I've had legal custody of my daughter for 7 ½ years. She is almost 10. Her mother left us when she was 2 and moved to another state. Three years ago I got remarried and recently have had a divorce from my 2nd wife. My 2nd wife really didn't accept my daughter as her own and it caused problems within our marriage as a result. So now my daughter and I are back to just ourselves. My daughters mother hasn't paid me child support in almost 4 years and we have a very unusual visitation order where I don't see my child at the holidays and she has her during the whole summer. I have recently petitioned the court to order my ex-wife to pay me child support and to move to standard visitation. I have kept my daughter in the same home, same school, church and sport teams within our community, not to mention I've been very stable with my employment and make sufficient money.
my ex has recently threatened me that she is going to make this go all the way if i file a motion to modify visitation/order her to pay child support. if she was to file a motion for custody would she get any where? I've had custody for 7 ½ yrs, no criminal record, not even a speeding ticket, my child is excelling in school, has lots of friends and I've served on community action boards within the community dealing with children. do I have anything to worry about?
we live on the east coast and her mother lives two states away and seeing our child once a month and all holidays, my reason for filing the motion is so our child can have sometime with my family during the holidays and summer. Not to mention her mother doesn't supply any of her needs such as clothing, school supplies or any financial support. So that was my reasoning for asking for child support
Do you have an attorney? If you don't, get one. It is worth not making the mistakes Pro se's make.
What the courts will look for is a change in circumstances for custody, visitation and CS.
Do you have a CS order, but that you haven't enforced?
It sounds like you are being pretty reasonable. What you will want to do is to make sure BM has the same amount of time with the child as before. Courts typically don't like taking time away from the NCP.
This is my DH's arrangement. Every other school break(spelled out in detail), any weekend he wants so long as there is 7 days notice, all summer but the first two weeks and the last week. He has very long distance (1500 miles).
Does your ex have your kid on all holidays including president's day and memorial day or is it just major holidays. Does she have all of the breaks (Spring, Winter and Fall) or just the days of the holiday?
Good luck
Ref
Thanks for the reply.
She has our child every holiday and "all" summer. She leaves the day school lets out and returns the day before school starts. I have an atty and he has assured me i will be fine. I have no time with my child other than when she is in school.
Have you ever had any friends or knew anyone that had custody removed? if so what was the circumstances?
It's just a fear of mine with the cusotdy issue. I don't have any negative factors that would cause the court to remove my child. She is well taken care of Medically, mentally, school, friends, established home and family memebers in the local area.
There are plenty on this board that would love to get custody of their kids that can't because of how difficult they make it.
In my case, BM was drinking a lot, leaving SD home alone at 7, was unemployed for 10+ years, denied visitation, moved out of state with the child and has no contact with any family. SD lived in govmt housing for her whole childhood and went to a violent school district because BM didn't work. When DH looked to see if he could have custody changed (we have tons of family, nice neighborhood and excellent schools and we would NEVER leave SD alone at that age), we got laughed out of the room.
There are people on this board who have ex's that do drug, have been arrested, multiple partners, kids got arrested, etc etc and they still can't get custody. So unless you are a danger to your child you have next to nothing to worry about.
You will be fine. Just out of curiosity, why does she think she should have custody now (besides the obvious spite)?
Also, this is a ploy a lot of people do to distract you from asking for what you think is fair. When DH went for more visitation, BM sued for an increase in support, and lost. When DH went for CS modification after losing his job, BM sued to decrease visitation (she lost again). Don't let her distract you from caring about what you think is fair, more time with your child and child support.
When it comes to the CS issue, I think it is a mistake not to collect the money from BM. First of all, it is your child's money, not yours so you really shouldn't be letting BM keep it. If you are doing well and don't need it, put it in a college savings plan for your child.
The reason I asked if there is a CS order that you have not enforced is that it may change her to being on the defense again. If she hasn't paid and there is no agreement, then she would owe quite a chunk of back-support. She wont be as anxious to go to court over custody if she knows that she may be in for a hefty back-support obligation.
Best wishes
Ref
no we don't have a child support order in place. But I believe she should pay, i carry all insurance and pay all deductables etc. I support my child 100%, clothing, school, food shetler etc.
She thinks she has a leg to stand on with custody because my 2nd and wife and myself didn't work out. We didn't have any family violance etc. We never hit, cursed or was bad. It just didn't work out. but I think she is thinking in her head that it's a benefit to her because she is married and i'm not. She also claims because she has a higher credit score than i do, she's a better parent. I disagree. Credit doesn't have anything to do with custody as far as i know.
yet i've had custody of our daughter all her life.
You could potentially get back-support for 6 years! Holy macaroni! She should not be threatening anything and just give you what you want.
Shoot - divorces happen all the time, doesn't mean that she should get custody and credit score! My God!
I would wish you luck, but it looks like you don't need it.
