get  a good one that has volume so the judge can hear.


Thanks, Ocean

I will act on your advice and will report back afterwards.  Thanks again.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Jul 25, 2011, 02:25:22 AM
Thanks, Ocean

I will act on your advice and will report back afterwards.  Thanks again.
[/quote]

Well, the hearing took place - in a way.  I had also asked for mediation since I am representing myself.  The judge ordered that the hearing for both motions will be heard in a couple of months for a whole day.  That much is good, because the contempt issues will be heard with the BMs motion and my counter motion.  The mediator was unpleasant to say the least and I realize I am in for a tough time.  I really could do with some advice.
 
First off, since the CO went into force, the BM has been in contempt on a regular basis.  She denies visits with stall tactics and does the same with make-up visits.  She makes excuses and stalls and then turns around and says sorry, your opportunity for make-up time has "expired"!  Sometimes at this point she claims that I “forfeited” my time.  The other regular tactic is to state that I may have my child but only if I go and pick her up, contrary to the CO.  I don't do it as I know it's a set-up.  My daughter has even informed me many times recently that on the days the BM emailed to say I could only see her if I picked her up, that she (my daughter) had been told she was not allowed to see me that day.  In other words, they ensure the child would refuse to go with me, for fear of punishment.  They film everything.  So they would have a ton of videos showing the child's reluctance, if I were to go there. 
 
The BM is also in contempt concerning sickness.  The CO states sickness should not prevent the child spending parental time with either parent unless a drs letter is produced stating the child cannot be driven to the other parent.  The BM simply claims the child is sick and cannot spend parental time with me and does not offer proof.  She also uses the above mentioned tactics to deny me make up time. 
 
I have email proof which shows a pattern of behavior, but judges don't have time to read through hundreds or thousands of emails.  The BM is in contempt on who brings the child, who the drivers are etc.  In previous orders I collected my child from the BMs home, but due to the BM and her husband making scenes that were upsetting to the child, the CO requires that the BM brings the child to me, which has worked out on one level, apart from constant lateness, which can also be proved.  All the BMs drivers bring the child late too.  There is more contempt along these lines.  Basically, I can provide proof of much of the contempt.  I only included issues in the contempt motion that are provable.  There are other serious contempt issues which are not included, such as on a big scale and abuse.  Very difficult to prove. 
 
Now to the worsening problems...


Research tells me judges rarely change within the first 2 years.  The BM applied to have it changed within 15 months.  The BM is asking that exchanges are changed back to the way they were.  In other words, changed to what she has been doing when in contempt of the current order.  The goal here is to force me to collect a child who will be made too terrified to leave with me.  They get tons of videos of this, and apply to have my joint custody revoked. 
 
One way to change a CO of less than 2 years is to prove one parent is proving a serious threat to the child's wellbeing.  That is the BMs tactic.  She is asking for medical records, hoping to prove I have mental issues.  On that score I have nothing to worry about, but it reveals their plan.  In previous posts I mentioned the "counseler".  The BM got herself a counseler who doesn't have the skills or intelligence to realize what is going on.  Instead this counseler has been duped by the BM.  She is not the first to be duped, however, and won't be the last, because the BM is adept at deception and playing people.  Instead of the counseler treating only my daughter, she has taken on the BM and her other kids.  She has shown absolute bias towards me the whole time.  When I tried to explain what the BM is really like, she has turned a deaf ear.  When I requested my child's records she refused until I contacted her boss.  It was obvious to me the bulk of the records had been produced hastily and long after the events took place.

The records do contain some evidence that casts a bad light on the BM, such as her leaving the child for weeks on end, with her mom.  But the records do not show me in a good light.  Due to my concern for my daughter and the counseler being so biased towards the BM, I contacted the counseler many times in attempts to inform her what was really going on.  I just wanted her to realize things were not as she thought they were so she could help my daughter, there was no motive other than that.  But because of the picture the BM obviously painted of me, the counseler  was hostile and closed minded towards me.  She has been enabling bad behavior for a long time now.  It took dozens of emails to persuade her to issue the medical records.  She gave them begrudgingly, informing me the records had been sent and told me not to contact her again and that if I did she would call the police.  This was totally over the top behavior from the counseler.  But again, it does not look good.  I subsequently reported the counseler to two organizations and both are looking into the situation.  I was happy to show the organizations all my emails.  Nothing I said or did merited the final response from the counseler.  At the mediation, I learned that the BM is bringing the counseler to court to give evidence.  This will be very damaging, even though undeservedly. 
 
