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Main Forums => Father's Issues => Topic started by: An7ony on Mar 16, 2013, 04:22:01 PM

Title: Please Help
Post by: An7ony on Mar 16, 2013, 04:22:01 PM
My situation......

met my ex 4y ago..was married 3y..
when i married her she turned into a monster with psychological problems that went deeper when her mom died.
i could not handle her depressions anymore and im divorced 1y by now.and I agreed to give her 600$ child support sent straight to the government bec her paycheck is not covering her expenses.

we have a beautifully son together 3,5y now and when we got divorced i didn't had time for him as much as i wanted bec  i was busy with my construction jobs and  and thought that hes in good hands since we discussed no matter what i can get him on weekends or when ever i want.


in meantime shes making my life harder by running away from me
not picking up the cell
if im 5min late to pick him she drives away
if he gets bruisers from playing from her side of friends she accuses me that it was me.

for a year ago he started to complain about his 'pipi' hurts so i went to doctor doctor said is nothing wrong.
a few months later he had the same probs so she went to doc and said I was touching him and she made the doc  runs some tests on him with no results..just reg pain when he pees bec of the warm urine.

1 week ago he complains about the same prob and she said that i was touching him again
and i cant see him anymore.

im desperate and miss my son.

shes using my son as a weapon against me bec she is jeoulus of my girlfriend and cant get over it that we got divorced.
since then shes txting me about what a bad guy i was aso,
and shes not stopping  stalking me with messages.

and the funny part is evrtime i dropped off my son or im just driving close in the area she lives he recognizes the location  and crying to me 'no mama dady no mama'.

it brakes my heart and dont know what to do

pl any tips help would appreciated.


Title: Re: Please Help
Post by: ocean on Mar 16, 2013, 04:39:51 PM
Do you have visitation in the divorce? Sole custody means she make major decisions for him (operations, pick school). Does not give her right to stop visitation. Start treating her as a business partner. Only respond to texts that need to be answered and about child. If it can wait, IGNORE.

Go to the family court and request modification of visitation papers, reason, dad job has changed and mom is refusing visitation. Write "dad requests the courts to set a temp visitation plan until the courts can order a detailed final parenting plan so the child can have a relationship until trial" They courts will give you specific dates, days, times, vacation times, summer visits, father's day, birthdays. Look up some good parenting schedules and get as much as you can into the papers and be very specific. It also sounds like you need a neutral spot for pick ups (police station parking lot?). Also, put that mom will wait up to 15 minutes for father in case of traffic, dad will text mom of any changes.

After you fill out papers, they will serve her the court date and then you should be in court in 3-4 weeks. The whole process can take months to straighten out and get a final order but ask for temporary orders so you can start seeing son while court is going on. You can also put in other orders "father requests all communication through email/texts".

If she won't stop the texts now, text her back "I will only answer texts that have to do with son and my parenting time with him, all others will be ignored. If you continue to send non-stop texts, I will file harassment charges against you".  Then stick with it, at first ignore, ignore, ignore. put phone on silent for a few hours.
Title: Re: Please Help
Post by: An7ony on Mar 16, 2013, 04:48:42 PM
so that means i can get him only a few days in a year...after filling out 1000 ppwork!?!?

do i have a better chance if i get a lawyer.

and yes i supposed to have him weekends from fr to sun...even with her having full custody.
Title: Re: Please Help
Post by: ocean on Mar 16, 2013, 05:37:33 PM
Do you have it spelled out that you get weekends in your divorce papers? What does it exactly say in your orders now?

If you have days/time, then text her " I will be following the court order and picking up xx on Friday at xxpm at xx location as on page xx of our divorce agreement. If you are not there, I will file contempt of court papers against you" Then ignore all texts. Friday morning send reminder text "I will be at the pick up spot to pick up xx at xxpm".

If she does not show, call police and get a police report that you were there. Keep doing same thing until court. You then have two choices: Fill out modification papers to change dates and time (if you need them changed) OR if you already have dates and times but she is refusing to meet you- fill out contempt of court papers (she will have to see judge and say why she is not following a court order, you can ask for make up time in the petition).

The petition is 2 pages here. In my state it is free, you fill out papers, they have clerk type it up, and send it to judge for a date. If you feel you can do the first part yourself and at any point hire a lawyer.

Depending on your work schedule and mom's work schedule, you can split weeks. Have dinner visits. You can request First right of refusal, if mom needs a babysitter for work/pleasure she has to call you first before any other person. Once child is in school, you can be involved in school, activities. If you do go to court, think about school and how it will affect your visitation so you do not have to go back next year and do this again. Get a local school district calendar and have the court order read, when child enters Kindergarten, parenting plan will change You can pick child up from school and return to school if you are close enough.