I am trying to find out how it works if I am looking to relocate to another state. It is an adjacent state. My daughter stays with most the time. We do not have joint physical but do have joint legal. I have very good reasons for wanting to move ie continuing college, upcoming remarriage, better home and financial situation. What are my right and do I need an attorney to file the original petition to relocate? I am just wondering if there is anything that I can get started on before actually obtaining counsel. Anything that I can learn would be helpful. I reside in Wisconsin if that helps. Thanks much.
There's no problem with you relocating.....without your child. The issue is moving the child away from the other parent which in my honest opinon, is a very selfish act. When you're a parent, you give up certain rights, like the freedom to do whatever you want. You must consider your child and the non custodial parents needs in this scenario.
Well when my boyfriend and I decided we were getting married, I talked to my daughter's father about it right away. I told him that there were mant good things to come of it and that I, in no way was looking to take my daughter away from him. I said that I would drive her to him every other weekend, that he could have her on the holidays and a couple months during summer break. He said "absolutely not, YOU'RE NOT GOING". I said I am willing to do anything I can to make this easier and make it so you can see her as much as possible including phone calls email and letters orschool work sent by mail. He still flat out refuses.
You can file your intent to relocate and a new parenting plan prior to moving, then go to court.
If you do not move to far keep the every other weekend, since you are the one that decided to move, it would be best if you were responsible for transportation. (just my opinion).
Yes he is going to say NO, he doesn't want to loose his child (normal no parent wants to loose their children).
Be as fair as possible.
Walk in his shoes for a moment. Would you find your words consoling? I don't think so.
If you think it's such a great deal, give your Ex custody of your daughter and you can have the visitation that you're recommending for him.
There is no way that it is the same for me and him. He was no part of his daughter's life until she was 3 !/2 years old. She has only known him a little over a year. I pretty much raised her and when he found out he was going to have to pay child support he started wanting to see her. When she was born, I called him and asked him for his information to put on her birth certificate and he wouldn't give it to me. He told me that he wasn't going to be a part of her life because it would confuse her (was engaged at the time). He has told me that he never really wanted to have kids. There is no way that he should have her that much. She also has a brother that she LOVES very much and would be heart broken not to be close to him most the time.
right now he has 3 weekends a month. I offered every other weekend and to provide all transportation. I offered holidays and summer vacation and he still won't budge. I know for a fact that it makes him angry that I am moving on with my life and I think THAT has something to do with it. He has told me that he still loves me and that he has pictures of me up on his desk and at home still. I think some of this is not wanting to give up on us and not wanting to relinquish control. I also know that he has told me that he doesn't want "some other man being her daddy". I have told him that I am not tryin to replace him in her eyes. I just want to be able to have a better life for all of us and be happy.
So punish the bastard for his mistakes for the rest of his life. Remind him every day about every mistake that he's made regarding you and his daughter and torture him for it. Make him pay. Make him suffer.
I saw your post on Dear Soc. Your new hubbie is going into the army. What if he gets transferred to a base out of the country? How are you going to make sure your daughter has a relationship with her bio father or will a few weeks for the summer be good enought to rationalize your guilt? Oh I know, he can email his kid. That's quality communication.
Or, truth be known, it really doesn't matter. You're telling him what he wants to hear because you have a different agenda of moving, far, far away and eventually removing your daughter from his life. It doesn't matter right? She's got a new daddy now. A brother. She doesn't really need her bio father!
The purpose of this community is to promote BOTH parents in THEIR child's LIFE. You have come to the wrong place for your advice. The PARENTS (both noncustodial moms AND dads) are fighting in this community for every minute the get with their child.
You'd be better suited to go to the web site //www.singlemomz.com. They'll tell you how to screw your Ex over and get what you want. (You're probably a mole from that site anyway).