A couple of days after the hearing/mediation, I was due to have weekend parental time with my daughter.  I waited and waited and emailed the BM asking if she was on her way.  No response.  An hour and a half passed by from drop off time.  The BM is always late but not often an hour and a half.  I had to take my other child to an appointment and left home around 7.15.  When I returned there was a msg from the local police.  It turns out the BM brought my child very late (obviously intentional to ensure I would not be home).  She got a police escort.  (And btw, she is requesting that I never get a police escort as it will upset the child!).  She showed the cop a bag of vomit.  She claimed my child had vomitted at the thought of spending parental time with me.  The cop wouldn't get involved except to say, she should perhaps take her home.  accomplished.  She proves she showed up.  She "proves" the child did not want to see me.  She creates fake "evidence" to show to the court.  She will tell the child to tell the counseler she was so nervous of seeing her dad that she was sick and threw up.  The counseler will include that in her notes and when questioned at the hearing.  My daughter has never been sick or nervous of seeing me before, when her mom has brought her.  It is obvious it's a set up, fuelled by the mom's fury that she will not be getting such an easy ride in the courtroom as she expected.  And no coincidence it happened two days after we attended court.

Claiming the child was sick, leads down another road.  Why was the child "sick" ?  What happens during parental time that she is so afraid of?  You can see where this may be headed.  The BM has another couple of months to create more "evidence" to back her case. 
 
I took my daughter to a good counseler a few months ago.  The BM attended just once.  From then on, once she found this counseler could not be duped, she stopped my daughter attending.  She used the same stall tactics and never said an outright "no".  The reason is because the BM has been instructing the child on what to tell the counseler of her choice and does not want the child telling the truth to another counseler.  Believe me, I have tried everything to get my daughter there.  So, I have no evidence from an objective counseler on what my daughter has been going through. 
 
I have a case filled with logic, truth and evidence of consistent contempt of the order.  I don't think it will be enough to counter their vindictive campaign.  They want to convince the court that my child does not want to see me and that I am a bad person.   They have a slick and ruthless lawyer.  My previous lawyer warned me recently that he is not a nice person, to put it nicely. 
 
The BM has a history of addiction but the court won't allow records into court that go back far enough to prove it.  My child is living in a very dangerous environment.  If the BM and her husband succeed, I have grave concerns for my daughter.  The BM and her husband have done more awful stuff but I don't think I should put it all down in a public forum.  I have evidence on the BM but not the sort that is admissible.  Mine would be deemed “hearsay”, whereas with the aid of the “counseler”, the lies and fake evidence produced by the BM are likely to be regarded as "actual" evidence.
 
If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate it.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Jul 30, 2011, 11:37:39 AM

Sounds like you've needed to get your ex back in front of the judge for some time.  I'd say now's as good a time as any. 

In times past, I've used the Answer and Counterclaim (one document) with great success.  Basically, it's one document that does two things.  1)  Answer:  You deny everything your ex says in her claim.  2)  Treat your Counterclaim as a affidavit, stating your charges for contempt. Then based upon your Counterclaim, file your Motion for Contempt.  Additionally, based on your ex's history of behavior, you should also Motion the Court for "Remedy Clauses" in your next order.   

Tom

 
Thanks very much for the information.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Aug 02, 2011, 11:23:09 AM
I just filed a motion and realise there's a mistake in it.  I raised the issue of Parental Alienation on the BMs part, relating to the BMs claims.  I just realized I put "Parental Alienation Syndrome" instead of the intended "Parental Alienation".   Should I file a new motion?  I am guessing the BM's lawyer can capitalize on my mistake......any ideas or suggestions on the best remedy pls?
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Simplydad on Aug 03, 2011, 09:32:06 AM
It is actually called Parent Alienation Syndrome so your motion has the correct wording. 
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: ocean on Aug 03, 2011, 09:37:51 AM
I agree...I do not think that is a big deal, called both ways. They will know what you mean...
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Aug 03, 2011, 10:42:37 AM
Thanks for the comments.  I was reading up on PAS yesterday on the paawareness.org site and it said PAS was the syndrome the child suffers from and PA is what the parents do, ie alienate the child.  I guess then it should be OK to leave it as it is and if the lawyer tries anything, just explain that the parents are constantly alienating the child against me...
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Simplydad on Aug 03, 2011, 11:48:06 AM

Thanks for the comments.  I was reading up on PAS yesterday on the paawareness.org site and it said PAS was the syndrome the child suffers from and PA is what the parents do, ie alienate the child.  I guess then it should be OK to leave it as it is and if the lawyer tries anything, just explain that the parents are constantly alienating the child against me...

I believe using this will help a lot for getting a GAL appointed for your child.
 
It means your child has legal representation where his best interests are the only thing that matter to that attorney.   Something your ex can't control.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Aug 08, 2011, 01:34:42 AM


Thanks for the comments.  I was reading up on PAS yesterday on the paawareness.org site and it said PAS was the syndrome the child suffers from and PA is what the parents do, ie alienate the child.  I guess then it should be OK to leave it as it is and if the lawyer tries anything, just explain that the parents are constantly alienating the child against me...


I believe using this will help a lot for getting a GAL appointed for your child.

It means your child has legal representation where his best interests are the only thing that matter to that attorney.   Something your ex can't control.