Ref
Our visitation agreement for summer (long distance) was one week after school was out to one week before school started. This was established back in 1993. Two reasons for this: it helps the child to transition better (it certainly helped my DS!) and it also allows for any medical/dental appts. that need to be made. As it is, any appts. you make for her, you will have to take her out of school to do it, right?
And from what I've seen, this kind of arrangement is becoming more and more common all the time with LD visitation schedules. Just food for thought........
that is very true. Any Dr. Apts i have to take her out of school for dental check-ups, well checks etc. that is a very good thought.
Do you see any problems with the custody portion if she was to contest custody? sorry for asking but it's something that really weighs on me.
In order for her to change custody she would have to have a very STRONG "change of circumstance". From what you have stated, she would only do it if you filed for CS right? Judges don't take too kindly to those kinds of "retalitory" cases. Judges want to preserve the "Status Quo" and the "Best interest" of the child. I really don't think you have anything to worry about...even if your daughter stated she wanted to go live with Mom, at 10 y/o the judge wouldn't really consider that. Get a revised parenting plan so you have some "non-school" time with your daughter and the CS you deserve!!
Good Luck
Wow, what a DUMMY I am. Had I KNOWN my better then ex's credit score would have been my ace in the hole for custody, I NEVER would have tried to get my kid because of being absent/tardy for over HALF of the school year (which wasn't enough to change custody).
She is full of hot air. I know you can't help but worry. The absurdity of her reasoning just flies in the faces of all of us who have REAL reasons to transfer custody and the courts just look the other way!
The courts rarely would change custody with child in such a stable environment. You've got all your bases covered. I think you will be fine.
We'll be looking for your post after court to let us know you've retained custody!
Thanks for you reply.
Yes, she would file a motion to "try" to modify custody as a retalitory measure. However, from all I've read and heard she wouldn't be successful. Her main thing is she told me she would try to show me as not being stable because my 2nd marriage failed. But other than that she doesn't have anything to go on and i doubt a judge would move a 10 yr old that's been in the same home, environment etc all her life. as you said they want to preserve the "status quo".
my ex beleives that because she is the mother she still has the upper hand even after many of years. I hope having 7 1/2 yrs under me speaks volums in court.
Thank you very much for your response.
She hasn't filed a motion for a modification of custody at this time. she has just mouthed the word to me. My atty has objected to almost all her request for discovery etc because the stuff she was asking for is irrevelant such as a credit score.
Going back to the school issue my child hasn't missed a day of school in two years nor been tardy ever. I think all she is doing is trying to imtimidate a father who has custody. I truly beleive that the court also wouldn't move a child 960 miles away from the only parent that has been there for her each and everyday of her life other than when she is gone on visits. I truly love my child and try to do what's best for her at all times.
AND you may even get the court to stipulate that SHE pays attorney's fees...might put a kibosh on her filing for it!!
that's a good point. have a stipulation entered in the event of a frivilous motion being filed.
does anyone know if it is a given that the primary care giver has the upper hand in custody disputes?
my question for asking the board is, I have a hearing coming up for child support and to move to standard visitation and I'm sitting on pins and needles at this time. I'm concern because I have fear of her turning this into a custody battle, since I'm asking for child support. I've raised my child all her life.
what are the chances of her mother ever regaining custody after I've had her for 10 yrs with a perfect record? what would it take for her to win and for the courts to allow her to move my child 1000+ miles away from everything she has ever known?
>does anyone know if it is a given that the primary care giver
>has the upper hand in custody disputes?
>
>my question for asking the board is, I have a hearing coming
>up for child support and to move to standard visitation and
>I'm sitting on pins and needles at this time. I'm concern
>because I have fear of her turning this into a custody battle,
>since I'm asking for child support. I've raised my child all
>her life.
>
>what are the chances of her mother ever regaining custody
>after I've had her for 10 yrs with a perfect record? what
>would it take for her to win and for the courts to allow her
>to move my child 1000+ miles away from everything she has ever
>known?
>
Hopefully, her chances aren't good. It would be too disruptive in your child's life.
I think that the courts aren't going to change custody when the child is thriving. A lawyer would be a better person to ask.
I think you can relax. The child's mother is going to have to show a change in circumstance to get custody. And not a change in HER circumstance, but a change in YOURS. So as long as everything is fine at your house, the courts aren't going to change custody. The courts want to stay with the norm unless the norm is harmful to the child. You do have the upper hand.
did you read my 1st entry on the log?
Do you personally think that even though my home is very stable job, chruch, community, friends, my child makes the A, B honor roll and hasn't missed school in two years nor has she been tardy, etc.
Can my 1st ex-wife and use the fact my 2nd wife and i got a divorce against me? We didn't have any problems the 2nd marriage just didn't work.
Thanks for your thoughts.
