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Main Forums => Father's Issues => Topic started by: superdad01 on Dec 21, 2014, 07:15:25 PM

Title: How much is to much?
Post by: superdad01 on Dec 21, 2014, 07:15:25 PM
ok, just trying to get some opinions on this.

We have a shared custody order, yet we live nearly 100 miles apart. I get child on weekends and 1/2 summer. we also split transportation.

Child is 12 and  was recently accepted into a program that will help with college expenses. This program is located down by the mother and I guess they are required to do things on weekends etc. so basically i'm going to pick child up on friday driving 180 miles round trip, and then have to drive another 180 miles on saturday so child can attend the event with this program. If i factor in my drive time for work etc, I'm looking at 10hrs of drive time in 2 days.  I mean I support my child succeeding but at the same time how much is to much. I'm hoping I am not sounding like a jerk but it seems a bit much to me. Not to mention this was done without even asking my opinion on it and it does directly interfere with my time with child. I also work a lot of weekends to this directly affects my ability to spend time with child and will force me to use others to transport this child to these events. I also know for a fact that if I signed child up for something, I can't see her mom making a trip down here to make sure she attends. Just don't know how to feel about this one.
Title: Re: How much is to much?
Post by: ocean on Dec 22, 2014, 04:51:20 AM
Did you call the director of this program? Call and find out exactly what this program entails and explain the situation. At 12, not sure what this program could be for college? Is is the whole weekend or just Saturdays?

I understand your frustration but starting at this age is when is gets a little ugly as kids join sport teams and activities that usually require weekend participation. Then in a few years, friends and part time jobs take over. See what is involved and what you can work out with the director and what happens if child misses some weekends. Are there some weekends they do not run the program-get the schedule. Maybe have child on holiday weekends and longer when school is not in session (winter, spring, xmas, thanksgiving break). Or get more time in summer? Also many people do travel sports on weekends and spend many hours in car, you can use that time to talk and be with child too.
Good luck!
Title: Re: How much is to much?
Post by: MixedBag on Dec 22, 2014, 06:20:10 AM
I second what Ocean said -- I used to drive 5 hours on Friday evenings to spend the weekend with my son and at my brother's home -- and then 5 hours back to where my son lived.  In many ways, I had his undivided attention -- or I let the radio take over (not head sets where he could tune me out)....and we made it a great time together.

I agree get to know more about the program and how flexible it is.

And maybe negotiate more summer time or other school vacation time for your child to be with you.

If you're splitting the drive -- maybe meeting half way on Friday and returns would help too.....and for some of the events, meet half way if YOU can't attend.
Title: Re: How much is to much?
Post by: superdad01 on Dec 25, 2014, 12:11:20 PM
I plan on contacting them. I been so busy with work. That's another issue with this whole thing. I spend 2 hrs a day going back and forth to work. I often work 6 to 7 days a week. So U usually drive an average of 1000 miles a week. which includes 5 hrs of total drive time on my pick up days. I just dont know how much more I can handle.