Thanks.  There are even more problems.  I have so much evidence of contempt of the CO that the BM is desperately creating false evidence.  She has a relationship that is far too friendly with the counseller who is totally on her side.  My child now tells me her mom tells her to lie to the counseller to say she doesn't like me and that I am mean.  The mom does that already.  She has already built up a case with that very gullible counselor.  I already reported here that after filing the hideous untruthful motion the mom showed up an hour and a half late having got the cops to accompany her and showed them a bag of vomit claiming my child vomitted because she was forced to see me.  That means fake evidence and looks like she tried to bring the child but I was not home.  A perfect excuse.  No matter that I emailed her (as per the CO - she has a cell that she views emails on) asking if she was bringing my daughter and asking if she was delayed.... and that I had waited one and a half hours before leaving my home to take my other child to an apt, assuming my child was not being brought for drop off because the BMs MO is to ignore my attempts to find out if she is on her way, etc when she fails to bring her.

Now she brought my child with cops once more.  This time she told them lies, such as she is afraid I will kill the child because her father is "evil".  The cops came into my house to investigate.  My child told me afterwards that her mom told her to tell the cop that her dad was "mean".  My child then opened up to tell me the other lies her mom is telling her to say.   

I am up against a totally biased counselor who believes the BM and child totally, therefore she will be convincing in court.  The other counselor is associated with the first one.  My daughter is not likely to tell her she has been told to lie and that counselor does not want to become involved in court related issues.  I cannot afford to take my child to another new and expensive counselor at this moment in time but if she doesn't tell a counselor about the lies, the consequences are unthinkable....also my daughter may not open up to a new one.  She tells me because she trusts me.  But I have to get evidence that she is told to lie to counter what the BM is doing, i.e. trying to get me removed from my child's life.  Also, I have only two weeks to provide my evidence to the BMs attorney.

With each visitation, cops are being employed in a frenzied attempt by the BM to create evidence.  Knowing how the family courts work, this "evidence" will be taken on board, after all it is a counselor and cops... and a BM who is BPD and excels at lying convincingly.

The BM is behaving ever more frenzied.  She has escaped accountability all her life and I can now see she has probably used these "warfare" tactics in various scenarios over the years to escape scrutiny.  This is what she is doing now.  The BM knows she has been in contempt of the CO.  There is proof of that.  The BM is therefore making me out to be a monster, both to the counseler, (meant to counsel the child but whom the BM sees for her own counselling) and now to local police in my area.  She is forcing my child to lie to the police and lying herself.  First it was the motion alleging I told my child her mom would murder her.  Now it's a report to the cops that she is afraid the father (I) will kill her.   

It has become a non-stop attack on all levels.  Lies in emails.  Lies to cops and counselors.  The BM wants me out of my daughter's life.  The stepfather is an overpowering influence on that score too.  Courts only take notice of proof.  The BM's fake proof will be listened to.  How do I obtain sufficient proof of this relentless alienation?  Bear in mind the other attorney needs the evidence in two weeks!  And if I ask my daughter to see another counselor, if its even possible to get one, whatever she says or does, she will be interrogated when she returns home and the BM will know exactly what is going on.  Therefore, I cannot talk freely to my child or tell her why she needs to speak to someone else about what is going on.  She needs to tell someone else what she has told me, but cannot be told why.  It makes it pretty near impossible to get her to trust another person to tell them.  It's like entrapment and there appears to be no way out...if I am not able to overcome what is going on now, I will lose my child.  My other child is greatly affected by what's going on too.

This situation has become quite desperate and I would really appreciate some advice on how to handle things.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Simplydad on Aug 08, 2011, 06:56:35 AM

Thanks.  There are even more problems.  I have so much evidence of contempt of the CO that the BM is desperately creating false evidence.  She has a relationship that is far too friendly with the counseller who is totally on her side.  My child now tells me her mom tells her to lie to the counseller to say she doesn't like me and that I am mean.  The mom does that already.  She has already built up a case with that very gullible counselor.  I already reported here that after filing the hideous untruthful motion the mom showed up an hour and a half late having got the cops to accompany her and showed them a bag of vomit claiming my child vomitted because she was forced to see me.  That means fake evidence and looks like she tried to bring the child but I was not home.  A perfect excuse.  No matter that I emailed her (as per the CO - she has a cell that she views emails on) asking if she was bringing my daughter and asking if she was delayed.... and that I had waited one and a half hours before leaving my home to take my other child to an apt, assuming my child was not being brought for drop off because the BMs MO is to ignore my attempts to find out if she is on her way, etc when she fails to bring her.

Ok....first let's take a deep breath and calm down some.  I understand the stress level you are going through.  You getting worked up about it will hurt you.  What is happening here is a someone is trying to get a reaction out of you and get you so stressed that you will make a mistake.
 