No, because she would have to PROVE that the divorce had a detrimental effect on your child.........and you KNOW she can't! The court doesn't care if you got a divorce, only how everything effects the child.
yesterday when my atty and I spoke I feel like he is not shooting it straight with me. My ex wife moved away 8 yrs ago 1000+ miles away. I haven't rec'd child support in 4 yrs nor have I had time with my child during the holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas or summer) she is now 10 and I've missed out on holiday memories. He advised me that the child support is not a gurantee because she has to buy airline tickets, however SHE'S the one who moved not me. I've stayed on the east coast the entire time. Regarding holidays his comments was why do you want holidays when you have her the during the school year, yet my ex makes our child travel twice a month to her place leaving on a Friday night and coming back late on a Sunday night. I know if men should pay so should women and this mother doesn't pay anything nor does she send our child anything in the mail, it's not a gender thing it's about child support it's about the child and it should also be about the child regarding the holidays.
what is the boards thoughts on child support and holidays? also does anyone know if a party can request the court to do a psychological evaluation on the other parent?
and he does get a reduction in his CS due to the fact that he has to pay 100% of DS's transportation for visitation. It's really not that much of a deduction in CS and if you think about it in your case, you're not getting CS now, so it's still a plus for you!!!
You should have a "Shared" parenting plan where the holidays are split equally giving you some "down" time for vacations and what not with your child. Sadly, I have my DS every christmas, every thanksgiving, every new year, every spring break, etc because my X doesn't want to shell out the $$ for the tickets. So he only takes him during the summer and I have him the rest of the year. According to our parenting agreement, he should only have him for 4 weeks in the summer, but I encourage him to take more because it's good for my son to be with his father. I usually don't take a vacation until the end of summer anyway, so I make sure to let his father know that I do want to have son back by a certain date and he usually complies.
As for the psyc eval...if there is a custody hearing, yes you can request one!!!
thanks for the reply it's just a lot going on at once and all I fear is the custody issue. but with a good track record with the schools, doctors, neighbors, counselors at school, etc. I think I will be fine if she contest but it's really scary. It seems as if men feel threatened by the old ways courts use to see us.
It's not right and all parents should be treated as equals...but that doesn't always happen. I really don't think you have anything to worry about. Like others have said, if she does try, have it dissmissed based on "NO material change in circumstances". You getting divorced is NOT a change in the childs circumstance.
I'm an NCP Mom and a huge advocate for Father's having custody. At the time of my divorce, I KNEW I was not in the position to care for my daughter, that's why my X got custody and he's done a great job raising her!! She just turned 15 yesterday..sigh Lord knows I would LOVE to have custody, but she's doing great where she is and if she ever wants custody changed, then I will talk to her father about it. If only all parents could parent this way...I think the kids of divorced parents would be so much better off!!!
would their be a shift of weight (advantage) given to my 1st ex wife thru Preponderance of Evidence if my 2nd ex wife and her family was to make up unfounded truths and alligations in an attempt to destroy me?
I'm terrified that they could make up lies and it would give my ex a greater stance in court. Eventhough there wouldn't be any evidence it would only be heasay from my 2nd ex wife. But I have evidence they are communicating and it's getting ridiculous because until recently they never liked eachother before. I'm concern about what they are talking about.
I'm concerned about custody.
Hearsay is inadmissible.
If there's evidence, your first ex can use it. If there's nothing but unfounded allegations, there's nothing to worry about.
I think that unless there is some huge skeleton in your closet that you aren't telling us about, you are not going to lose the custody that you've had for years now.
I don't know what state you're in, but here is what the Florida Statutes consider when making an initial custody decision or modifying custody. Keep in mind that when an order is already in place, the burden on the non-custodial parent to show proof is much higher.
Here is an excerpt from the Florida Statutes:
(3) For purposes of shared parental responsibility and primary residence, the best interests of the child shall include an evaluation of all factors affecting the welfare and interests of the child, including, but not limited to:
(a) The parent who is more likely to allow the child frequent and continuing contact with the nonresidential parent.
(b) The love, affection, and other emotional ties existing between the parents and the child.
(c) The capacity and disposition of the parents to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care or other remedial care recognized and permitted under the laws of this state in lieu of medical care, and other material needs.
(d) The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment and the desirability of maintaining continuity.
(e) The permanence, as a family unit, of the existing or proposed custodial home.
(f) The moral fitness of the parents.
(g) The mental and physical health of the parents.
(h) The home, school, and community record of the child.
(i) The reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of sufficient intelligence, understanding, and experience to express a preference.
(j) The willingness and ability of each parent to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship between the child and the other parent.
(k) Evidence that any party has knowingly provided false information to the court regarding a domestic violence proceeding pursuant to s. 741.30.
(l) Evidence of domestic violence or child abuse.
(m) Any other fact considered by the court to be relevant.
(d) is a big one. It's what other posters mean by "status quo". She has lived with you all of these years. A judge is HIGHLY unlikely to rip her away from everything that she's known when she's doing well now. Judges like the "if it ain't broke don't fix it" theory.
