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Main Forums => Father's Issues => Topic started by: gaeasl73 on Oct 12, 2014, 01:49:03 AM

Title: My son needs help! He is being abandoned by his own mother!
Post by: gaeasl73 on Oct 12, 2014, 01:49:03 AM
My son, who is almost 6 years old, has been basically abandoned by his biological mother into a mental facility in Arkansas because she claims that "he is overly aggressive, bites himself,..." and a whole list of other things.  This admission into a facility strikes me as a major shift in her abilities as a custodial parent and her ability to deal with raising children.  She also has a infant daughter, newborn and age unknown, that she claims that my son struck her and this is why he is being admitted.

This is not the first go around that I have had with her concerning our son.  She keeps calling and claiming that I need to pick him up, but then she complains that I have my family (my fiance and I and our children) and he can't be anywhere around them.  She threw a huge conniption fit when she found out, through me being very forthcoming, that I took him to Missouri so we could go get his step brother from HIS father.  At no time was my child in danger, he has been well behaved (as well as a 5 year old could possibly be) and never aggressive to siblings or step siblings.

I'm trying to get emergency custody of him because of very alarming signs coming from his mother and her status.  My son is "borderline autistic", with diagnostic impressions of Hyperkinetic Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorder, and a few others. I have a 7 year old step son with my fiancee who has a list of confirmed disorders and I've never had an issue with anything, so I know what the signs are and how to deal with them. Along with these diagnoses, she went against the recommendations of the doctors and went ahead of her own free will and admitted him with "anger issues." I swore to myself that I would never allow this to happen to any of my children while they were and are in my care, but as soon as she got him back from me, she admitted him. She's even gone to the point of telling the clinical psychologist that "he doesn't ask about his father, father doesn't want son..." and various inconsistencies. She's never had a stable place to live since we left each other. 

The problem with this is the paper work that I have been willfully given to me by the mother is full of lies and rife with inaccuracies.  The burden of proof of these allegations, I know, lies with me but the history of her hiding the truth and concealing facts cannot be ignored just for the sake of making a better life for just one individual. 

The reason why I am asking for help is because it is my firm belief that she is abandoning him so she can live her life while collecting my sons SSI and child support from me, while I am powerless to do anything about it.

What can be done?  I'm fighting a losing battle because of all the lies and hiding of facts that she's done.  And she knows that I cannot afford a family lawyer because of the child support that I'm paying.  Yes, I work.... I work constantly to provide a safe environment for my family. I pay my bills, I don't move, I have a stable home.  These are the exact things that this child needs. He doesn't deserve to be discarded like a piece of trash because it's convenient. I just want to bring him home and show him that he's not going to be thrown away because things are difficult.  No child should ever feel like that.

Please help.... not just for me as the father, but for the one who feels helpless, the one who doesn't understand that this is not his fault.  He's done nothing wrong and most certainly done nothing to deserve something as cold and as callous as this.
Title: Re: My son needs help! He is being abandoned by his own mother!
Post by: tigger on Oct 13, 2014, 07:58:03 AM
What state are you in?  Are you in the same county as the mother and child?
Title: Re: My son needs help! He is being abandoned by his own mother!
Post by: gaeasl73 on Oct 13, 2014, 09:51:32 AM
We all live in the state of Arkansas, but she has stated several times through voice, text, and print that she is liable to move at any given time.  As far as where she lives... who knows?  She's been very evasive with information, while I have been very cooperative and forthcoming.

Status update... DHS told me to call the child abuse hotline through the Arkansas State Police.  They advised me that, while they understand the frustrations (I don't believe that they do), they will only do nothing but file that I have made a report and they will do nothing to further the investigation at this point.

I am meeting with his therapist today and from the discussion that we had, albeit briefly, she seemed surprised that I was getting involved with this because of the sworn given statements from his mother.  Well, of course I going to get involved... he's my son and he's done nothing to deserve any of this.
Title: Re: My son needs help! He is being abandoned by his own mother!
Post by: Scupper on Oct 13, 2014, 02:46:53 PM
I just went through something similar. if there are no court orders barring you from being involved with counselors and health care providers, and being there for the child. Be there at all costs for the child. Ensure you get copies of all paperwork. If you have to file with the courts an order requesting that all medical / mental care providers are not to bar you from visitation if child is admitted, and that you have the right to receive copy's of all medical records. Also review any current orders to see if BM is suppose to keep you informed of address, telephone numbers, medical providers, etc... If not there then be sure to request it in the order.