Family court judges have seen all that your ex is trying and then some.  They will not be fooled by any of this. The counselor is not even an issue becasue she is not even a licenses professional.  All you have to do is object to her credentials and then ask that a GAL be appointed for your child and request court appointed counseling with a counselor that must be aggred upon by both parties and if not one that is appointed by the court with the GAL's recommendation. 
 
All evidence must be factual for starters.  Also, your wife's side is not allowed any suprises. Send a certified letter to her attorney requestion discovery and that they submit to you copies of all that will be presented in court.
 
Concerning the vomit.....No judge will admit it or even consider it and before the accompanying officer can even testify they must be subpoenad and I am not sure who would be willing to take time off for this.  Even then the officer will have to testify that he actually saw the child vomit but it is hignly unlikely that he can testify as to why. He is not a licenses counselor nor is he a medical professional.


Now she brought my child with cops once more.  This time she told them lies, such as she is afraid I will kill the child because her father is "evil".  The cops came into my house to investigate.  My child told me afterwards that her mom told her to tell the cop that her dad was "mean".  My child then opened up to tell me the other lies her mom is telling her to say. 

It will not matter that she showed up with the cops.  Judge will pretty much say......so what.
 
Also, your ex has been held in contempt before and you have evidence with proof of that contempt.   


I am up against a totally biased counselor who believes the BM and child totally, therefore she will be convincing in court.  The other counselor is associated with the first one.  My daughter is not likely to tell her she has been told to lie and that counselor does not want to become involved in court related issues.  I cannot afford to take my child to another new and expensive counselor at this moment in time but if she doesn't tell a counselor about the lies, the consequences are unthinkable....also my daughter may not open up to a new one.  She tells me because she trusts me.  But I have to get evidence that she is told to lie to counter what the BM is doing, i.e. trying to get me removed from my child's life.  Also, I have only two weeks to provide my evidence to the BMs attorney.

Counselors are always biased....at least in my experience.  Once they build a rapport with someone they will seemingly always take their side.  Licensed professionals are able to separate personal and professional feelings when it comes to legal proceedings.  Keep in mind that you are not obligated to just take what her conselor is saying.  Based on parent alienation you can request that your child see a counselor of your choosing.  You have that right.  Just becuase your ex has chosen a counselor does not meant you do not have the right to get a professional to rebutt her testimony and I can assure you a licenses counselor will carry a whole lot more weight in court.

With each visitation, cops are being employed in a frenzied attempt by the BM to create evidence.  Knowing how the family courts work, this "evidence" will be taken on board, after all it is a counselor and cops... and a BM who is BPD and excels at lying convincingly.

Again, this is not going to matter.  In many divorces because parents disagree law enforcement are calle to ensure a peaceful exchange of the children.  The only thing that is happening here is the cops are present during your exchange.  Unless you are arrested and charges are filed the fact they were there is pretty much inadmissable.


The BM is behaving ever more frenzied.  She has escaped accountability all her life and I can now see she has probably used these "warfare" tactics in various scenarios over the years to escape scrutiny.  This is what she is doing now.  The BM knows she has been in contempt of the CO.  There is proof of that.  The BM is therefore making me out to be a monster, both to the counseler, (meant to counsel the child but whom the BM sees for her own counselling) and now to local police in my area.  She is forcing my child to lie to the police and lying herself.  First it was the motion alleging I told my child her mom would murder her.  Now it's a report to the cops that she is afraid the father (I) will kill her.

Yet no investigation was launched.  Police reports are not evidence.   


It has become a non-stop attack on all levels.  Lies in emails.  Lies to cops and counselors.  The BM wants me out of my daughter's life.  The stepfather is an overpowering influence on that score too.  Courts only take notice of proof.  The BM's fake proof will be listened to.  How do I obtain sufficient proof of this relentless alienation?  Bear in mind the other attorney needs the evidence in two weeks!  And if I ask my daughter to see another counselor, if its even possible to get one, whatever she says or does, she will be interrogated when she returns home and the BM will know exactly what is going on.  Therefore, I cannot talk freely to my child or tell her why she needs to speak to someone else about what is going on.  She needs to tell someone else what she has told me, but cannot be told why.  It makes it pretty near impossible to get her to trust another person to tell them.  It's like entrapment and there appears to be no way out...if I am not able to overcome what is going on now, I will lose my child.  My other child is greatly affected by what's going on too.

There is absolutely nothing that they can do to take you out of your childs life. Absolutely nothing unless you have comitted some really heinous acts and I do not see that as the case.
 
To put it in further context....you child can actually say in court that she does not want to see you and that still will not be enough. The child does not get to make the choice. Your rights as a father cannot be usurped unless you have commited crimes that will show you as a danger to the child 
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: ocean on Aug 08, 2011, 07:16:28 AM
The first order of business is to get a GAL assigned to the case at the next hearing. This person will interview you, you with child, child alone, and child with mom.

The rest, document and file. Your whole case is the PAS so this fits into more of your evidence. When you finally get a new order, you can request the exchanges done differently so she does not use the police as a tool.