Also in the statutes is the term "substantial change of circumstances". These circumstances have to directly affect your child. You pretty much have to be doing crack, heroin and living in a tent in the woods before they'll consider a change of custody here. She has a stable home with you----after all, you raised her when it was just you and her before your second wife came along. She's probably in the same school system, with the same friends and same extended family members---that hasn't changed. There's no basis for a custody change, and any lawyer that your child's mother meets with will tell her that. If they don't it's her loss of $$ later down the road because she won't win.
You may or may not lose out on holidays. What you could do is offer extended time in the summer in exchange for having her every other year on specific holidays. If you REALLY want to avoid court, decide now what is really important to you and what isn't. She may walk away just knowing she has the child every holiday. Question is, what is it worth to you to make this go away?
Your ex wife and new wife can talk all they want. Let em rip on you. You seem to be worried that because you got divorced it means that you are going to be in trouble. It's all about what's best for your daughter. If it comes to it you can say that the main reason you got a divorce was conflict between your daughter and now ex-wife. But I have the feeling that your divorce will be a non-issue in court.
Just so you know, you can ask your lawyer for a deposition hearing. These are not always done in Family Court cases, but can be. In a deposition both sides are sworn in, and the attorney for the other side will ask you questions, and your attorney can ask questions to the other party. This is taken as almost "early testimony" to your court case. While a good poker player never shows his hand to another player, not all poker players are good ones. Plus, it could make your opponent see the error of their ways and hammer out an agreement prior to an actual trial.
You also mentioned that you weren't too happy with what the lawyer you visited had to say. There are PLENTY of lawyers out there. If this early on you have even an inkling that you and he/she are gonna butt heads, don't drop a retainer and move on. Do it now before you're stuck with someone you'll regret later. The flip side of that is what I call "The bobble head lawyer". If you meet with a lawyer and he/she assures you that you'll get everything you want and then some, move on. Some lawyers will blow sunshine up your skirt just to get you to pay the retainer, then you'll be playing phone tag with them for weeks. Talk to friends in the area, or anyone that has been through something similar. The way I found mine was to ask the county law clerk's office who was a practicing family law attorney in the area. They gave me four names, and the first one that called me back won the slot. He's quick to tell me when I'm dreaming too high, also, but has gotten my back numerous times.
There is no reason that she should not be paying CS, even if she provides transportation. You need to go through your own state's statutes and see how they compute child support. The only way I can see that she would not be paying CS is if she was working a minimum wage job and you were bringing home 300k a year. And even then, it all varies according to state.
You've started in the right place with people that have already gone through what you have. Now you need to do some research on your own. Read thoroughly your state's statutes. If you're still worried, go to a site like lexusone and read (free) appelate law. Know the statutes well, so when you visit a lawyer and don't like what you hear or aren't sure, you can ask informed questions. If the lawyer doesn't have a clue what you're talking about, move on. Some attorneys will "dabble" in family law. You don't want a dabbler------you want someone who is a family law attorney on a daily basis.
Good Luck and keep us posted!
FLMom
As you know I'm the CP asking for child support. The other side did discovery etc. My atty objected to 90% of what they were asking for stating it was irrevelant and burdenson etc. Recently the other side has filed a motion to compel. I've been divorced from my ex for 8 years and she is asking for all my checking account statements, withdraw slips, deposit slips, credit report, credit card statements, all cell and home phone records for the last 8 years. I don't have this information period, as I destroy any and all that each month after I pay a bill and some I don't even have nor have I ever had some.
My question is it normal for a NCP to be so demanding asking for this information when i'm the one asking for child support? I'm the CP here, if I don't have the documents they are asking for how can I get it for them? Am I required by law to pay to get copies of such documents dating back numerous months and years to have to pay for these items? Should I file a Motion for a protective order to limit their scope of discovery. Also what happens if the judge says to provide can I redact some of the priviledged information such as my account #'s, friends & family last 4 #'s of their phone # if I have to order the phone bills? What are they looking for asking for all this information?
Well, you're talking to a NCP mom who is currently paying CS, so you're getting a truthful answer of the other side of the coin.
You're the one asking for CS, yes. In some states the amount of CS paid depends on a formula that uses the combined income of both parents. You need to find out if this is how it works in your home state. If this is the case with your state, I don't think that your checking account, savings account, and monthly bills are beyond the scope of what is reasonable. If you are claiming that you only earn XX amount of money a month, but you have an American Express black card and a half a million in the bank, it shows that your assets are significantly higher than hers, thus resulting in a lower CS payment on her part.
For the monthly bills like the phone and electric, you can ask the company involved for a printout of bills and payments for the last year. You can also do this with credit cards. As far as I know, your bills don't need to be so detailed as to include your friend's phone numbers and such. I don't know why she wants the last eight years, when just the last year alone should be sufficient. It's all about the Benjamins. Just as much as you want to receive CS, she wants to make sure that she's not overpaying.
