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Main Forums => Custody Issues => Topic started by: dipper on Mar 30, 2015, 04:30:12 PM

Title: Worried about child
Post by: dipper on Mar 30, 2015, 04:30:12 PM
We go to court next week.   Small recap - we are in a custody agreement with our son and his ex-girlfriend.  Currently, custody is shared but the mother started fighting that before the ink had dried well.   Some disturbing information has come to us by a relative of the mother's within the past few days.  The relative is not willing to testify, because of the problems it would cause for her.  However, she is adamant that we need custody.  She says granddaughter is not being taken care of - basics like bathed and diaper changed.  The mother slaps the 17 month old in the mouth when she corrects her for things such as getting into stuff.  The person says the house is filthy and baby cannot even sleep in her crib because it is filled with clothes and now held together with twisty ties. 


The mother is having seizures on a daily basis, but no one has reported it to her doctors.  They let her drive.  In one incident, she had a 13 year old in the vehicle with her who had to grab the wheel to avoid running into a tree when she seized.  When she has seizures, she needs hours to sleep it off and she is alone at some point daily with the baby!


Problem is, this relative has reported it all to CPS, and we haven't heard of anything being done.  She reported it around 9 days ago.  We have no proof of anything and cannot really report it ourselves as I feel they will chalk it off to a custody battle.  We did not contact this relative and are not close at all with her.  We were quit surprised when she called, but everything she says we know is very possible with the mother. 


Any thoughts on what to do?
Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: ocean on Mar 30, 2015, 04:43:53 PM
Tell your lawyer that there is an active CPS case open by an outsider on her side. You may be able to subpena her and she will be forced to come to court but at the same time, CPS should be doing their job and making the situation right. You can request medical documentation that she is okay to drive even with seizures. Filthy houses are hard to prove so let that go. More about condition of crib and her seizure activity would take priority.
Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: dipper on Mar 30, 2015, 05:14:28 PM
The seizures bother me the most.  If she gets upset at all, she has a seizure. 


I just saw an email from my attorney's office that they called our county and no report had been made.  However, she doesn't live in our county!  I don't know if CPS can pull reports from another county.  The person giving us the information has a lot to lose if they find out. 


Thank you!
Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: ocean on Mar 30, 2015, 05:19:23 PM
No, but your lawyer can call her county .... It would only be in her county.
Under oath, your lawyer can ask her direct questions with the info you have:
1. Have you had a seizure with your 11 year old daughter in the car?
2. When was your last seizure?
3. Where does the baby sleep? Is the crib filled with things? Is the crib being held by twist ties?

Is there a GAL involved here? Maybe ask for a GAL, that is a lawyer for the CHILD. Then the GAL can go into the house and see and report back to judge. Also can ask about her medical. Your lawyer can ask her doctor to testify too (has she reported the seizures to dr..). The other child can be asked questions by GAL too.
Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: dipper on Mar 30, 2015, 05:34:20 PM
The mother's lawyer is pushing for a guardian ad litem from what I understand.  Our lawyer doesn't see the need.  The child cannot talk.  And I imagine they will clean the house before a GAL goes out.  Our attorney suggested we take pics of our home to provide in court.
Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: ocean on Mar 30, 2015, 05:41:30 PM
That is fine, so they the house gets clean!
GAL's are supposed to talk to both families and see both houses. Now if they do that is a different story. In this case it may be a way to get her medical in as you have the GAL asking her those questions. With HIPPA going to be hard to get medical info but if dangers the kids....Maybe get that family member to write her concerns down on paper without her name which can be given to the GAL or the GAL and talk to them without mom knowing who it is.

We brought pictures, we used 2 at trial as PB claimed room did not have heat so we took pics of vents in room. They usually do not care. She would have to be saying your house is a mess....not really an issue right now. Have it as back up but really, family court sees hardly anything you bring in. Take pic of bed/toys/room. We made picture books from birth to court and brought those to show fun times at your house. But like I said, we did that before court so we just brought it just in case.
Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: dipper on Mar 31, 2015, 06:35:31 PM
Met with the attorney today and there is no report on file at the county the mother lives in either.  We don't know if it slipped through the cracks or was never truly reported.  Person still said she did file it.  I asked her to please call the office during the daytime and report what she knows. 


Our attorney is now feeling he will not fight a GAL if one is asked for after hearing what this relative had to say.  I have given the attorney many pics of granddaughter with family and her 'firsts'.  We are going to take pics of our home as well to take to court with us. 