Your child feels open enough to talk to you about what her mother is doing and that is great! Just keep your parenting time the same and regular, if things come up in conversation then just let it flow. Just tell her that she needs to tell the truth in life with everything, that is how you keep a job for money, how you keep good friends, and to be a good person. Then move on to something else...Tell her the judge and adults will figure it all out and not to worry too much about it.

Court gets very ugly. There is also a good chance that child is going home and telling her things that she wants to hear so it is easier living with mom. Then mom takes what she says and really spins it out of control.

Did police write a report of this last incident? Maybe you can get that officer into court to show how nutty she was about leaving child with you, and that the child did go with you and was fine.

Breathe...this is not the end...
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Simplydad on Aug 08, 2011, 07:51:23 AM
I agree with Ocean.....The GAL is top priority. Once you get a GAL there will be a lot of stress lifted off of you.
 
The GAL is a court appointed lawyer who represents the child alone.  They do not represent your agenda nor the ex's agenda. Their only job is to protect the interest of the child.  This is in the best interest of the child and once appointed I think a lot of your legal stress and anxiety will be released.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Kitty C. on Aug 08, 2011, 03:51:25 PM
Big question.....since law enforcement has been involved, have they arrested you?  No.  Have they warned you that you are under investigation and charges could be filed?  Apparently not.  That is HUGE.....because it means that they don't believe BM anymore than you do.  Get the police reports and make sure you have all the names of the officers involved....your atty. needs to depose them to see what their impression is of the whole situation.  If it appears that they are just going through the motions because the BM called the cops and really don't believe her, then you want them saying so on the stand. 
 
Keep in mind that her atty. can depose them, as well...so depending on what they say in deposition, her atty. may determine that the cops aren't good witnesses for their case.  Trust me, if LE believed only half of what BM is telling them, you'd been in jail a LONG time ago.  I think in this situation, the cops could be a huge ally.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Aug 10, 2011, 10:44:54 AM
Thanks Simplydad, Ocean and Kitty, for all the comments and suggestions.  I will be contacting the police officers and getting their names.  If I can get a lawyer I will get depositions from them too.  I agree that they could be very helpful witnesses.  It's correct that there are no charges and I have done absolutely nothing wrong.  The police always see me as a reasonable person, which I am and they have never seemed interested in investigating.  They most probably see people like the BM every day, making up lies.  One of the most worrying things here is that the BM is getting the child to lie to the police and the counselor.  She has been told to say I hit her.  If ever she gets a graze or a scraped knee, she is told to tell the counselor I caused it.  My child has admitted this.  Even worse is the fact my child says she will continue to do it.  She is compliant (a) to avoid punishment and (b) to get some praise.  If it were just the BM lying that would be one thing, but with the child saying what she is told to say, I am not sure of the best way to handle it.  I also fear that if an AD LITEM is appointed, that even though the AL is only concerned with the child's rights, that in this case, the child would be told to lie to the AL.  In fact, I am certain that would happen.  Basically, it's impossible to stop the child lying and saying what she is told to say.  There is no way to stop that.  I've told her it's important to be truthful, and so on.  But the bm has created a severe dependency to control the child, and the child is programmed in a way not too dissimilar from brainwashing.  So, although an Ad Litem would be great in normal circumstances, I believe the BM could get her way even more easily if an Ad Litem were appointed.

It is helpful to know that the judge won't take too much notice of police escorts and the BMs fictitious reports.  The BM is determined to get her way, and she is upping her game by getting the child to lie.  I don't see how a judge can ignore a counselor, even if not properly qualified, who states the child confides in her that she is treated mean and hit.   

All the BM has to do here is get visitation changed.  I know the courts won't take away joint custody at the next hearing.  But if visitation is changed to being supervised, the BM will achieve her goals.  I am not too sure how to come out looking good against a liar that even gets her child to lie.  I have never hit my daughter and never would.  But how can I an prove it!  I don't get to see her as regularly as the CO states that I should, so I am hardly likely to treat her badly when I do get to see her.  The opposite is the case.  I know she is not treated well with the BM and I do all in my power to make her happy during my parental time with her.  I know the BM and her husband and the grandma hit my child because she told my cleaning lady several months ago.  That lady has since moved out of town and cannot be called as a witness.  And in any case, even if she could, I worry about further punishment for my daughter.  For allegations like that, proof is needed.  Although it appears as if the BM can make allegations without proof, just by getting my daughter to lie with her.

I do have some tape recordings of my daughter that would be very helpful if heard by the judge.  I have to give copies of all evidence to the opposing attorney within about ten days.  I wondered if anyone might know the correct way to handle a situation where I wish to present certain tapes as evidence, but to protect my daughter, ensure they are not heard by the opposing attorney or her mom, because that would mean certain and severe punishment for my daughter.  I really need for the judge alone, to hear the tapes.  I've been reading up on privileged information in evidence but have not found out that tapes such as the ones I have, are classified as privileged.