So yes, some of it seems reasonable, and some of it seems snoopy. I would provide to her (through your lawyer!) your basic financial information, no more and no less. One of the things that can be deducted as an allowable expense is monthly expenses. It may be that she's just trying to see how much she might end up paying before she decides if it's worth it or not to go all the way to a court hearing.
Back to what I suggested before, go through and thoroughly read you state's statutes. Also, look for a site that has PDF's of the papers that need to be filed for a modification. You may see that allowable expenses on your part (and hers) are all of those things that she's asked for.
Eight years, though? Nah. One year or two at the most.
FLMom
PS- Did your attorney actually file an objection to providing all of this information, or did he just balk at it on the phone to the other lawyer? If the other side requests and you do not file in court within a certain amount of time, it could be too late to file an objection. Your state's family law rules and procedures should have the answer to how long you have to object.
PPS- I'm not a lawyer, so don't take what I say as "legal advice". I've just BTDT like everyone else here.
Edited to add: Brainstorm. It may be that she has realized that she just might owe you eight years of back CS. She might be requesting the records for all of those years to show to the court the same thing that she's trying to get this information for----to pay the lowest amount of retroactive support as possible.
I've been at this for 5 months and have spent thousands of $$. Yet I cannot get into court to see the judge to order my ex to pay child support. The other side is stalling asking for hearings (5) to be continued, the opposing counsel has gone to court asking the court to continue this hearing then that hearing claiming they have sent letters to my atty and tried to contact her so they could agree on a hearing date.
Recently my ex's atty went to court having a order signed by the judge stating a hearing will be held when both parties can agree. This has gone on for 5 months. I wonder if court see's this as a dad asking for child support and could careless, yet if it was the mother they would be all over the dad. Any suggestions on what I should do? Does anyone have any idea why they might be stalling is it the fact she knows she's going to have to pay child support or do you think she has something up her sleve such as a potential custody suit when i've had my chidl for almost 10 years?
I can't address your ex's specific issues, but in my case, my stbx is stalling on everything. We haven't gotten a response to a single thing we've requested - even though the delays are hurting her worse than they're hurting me. Some people just like to be obstructionists.
Compounding that, she's getting advice from her attorney - and the longer it drags out, the more money the attorney makes. My stbx's attorney is known around town for padding bills and dragging things out just to make more money. For example, we did a routine discovery request via subpoena on an investment account that was established during the marriage and funded from marital assets. Even though the fund was in her name (she was worried about what would happen if I died and she needed money in a hurry), there's no question that we had the right to that information. Yet they filed a motion to quash which is going to cost several thousand dollars - and the court will almost certainly allow discovery. In the end, this one's so frivolous that she's likely to pay MY attorney's fees, as well. Why did she do it? The attorney told her it would be a good idea and she didn't know any better.
I'm now 5 months into the process and we're no closer than we were at the start. You just have to believe that the system will eventually work and you'll get the money she owes you.
It's just too bad there's no practical way to go after her attorney for all the bad advice he's giving her which is simply driving the cost up.
I could be wrong here, but if she keeps dragging it out, and it is driving your cost up, you should be able to request that she pay your attorney's fees. This might give her a reason to quit dragging it out.
Also, I could be wrong here too, but I think you can request the support order be back dated to the date you filed. I want to say that I remember hearing once that courts will sometimes date the order back to the date you filed. That way the other party can't drag it out in hopes of saving money, and also that way the kids get the money they are entitled to. Make sure your attorney asks for the child support order to include the last 5 months.
You are correct on both counts. Depending on the situation, it may be hard to collect the legal fees unless she's EXTREMELY obvious about delaying matters, but child support back to the date of filing should be nearly automatic.
The motion to compel is a normal part of the process and they have to follow the required steps regardless of what your attorney filed. Obviously, the judge hasn't ruled on your attorney's objection to the discovery requests.
You will have to wait until the court order comes through to see what the court will order you to do or not do.
There is a loophole in discovery law (if you have part or all of the documents), that you can respond by stating in a filing that all requested (or listed documents) are available for review at your attorney's office by appointment and at their expense. What she is doing is driving up your costs and trying to win by beating you down.
I saw Soc's response to you earlier on this, he knows what he is talking about. This is not as big a deal as you think it is. Yes, redact information if you feel it is necessary. They most likely aren't looking for anything, just trying to be a pain in the ass and the rules of discovery allow them to be that way. It is up to the court to either put them in their place, or order you to produce the documents.
My ex hasn't provided ONE piece of required documentation in over 7 years of legal battles and the court hasn't called her on it EVER!
Snakes will find a way every time.
thank you for your response.
