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Main Forums => Father's Issues => Topic started by: msme on Aug 26, 2011, 11:39:06 AM

Title: I just knew the other shoe would drop
Post by: msme on Aug 26, 2011, 11:39:06 AM
The PBFH spent a whole 14 hours in jail. A judge dismissed the warrant "Because she just had a baby". One clerk, when asked why it was dismissed said, "Well, maybe if she hadn't had a c-section..." To which gr8dad responded, "Maybe if she didn't have another kid."
It has been reset for Sept. 15, at which time she will be offered a free lawyer & then it will take about 3 months for a new court date. Then she might get jail time but the baby will be about 4 months old & she is nursing so they won't do anything. Well, it felt good while it lasted. I guess this is another method to avoid paying CS. Just go have another kid. Oh well, I guess this is just another example of justice for fathers in the good old USA.
Title: Re: I just knew the other shoe would drop
Post by: Kitty C. on Aug 26, 2011, 02:40:15 PM
Oh crap......I was hoping that wouldn't happen!  C-section?  What the heck does that have to do with being in jail?  i guess the jail staff just didn't want to deal with PBFH and the possibility that an 'issue' might arise with her.  CYA, I guess.....
 
They're still all on the radar, msme......now is NOT the time for them to screw up in any way....and you just KNOW how difficult that is for them to do!
Title: Re: I just knew the other shoe would drop
Post by: brwneyedmom on Aug 26, 2011, 04:12:45 PM
Speaking as a former corrections health RN, the jail usually wants to avoid dealing with mega-expensive inmates. This could be a post-partum woman with complications from her C-section.  Is it fair? Does it make sense? No-except for a fiscally operational point of view.
Although we were used to having pregnant women get sentenced to a jail term that would include up to the moment of being hospitalized for birth. Then they would be magically released so that the taxpayer paid for delivery instead of the jail budget. This was always done to "keep the baby from doing drugs". Sigh.
I'm sorry that she was let go. I was cheering your family on!
Title: Re: I just knew the other shoe would drop
Post by: MixedBag on Aug 27, 2011, 01:02:05 PM
You know....there is a huge side of me that doesn't believe in sending a parent to jail even if they are way behind in Child Support.
 
(That's why she was in court, right?)
 
I'd be asking the judge to put a lien on her tax return until she is paid in full -- and EVEN if that means waiting forever to collect.....not sure I support jail.
Title: Re: I just knew the other shoe would drop
Post by: ocean on Aug 27, 2011, 01:19:27 PM
I know here they do the tax refund intercept and driver's license taken away first...so that is probably already done...
Title: Re: I just knew the other shoe would drop
Post by: msme on Aug 27, 2011, 07:21:09 PM
She lost her drivers license about 8 years ago. She doesn't care. She drives with no license or ins. She doesn't pay taxes cuz she refuses to work. I feel quite sure that the only reason she had the baby was to get welfare. She doesn't feel she should have to pay CS. As a matter of fact, the day my son got custody, she stood up and announced that, "I will never pay one fxxxxxg cent of child support." In the past 10 years or so, she has only payed a very small amount. The most she paid was right after she was made to do 30 days for failure to pay. She did it on weekends. Then she filed contempt against gr8dad for failure to give her visitation while she was in jail.
So, tell me, mixedBag,  if you are against jail time what do you think should be done with a person like this? The dad should just suck it up & skrimp & try to make ends meet, & do with out so she doesn't have to pay. Sorry that dpoesn't work for me.
Title: Re: I just knew the other shoe would drop
Post by: msme on Aug 27, 2011, 07:26:43 PM
By the way, her child support is still figured at 2002 minimun wage. She is supposed to pay $200 a month for 3 children.
Title: Re: I just knew the other shoe would drop
Post by: msme on Aug 30, 2011, 12:43:48 PM
Just thought I'd mention that she has already started working on the little guy, telling him that he shouldn't worry about school. It isn't important & it is only 3 years till he can drop out or fail out. What a great way to help him prepare for HS next year. Oh yeah, also she is still telling the 2 older kids that their dad had her arrested & it is all his fault that she had to go to jail. So far, we have been able to shield the lo from this but know sooner or later, she will tell him & give him more crap to deal with. Of course, he will believe her cuz, she is his mom & never does anything wrong. Dad must have done something cuz mom wouldn't tell him that if it wasn't true.
 