What is happening is relentless.  Most of what I thought would happen, has happened, and then some.  Thanks for all the help so far.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Simplydad on Aug 10, 2011, 01:04:25 PM

One of the most worrying things here is that the BM is getting the child to lie to the police and the counselor.  She has been told to say I hit her.  If ever she gets a graze or a scraped knee, she is told to tell the counselor I caused it.  My child has admitted this.  Even worse is the fact my child says she will continue to do it.  She is compliant (a) to avoid punishment and (b) to get some praise.


This right here is going to pretty much destroy your ex.  The fact that you are being told this information will be her undoing.  Your child knows that she is being coerced into this and she is telling you so you are not suprised.  If you were not being told you would have a reason to be concerned but this is not the case. The best thing to do is not to address these with your PEW with these issues.  Document everything your child tells you and the date and time you are told.  This will come in handy because you will be able to show a pattern with a time frame to go with it.


If it were just the BM lying that would be one thing, but with the child saying what she is told to say, I am not sure of the best way to handle it.


They best way is by documenting and completely ignoring the Ex.  Trust me....it works.


I also fear that if an AD LITEM is appointed, that even though the AL is only concerned with the child's rights, that in this case, the child would be told to lie to the AL.  In fact, I am certain that would happen.  Basically, it's impossible to stop the child lying and saying what she is told to say.  There is no way to stop that.  I've told her it's important to be truthful, and so on.  But the bm has created a severe dependency to control the child, and the child is programmed in a way not too dissimilar from brainwashing.  So, although an Ad Litem would be great in normal circumstances, I believe the BM could get her way even more easily if an Ad Litem were appointed.


The GAL would be your child's attorney and must act in the best interest of the child.  Will your ex tell your child to lie to the GAL?  I am certain of it.  Keep in mind this is not something your ex will be able to control.  The GAL is not supposed to care about your issues or your ex's issues.  Her only obligation is to represent your child and will have to do so with all of her ability.

However....you can (and should) be present to all meetings your child has with the GAL.   If you have joint custody your Ex will not be able to prevent that. You have as much legal right to information about your child as she does.


It is helpful to know that the judge won't take too much notice of police escorts and the BMs fictitious reports.  The BM is determined to get her way, and she is upping her game by getting the child to lie.  I don't see how a judge can ignore a counselor, even if not properly qualified, who states the child confides in her that she is treated mean and hit. 


This is where the GAL will come in.  You can request that your child will go and see a counselor that is actually qualified in child counseling.   


All the BM has to do here is get visitation changed.  I know the courts won't take away joint custody at the next hearing.  But if visitation is changed to being supervised, the BM will achieve her goals. 


Supervised visitation can only happen if it is in the best interest of the child.  Your ex has nothing but he said/she said and that is all.  There will have to be documented proof of everything.  She is basing this on report of abuse but there are no police report, no CPS involvement or anthing like that.   



I am not too sure how to come out looking good against a liar that even gets her child to lie. 


Again the courts see this type of thing every day.  I can assure you that you will not go into the court and be the first one with these accusations against them.  The courts will not be fooled by this either.  you mentioned that a previous attorney mentioned your ex's attorney is a sleeze. If other attorney's know it....so do the judges.


I do have some tape recordings of my daughter that would be very helpful if heard by the judge.  I have to give copies of all evidence to the opposing attorney within about ten days.  I wondered if anyone might know the correct way to handle a situation where I wish to present certain tapes as evidence, but to protect my daughter, ensure they are not heard by the opposing attorney or her mom, because that would mean certain and severe punishment for my daughter.  I really need for the judge alone, to hear the tapes.  I've been reading up on privileged information in evidence but have not found out that tapes such as the ones I have, are classified as privileged.


Just ask that they be presented and the judge can watch them in chambers outside of the presence of the courtroom.   
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Aug 10, 2011, 01:52:22 PM
Thanks, simplydad
 
What you are saying really makes sense and is very helpful.  I am not sure what will happen at the hearing, but on the assumption that the counselor would tell the judge that my daughter tells her I'm mean and hit her, and that the BM says the same, is it likely that the judge won't pass judgment based on that, and will appoint a GAL if I request one, to find out exactly what is going on? 
 
 
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Kitty C. on Aug 10, 2011, 08:53:57 PM
Not with the police reports he won't.  When you add all the evidence together, and given that your child is telling YOU the truth, I think the judge will have a hard time believing a conselor who isn't 'offficially' a counselor to begin with.
 
Why do you think your ex's antics have gotten more and more outrageous?  Because she's become desperate, that's why.  And desperate people will do desperate things.  She's already messing up and she will continue to do so.  Be there when it completely falls apart on her.
 
