I filed a show cause against my granddaughter's mother and maternal grandmother in November for various issues. Our order was just finalized on November 3rd. Since then things had went pretty smoothly up until this weekend.
On Friday, I was given a 45 minute notice that the mother was getting out of the hospital and the grandmother would be picking up child. I was not home as the child was sick and I was en route home from the doctor's/picking up meds. I was not happy and expressed this, but never refused to return child. I rushed home to give child meds, write out the instructions - including that the child needed a urine sample collected the next morning, packed her up and went to the exchange location. The grandmother never showed! We took pictures and video when we arrived and got two receipts from the exchange location (a grocery store). I did not call or text as I felt it was her responsibility to be there or let me know since she had told me she would be there in text.
I never heard from either of them - no call to check on child or explanation that evening. Tonight, the mother was inquiring more about the child's health. An hour later she texted me to call her and I did. She told me that she had called the child's pediatrician tonight (Sunday) and the pediatrician wants to see her this week for a well-child check-up. She said when I make that appointment, to let her know as she will be at it. This is our time with the child and the mother has not seen the child in 10 days. I told her this was interfering and beyond her bounds as this was our time with child. Child has received proper medical care and has not had fever/pain in two days. I tried to call pediatrician as well but she did not return my call. I have turned in custody order to the pediatrician's office.
Okay..here is what I am after on here:
I want to change my show cause to include this interference in our custody time - arranging appointments when we have already handled the medical situation. Also, amend to show that they made me bring out a sick child in cold weather and did not even show up or call!
** Do I amend the order I have already filed or file a separate show cause to be included?
** I feel the doctor's office does not fully accept my role as a custodian of the child with full legal rights, is there anything specifically I can do?
Thank you all!
Not sure what you are going to write in the show cause. Call doctor in morning and cancel any appointments made by mom and text mom "as we discussed child went to dr last xx for a sick visit and they do not need to see child this week so your appointment was cancelled. Child responded well to medication and we will meet you for the next exchange on xx. The next well visit should be xx (yearly visit? recheck?).
Sounds like this is something you have to deal with them more than more court orders. They dont follow the court orders that well already. Next time you are in court, you can always add stipulations and maybe something like "grandmother xx, will take care of all well visits, In the event of sick visits the parent that is with child will text other legal parents/grandparents immediately and update the health of the child daily until child is better" Something like that?
Save the receipts that you were at exchange and hold on to it for back up in next court case but not really enough to do by itself. Before taking sick child out, confirm that they will be there or get a note from dr stating child should not travel until xx and text them the pic of dr note.
Thanks ocean - I guess I am just extremely frustrated and want the judge to see what we are dealing with. The court order does state that parties will not interfere with each other's parenting time and I feel she is doing that by calling the doctor and instigating an appointment during our time. I feel this is for two purposes - one, to be able to see child during our time and two...she called the doctor to "See what in all was said/done" like I have not informed her of the child's illness properly.
We already have a court date, so I figured take care of it all at once. But, I understand what you are saying and I will definitely sleep on it tonight! Thank you so much!
I agree with Ocean....calm down....
As for the doctor's appointments and the other side being there and it's YOUR time....CALM DOWN.
As the NCP, if I was informed of doctor's appointments in the first place and wanted to be there, THAT's my right. It's community time because it's the child's appointment.
So the child has a school function -- like a play -- EVERYONE can go see the play.
So the child has a school field trip -- BOTH sides can volunteer to help chaperone the class.
So the child has a BMX race -- BOTH sides can attend to watch the child race.
So the child has a football game in high school -- BOTH SIDES can attend.
I too would follow up with the doctor's BEHIND the father because I felt like I didn't get told everything. Maybe you did a good job -- but I'd still like to hear it from the doctor.
Oh and let me add -- school open houses, teacher's conferences, BOTH SIDES can attend.
(And in your case, I use the word SIDES vs. Parents -- because your situation is different in that parents and GRANDPARENTS have legal rights.)
Please stop and think and don't bring this up in court.....I think you're wrong (coming from a friend).
As for your rights with the doctor's office...
1. give them a copy of the order to keep on file.
2. Is there any final decision making authority in the order (sorry forgot that)? Is there a primary residence defined? If I remember correct, your order is as close to 50/50 as you can get (down to a say), has JOINT custody physical and LEGAL and grandparents on both sides included.
If that's right -- Socrateaser way back in the day said JOINT/JOINT was really a train wreck because both sides have the legal right to UNDO each other's decisions and that one side needs final say. Normally the court sides with the primary residential parent. Don't know if you can search on the Socrateaser page to find that discussion -- because the site is so old and maybe that was on an older software platform and stuff.....but I remember that comment sticking with me.
If JOINT/JOINT truly works, maybe there was no need for a divorce.....ya know?
MixedBag - I feel you did not actually read my post. NO WHERE, NOWHERE...did I state she cannot be at appointments. We go to appointments when we know of them and she has child, so I completely know and understand that.
What I said was the mother called the doctor's emergency number on a Sunday night - 3 days after she knew child had seen this doctor. The mother told me that she had discussed it with doctor and the doctor wanted to see the child that week, so I was to make an appointment - during our time with child. She does not have the right to make these decisions during our time...Talk to the doctor, yes...
The child saw the doctor on a Thursday after having a fever during the night - since she had just finished antibiotics three days before, I took her in to make sure everything was okay as a precaution. She had no fever and no symptoms when she saw the doctor. This was all explained to the mother, who had not seen child in several days.
The next day, when the child was crying in pain for over 40 minutes with her tummy, we took her to urgent care - which the primary care doctor agreed with. I told the mother the results of that visit as well and she never asked any other information - just said OK. It was not until Saturday night she asked any more questions...then that Sunday called the primary care doctor knowing she had only seen the child once - and nothing was happening at that time.
