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Main Forums => General Issues => Topic started by: Apple on Aug 25, 2014, 11:39:28 AM

Title: BM claims work interferes with new schedule
Post by: Apple on Aug 25, 2014, 11:39:28 AM
DH and BM are required to use a Parenting Consultant to decide issues they cannot.  The PC decisions are legally binding after two weeks if neither party files in court for a decision to be changed.  And even if one or both parents disagree with a decision they’re required by CO to follow the decision until a judge changes or affirms it. 

Interested to hear opinions on this…  BM is high conflict, so it makes PC decisions that are not in her favor very difficult and stressful.  Recently she brought 2 issues to the PC.  She wanted to discontinue the SD’s Thursday overnight at DH house and to change the exchange point.

Two years ago, BM (custodial) moved 40ish miles away and claimed SD were missing school activities etc. by having to come to DH house every Thursday.  The PC met with SD to get their input (they’re 12 and 15).  They corroborated BM’s claim they are missing school activities on Thursdays, and suggested they come over another night.

The PC decision was emailed to us last week.  The Thursday overnight is now to be Monday, and the exchange point was moved six miles closer to BM.  HOWEVER, the PC also ruled all exchanges are to happen at this new exchange point.  In the past, with the old schedule, DH was driving them to school every Friday, and picking them up from school every other Friday (for our weekend with them).  When BM claimed she was doing most of the driving, she was very wrong.  We were doing 3 times the driving she was.

BM sent DH and email saying she can’t meet on Monday and Tuesday mornings because she’s going back to school and her classes may interfere (she’s been talking about these classes for months but has not registered).  BM then sent the PC an email telling PC that her work interferes, and she’s unable to comply with the new driving requirements.  Her story keeps changing, and we suspect she’s lying about her work schedule.  She works overnights at a fast food place and claims she gets off work at 7am.  OSD told us it was more like 4:30am.   

We are really gun shy about the PC decisions.  BM had one overturned when she moved the girls 40ish miles away without tell DH.  She changed their school without his knowledge.  But since she’d already moved, the judge overturned the PC decision.   If this one ends up in court, would/could a judge force BM to change her work schedule to accommodate this new arrangement?  She works shift work and has altered her schedule multiple times in the past (but now suddenly can’t).     
Title: Re: BM claims work interferes with new schedule
Post by: ocean on Aug 25, 2014, 03:24:31 PM
She will not be forced to change her work schedule but you can make her get the work schedule from the employer to see if she is telling the truth. I would email her back, if Mon overnight until Tues does not work, then what other night would work for you? LOL

Now with the girls ages, you are very close to when things change. Older child may get a job soon and totally make any schedule not work. As they get older , gets harder to keep the "normal" schedule but they will start to drive and you can make arrangements with them in a few years.

Do you get every other weekend? Seems like on your weekends go back on sunday to be back on monday?
Title: Re: BM claims work interferes with new schedule
Post by: Apple on Aug 25, 2014, 04:50:24 PM

I'd wondered about getting her work schedule but was concerned she'd get someone to fake it...  If we end up in court I'd ask attorney to request it directly from employer.

The new schedule is EOW with them staying until Monday (the Sunday overnight is new), and every Monday night.  The PC was pretty clear she wanted the kids needs first, and that the parents need to "step up and take responsibility for their decisions."  My guess is this applies to BM's decision to move.  The SD's want Monday and PC expects parents to make it work.  BM changes her schedule all the time. She could make this work but I'm sure is not happy that she's being made to drive more. 

I didn't mention in previous post, but BM wrote in an email to DH after getting this decision that she's spent 10 years raising these kids and now she's going to focus on herself.  That email was forwarded to the PC.  Fantastic attitude...  :-\

Title: Re: BM claims work interferes with new schedule
Post by: MixedBag on Aug 25, 2014, 05:26:22 PM
I like Ocean's approach....ask for another night.

I'm debating whether or not it would be a good idea to say that dad doesn't mind picking up the kids at school and returning them to school -- as this avoids unnecessary facetime with Mom which triggers conflict in front of the kids. order to keep it that way???

Title: Re: BM claims work interferes with new schedule
Post by: MixedBag on Aug 25, 2014, 05:27:07 PM
Or say Dad will do the driving in exchange for a reduction in CS for transportation considerations -- and take that responsibility totally away from Mom?  Don't know what you'd like....ya know?
Title: Re: BM claims work interferes with new schedule
Post by: Apple on Aug 26, 2014, 05:22:41 AM
DH was able to work with his employer to make the new schedule work.  For DH to do all driving both days would get him to his office after 9am both Monday and Tuesday (and much later in the winter, we live in upper Midwest).  He'd be hours late both days.  Whereas BM lives and works near the school.  Not to say it's impossible, but the main point of the PC decision was for the driving to be more equal. 

BM said she works Sunday - Thursday, so the old schedule would work to share driving, but she convinced SDs they miss too much on Thursdays (they really didn't, the few times there was something we switched nights).  BM was trying to get rid of the midweek visit altogether.   I don't think she ever thought the nights would switch. We had some pretty convincing information about BM lack of attention to school and how it affected SDs. DH feels it's critical SD are at our house during the school week.

The PC can't decide CS issues, but it's a consideration if we end up in court.  BM would flip out.  Her husband has 25k+ in judgements against him (and one more pending) and DH and I believe is getting his wages garnished by the sheriff.  The parents don't get out of the cars at exchanges.  That was decided years ago after Several instances of BM screaming at DH in front of the girls. 

DH is going to give PC BM's employer info.  PC has some far reaching authority and it may extend to contacting employers.  I'm sure the PC would also want to know if BM has even tried to make it work (assuming her schedule actually interferes).  BM has worked at this fast food place for years, I find it hard to believe they wouldn't work with her if she asked.