It's important to look at this from a different perspective:  psychologically, she has you exactly where she wants you, totally thrown off kilter and on edge.  But when you realize the idiotic mind games she's playing and see them for what they truly are (a ploy to stress you out), you have the upper hand.  You kind of have to step away from the emotional BS that she's feeding you and look at this whole situation from an analytical standpoint.  Take away the emotion and all you have left is the desperate actions of a con-artist grasping at straws.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Aug 11, 2011, 05:59:22 AM

Not with the police reports he won't.  When you add all the evidence together, and given that your child is telling YOU the truth, I think the judge will have a hard time believing a conselor who isn't 'offficially' a counselor to begin with.

Why do you think your ex's antics have gotten more and more outrageous?  Because she's become desperate, that's why.  And desperate people will do desperate things.  She's already messing up and she will continue to do so.  Be there when it completely falls apart on her.

It's important to look at this from a different perspective:  psychologically, she has you exactly where she wants you, totally thrown off kilter and on edge.  But when you realize the idiotic mind games she's playing and see them for what they truly are (a ploy to stress you out), you have the upper hand.  You kind of have to step away from the emotional BS that she's feeding you and look at this whole situation from an analytical standpoint.  Take away the emotion and all you have left is the desperate actions of a con-artist grasping at straws.


Thanks Kitty C, it's helpful to have objective viewpoints.  I can see that the BM is becomming desperate but have still been very worried and stressed by her behavior because so much is at stake.  I will concentrate on getting the police reports and hope that logic prevails.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Aug 20, 2011, 02:43:56 AM
As the hearing approaches, things are getting bad.  My daughter fell off her bike a few weeks ago and got multiple abrasions on her body and face.  I took her to the emergency room, so have a record of that.  Was instructed to put ointment on the abrasions for a couple of weeks.  The BM btw, did not follow thru on that, but that isn't proveable.  I could really use some advice to fight what the BM and her husband are doing.  They took my daughter to the "counselor", and told her to say that I caused all her injuries.  They said if she didn't tell her that, then they would go to jail.  So she did and she told me.  At least I know.  The BM and husband are acting over confident, as if they are certain they are going to win.  Now for the latest...I was informed by email by the BM that my daughter has a broken finger, with a story as to how it happened.  She then arrived for a parental weekend.  Turns out that first, the BM waited a week before getting a cast put on the broken finger.  That will be hard to prove.  And worse still, the step-dad broke her finger and took her to the counselor (usually the BM takes her) and told her to tell the counselor her brother did it.  So we now have a scenario of the step dad physically abusing my child to coerce her into telling the counselor stuff to get me out of my daughter's life.  They are abusing my child but I am unable to prove it.  But they are making false allegations against me to both the police (nothing will happen there as the police could see there were no problems each time reports were made) but they are planning on using the counselor as a witness to back up their false allegations.  In other words, if the child says it to the counselor, it must be true.  I will object to the counselor but have to allow for the fact the judge may listen to her.
 
The mother is now taking more video movies of my daughter at drop offs.  She is saying things to make her cry (at the thought of missing her mom and her fear for her mom which is constant) and getting closeups so she can show this evidence as "fear" or "reluctance" at seeing me.  In fact, when the BM doesn't do this, my daughter is pleased to come visit with me and have some sanity and fun in her life.  It's clear to see what they are doing.    My child is not likely to tell anyone else that her mom makes her lie because she is so scared her mom will be sent to jail.  Just wondered if anyone has any ideas of what I can do with limited evidence. 
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Simplydad on Aug 20, 2011, 09:38:38 AM
Heston,
 
You are still letting your ex get into your head.....she is doing a masterful job of getting you completely stressed out.
 
Everything you mentiond seems to be nothing but he said, she said from your ex.
 
 Your daughter is seeing a counselor who is not licensed to practice. Furthermore if there is all of this evidence of abuse how come no one has called Child Protective Services?
 
Again....you need to file a motion to have a GAL representing your daughter and site Parent Alienation Syndrome.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Aug 20, 2011, 11:59:48 AM
I do plan on filling a motion for a GAL.  But things have stepped up as the step dad has broken my child's finger and threatened to break another one if she doesn't lie to help them achieve their goals.  It's getting serious. 
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Simplydad on Aug 22, 2011, 07:00:13 AM

I do plan on filling a motion for a GAL.  But things have stepped up as the step dad has broken my child's finger and threatened to break another one if she doesn't lie to help them achieve their goals.  It's getting serious. 

 
This is serious and you need to call the police and child protective services.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Aug 22, 2011, 05:22:51 PM
I have done this today.  Plus filed a motion asking that the step father is prevented from being near my daughter.  The BM and the step father are such expert liars and also my child is so intimidated by them, I am not sure if the outcome will be as I hope it will be.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Aug 23, 2011, 06:05:18 AM
I tried to file either an EPO or restraining order against the step dad yesterday.  Spent all day at the court house.  Unable to do it.  Can only do them if I am related to the person in question or am part of their family unit.  They do not cover children.  Double checked on the court's legal forms when I got home.  Impossible to file either one.
 
I would be filing as dad with joint physical and legal custody against step dad in residential home.  Actually stepd dad on and off, but currently on. 
 