At this point put BM on notice you will be there for the child. I am not an attorney and highly suggest if you can find some way to hire one, do it.  There is hope, I have had my son for going on 9 months after him being admitted on three separate occasions to mental institutes for anger issues. He never really displayed them while in my care, He also missed a ton of school while in her care.

My Attorneys plan was to get health care providers in to testify to the state of mind of the child, and was able to get copies of all their reports, most were not very nice toward BM. They slammed me for not being there, but I had documented evidence of all my attempts, court orders, contempt motions against  BM and Health care providers. In the end the court decided my demeanor was better able to handle the child, and that BM failed to be that positive authority in the child's life.

I wish you luck there is hope
Title: Re: My son needs help! He is being abandoned by his own mother!
Post by: ocean on Oct 13, 2014, 02:59:16 PM
If child is school age, use the letter from this site to request school records. All parents are covered by fed law to have access to their child's records regardless of custody. Ask for copies of everything in the perm record folder and attendance. One of those should have her contact info (address and telephone numbers).

See what this counselor says. See if they will admit for a longer period of time, and ask for temp emergency custody especially medical legal custody. It really depends on what the dr say, if they believe he has a condition and will testify in court, going to be an uphill battle if mom fights it. If child is in long term care/hospital- look into suspending child support while mother is not caring for him. However, there are not too many places that will keep a child too long. They may change meds and off to out patient treatment. If child goes to school, see if there are any behaviors showing up at school.

You can ask therapist to have visitations at counselor office too. Be apart of the sessions if they want or put some sessions under your insurance for family sessions and have child there with you.
Title: Re: My son needs help! He is being abandoned by his own mother!
Post by: gaeasl73 on Oct 14, 2014, 08:05:21 AM
I have spoken with his therapist at the facility and she tells me that they are only going to be able to take him for the duration of 1 week because he shows no signs of self-harm or harm to others, which his BM stated otherwise.  I was in a phone conference with the BM and the therapist and after that, the therapist and I agreed on quite a few things.  The inconsistencies of her reports, being the biggest one... no indication of lashing out or violent behavior, nor is there any indication of him actually understanding what is going on.  His perception of this whole ordeal varies greatly from time to time... indicative of a lack of structure in both learning and home environment.  I have to go back up to the facility today to bring him clothes because the BM didn't even consider bringing them.

I did get to see him, albeit very briefly (15 MINUTES) but what a cherished time.  When asked questions about how he was, he was initially very hesitant to answer but when kind of prodded for answers, he opened up but wouldn't divulge details.... then again, he's 5 and this is a wholly chaotic time.

I have contacted an attorney but will not be able to meet with her until 21Oct2014 and was given a quote of $1500 to retain her services.  She is a very highly regarded attorney that specializes in children rights and family law.  Problem is that amount of money is a hard pill to swallow with all of the child support that I am paying with the other two children.  I've asked legal aid for assistance and they claim that I make too much for them to be of even a referral. So, the only way that I could even come up that kind of money is a gofundme project with all proceeds going to legal fees and process and nothing else. 

I tried to get DHS to get involved but they said that they wouldn't get involved because there was no complaint of child neglect or abandonment through the state police.  I called the state police child neglect and abust hotline and after a few heated moments, they decided that they wouldn't do anything except make note in the file that I had filed a report. This fiasco has been going on for over 2 years and I've even filing in forma pauperis to the courts for custody and they claim that I make too much (8.50/hr) and that I need to get a lawyer and have the correct forms filed through the local courts properly.

I am at my wits end with all of the runaround that I'm getting from the state because this is a "mother's first" state and my child is getting the brunt end of this.  And to think that this whole charade started because I wouldn't buy her a car, a computer, and a phone when I got the settlement from my wreck.
Title: Re: My son needs help! He is being abandoned by his own mother!
Post by: ocean on Oct 14, 2014, 02:50:09 PM
You can file in court yourself if you feel confident and usually for free or small fee. File for temp emergency hearing as child is in a facility and mother can not care for him and child will be released from facility in a week (does mom even want him back in a week). You can go to family court that listened to your last case and ask where to file. Get there very early and with all previous court orders. Make copies for them just in case. When you go in, fill out paperwork, some places you may see judge that day and judge will make a temp order so be ready with that. You can also call that lawyer up and how much it would cost for her to show up for emergency hearing that time is important as child will be released in a week. Tell them you want to hire for emergency hearing only at this point. See what happens at hearing....then can rehire them or represent yourself.

