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Main Forums => Visitation Issues => Topic started by: sillystring on Nov 13, 2014, 06:47:06 AM

Title: Supervised visitation - what to ask for?
Post by: sillystring on Nov 13, 2014, 06:47:06 AM
Mom recently got arrested for possession of meth, heroin, and MDMA. Her family that bonded her out of jail lives out of state, so she was forced to go live with them 7 hours away.

Most likely, she will just get probation since this is her first offense (according to her lawyer). Not sure which state she will have to serve her probation since she has nowhere to live here since her husband is divorcing her.

Her family is working with us on getting her to sign a temporary order so my husband doesn't have to take her to court. Even though she will probably be stuck out of state for awhile, the current order is 50/50 and my husband isn't comfortable just jumping right back into that once she is able to move back (which could be years down the road).

What should my husband ask for?

Obviously, supervised visitation at my husband's discretion. He may need to be more specific than that to get her to agree to it. What is reasonable? 9-4 on weekends and 3-6 on weekdays when she is in town? Is that too much? He is okay with one specific family member supervising the visitation.

Phone / facetime contact daily

Should he ask for drug testing or just leave that up to her probation officer?

Can he ask for her to attend a drug treatment program? She has said her lawyer said she probably won't have to go to rehab since she only had a small amount of drugs on her. But we know for a fact that her drug problem has gone on for years, and she also has a pill problem, which she didn't get in trouble for (and we have no proof). She needs rehab. And we want her to get better and we don't see that happening without extensive behavioral therapy. Living with her enabling family is not going to help her much.

Anything missing?

Title: Re: Supervised visitation - what to ask for?
Post by: tigger on Nov 13, 2014, 07:30:55 AM
What are the ages of the children involved?  Would your husband be willing to supervise visitations?  Would the mom be agreeable to that?  Were the children around the drugs?
Title: Re: Supervised visitation - what to ask for?
Post by: sillystring on Nov 13, 2014, 07:50:05 AM
One 8 yo daughter.

Yes, my husband and I are both willing to supervise as well. Mom came over yesterday to spend some time with her and say goodbye before leaving the state.

My stepdaughter was not with her when she got arrested but she knows the drug dealer by name and has been to his house numerous times (but had to wait in the car). And we just found out from mom's husband that her friend called and apologized for not telling him sooner but she caught mom snorting coke on their wedding day. So, my stepdaughter has definitely been around her mom while high and has been with her while picking up drugs. But we don't really have proof of that I suppose.
Title: Re: Supervised visitation - what to ask for?
Post by: MixedBag on Nov 13, 2014, 08:24:24 AM
Title: Re: Supervised visitation - what to ask for?
Post by: ocean on Nov 13, 2014, 08:52:47 AM
Why not go to family court and ask for temp emergency custody as mother has been arrested and moved out of state? Too early to make a long term visitation schedule now. Usually the courts will suspend visitation until the criminal case is over, she finishes a program, and is randomly drug tested during probation. First priority is to make child safe and maybe some counseling if she understands what happened. Right now, phone calls-video chat if she is sober and in a place that allows that would be good start.

If mom stays out of state and a good girl, you will be dealing with out of state visitation in coming years. With you already having 50/50, guessing same school district, mom out of state,  and her criminal record all go in your favor for strong custody case NOW.

Is child services involved now? Did they give dad custody?
Title: Re: Supervised visitation - what to ask for?
Post by: sillystring on Nov 13, 2014, 09:47:35 AM
Fortunately, my stepdaughter was with us when it happened so she has remained with us. She goes to school in our school district.

My husband has already talked to our lawyer about filing for emergency temporary custody. She wants $2500! But she said it would only be $1000 if we can get mom to sign a consent order but we weren't sure what to put in it. But I guess that makes sense to just focus on the short term and then hash out the long term details later.

CPS is not involved. I don't know if the police are even aware she has a child since she was with us. Should we call them? They don't know about my stepdaughter being at the drug dealer's house - that's just something she told us. I didn't know if I should call because it technically doesn't "prove" she was around drugs (although we can all assume she probably wasn't just stopping by to say hello). Mom's family and us are still in shock. Nobody had any idea (although we did suspect she had a pill problem).

Mom of course doesn't want to sign a consent order - hasn't said she won't, just that she doesn't want to. She says that since she is stuck out of state anyway that it shouldn't matter. That once she is better and able to move back, she wants to go back to 50/50. But we are worried she will try to do that sooner than she is really ready for it, and with no new temporary order. We wouldn't be able to stop her from taking stepdaughter back.
Title: Re: Supervised visitation - what to ask for?
Post by: tigger on Nov 13, 2014, 09:53:48 AM
And technically she could try to do something stupid like take the child on her court ordered time or file for contempt because she hasn't had her share of the 50/50.  Not trying to scare you and others would have more practical experience with this type of stuff.  I knew my ex wouldn't do anything that would make his parents mad so I didn't have to worry about big stunts like this.  Just little stuff.
Title: Re: Supervised visitation - what to ask for?
Post by: ocean on Nov 13, 2014, 10:05:00 AM
You can file yourself for emergency temp custody. Then see where it goes and hire lawyer later if she fights it. Having her arrested and out of state, the hearing "should" go pretty smoothly. He can file himself at family court (sometimes the paperwork is at different office, call and find out). Bring all court documents with you. If he goes early in morning, he can see a judge that day. Reason for change: mother was arrested on xx date on xx charges. Father has since learned that child was with mother during drug exchanges (or whatever happened). Father requests full emergency custody at this time.   Then leave the rest up to the courts to hash out what else needs to go in and when.

Can you call the local DA that has her case? (have dad make the call). Let them know what child told you and let them take it from there. Ask them what they are asking for as far as jail time. If they know there is a child, they may be more forceful making a deal that included her going to a program and finishing with drug testing for a certain amount of time. Look online and follow case. Most states have their criminal cases online.

The temp orders are for right now. He needs to file NOW as this is when the "emergency" is happening. Otherwise, if she comes back or later down the road, it will be a change in custody case. He has the proof now so if he feels comfortable doing it himself, file yourselves (here it is free to file). He can always stop the case and ask for time to get a lawyer at any point. Also, can ask the lawyer , if you do the leg work and file, how much would it be for lawyer to show up to court only? Some people hire/fire their lawyers to save money. Hire for court appearances only and not to call/send letters to ex or file the papers.

Good luck!
Title: Re: Supervised visitation - what to ask for?
Post by: sillystring on Nov 13, 2014, 10:12:15 AM
My husband was supposed to call the DA yesterday but when he found out mom was getting out of jail yesterday, he had to deal with all that instead, so he should be calling today. He doesn't think they will tell him much since it is an ongoing investigation. It was a big drug bust involving months of surveillance and multiple people were arrested.

He wants to try to file ourselves but I'm worried about doing it incorrectly. We learned the hard way in the past that you can only file for an emergency hearing once on the same issue.
Title: Re: Supervised visitation - what to ask for?
Post by: Waylon on Nov 13, 2014, 11:59:10 AM
This place might have some useful resources for you:

Supervised Visitation Directory (

They have lists of supervisors and other stuff.