Yes the issue on discovery isn't finished. I'm puzzled as to why they are seeking certain docuements. i haven't been married to her for 8 years and i'm the one seeking child support since i'm the custodial parent. I suppose you are right they are trying to beat me down. But over the last 5 months she hasn't counter sued me for custody which i'm suprised because she told me if i was going to go for child support she would file a motion for custody. I suppose she knows she doens't have grounds to file a motion for cusotdy otherwise she would have already done so.
i just don't get the delay and the discovery issues.
As I said, some people just like to drag things out.
Things to watch out for:
1. She may be fishing. For example, is she looking for evidence of unsavory or unsafe activity (for example, if you had joined a cult and donated money to them or something). Seems pretty far-fetched, but if the fishing expedition isn't costing her anything, why not? (my stbx used this one).
2. She may be trying to establish your financial health to reduce her support obligations. The more money you have, the less you presumably need her money.
3. She may be looking for places she can obtain leverage. You've already pointed out that she might get your family's phone numbers to call them (my stbx used this one, too).
As for the rest, I don't believe you have any obligation to provide information you don't have if it's burdensome to get it. If she really wants your cell phone records, she can subpoena them from the phone company - although you have the right to object.
Personally, I'd file with the court for her to pay all your legal expenses because her requests were unduly burdensome.
I'm thinking about having my atty file a amended motion not only to get my ex to pay child support but also to go for full custody instead of joint that we currently have. My ex hasn't paid CS in over 4 yrs, she doesn't pay for any medical, clothing, school supplies absolutely nothing, she might call once a week at the most. Yet she thinks she should have custody back after 8 yrs. my 1st ex wife and my 2nd are continuously harassing me. making despairing comments to my 10 yr old while she is visiting her mother. In the presence of my child whose 10 yrs old straight A student who can read very well on 6th grade level (she's in 4th right now), they email each other back and fourth and show the emails to her, talk negative about me on the phone etc in the presence of my child. The two ex's are placing my child from my 1st marriage into a bad situation by placing her in the middle.
1. What do I have to prove to get full custody rather than joint which we currently have (I had custody for 8 strong years)
2 Can I get go after my two ex's for liable and slander (while I was married to my 2nd wife she never spoke to my 1st it only happened after she left) for making despairing comments about me to my child? I know it would be hard to prove but I have emails to confirm some.
3. can I get my ex's parental rights revoked?
4. anyone have any idea on how the court would view them two attaking me at all ends?
>
>1. What do I have to prove to get full custody rather than
>joint which we currently have (I had custody for 8 strong
>years)
You have to show that it would be in the child's best interest. Given that studies have shown repeatedly that frequent contact with both parents is much better for the kids, this is hard to do.
If you decide to pursue it, I would suggest that you build a strong parenting plan which involves regular and frequent visitation for thi child's other parent. IMHO, the judge is more likely to give you full custody if you're willing to keep the other parent involved.
>
>2 Can I get go after my two ex's for liable and slander (while
>I was married to my 2nd wife she never spoke to my 1st it only
>happened after she left) for making despairing comments about
>me to my child? I know it would be hard to prove but I have
>emails to confirm some.
It's going to be hard to prove libel and even harder to collect. I would suggest that when you go to court to clarify issues you insist on wording involving parental alienation. My state actually has specific wording in the relevant laws.
>
>3. can I get my ex's parental rights revoked?
Not likely from what you've described. Parental alienation is not grounds for revoking parental rights. If it's severe enough, it COULD be grounds for insisting on supervised visitation.
>
>4. anyone have any idea on how the court would view them two
>attaking me at all ends?
In gneral, the courts take parental alienation pretty seriously - at least most courts do. Keep in mind that if you can't prove it, it never happened as far as the court is concerned. Check with your attorney on admissibility of email evidence.
If you are able to prove that significant parental alienation occurs, it might be grounds for sole custody and / or supervision of her visitation. I don't know how the real world compares to that theory, though.
>2 Can I get go after my two ex's for liable and slander (while
>I was married to my 2nd wife she never spoke to my 1st it only
>happened after she left) for making despairing comments about
>me to my child? I know it would be hard to prove but I have
>emails to confirm some.
Probably not unless you have ironclad proof.
If it is any consolation, it is your ex that will end up regretting her actions in the long run. My parents are divorced. My father really bad mouthed my mom. My mom took the high road (this isn't to say that she was a good mother, she wasn't, but she didn't badmouth my father).
While my relationship with my mother works better when we barely talk and live 2000 miles apart, we do still have a relationship. I haven't talked to my father in 22 years by my choice. He never met my ex nor has he (nor will he) met my children.
All you can do is keep your promises to your child and fight for your child. Your child will come to realize what her mother is like on her own and make up her own mind about her mother.
>
>3. can I get my ex's parental rights revoked?
I seriously doubt it.
my ex is now stalking me.
