SPARC Forums

Here is the deal, my buddy's wife left him on x-mas day. He was at work while she left and took her stuff and their couple month old child out of the house. She later came back and took just about everything out of the house to include his work uniforms, tv's, children's bunk beds and twin beds, and even his shaving razors. He is currently trying to get the infant from his wife due to the fact that she is living with friends of her's that do not keep good living conditions for a child her age. His wife has had her "lawyer" send him a letter that says that he shouldn't contact or try to see his child.

Basically I am looking for advice on what he may need to do in order to get the child back into his house and how he needs to go about getting his property that she took back. His friends and I are trying to get him stuff to live with for the time being but we can't get too much for him because of the time of year. Please the guy.

P.S.- He is a Active Duty veteran soldier. 

He needs to start reading these pages ASAP:

Steps To Protect Yourself During Divorce (http://deltabravo.net/cms/plugins/content/content.php?content.4)

First Aid Kit For Divorcing Dads (http://deltabravo.net/cms/plugins/content/content.php?content.21)

Tips for getting started (http://deltabravo.net/cms/plugins/content/content.php?content.28)

"The List", by Tom (http://deltabravo.net/cms/plugins/content/content.php?content.13)

Waylon's advice is good (as always).  My top recommendations are:


1.  Go to the courthouse YESTERDAY and file for an emergency custody hearing.  Hire a GOOD lawyer, if he can afford to.  There are lots of tips on this site on finding a good attorney.  My experience has been that female attorney's are better at handling these kinds of issues, due to the male vs female bias when it comes to children.


2.  Start keeping a journal of what is going on.  Dates and times, and try to be able to corroborate all entries with some kind of hard data.  Examples:  If he goes to see his child and they aren't at the agreed upon place, buy a pack of gum or something to show he was there and save it.  Save all emails.  Get a calling card like SpoodCard and start recording all phone calls between him and his wife.


3.  It sounds like, from the letter from the lawyer, that she has already started with some kind of accusations.  If these are false accusations he needs to take immediate steps to protect himself.  If he has assaulted her, he needs to get help right away and stick with it throughout the custody process (and beyond).


4.  Read up on personality disorders and how to deal with them.  Someone who does what she did is either fleeing a dangerous situation, or personality disordered.  Usually the latter.  [size=78%]http://www.shrink4men.com/2011/08/24/false-allegations-in-divorce-and-custody-battles-the-personality-types-of-false-accusers-and-the-falsely-accused/ (http://www.shrink4men.com/2011/08/24/false-allegations-in-divorce-and-custody-battles-the-personality-types-of-false-accusers-and-the-falsely-accused/)[/size]


5.  Read this, and start practicing it immediately:  [/size][size=78%]http://www.mrcustodycoach.com/blog/top-10-rules-of-low-contact (http://www.mrcustodycoach.com/blog/top-10-rules-of-low-contact)[/size]


(PS - I am not plugging Mr. Custody Coach's service.  But I am a long time reader of his blog that his psycho ex wife had taken down, and his low/no contact strategy works.  We have used it ourselves for several years with excellent results.)

The mother's attorney letter is a piece of paper and you do not have to accept the terms and conditions of the attorney. If you receive a court order that is something different. Document attempts to see the child because the attorney will use the status quo argument against you that you are not in the child's live and tender year doctrine. Yes, it exists for young child such as this which is a few months old.