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Main Forums => Visitation Issues => Topic started by: superdad01 on Feb 11, 2015, 09:45:22 PM

Title: Mother scheduling things on my time
Post by: superdad01 on Feb 11, 2015, 09:45:22 PM
I do understand as kids get older they have more things going on, however it seems like mother has signed child up for nearly everything she can. First thing we share custody joint and legal with mother having primary as she decided to move nearly 90 miles away during the court battle. We came to agreement most likely because of my total lack of faith in the court system, ( but that's another story in itself.)

So I have nearly every weekend with child during the school year. Well the child is now in band and choir and they have all these events scheduled during the weekend. The only problem is I live 90 miles away. Mother is unwilling to switch weekend with me so that leaves me at difficult decisions. Do I just lose out on another weekend with the child? I could always have the Child's stepmother or another family member take child to the event, but that however is not really the point.  I most likely be working so I would not be able to take the child to event anyways. But I would still have the rest of the day to do something with the child. The mother is controlling how and when I spend time with child.

Really don't know how to deal with this.
Title: Re: Mother scheduling things on my time
Post by: ocean on Feb 12, 2015, 06:12:10 AM
How old is child again?
If child is younger than HS, call the coaches and music directors and ask for schedule and ask what happens in they miss one or two days. I'm sure other kids miss every so often. Also, you/other family member can go see child then take child from a Fri or Sat event. If it is a Sunday event, have child come to you, bring child to event, and have child go home early after event (or bring child out to eat and bring child home after).

If child is in HS- same as above but usually can not miss if it is a school class (band) It may affect grade but talk to teacher.

If there is a time you will miss, do not tell child/mother until child gets to you that weekend. Explain to the child, sometimes we have to make a choice and this weekend the family is doing xyz. I talked to your teacher and all is good. Then text mother "child will not be at xx this weekend, we have other family plans, talked to teacher about absence" Then ignore and return messages, shut off phone.

Pick and choose your battles, especially if you are at work part of the weekend. Will mom fight other family members to go and pick up or return child? If so, you may need to change court order to "Dad may send a friend/family member for pick-ups/drop offs".
Good luck!
Title: Re: Mother scheduling things on my time
Post by: Waylon on Feb 12, 2015, 07:40:32 AM
Try using the "Intent To Exercise Visitation (" letter.

It's a useful letter to notify the other parent that you intend to exercise your legal parenting time (visitation) with your children.
Title: Re: Mother scheduling things on my time
Post by: superdad01 on Feb 12, 2015, 07:16:08 PM
Child is 12. The part that frustrates me the most is I am happy child is finally getting involved in things etc. Is good for her development  and everything else involved. However I have to make the trip Friday to go get her and that's 180 miles.... Then she has to go back up there saturday morning another 180 miles... Then one more trip on Sunday morning at 180 miles to fulfill all these obligations.  Meanwhile I basically have to ignore the rest of my family and small child to play taxi-cab... And I can't really even plan things to do with family because I am stuck doing all of this. I realize it's not the end of the world, however I do know my limitations and they are being severely stretched at the moment. I'll be driving nearly 600 miles that weekend alone.... How much is too much?

Mother also conveniently refused to switch the weekend with me, so which means if I don't pick her up then I lose that time with the child. so really it's just a lose/lose situation all the way around.

Not to mention, I posted in a previous thread about a program called students of promise that our child got enrolled in. apparently that is only a once a month trip so that's not to bad, but when its added to the rest... Lord help me.

Title: Re: Mother scheduling things on my time
Post by: ocean on Feb 12, 2015, 07:27:49 PM
Get her on Sat mornings after activity then bring her home to you....for rest of day/night then bring her home later on Sunday.
Once a month/two , pick a weekend and let it be non-activity weekend. Pick her up on Friday, tell child, we are spending time as family and wont be going to xx this weekend but next weekend you will bring her.

One weekend, go there for Sat, see activity, take her to lunch and bring her back early. Bring other child in car with you to see sibling. My niece and nephew drive to me a lot starting very young and have a lot of family time in the car. Not all the time but you can switch it up. Get the monthly schedule directly from the activity leaders and plan ahead.

Does mom bring her on her weekends to the activities every time? Ask that question....should be interesting if she missed any practices on mom's time.

Getting close to the age where things need to change. Parents drive all over for their kids, divorce or not. Travel teams, we used to be in a different state each week. Most months have a school break or holiday weekend in it too so one weekend should be half free for you. Plan around those weekends too!
Good luck!
Title: Re: Mother scheduling things on my time
Post by: superdad01 on Feb 17, 2015, 08:48:26 PM
I'm currently looking at all my options, from getting a hotel to just driving all weekend...  How do courts typically look at this kind of situation?  I mean it is a required school event, but I also don't feel like I should just have to spend my entire weekend driving back and forth. ( like I said, if it was 20 minutes away it would be one thing. ) I offered to switch with mother and she wanted no part of it. She somehow feels that my 2 days of weekend parenting time is equal to her 5 days of parenting time through the week.

I don't like the idea of mom just saying I dident show up to use my parenting time. But if I have to work there is no way I can physically make it happen. So I dont really know what to do... Years ago when I got moved to 2ns shift I was unavailable for my scheduled parenting time, and when we went to court she said I just quit showing up. However I did sent a letter to the FOC as well as mom stating the change in my schedule etc.