I've had custody for 10 years now that my atty has petitioned the courts for child support that my ex hasn't paid in 4 years. my ex wife is becoming ridiculous. She's emailing organizations within our community that she knows I'm part of asking about times I'll be there when I leave etc. my child plays sports in our town and she has emailed the organization we are part of for practice times dates etc. However, I coach her team and I've already supplied that information. She has even gone as far to email parents on our team asking personal questions about our team, when we will be at certain places and the times. I'm concern as to the welfare of my child. I'm concern as to the welfare of myself as well. she is also stalking me via the internet by accessing my credit report, mortgage, etc. I have proof that this has happened because she will be smart and email me harassing me about this and that.
1. Can I get a protective order? if so what good do they do?
2. I'm the CP can I get supervised visitation for her until the courts can rule on her mental state?
3. I've feared her attempting to file for custody but these are the exact reason why she should not be granted custody. Do you agree being I've had my child for 10 yrs now.
4. how would a judge view the stunts she's pulling?
>my ex is now stalking me.
>
>I've had custody for 10 years now that my atty has petitioned
>the courts for child support that my ex hasn't paid in 4
>years. my ex wife is becoming ridiculous. She's emailing
>organizations within our community that she knows I'm part of
>asking about times I'll be there when I leave etc. my child
>plays sports in our town and she has emailed the organization
>we are part of for practice times dates etc. However, I coach
>her team and I've already supplied that information. She has
>even gone as far to email parents on our team asking personal
>questions about our team, when we will be at certain places
>and the times. I'm concern as to the welfare of my child. I'm
>concern as to the welfare of myself as well. she is also
>stalking me via the internet by accessing my credit report,
>mortgage, etc. I have proof that this has happened because she
>will be smart and email me harassing me about this and that.
>
>1. Can I get a protective order? if so what good do they do?
Possibly. You have to be able to convince the judge that you are concerned for your safety and/or your child(ren)'s safety. That doesn't sound like it's going to be easy if she's never threatened you.
OTOH, some of what she appears to be doing violates Federal laws. If she is accessing your credit report without permission, it's illegal. Your attorney should be able to guide you. IIRC, she could spend time in jail for that.
>2. I'm the CP can I get supervised visitation for her until
>the courts can rule on her mental state?
No. At the very least, you need to get the court to rule that there's an imminent danger. That is, you can request an emergency hearing for protection, but there's no way to change visitation without a court ruling.
And, as I said, I don't see any evidence that she's a danger, so getting supervised visitation is a stretch unless there's something you haven't told us.
>3. I've feared her attempting to file for custody but these
>are the exact reason why she should not be granted custody. Do
>you agree being I've had my child for 10 yrs now.
I don't know your circumstances, but unless there are skeletons in your closet, it's very unlikely that she's going to be able to convince anyone that custody should be changed. Judges like to leave things the way if they can unless there's a problem. She'd have to show that the child is being harmed by being with you and that she's better. If they're doing OK socially and in school, that's a hard thing to prove.
>4. how would a judge view the stunts she's
>pulling?
They won't like it, but that doesn't mean that they'll give you a protection order in the absence of danger.
More likely is that it's a contempt issue. In my state, almost every divorce decree includes wording that the parties need to refrain from harrassing each other and need to avoid anything that smacks of parental alienation. If you have something like that, she's probably in violation and could be cited for contempt. If not, you'll probably need to file for a modification and get it added.
I was served with a counter petition from my ex stating the following:
"The order to be modified is based on a prior order. Counter-Petitioner DOES NOT beleive that there has been a substantial and material change in circumstances since the entry of the last order. However, if the court finds that there has been a change. Counter Peittioner request that she be named the primary custodian of the child."
As you know i filed a motion because my ex isn't paying child support becuase there isn't a order to pay. So i think she should pay. I'm also asking that i be given time during the holidays. I get -0- time during the holidays. I haven't had my child for Christmas, thanksgiving or Summer break for 4 yrs. I've had custody for 8.
Do you my friends on this board think I should back away and have my case dismissed? She's not really contesting cusotdy but if the court orders her to pay child support, standard visitation etc she will fight for custody. what is your opinion?
so that people know you have an update.
I think you've been given your answer quite a few times.
As long as your story is completely accurate and the child(ren) are doing well in the current scenario, it's unlikely that the courts are going to change custody at this point.
Yes, it happens, but it's just not very likely.
The issues are:
1. Have there been any changes in circumstances since the last order? If not, you may have a hard time getting the changes.
2. You seem very very nervous about this situation - even after getting repeated assurances that the courts are unlikely to change custody in this scenario. Is there something else you're not disclosing?
3. Assuming that there's no skeleton in the closet, actinb paranoid is going to work against you. You need to take the position that the kid(s) is(are) doing well and that it would be absurd to even consider a change in custody - and that it's only being brought up because you want support for the children. The more you run around worrying about the kids being taken from you, the more it looks like you have something to hide.
If you're really concerned, see an attorney who knows the judge you'll be in front of and can tell you more about what's likely to happen. In fact, I wouldn't do this without an attorney, anyway.