I don't know what your problem is, but I am not looking to move far far away. My soon to be husband is guarenteed a place in the US because he had high test scores and will be getting a high tech job in the states. I am looking for the best way to do what I want to and be able to make it so he can still have our daughter for visits too. You need to get a damn grip and quit being so judgemental. You have no idea what my situation is completly. Though you think you know it all, YOU DON'T!! I asked him to leave because of his controlling nature in NOV. I don't want to make him pay but I am not going to reward him for his mistakes either!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH AND BTW I KNOW MY DAUGHTER AND HER FATHER LOVE EACH OTHER SOOOOOO I HAVE NO AGENDA TO REMOVE HER FROM HER FATHER'S LIFE. I offered everything that I could think of to make it ok with him. I was willing to do trasportation, all holidays, summer vacations and drop child support. I realize that by me moving I am making it harder for him so I want to do what I can to make it easier for him in whatever ways that I can. YOU have NO RIGHT to judge, lest ye be judged yourself. I came here for some advice not a B**** session by some chick scorned for whatever reason. YOU SHOULD KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT IF ALL YOU ARE GOING TO DO IS CRITICIZE AND COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMETHING THAT HAS GONE ON IN YOUR PAST. Just because there are mother out there that do what you are accusing me of DOES NOT mean that I am that!!!!GET YOUR S*** STRAIGHT!!!
Me thinks I've struck a nerve. You summed it all by your statement stating you're not going to reward him either.
Clearly, I feel strongly that parents need to live in the same area and give up everything for their children. When you have children, they come first and the first and most important thing you can provide your child is that both parents are active in their life.
Again, as I first stated, give custody to dad and you can have a relationship with your daughter via emails and letters and phone calls and extra time during the summer. You're the one who wants to move so you're the one who should sacrifice for their child...not the child's father.
And the reality here is that a judge just might agree with me.....
>I am trying to find out how it works if I am looking to
>relocate to another state.
You won't find much help here if you want to move the child farther away from the other parent. Sorry, we just don't think move-aways are good in the majority of cases.
Put yourself in the other parent's position and see if you would still be okay with the move. You and I both know you wouldn't like it.
You want to move, feel free- but leave the child in his or her established environment with the other parent.
"I also know that he has told me that he doesn't want "some other man being her daddy"."
Would it be okay of he took the child, moved to another State and remarried?
Go ahead and tell me that you'd have no problem with "some other woman being her mommy". Baloney.
>There is no way that it is the same for me and him.
I love how they always justify the unfairness on their part with nebulous crap like this.
Yeah, if your deal is SOOOO great, give him custody and YOU can have this generous visitation you think is so fantastic.
>OH AND BTW I KNOW MY DAUGHTER AND HER FATHER LOVE EACH OTHER
>SOOOOOO I HAVE NO AGENDA TO REMOVE HER FROM HER FATHER'S LIFE.
Good, then don't move. Or move, but leave the kid with him.
>I came here for some advice not a B**** session by some chick
No, you came here looking for help in moving the child away from the other parent. And you came here looking for validation and approval.
>there that do what you are accusing me of DOES NOT mean that I
>am that!!!!GET YOUR S*** STRAIGHT!!!
That's what they all say- "I know some mothers do that, but not meeeeeeeeeeee!"
Except that you ARE doing that and trying to deny it at the same time. Puh-lease.
Flipping out on people on this site only reminds most of us of the psycho crazy custodial parents we have to cope with every day. People on this board generally will apologise if they assumed something and they were wrong.
Your one post says "right now he has 3 weekends a month. I offered every other month and to provide all transportation". It sounds like a sucky deal for your ex. The difference between being a regular presence in your kid's life versus being a vacation and holiday parent is huge. Many of us are stuck being the later.
One of the things that will get many of us pissed is your post # 3285. You really seem like you are living in the past and pointing fingers stating why you are better off without her in his life and what a bastard he was. The only reason that your daughter should stay in your physical custody over her dad's that made a lick of sense to me is the fact that she has a brother. I am assuming that the dad has no other children. You also point out that he was not involved in your daughter's life for a while. Moving your daughter away would seem to futher isolate her from her dad and would be counterproductive.