You see, this is the double edge sword that you must handle when you don't trash the pos. She gets to trash gr8dad but he just gets to "smile & wave." We must cling to the promise of better times when they grow up & realize that greatdad & grandma really were there for them in all ways & their pos mother was a b!%ch & a liar who hated their dad & never really loved them.
Title: Re: I just knew the other shoe would drop
Post by: ladiva23 on Aug 30, 2011, 01:30:37 PM
wow.

I can see what you mean by a double edge sword.

On one hand if you guys let it go, she will just keep poking the bruise so to speak.

But on the other hand if you punish her the kids just take it all wrong. :?

Praying for you guys!
Title: Re: I just knew the other shoe would drop
Post by: ocean on Aug 30, 2011, 03:05:26 PM
How old are the kids? If I remember right they are older, teens?

We did what you did and it kind of backfired on us. I now believe that if kids are in their teens, some truths should come out. Like "both parents are required by the judge to take care of their kids and the judge said that mom has to pay dad a certain amount every month. (child support-not like they do not know about that anyway..). Mom has not paid in a very long time and the judge wants to see her and make her start paying.
Title: Re: I just knew the other shoe would drop
Post by: msme on Aug 30, 2011, 07:03:58 PM
The kids are 19, 18, & 13. The 2 oldest just graduated HS. They know what she is & she keeps showing herself. I think the worst thing he ever said about her was about 2 years ago when she kidnapped the 18 yr old. He was 16 at the time. She told him if he came with her, she would let him quit school, get his drivers license & buy him a truck, so he went with her. We were frantic. We called her & she swore she hadn't heard from him, We found out she had him all along. He was devistated when he found out it was all a lie. He wound up in a mental health hospital. He later admitted that he didn't really believe her but said that he couldn't take the chance that this time would be different.
 
The 2 oldest asked gr8dad why she did the things she did & he told them, "In the grand scheme of things, you got a really shitty mother. She is what she is & you should just take what she gives, knowing that it can change at any moment." We have tried to shield the younger one as much as possible but he is starting to ask more questions.He does know that his mother is supposed to pay CS but doesn't but spouts her excuses whenever he feels the need to defend her. He is having some real issues with the new baby. He realizes he is no longer the "baby"  However, we told him he now has a title he never thought he would have. He is now a big brother. He thought that was cool.
 
I guess the best example of gr8dad's efforts to keep the children first is that about 4 years ago, her father was dying of cancer & he took her & the 3 kids to see him, over 300 miles away, using his vacation time. He did it because he felt it was important for the kids to see their grandfather one more time & he knew she had no way to get there. Her father died 2 weeks later.  Did she appreciate it? Hell no!
 
So, life goes on & every once in a while she does something that makes us feel that maybe Karma is catching up with her. If that makes us bad people for enjoying seeing her being held accountable for her crap, then I guess we are bad people. But the kids are doing as good as they can & we know it is only because of us!
 
Title: Re: I just knew the other shoe would drop
Post by: Kent on Sep 17, 2011, 10:10:44 AM
MSME,

Replying to your post about PBFH trashing gr8dad and him not saying anything.
I know from experience that is the wrong approach.
Now, there is a big difference between trashing PBFH and informing the kids of the truth.

If PBFH tells lies, and you say nothing, then the child has no option but to believe what the PBFH says.
No need to go out of your way to tell the kids what all happened (or is happening), but you should rebuke the lies and inform the kids of what happened. Otherwise the kids WILL believe every word she ways, and you're losing the war without putting up a fight.
You owe your children more than that.

Kent!
Title: Re: I just knew the other shoe would drop
Post by: superdad01 on Sep 27, 2011, 05:21:18 PM
My friend deals with a situation like this. Mother is a deadbeat and he is a great dad. His kid is much better off with him. He sometimes gets to the point, he says go ahead move in with your mom, and sleep on the floor of a trailer. I dont care, I'll pay child support... ( His kid can get pretty mouthy)  The kids can hear all they want but they know what's up at the end of the day.