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Main Forums => Father's Issues => Topic started by: gaeasl73 on Jun 11, 2014, 03:14:46 PM

Title: What's a father to do?
Post by: gaeasl73 on Jun 11, 2014, 03:14:46 PM
I know that I am new to this forum, but to tell you the honest to goodness truth... I'm banging my head up against the proverbial wall.

One of my children's mothers (1 of 2) has decided to alienate our daughter, who is 13 years old by telling her that I will not ever get to talk to her because my child support is delinquent and I'm not sending enough.

The other one, who lives in the same state as I do, will not let me see my son (who is 5 years old) and demands that I tell her where I live, where I work, and other sensitive details and will not give any information in return.

I'm only working a part time job because it's the only thing that I can currently find and that's not for the fact of looking and applying.  I have the child support money taken from my check (I arranged it that way to make sure that it was taken care of before anything else happened), and yet to them it isn't enough.

My questions are this...
1.) Can a NCP be cut off from the child of a CP even if they are delinquent in their support order?
2.) What legal resources are available to the father of the child if are unable to pay the fees for filing court documents and orders?
3.) What is the best course of action available for a NCP to make sure that the CP doesn't leave the state, or have the child around immoral or dangerous situations outside of the NCP's home? (drugs, gangs, etc.)

I only ask this because, since I have had issues for the past 13 years concerning my daughter and her mother was the one who decided that she didn't want to face DHS in my area and left the area to move back in with her mother in another state. Another reason is that I have been looking around and I cannot find any agency that will  help because of my low-income status and the fact that both of my children are in the custody of their mothers. 

There are other mitigating factors associated with this, but at this time all I am looking for is either a point in the right direction or a direct answer.  I'm getting frustrated because I keep getting the proverbial carrot of communicating or seeing my kids dangled in front of me if I cooperate, only to have it completely destroyed when something completely out of my control happens and it hurts the kids more than it does me.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.
Title: Re: What's a father to do?
Post by: ocean on Jun 11, 2014, 03:17:44 PM
1, Do you have any visitation orders for either child?
2. Many states, you can file yourself for free or low cost. (NY-free).
3. CHild support and visitation are separate so no, they can not withold visits even if you are behind on payments.

Tell us what you have already from the courts for each child and then we can comment further.
Title: Re: What's a father to do?
Post by: tigger on Jun 11, 2014, 03:25:43 PM
And just to make it easier for us to follow:

13 yr old daughter = DD13
5 yr old son = DS5

Mom of daughter = BM13 or BMd
Mom of son = BM5 or BMs
Title: Re: What's a father to do?
Post by: MixedBag on Jun 11, 2014, 03:59:14 PM
and get a copy of Divorce Poison from Ebay or Amazon.
And here in Alabama it costs $400 to file and ask for anything.....(yikes!  in my book)
Title: Re: What's a father to do?
Post by: gaeasl73 on Jun 13, 2014, 01:47:24 PM

First of all, thank you for helping.  I would like to address that BM13 and BM5 only have support orders right now, but from what the discussion is that BM5 is going after custody.  BM13 lives in another state (Ohio) and BM5 lives here in Arkansas. 

Secondly, the financial strain of all of this has taken a rather large toll on my children and I as it causes fights with DD13 and BM13 and I ultimately end up hearing it in the end.

BM5 continues to be evasive about visitation and communication, stating that "when I have the time..." and various other excuses.  She temporarily changed her tune when she found out that all communication (back and forth) was being recorded. 

I currently do not have the necessary funding for a lengthy fight in the court systems as this is a "mother's first state" and heavily favor's the mother regardless of the environment.

I just really don't know what to do.
Title: Re: What's a father to do?
Post by: ocean on Jun 13, 2014, 03:10:03 PM
If you do not have any visitation orders then you would need to file for custody and visitation plans where the child support orders came from. Call the local family courts and ask if it costs anything to file for visitation. You do not need a lawyer, just asking for a written plan so you get to see your children without interference from the BM's. YOu can also try an email or letter to each of them stating:

As you know I miss xx and would like to have scheduled visits with her. I would like to do this out of court if at all possible so we can come up with a schedule that we both agree with instead of a judge ordering a standard schedule. (FOR 5 year old). I am available after school on XX days so I can see her for a few hours. Please pick a day during the week that she is available. Once she feels comfortable we can talk about longer visits on some weekends and maybe a longer visit this summer. Let me know what you think by xx so I know if I have to file in court. Thank you. (for 13) I would like to see her this summer and available the following weeks but need to make arrangements with work. Please let me know what week would work for her schedule. If I do not hear from you by xx, I will file for formal visitation but would rather we work it out ourselves. Thank you.

This way you tried, see what the reactions are, call the courts to see what the next steps would be. Courts will give you summer, holiday schedule for older child and every other weekend and weekday for younger child as the standard. Good luck!
Title: Re: What's a father to do?
Post by: gaeasl73 on Jun 17, 2014, 08:59:16 AM
Thank you for the prompt response. 

This looks like something that I will have to take up quickly because of mitigating circumstances.