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Main Forums => Moms Without Custody => Topic started by: tryingtostaystron on Oct 05, 2011, 11:07:23 AM

Title: Huge custody mess, x moved to MAINE without permission
Post by: tryingtostaystron on Oct 05, 2011, 11:07:23 AM
i apologize in advance for this being so long.  My living nightmare started 2 1/2 years ago, when my ex decided we were getting a divorce, completely out of the blue.  my oldest son had trouble adjusting to night time and getting him to sleep was a nightmare. so after 3 hours of his screaming and trying to calm him on my own, i went looking for my husband. he was sound asleep in bed. i woke him up and asked him to please come help me with his son. he went into his room and said "it's ok now, mommy and daddy are getting a divorce, go to sleep now" and left the room. about 20 minutes later, he was asleep and i went to find him. he was in the living room watching tv. i asked him what the hell that was all about? he said "what? i didnt lie to him. get out of my house. my lawyer will draw it all up and we will sign it, uncontested, so you wont need a lawyer, since you cant afford one." he then started to scream at me, we argued and i called my mom on my cell. while on the phone with her, he began to chase me trying to take my phone away from me so she wouldnt hear what was going on. in the process, he grab my left ankle while i was at the top of the steps and pulled me down them and disconnected my phone. i ran into our bedroom and locked the door. he went outside to the garage and about 20 min. later, the state troopers showed up, completely by surprise to me. turns out, he went outside and called them on me, telling them i pushed him out of bed and onto the floor (he is 5'11 270lb, im 5'1 125lb) they seperated us, told us both to calm down, go to sleep seperately and talk in the morning. i was to scared to tell them everything that went on outta fear of what he would do next. they left, and so did he. that was dec. 23, 2008. the next day, he called me from his cell phone, told me he was on his way to maine with his friends and i had better be gone when he returned.  it was christmas eve, and he was long gone, so i acted like everything was ok and gave my boys the best christmas i could. on dec. 26, I packed my and my childrens belongings and went to my moms, it was the only place i had to go. i got a job 2 days later, and on jan. 9, we signed the seperation and property settlement papers at his job. on feb 11, 2009 our divorce was finalized. he gave me custody of the boys and child support paid directly from him. i wasent present for the final divorce hearing, was never informed of the date, papers just appeared at my moms. 
    Now, here is were is gets worse. on Jan. 30, i was at a long time family friends house with the boys. everything was fine, and then it wasent. my youngest would not lay down for bed, and then he started acting very odd, even for a 2 year old. i freaked out, and took him to the hospitol. behind my back, this "friend" was telling anyone who would listen that i gave him something, i did something to him. NEVER HAPPENED. so, dyfs was called as well as the county prosecutors office. the boys were taken into dyfs custody and i was arrested for endangering the welfare of a child and indicted a few months later.  legal custody was given to there dad while the case was pending insted of foster care because he was not present during this incident. i complied with all of dyfs's recommendations (parenting classes and therapy) without any resistance and was totaly honest with them. my ex was defiant, rude and difficult throughout the entire process. as far as the criminal case, i plead guilty to neglect for improperly supervising my youngest, turn out it was an accidental injestion of a medication, but i did the responsible thing and took responsibility for my actions. got 3 years probation. Dyfs terminated the case against us and there position was to return them to me, but my ex and his lawyer refused to allow that and the judge agreed, saying they were in the only home they ever knew, were established in school and have been there 2 years already. we were awarded joint legal custody, he maintained primary residence, with me as alternative residence and i have custody every other weekend, friday through sunday and alternating holidays. that was december, 2010.
    everything was fine for the next 3 months. he even texted me he was proud of how i steped up and i was a good mom. then, in april, he changed and became hostile again. outta the blue, he started screaming at me and cursing at me at drop off and pick ups and then, on the 24th of april, i dropped them off to him and havent seen them since. he always had an excuse as to why he wasent coming, i reported it to the police, have the reports to show his refusals.  in august, i filed a pro se motion to enforce my visitation rights. i was given a court date of sept 23. on sept 16, i recieved his answer to my motion and his cross motion petitoning the court to allow him to relocate to maine, admitting in his motion that he already made the move and enrolled them in school up there. the judge ordered him to return within 15 days and re enroll them in nj school untill this case was resolved, and to resume my visitation. now, his lawyer is filing an emergency motion allowing him to stay up in maine and return to nj for our next court date on oct 28. i am so scared i am going to lose my precious boys forever if this move is allowed to happen. he didnt comply with visitation in nj, he is NOT going to comply from maine! i have no lawyer, can not afford one and an scared. i live in NJ. if you made it this far, thank you!!!
Title: Re: Huge custody mess, x moved to MAINE without permission
Post by: ocean on Oct 05, 2011, 01:32:15 PM
Go to the family courts in NJ and ask where there legal aid office is and see if you qualify for aid.
Is there a date for the emergency hearing? GO! Call the family court and ask when the judge will hear that case (might be today/tomorrow). Show up and bring last order and state a judge already told him to enroll children in NJ schools.
Wait the 15 days and see if he complies, on day 16, go back to family court and leave message with judge's secretary that ex did not follow his order of returning, fill out contempt of court papers (maybe an emergency order to return children or an order for sheriff to help returning children.)
Title: Re: Huge custody mess, x moved to MAINE without permission
Post by: tryingtostaystron on Oct 05, 2011, 02:05:26 PM
legal aid wont help with custody. i have tried a million time!! looking for pro bono lawyer, wow thats like trying to find big foot. i dont know about the emergency hearing, i called the judges secretary this morning and told her he may try it and she said if he did, she would let me know. his 15 days are up on friday. i  really dont think he's coming. ( 
Title: Re: Huge custody mess, x moved to MAINE without permission
Post by: Davy on Oct 05, 2011, 02:07:49 PM
You would be well advised to be represented by competent legal counsel ... experienced with interstate custody issues for the emergency hearing and any subsequent hearings.  I'm not familiar with NJ statues but you may be able to ask for the other party to pay for your legal expenses (or a portion).

Also, you should assume the other party obtained legal advice prior to relocating and may have a plan justifying the act.
Title: Re: Huge custody mess, x moved to MAINE without permission
Post by: tryingtostaystron on Oct 05, 2011, 02:39:25 PM
his justification is that he found a job up there and couldnt find one in nj. he's doing handyman work for a friend who owns property up there. he makes 400.00 a week, (he could make that here at mcdonalds) he has no family there, no ties to the state.  i know now that is is 90% likely this was just to hurt me. not sure what the other 10% could be. he is violating a few statues that i know of at the current moment. I am desperately trying to find a lawyer, just have no $ (he got me fired from my job last year) and so they wont talk to me. im terrified of what will become of  my boys. i pray there 1 year old baby sister wont have to grow up without them