Finally, ask yourself if it's worth the aggravation. You have the child(ren) most of the time and are managing financially. Add up the pluses and minuses of going forward (again, your attorney can tell you what you're likely to receive in support and what will be the most likely visitation schedule). After you know what's on the table, you can decide if you want to pursue it. At some point, it's worth getting on with your life (my ex received $300 per month from her wealthy - $200 K per year - first husband for each of her 2 kids even though she had full custody and he only saw them perhaps 30 nights per year. If we had gone to court, he'd have been paying many times that level, but it just wasn't worth the bother so we left it the way it was).
very good point in your post. I don't have anything to hide, nothing to be concern with. However she knows the only thing that would rock my world would be to loose custody. So that's why I worry. But being i don't have any time during the summer, christmas, thanksgiving etc is that right for my child not to have any of those times with her dad?
I didn't file a motion for myself i filed a motion for my child. she deserves to have somewhat of a normal life with both parents. My ex makes about $80K a year and hasn't supplied nothing for school, medical, clothing etc for our child yet is I ask for child support in lieu she wants to fight. I don't get how parents thank like that.
Then make the decision and take action. Agonizing over it for 3 months isn't going to do anyone any good.
Again, a good attorney can tell you what you're likely to see for a visitation schedule. I wouldn't be surprised for her to get most of the summer and at least alternating holidays, plus school breaks. You can always recommend that she get less than that, but I would assume worst case - which won't be all that different than what you have now (except that you'll get half the holidays).
And you need to get away from thinking about what's right and what isn't. She can do all sorts of things that you won't have control over. What you need to do is focus on what you CAN control and take appropriate action rather than being frozen into inaction because of fears of some terrible thing that might happen. I'm not saying you shouldn't weigh the risk. You need to weigh the risk, but then either drop it or take action. And let it go.
>I was served with a counter petition from my ex stating the
>following:
>"The order to be modified is based on a prior order.
>Counter-Petitioner DOES NOT beleive that there has been a
>substantial and material change in circumstances since the
>entry of the last order. However, if the court finds that
>there has been a change. Counter Peittioner request that she
>be named the primary custodian of the child."
>
>
>As you know i filed a motion because my ex isn't paying child
>support becuase there isn't a order to pay. So i think she
>should pay. I'm also asking that i be given time during the
>holidays. I get -0- time during the holidays. I haven't had my
>child for Christmas, thanksgiving or Summer break for 4 yrs.
>I've had custody for 8.
>
>Do you my friends on this board think I should back away and
>have my case dismissed? She's not really contesting cusotdy
>but if the court orders her to pay child support, standard
>visitation etc she will fight for custody. what is your
>opinion?
My opinion is that she won't win custody and that she will be ordered to pay child support. I also think that you will get alternating holidays.
I am confused. Your ex is saying there has been no change that would require her to pay support? But, if there is a reason she should have to pay support then she wants the children?
That is BS. Having to pay child support is not a criteria for best interest of the children that would warrant a change in custody.
Sounds like her own words do her in.....I would not worry about it. We never know what will happen in court, but what she is trying makes no sense.
yes you are correct in what you read. She doesn't believe that their has been a substantial change, however if the court finds one she wants custody.
In other words i'm seeking child support and standard visitation, if the court grants this she will "TRY" to seek custody. I think her own words in her counter motion will do her in, once the judge see's the case in full.
Why don't you drop the visitation part of your action and seek child support only? Once mom has to shell out $$ per month, she may end up less inclined to visit as frequently. No I am not saying put her in a financial strain where she can't afford to see her child. Weigh whether you want all year with your child or are you willing to give up the holidays in exchange? The judge may see you as being 'greedy' and trying to take precious parenting time away from mom. Judges are funny.
I don't see that there is a change in circumstances to modify or change the visitation schedule, but once you open THAT can of worms you open the whole custody/visitation can of worms. It appears mom just opened it because she is counter-suing you for change in custody. I don't know if dropping your action would automatically drop her custody action or not.
Sometimes you have to just be happy that you are the one raising your child daily and in exchange for that you lose out on other things. A holiday is just another day. Celebrate the weekend before or after. We've been told this by the GAL re: time she's not going to be spending at home during the holidays. Find a way for it to work.
I agree but my child wants to spend some time here. I really care about my ex eventhough she might not believe it. but she's my childs mother and for two people to have a child together means that at one time you loved each other enough to bring a child into this world that's both yours and the other parent. Every child needs both parents in their lives and i strongly encourage a loving relationship with all.
However. i've tried to work things out with her outside of court and she woudn't agree to anything. I'm at a loss but I can say that I really do care for my ex. If she needed me, i'd be there for her. But my child needs to have time with my family during the holiday season and at least alittle during the summer. Plus her mother needs to help support our child as it's her duty.
I strongly encourage all readers to read the following in the bible.
Psalms 139. :)