Thank you.
Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: MixedBag on Apr 01, 2015, 04:47:43 AM
A GAL worked out good for me - so  I'm crossing my fingers for you too.

The rules of evidence when you talk to a GAL are different than if you bring evidence into a courtroom....keep that in mind.
Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: Kitty C. on Apr 02, 2015, 08:37:22 PM
About the driving....is the relative (who may know more about when and where she's driving) willing to call law enforcement when she's behind the wheel?  That would be the easiest and surest way to get her out of the car.  Because once that happens, her license will be taken away and there's no way for her to get it back unless and until she's treated for the condition and is seizure-free and off seizure meds for a year.  That's not to say she won't drive but it would certainly curtail her because LE will be watching her.  Also, if they stop her and she has kids in the car, THEY will report her to DHS.  It's possible that DHS is slow to move on the current case because it was referred to them by a relative (which can be subjective), whereas coming from LE, it's a 3rd party objective report.
Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: dipper on Apr 03, 2015, 08:22:49 PM
We had an incident that escalated things yesterday.  The relative that had first contacted us, texted me out of the blue yesterday stating that her daughter had my granddaughter because the mother was having many seizures and was sleeping them off.  (she sleeps for hours after seizures.)  This relative's daughter is 12 or 13 and has many health and mental issues of her own.  I was concerned with her having my 17 month old granddaughter for any real length of time as it may become overwhelming.  Also, I felt if the mother is having these seizures, then something needs to be done to push this to the attention of her doctors.


I called our attorney who said calling CPS probably would not help because they could be slow to respond.  He suggested, if possible, to 'drop in' on them and see if it was true.   We live an hour away, but my husband said he would go.  He and my son attempted to call the mother and did not get an answer.  However, our son talked with the relative, got her daughter's number - called the daughter and was told that she had went over to visit and the mother was in deep sleep and the baby was awake and walking around so she scooped her up and took her home.  No other adults were there.


Our son, got upset, and called the police.  Only...he told her what he was going to do.  She ran and woke up the mother.  By the time they got there, the mother was up at the other house and they denied everything.  Well, evidently to a point.  It appears they said the mother had took a nap.  The police told her that she had to stay up and that the girl was too young to babysit - she has to be 15.   


Okay....last week her attorney had sent a proposal which I  never saw.  Our attorney told us some over the phone, but it was an insult so we rejected.  Then yesterday he had sent our proposal.  Today her attorney sent the following message:
"Considering yesterday's events, we have had some very reasonable movement, at least regarding the hospital stays.
(basically 4 days a month total visitation, and....)

During mother's hospital stays father shall have custody from Sunday at 6:00 p.m. until Friday 6:00 p.m. XXXXX  shall be returned to mother upon discharge from hospital Immeditally  without any questions unless, its fathers regular visitation days"
I am not sure what that means....are they saying that they are only willing to negotiate to that extent because of son calling police?  He had a credible report.  No, the police could not substantiate what we were told...but the child knew she was not to take care of the baby and was worried she would get in trouble, so she woke the mother up.
Also...does that sound professional??   We did question and ultimately refuse to take child to a meeting spot one night in February when the mother was being discharged from the hospital.  It had snowed - schools were closed and the mother would not be able to pick her up until around 11 p.m.   There was a warning out that night for below zero temps!!  I think that it was in the best interest of the child to wait until it was safe the next morning.   
Any thoughts?

Oh...and I don't really know the rules when talking with a GAL.

Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: MixedBag on Apr 04, 2015, 05:15:51 AM
rules about talking to a GAL?  There are none -- normally they are an attorney -- but the rules of evidence that apply to presenting evidence in court do not apply.

Answer honestly and back up everything you say with independent evidence -- like a piece of paper or pictures.  See, the paper might be hard to get into court, but you can show it to the GAL.  For example, if the police department writes a report, you have to have the officer in court to testify that they wrote it.  But you can hand it to the GAL.
Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: dipper on Apr 04, 2015, 05:39:41 AM
Okay.   And what about being open about the other parent?  I mean as long as you are being factual - she would call every day son was at work for us to come and take care of baby or get baby.  Not....she was lazy! 
Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: MixedBag on Apr 04, 2015, 05:46:28 PM
got a phone bill to show how often she calls and what time of day it would have been?  Back everything you say -- or as much as you can -- with paperwork.