Here are a few words of advice. Learn to stay in control of yourself and if you feel like you are being attacked, state your case in an intellegent manner. If you can't respond to a post in a manner that helps get your point across on a board without comments like "GET YOUR S*** STRAIGHT!!!", it is not a far leap to say that you probably wont be able to communicate effectively with your ex. Maybe you can learn to use this forum as a way to learn how to communicate , even after confrontation, in a more productive way.
I honestly don't think moving out of state, if it is not a distance issue but a state border issue, would be a serious issue if your ex had no change in parenting time and you are willing to drive. Just make sure when your daughter gets older that this kind of road trip isn't going to deter her from wanting to see her dad.
Good Luck to your whole family
Ref
>I don't want to make him pay but I
>am not going to reward him for his mistakes
>either!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You don't want to "reward" him?? Oh geez, you are so pathetic. That one statement really says a lot about your mindset and where your head is at.
What about YOUR mistakes? Or are you perfect?
I have just two words for you: F*CK OFF. We aren't going to help you move this child farther away from the other parent.
Why should leave her here with someone that has been in her life for a year out of almost 5? Why am I the only one that thinks this is ridiculous? I have been the one to raise her. He just decided to start seeing her when he had to start paying child support in 2004. The only reason that WI is her home in the first place is because HE moved us here. Her home would have been MN if he hadn't. A nerve was struck because of the narrow mindedness that I am running into. I wouldn't care if my daughter's father relocated to another state and remarried because she would still be with me. I also know that there might come a day that he could remarry and she will have a step mom. Though the idea of her having another mommy stings a bit, I also see it as one more person to love her. I think you guys are getting your rocks off by bashing mothers here and that is no more right than mothers bashing fathers on other sites. Maybe you guys should walk in MY shoes. As long as my daughter gets to see her dad relatively the same amount that she sees him now, how is SHE harmed. SHE IS NOT!! THAT IS MY POINT!!
The only reason that I got so pissed in the first place is because of joni telling me that I have some sort of agenda like moving far far away to keep my daughter from her father which I DO NOT. The every other month thing was a typo. I went and corrected it. It was supposed to say every other weekend. He currently has 3 weekends a month and I am offering every other weekend, holidays, couple months in summer. I offered to provide transporation and even to drop child support. I know that this isn't the best way for things to be, but I also cannot change the fact that I found a future spose in another state. I shouldn't necessarily have to write that off as long as I am being cooperative. My ex even said that when I called and talked to him about this, that I was very polite and I approached him the right way.
Put yourself in the other parent's position and see if you would still be okay with the move. You and I both know you wouldn't like it.
>I wouldn't
>care if my daughter's father relocated to another state and
>remarried because she would still be with me.
MY POINT EXACTLY. You don't get it, do you?
No I am not perfect but why should I not have my daughter with me where she is more comfortable because he is throwing a fit about it. What I am offering is relatively the same as what he has right now. In fact better because he has to help with transportation right now. He is also paying child support right now. I think that I am being very reasonable in how I would be compensating him.
I might not like it but I also know that it would be really crappy to make him stay here for MY needs. Just because I wouldn't like it doesn't necessarily make it fair to him. I think that if he had had her all her life like I have and wanted to move to an adjacent state and was willing to be so cooperative, I think that I might go along with it so that they could get moved and have her registered for school before the beginning of the year.
>I might not like it but I also know that it would be really
>crappy to make him stay here for MY needs.
Sometimes as a parent you have to make chioces like this.
>Just because I
>wouldn't like it doesn't necessarily make it fair to him.
Exactly. And just because HE wouldn't like it doesn't necessarily make it fair for YOU.
>I think that if he had had her all her life like I have and
>wanted to move to an adjacent state and was willing to be so
>cooperative, I think that I might go along with it so that
>they could get moved and have her registered for school before
>the beginning of the year.
Lol, you are SO full of crap. This is the most self-serving load of baloney I've seen in quite a while.
>I think that I am being very reasonable in
>how I would be compensating him.
If it's so reasonable, why not give him custody and then you can have the same terms of visitation? I mean, if it's such a good deal you should be willing to take it, right?
I think that typo could have been the issue of controversy for the most part. I don't think that Joni or Brent (correct me if I am wrong folks) would think that it was a crap deal for the relationship if he is seeing his daughter more and on your dime and your travel time.
