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Main Forums => General Issues => Topic started by: dipper on Apr 22, 2016, 11:04:42 AM

Title: Sharing my phone number
Post by: dipper on Apr 22, 2016, 11:04:42 AM
Hi everyone - brief reminder, there are five of us sharing joint custody of my granddaughter.   Yesterday, I texted the mother about something and mentioned that my granddaughter had been talking of beer the past three times she has came back to us.   I did state that we do not drink any alcohol.   That is all I said though - in no way blaming but just putting out there that this has happened.   She is only 2.   

The mother responded that there are no dranks at their house.  Okay..I let it go at that.   Nothing to argue about...but, then she waits an hour and 40 minutes and texts back asking if my son is drinking in front of her because she knows he and his brother like to drink and no one drinks at her house.     I did respond to that...not blaming anyone, but did state that in fact I do know she drinks, her mom drinks, her dad's family drinks, certain friends drink....and her ex that we summonsed to court last year was a drunk.  Again..never said child was exposed.  Just pointing out that my sons are not the only ones that drink. 
I know for 100% certainty that my granddaughter is never exposed to them buying or drinking.  She is with us at all times.   Then the grandmother started texting saying I was harrassing, that I lie, and that they dont drink.  Says she wants to know why when granddaughter comes back from our house, she stands to pee.  Which..we had wondered why when she comes from them the same thing....figured she has seen a little boy do it as her mother's friends have boys....

The grandmother then tells me to leave her alone though she TEXTED ME!  Then last night after 9:00 p.m., an unfamiliar number is calling - and I would not answer - texted to see who it was.  It was the mother's father!!  He was trying to talk to me, texted threatening that if I did not talk, then our attorneys would talk.   Okay-  either the mother or grandmother gave him my phone number.   I have never met or talked to him.  Come to find out, the mother had lied to him saying that I said HE was a drunk...not her ex boyfriend from last year.   The father did backdown and apologize.   

I did send mother and grandmother text that they are not to be sharing my phone number or that of my family with anyone as this was harassment - to give out my number so that I could be badgered.   The mother did not respond but the grandmother responded that she has told me not to bother her anymore.

I am hoping this will blow over...but I have a feeling she and her mother will try to keep this going - as in court.   
Title: Re: Sharing my phone number
Post by: ocean on Apr 22, 2016, 03:41:42 PM
Honestly, you should not have text her about that. You guys do not get along and really you can not change their parenting ways/skills. Unless child is in danger (someone comes drunk to pick her up) then leave it be. As child gets older , she will be more verbal and if needed can go to therapy. Also, although you all have custody, maybe discussions should be between the parents (with the grandparents co-parenting behind the scenes). I know there are times you have child and must text/co parent directly but for the most part deal with texting/letters like a business deal, direct to the point, answer only if it is really required with short answers.

Child may see beer in fridge and they tell her no that is beer, she can see them drinking one after work or weekend doesn't mean they are drunk in front of her. Without any evidence, you put fuel in the fire.
Title: Re: Sharing my phone number
Post by: MixedBag on Apr 23, 2016, 06:25:23 AM
There's a huge difference between co-parenting and parallel parenting....  and Co-parenting simply does NOT work in your situation.

It doesn't matter how well your intentions were -- in their eyes, you picked a weren't co-parenting.

I too went through this -- thinking I was doing the right thing -- but no matter what I said, it got turned around on me into something negative which meant an argument.  So I had to learn to stop.   There are still stories I won't share because this is an open place that my EX knows I'm at....and son is 23.   Dad has no need to know totally what I know....tough doo doo,

It will take years and maybe it will never settle down for your family.

UNLESS the CHILD smells like beer -- and then I'd take her to the police station to confirm the aroma -- let it go....  You thought you were focusing on the child, but see how they flipped it around?

If the child is with you, learn to turn off the ringer.

Screen shot who said what to whom when it comes to text messages, print, file.

Best wishes.....and vent away here.

And about sharing the number -- you said there were five of you -- isn't that both her mom and dad on her side?  For a few years, I lived with two phones...
Title: Re: Sharing my phone number
Post by: dipper on Apr 23, 2016, 03:25:49 PM
Thank you both for input - I do respect your opinions.   No...her father and her have a very distressed relationship.   He did not see grandchild until she was 10 months old and forced to do so.   She always claimed she was scared he would take child from her.  The five are my son, husband, me, her, her mom.  One of them told him I called him a drunk, got him stirred up, and gave him my number.

I am concerned about drinking as the mom has mental health issues and takes meds - neither should be mixed with alcohol.   My granddaughter is extremely smart at age 2 and I felt she has seen it to say it.  But... Yes, we are too volatile to even make mention.   I did not and never did accuse anyone or say that it was wrong.  But the stress between us has only gotten worse with time.  You are both right in that anything said will be taken wrong. 

Our exchange today - both got out with grandmother looking mean, but I was polite and gave Mom information on allergy med given to child and left.