She continued several times last week to push for us to take child to doctor and her attend. The child had no fever after Friday, no pain, and was on another antibiotic. I spoke with the primary care doctor who agreed there was no need in child being seen.
As I said, she can speak to the doctors and such I know all of that. She cannot try to push unnecessary appointments on my time - that I also know is interference. I know this individual.....I know how she operates and I know what her agenda was.
Oh..and I would like to say that I did not file anything else. And I can see why Socrateaser said joint custody does not work. It will change in time anyway as the child gets older and goes to school.
I also believe I probably did not state clearly in my original post that my feeling of her interference was not in her simply discussing the issue with the doctor, it was in her pushing so hard for an appointment when it was not necessary during our time. I do feel it was inappropriate for her to call the doctor for a non-emergency days after any visit and the child had been feeling fine for two days and on meds but that is not a legal issue.
"An hour later she texted me to call her and I did. She told me that she had called the child's pediatrician tonight (Sunday) and the pediatrician wants to see her this week for a well-child check-up. She said when I make that appointment, to let her know as she will be at it. This is our time with the child and the mother has not seen the child in 10 days. I told her this was interfering and beyond her bounds as this was our time with child."
That's what you said.....and I think you're wrong.
And if it's not what you meant, you typed it out wrong.
I think you need to calm down....and pick a different battle with regards to this subject or incident.
When a child is sick, a plan of action spans literal parenting time.....
Like when our son got hurt at my home, got stitches and they needed to be taken out AFTER I sent him back. So I made an appointment on the day the doc here said to and DAD got pissy and said he is fully capable of making an appointment. Well, yes he is, but he had a choice.....make a different one and cancel what I chose, or go with what I chose. THAT actually is a control issue on his part....I focused on getting an appointment on the right date for our son.... He worried that I made the decision.
I realize none of us are attorneys and are only going by our own experiences and therefore have biases.
My grandchild was not sick last week. She did not need to go to the doctor. So, for her mother to call the doctor - who had only seen her for a fever several days before, and discuss with the doctor wanting her to come in for an appointment was wrong. When I spoke with the doctor, she agreed that a child on antibiotics with no symptoms anymore did not need to come in. I had the child in my custody for 9 days before the mother called the doctor and five days after.
Just found out tonight that the mother took child to the doctor yesterday. A doctor 10 minutes from our home and we were told tonight. Was the child sick? no.....she pulled at her ears a little, which she does because she has earrings. It's easy to run a child to doctor time and again when you are on free insurance and never have to pay anything, but it is also subjecting the child to germs and this is flu season.
Also, the mother is planning on signing 2 year old up for dance classes and expects us to bring her during our time.
I see interference with our time again as I know the child has not asked for dance class, is not potty trained, and is too young for dance class!
this will happen with many many other activities -- baseball, football, scouts, ....
Dance class starts here at 2 so that is normal. Be careful how much you fight this, I have seen many many orders state all parties will take child to activities. On the flip side, many times a parent signs the child up on purpose to interfere. Your situation in unique but when child is school age, something will have to change with this schedule.
We took kids to their activities but if it interfered with our family time then the kids missed that week. When they are younger this is fine but as they get older and on competitive teams and activities that rely on attendance then their activities have to take more of importance.
For now, text mom "I understand you want to sign xx up for dance class but due to the current schedule maybe a mother/child class would be better so you can bring her on your days. As xx gets closer to school age, we will work together so she can join school/community activities"
Also do you have anything about who pays for activities?
I know activities will occur as she gets older, but I feel this is just to interfere as there is no rush - she is only 2. Also, in order for us to take her to a 45 minute dance class would require a 2 hour round trip and that is a lot on a child her age. There is nothing in the order about who pays fees.
Mother has filed a show cause against which was received today saying we denied her medical records and honest communication. I have phone recordings and texts showing I notified her when child was sick - and I cannot deny her medical access to records. I don't have that authority.
She also filed saying I refused to return child - she is referring to when she got out of hospital. I never told the grandmother I would not return child, though I was frustrated with their games and short notice; I took the sick child to the exchange location and have proof of this.
She also said we distract child during her phone calls.....the child plays. We try to not say a word during those conversations but the mother always keeps asking to speak to us. When we call child, the mother talks the entire time and refuses to allow child to hold phone. We have numerous calls recorded to prove this.
I feel it is more a tit-for-tat thing as in...we will have proof against them but they are coming in making accusations to try to make it look like we have disobeyed order as well. We have not....seriously, I go by the order.
"Mother has filed a show cause against which was received today saying we denied her medical records and honest communication. I have phone recordings and texts showing I notified her when child was sick - and I cannot deny her medical access to records. I don't have that authority."
Well, on this one -- you figured out that you "inadvertently" do....and didn't mean to.
Let mom file and pursue, go to court and prove her wrong....and let her get her a$$ chewed. This is petty stuff and the judge needs to shut her down for filing frivolous contempt charges.
If I remember you have an attorney, counter file for attorney's fees. Sometimes when they get stuck with the bill they will think twice about filing frivolous motions again.
Thank you. We actually had told our attorney we were pursuing show cause on our own - when we filed. I could not keep building fees with him and would not want him in another custody fight, so figured I might as well cut the cord. This will be our first time actually appearing and presenting in front of the judge as before it was all agreements.
We did get child's records from another hospital today that the mother took her to - since it was the ER, she did not have to sign a HIPPA. But, she does have a PO Box listed and never gave us this updated information.
Since it was the ER? HUH? I just had my grandson at the ER....HIPPA forms were done. Again....I guess it's just potentially different when it seems like it should be the same across the board....ugh.