Call the therapist at this center and ask if they would be willing to put in writing recommendations for temp placement. Is child in school? Will you be able to get child to same school? If so, write that in the papers "father will be able to have child remain in same school". If he goes to school, go to the school and ask to speak to teacher and social worker. See if they have any information about what they have been seeing. They can make CPS call if needed and will open a case. Kindergarten is not mandatory in many places so school may not be able to help legally but can write letters about any/all behaviors they have seen/not seen and attendance records.

Good luck! (we are not lawyers but have been around family courts for a very long time)

Title: Re: My son needs help! He is being abandoned by his own mother!
Post by: gaeasl73 on Oct 15, 2014, 01:08:37 AM
I have spoken with his therapist on several occasions but all they tell me is his updates and pretty much nothing about what his BM discusses.  They claim client confidentiality, which I kind of understand. As far as her wanting him back, I honestly don't know.  I've tried to get various agencies involved with this, aside of the courts because of the cost.... even a small fee right now is out of the question as we are dead broke.  As I have stated previously, I am trying to get him released to my care as I have a more stable environment and better resources than BM.
Title: Re: My son needs help! He is being abandoned by his own mother!
Post by: ocean on Oct 15, 2014, 05:28:21 AM
Call the family court this morning and see what the fee if any will be. In NY it is free to file. I looked quick for your state and child services does not have the authority to give you custody, only courts. So, you need a petition in front of a judge for him to be released to you if she has custody papers already. Maybe email/text mom or through the therapist a short letter stating you are willing to take xx in your home from the center on a temp basis.
Title: Re: My son needs help! He is being abandoned by his own mother!
Post by: gaeasl73 on Oct 22, 2014, 02:18:27 AM
We have spoken with our attorney and she is pretty much in awe of the fact that DHS would not even lift a finger to investigate anything about this case.  Also, she stated that given the evidence that I did have in my possession (and there was more that I had in my files at home) that I have a very, very strong case. 

My son is in my care for a week and everything is being documented.  Everything from his behavioral patterns to his bedtimes and so on, so forth.  I am not leaving anything to supposition because the last time that I did, I got the shaft from DHS about it.

However, the one thing holding this entire resolution back is money.  $1500 of it, to be exact... and that's just the retainer.

Does anyone know how to come up with this kind of money because I've called in every favor that I could possibly think of, my credit is shot so bank loans are out of the question.... the story goes on.

It's just the last piece of the puzzle to put this all behind us, and it just happens to be the biggest one of all.
Title: Re: My son needs help! He is being abandoned by his own mother!
Post by: ocean on Oct 22, 2014, 05:10:50 AM
Who released child to you?
Did you call the courts? If you have child with you , even easier, file papers for temp custody as you now have child. If there are filing costs with your state ask if there are waivers as you can not afford fee but you have child.
Title: Re: My son needs help! He is being abandoned by his own mother!
Post by: MixedBag on Oct 22, 2014, 05:42:06 AM
Ahhhh......the money factor.

1.  See if the attorney will take a credit card.

2.  See if you can get a cash advance on your credit card.

3.  If you don't have one with room, apply for a new card and see if you can do it that way.

4.  See if the attorney will take payments.

5.  Actually -- this thought just came to mind.  if you have a card -- with the room -- or get a card -- apply for and become a visa payment processor.  THEN charge the card to yourself and have the cash transferred into your bank account -- this is an expensive way to go but it will work.  AND it will take over a week to set up, but that's another way to take a cash advance equivalent against your card without paying the higher cash advance rate on the card.  (but you pay a Square processing fee (one time) etc....).

This is all not NORMAL advice for getting your hands on money that I would give to my child -- BUT when it comes to family court, the need to hire an attorney, and YOUR child -- I'd go outside the box of common financial sense and find the money.
Title: Re: My son needs help! He is being abandoned by his own mother!
Post by: gaeasl73 on Oct 22, 2014, 09:40:52 PM
I don't do credit cards.... security issues.  That's the problem with having exes....  I have found an alternative and will try to put it into play by the next Monday.
Title: Re: My son needs help! He is being abandoned by his own mother!
Post by: MixedBag on Oct 23, 2014, 06:34:04 AM
good luck!