Although I contacted CPS, I feel its vital to file some sort of protective order.  BM most likely will be able to fob the CPS off, based on what she has done to date. 
 
Really needs to be done today.  Should have been done yesterday.  Does anyone know if this is possible?
 
Thanks
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Kitty C. on Aug 23, 2011, 10:02:23 AM
I'm not so sure about the impossibility of an RO....seems to me that if a child's safety is at stake, they would think differently about it.
 
You're doing this all on your own, right?  Then you have to consider that the courts may not want to work with you because you are pro se.  When they told you no, did they site the specific laws that back up their answer?  If not, go back and ask them.  But you also need to realize that the only way to get through this is to have an atty. on your side.  The issues you're dealing with now are WAY too important to try to muddle your way through.  This may be a rare opportunity you have to try to get something in place to protect your child...dot the i's and cross the t's to ensure it's done properly.
 
Also keep in mind that the court and/or CPS may not give your situation the attention it needs simply for the fact that they may be assuming this has to do with a custody dispute (which it is) and you're just a disgruntled father who's trying to shaft the BM.  Which is why it is SO important to have an objective 3rd party do any reporting of abuse.  They don't have an emotional stake in the situation like you do.  So if you took her to an MD to have her finger evaluated, did they say anything to you about the possibility of abuse?  Did your dau. tell them how it broke/who broke it?  If so, then THEY should be making a report of abuse to CPS and doing so immediately.  If I were you, I'd be going back to that MD and asking some very pointed questions.  Because if they suspect abuse and they didn't report it, they can get into a LOT of trouble.  Get a copy of the notes from that visit, too.....you will definitely need it.
 
Given all that's going on here, I really can't see how you can get through this without an atty. to navigate the minefield.  Because all it will take is one small misstep from you to blow the whole thing apart....you really need to CYA right now, for your child's sake.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: ocean on Aug 23, 2011, 10:51:47 AM
When I got an RO on DH ex it was through the police department and criminal court. (since we were not related...and the police charged her with harassment). When/If the police charge him with something (assault?) then you can ask for a retraining order from the DA office.
Did school start by you? You can talk to counselor at school and tell them exactly what is going on and see what child tells counselor at school. Then they must call cps too..and here they come that day to the school and interview child without either parent. (not sure if you want school involved or not but an option).
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Aug 23, 2011, 01:06:38 PM
The injury was done a week before they got her seen by an md.  They got the cast put on, same day she was delivered for weekend visit.  Maybe to hide the injury.  I wanted to go back to the hospital with my daughter but she insisted she didn't want to go.  I do need to take her to a medical doctor and will do if the bm does not stop visits.  It's like now it's just my word on it.  I definitely need a third party involved. 
 
Until that happens the police can't press charges.  I will pursue this because a restraining order is important.  It will be difficult for my daughter to tell a third party due to the threats.  I will consider the school option too.
 
Thanks for the suggestions.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Simplydad on Aug 23, 2011, 01:41:17 PM
Heston,
I am going to have to agree with Kitty.  There is no way you can take this battle on yourself.  You are going to need an attorney.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Aug 28, 2011, 10:42:16 AM
Just wondered if anyone knows anything about getting tapes or videos transcribed?  Can I transcribe them into typed reports?  I have lots of highly relevant audio and video tapes and plenty of stuff proving parental alienation.  I only have one week in which to have all this ready.   

My daughter admitted to cops her mom told her to lie.  She was too scared to say much about her injury.  She is terrified (with good reason) of the step dad.  Police did not have enough evidence and closed case.  CPS involved but not sure what is happening there.   
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Kitty C. on Aug 28, 2011, 11:30:31 AM
In order for it to be used in court, it must be transcribed by an objective 3rd party, preferably a transcribing service.  If you have that short of time, it will probably cost you a little more to have it done quickly.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Heston on Aug 29, 2011, 02:12:41 PM
Thanks for that information.
 
I have another question which I wondered if anyone might know the answer to.  I have to provide discovery evidence to the BMs attorney next week.  I know that it doesn't have to include arguments on my part.  I have a ton of emails to present in evidence.  I will also have medical reports, police reports and so on.  I am not sure if I have to give them to the BMs attorney.  As I see it, that is more like evidence to support my arguments.  But I am unsure because from the research I have done, it appears you cannot add evidence at the hearing if you have not produced it to the opposing attorney.
Title: Re: Advice needed please on responding to Court Motion
Post by: Kitty C. on Aug 29, 2011, 08:44:43 PM
Like I've said before, Heston.....you REALLY need an atty.  There's no way anyone here can tell you what you should and shouldn't give the opposing atty.  Especially when we can't see specifically what you have.  Only an atty. who knows your case and the details on discovery can tell you what should or shouldn't be presented.  And your case is so sensitive and complex you really shouldn't leave this one to chance....which, IMO, you would be doing if you try this yourself.  Your child's safety and welfare depends on this.......