You can't simply say "She called at 2 am" -- show your phone log on your phone or your phone bill with all the calls listed.  And then the 2 am will be proven, and the "she called" believed" ....even though you can't prove exactly what was said.  Does that make sense?

Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: ocean on Apr 04, 2015, 07:07:56 PM
We gave GAL:
Pictures
Texts and emails that mother sent to us
Let her listen to voicemails
Showed kids report cards

You can give GAL:
Number to that family member and cousin who was forced to babysit
Texts and emails (never talk to her on phone and if you do, send a text/email after stating what was decided in that email)
Voicemails
Age of child should play here so GAL should be coming to your house so may not need so many pictures. We had the picture books ready to go and ask if she wanted to look through them.

Do NOT say anything bad about mother. Just say a child should have both parents in their life but we want XX in a safe environment and lately with the phone calls from her side of the family concerns us deeply. We will do whatever it takes to keep her safe.

Son and you need to keep cool. You moved to fast with last incident. You need to catch her, do not tell anyone of plans to call CPS/Police. Best scenario is to go to her local police, state what is happening at that moment and ask them to go with you to check in child.

Keep cool with court, police, mother, family members. You want evidence. Find out taping laws in your state and tape her on the phone discussing some of this. Some states you just have to inform them that any and all conversations from this point forward may be taped. Some you do not have to tell them. Also, if she is there for pick ups, tape the exchanges even if it is a phone in your pocket and audio. A GAL can listen to tapes even if it is not allowed at trial.
Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: dipper on Apr 04, 2015, 09:30:47 PM
Ocean - I agree about moving too fast by calling police the other day.  In fact, my husband had told my son not to. My husband was going to follow attorney's advice and go over there and say he was in the area....to see if it was true.  I have no plans to call CPS.  I have had some suspicions with the relative. She hinted that 'anyone can call CPS and remain anonymous'.  I replied that I could not call CPS because I have not seen any of what she is telling me. 


I do believe the relative that is telling us this stuff, but that does me no good.  No proof at all.  I do have a fb message from her to my son when she first made contact and she gave him her phone number.  I have texts coming from that phone number stating some of what she has told us - and that instigated the events the other day.


As for when the mother was still with my son, we were able to go as far back as June and highlight dates we had the child and have a slew of fb posts that she made about being sick.  In the past 10 months we kept the child the majority of the time all but 2 months.   And then it was very close....there were months we kept the child a good 75% of the time.


I do know the mother had a best friend that has went through the same situation and must have provided a lot of good tips.  The mom rarely puts anything on fb anymore, doesn't fuss during exchanges anymore and will not put anything in writing in texts. 


Even today after all the drama the other day, she came over to our van and was all chit chatty. 


We do not have a GAL yet.  We go to court  Tuesday. 
Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: ocean on Apr 05, 2015, 08:21:57 AM
She may be taping you at exchanges too (cell phone in pocket can pick up audio).

You can ask that she not drive child until she gets a doctor letter stating she can drive with seizure (seizure meds). If she had a confirmed seizure you can not drive in my state for a year. Focus on the safety of child not on her being a "bad" mother.

If any other issues come up, use the police for a welfare check on child. You do not want to be showing up at her house or you will be dealing with restraining orders next.

Good luck on Tues, let us know what happens.
Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: MixedBag on Apr 05, 2015, 04:42:28 PM
ditto -- good luck on Tuesday -- and let us know how it goes.
Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: dipper on Apr 05, 2015, 05:25:09 PM
Thank you - that is why my son called the police - for a welfare check-up.  Our attorney had suggested going there, but I can see how she would quickly use that against us.  In fact, the last time she was in hospital it was icy and cold and she wanted us to drive out late at night.  My son asked if they could come by here..she said, 'No, I am not coming to  your house and you are not coming to mine."   We did not take the child out late that night...which is why she is demanding in the new order we return child immediately with no questions.


She probably is taping which is why she is so nice at meetings no matter how hateful she has been on phone.  She used to start arguments but in the past couple of months is sweet as sugar during exchanges. 



Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: ocean on Apr 07, 2015, 03:06:55 PM
How did it go today?
Title: Re: Worried about child
Post by: MixedBag on Apr 07, 2015, 04:13:52 PM
was thinking the same.....keep checking and hoping for an update.