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Main Forums => Dear Socrateaser => Topic started by: Spaceman1982 on Sep 20, 2012, 10:30:57 PM

Title: What kinda parent just walks away??
Post by: Spaceman1982 on Sep 20, 2012, 10:30:57 PM
I mean seriously?? Are there any books?? I can not figure out why someone would say f**** it; I don't need to see or talk to my kids. It's been nearly a year since physical contact and 2 months no phone calls.
Title: Re: What kinda parent just walks away??
Post by: tigger on Sep 21, 2012, 07:52:28 AM
Your language is uncalled for.

Some walk away because the custodial parent and/or step parent make it nearly impossible to have a relationship with the child.
Some because they aren't ready to be a parent and life is easier without kids.
Some because they think they are protecting the kids from a life of having to go back and forth and dealing with conflict.
Title: Re: What kinda parent just walks away??
Post by: MixedBag on Sep 23, 2012, 05:57:15 AM
1.  I just edited out the language....k?
 
2.  I wish I knew....OD's EX is also a father to two beautiful girls and he hasn't contacted them since Nov 1st.  He also disappeared for a long time in the years before that.     
Title: Re: What kinda parent just walks away??
Post by: Spaceman1982 on Sep 24, 2012, 10:55:03 AM
Sorry for the language. But it's frustrating. I don't get it. I just wish I knew why. I couldn't imagine doing it myself. I hope it's short lived. I didn't want the BM to just leave. I wanted the kids safe.
Title: Re: What kinda parent just walks away??
Post by: MixedBag on Sep 24, 2012, 04:00:28 PM
Oh I agree....
 
I sure as heck don't wish that on my grandbabies either, BUT you can't make a parent BE a parent sometimes.
 
On the flip side.....EX#2 made it so I didn't WANT to call our son on purpose.  Camilla believed his BS and playe  huge role in all that years ago (and has recently apologized to me). 

So  I had to find the strength to plow through their antics as the NCP and simply call -- and think the opposite way.  Everytime I called, it got under THEIR skin, oh dear, too bad, so sad, that's MY son too.
 
SO....just make sure you're doing the right thing.  Make sure that there's a way for the other parent to find the children when they get their head out of their rear ends.....and don't talk negative about the situation.
Title: Re: What kinda parent just walks away??
Post by: tigger on Sep 25, 2012, 09:36:24 AM
I had a friend who walked away because she wasn't emotionally, mentally, or financially prepared to care for the child.  She believed that she had to be all or nothing. When she "failed" at being full time CP, she handed the child over to the dad and walked away. After MUCH coaxing from the dad, he convinced her that she wasn't a failure for not being ready to be a CP, that their daughter needed her and he wouldn't judge he. (Luckily they were long time friends before the pregnancy happened so they had a basis from which to coparent even if marriage wasn't going to work out.)  The daughter is now an adult and has an awesome relationship with both parents and both step-parents.  It takes a lot of trust that the NCP isn't going to try to take the child away later for a CP to facilitate the relationship.  If you can't be married to someone, chances are, there's not going to be a lot of trust.

I facilitated a relationship between my sons and their dads.  When my 16 yr old OS wanted to "never go back there again" I encouraged him to talk honestly with his dad about wanting to do other things (like set up for VBS and hang out with friends or go to RM to visit family) rather than lie to him about "working". 4 months later, my son moved out of my house and in with his dad, being talked into, fully encouraged and convinced of his "righteous rebellion". Took him 4 years to realize that he had been manipulated and used. We have a great relationship now.  I had often wondered if I knew my ex and his wife were going to succeed in their mission to turn him against me, would I have helped facilitate that relationship all those years and especially that summer when it was faltering.  I'd like to think I would have but honestly, it would have been tempting to avoid 4 years of heartache.