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Main Forums => Second Families => Topic started by: ladiva23 on Aug 29, 2011, 09:14:37 PM

Title: Reflecting
Post by: ladiva23 on Aug 29, 2011, 09:14:37 PM
Hi guys. 
 
I was just thinking of my role as a stepmom to skids.
 
IMHO, a stepparent is just that, a person who steps in from time when either parent is not around, or even when they are around - to assist in the nurturing and upbringing of that child.  All egos aside, its about the children.
 
We have just spent a month with DH girls, and I don't get how anyone, biological or not, could treat them the way that they have been treated.
 
They are sad to go home, but I feel like we might be more vested in that feeling than they are.  CO will go back to every other weekend, but I just miss them being here when I get off of work and just seeing what's on their mind.
 
Thanks for listening :)
Title: Re: Reflecting
Post by: bndmommaostepmomma on Aug 30, 2011, 12:02:36 AM
I feel your pain on a daily basis.  My SD is with us full time (has been for almost 9 years).  I love O as though she were my own...esp since the Lord blessed me with 2 sons and my bonus girl.  Keep being a good SM....they see it and love it.  BM may not, but the people to focus on are the young 'uns.

Fight the good fight, and keep faith.

Carol
Title: Re: Reflecting
Post by: Kitty C. on Aug 30, 2011, 08:16:45 AM
I wholeheartedly agree.....they see and they know.  SS is 17 and just chomping at the bit to get out of BM's house.  On his 18th b-day in Feb., I would not be surprised at all if he makes a beeline for her door.
 
But what continues to amaze me is how he comes to me to talk.  He does this when he knows that whatever he wants to say may be taken out of context by either of his bio-parents.  I guess he feels that even tho I am a 'parent' of sorts to him, he sees me as someone he can talk to without having any pre-conceived notions.  I listen to him, I let him talk.  I know that BM never lets him do that and, tho I know he loves his father deeply, DH can often be 'too close' to the situation to be able to respond as objectively as possible.  I am close enough for him to talk, but displaced just enough that he feels safe to talk freely, you know?
 
And kids will remember that.....long after they're on their own....
Title: Re: Reflecting
Post by: Mom1Step2 on Aug 30, 2011, 08:22:16 AM
Thanks guys. I needed to read this today.
Title: Re: Reflecting
Post by: ladiva23 on Aug 30, 2011, 12:28:13 PM
sending big hugs to all  (http://deltabravo.net/forum/smileys/YahooIM/79.gif) 


Awwww and there's always the impending trial to look forward to in a month!

Talk to you all soon!
Title: Re: Reflecting
Post by: wife1 on Sep 17, 2011, 09:05:06 AM
Being the "step parent" has alot of challenges but it can have its benefits too, my ss is very timid and unsure of himself due to him mother being so controlling. It is a terrible and sad thing when the kids are used as tools and brought into a situation where they can not be honest about their feeling because they are afraid. You can be that person that the child turns to when they can't talk to their parents.  But at the same time there is gong to things that happen that will drive you crazy and you will want to take action but you can't. Just be strong and know there is many of us going through the same thing and we are here when you need us. Be strong (http://www.deltabravo.net/forum/Smileys/default/smiley.gif)
Title: Re: Reflecting
Post by: ladiva23 on Oct 18, 2011, 01:12:52 PM
I've been feeling down, especially with the trial being adjorned until next month.
 
I just logged in a read this.  Thanks a mill Wife1 (http://www.deltabravo.net/forum/Smileys/default/kiss.gif)