I hope you can understand that it looked like you were turning an every other weekend dad (already a crappy position to be in) into a vacation dad because you felt like you would wanted to move far away to benefit you and to detriment the dad's relationship.
I can't say that I agree with your attitude about the relationship completely and I think you could have handled you posts a bit better. I honestly don't see any problem with your moving and you are willing to ensure regular parenting time for dad and put it in writing that you will be responsible for the costs and travel.
I think if you were to give the judge all the information on your flexibility and willingness to pay/provide travel, you will have a good chance.
I would like to think that is the case but Brent just told me to F*** OFF. I am not getting the feeling that these reactions are due to typos. They seem to really think that I should leave my daughter here with her father when I have been the one to raise her since birth. He has been in her life for a little over a year. How does that make any sense? I thought this was supposed to be a site devoted to working things out between both parents, but I, as a mother am getting nothing but flack. It is wrong!! I am glad that you are being nice about this. Thanks for understanding.
I am really thinking that you did not understand this post. I agreed that though I might not like the idea of him moving out of state, that I don't think it would be fair to put my wants in front of what he wants and could be better for my daughter. From the standpoint of my life and her experiences and opportunities in it, this move makes perfect sense. She would have a better home, would be with her brother, have 2 little step sisters, would have great schools. We would be out of subsidized housing and off of assistence. My point is that I would let him go even if I wasn't entirely happy with it because his job would not be to make ME happy, but to care for our daughter and himself. That is what I am trying to do, take care of our daughter, my son and myself. My son has no father figure and my soon to be husband is a great dad. My son deserves this opportunity too.
>I would like to think that is the case but Brent just told me
>to F*** OFF.
Yes, that's so much worse than telling people to "GET YOUR S*** STRAIGHT!".
>They seem to really think that I
>should leave my daughter here with her father when I have been
>the one to raise her since birth.
No, we're saying "don't move".
>a little over a year. How does that make any sense? I
>thought this was supposed to be a site devoted to working
>things out between both parents, but I, as a mother am getting
>nothing but flack.
We'd give you the EXACT same flack if you were a guy. You're the one that's focussing on gender. Believe me, if a father came in here and said what you said, I'd hammer him too. Count on it.
>My ex even said
>that when I called and talked to him about this, that I was
>very polite and I approached him the right way.
What, you should get a medal for acting like an adult??
Did you read Innocent Princess' post on Dear Soc....she's leaving out quite a few details on this forum. No wonder daddy is freaking out. How is innocent princess going to drive her kid from CA to WI every other weekend for visitation? She's the one full of S***!!!!!
***********From her quote on Dear Soc - new hubby is 5 hours away and joining the army...relocating from WI to Iowa and eventually to California...***********
As I understand them, I have primary physical placement and my daughter's father has periods of physical placement (3 weekends a month). Alternate holidays and an alternate will be given to him on holidays he doesn't have.
We have joint legal custody.
I have not been able to find any restrictions on relocating in any paperwork that I have.
I am looking to relocate to Iowa, but my soon to be husband is going into the army and wants me and my kids to be able to live with him and his daughters on a base temporarily in CA or east coast during his 3-4 years he is in.
Where my soon to be husband lives is about a 4 and a half hour drive from where I live now.
My daughter will be 5 in ten days.
Where I currently reside, she has me, her brother from previous, her dad is an hour away living with her uncle and she has his parents close by (although I never hear from them in regards to wanting to spend time with her). As far as friends, she has no special friends really.
Where I intend to relocate, it would be me, my son, my soon to be husband, his 2 girls, his parents and brothers and sisters. I would be about the same distance from my family as I am right now.
Well as I said, I am looking at a remarriage, I am looking at going to a college there that has a special program set up for people with kids and a specific program devoted to my major (criminal justice), my boyfriend would be going into the military which would pay well and have good benefits. If we lived on the base with him, the schools are very good. I would have better housing in Iowa or on base because I live in subsidized housing right now. I would be able to get off assistance and be able to stay at home with my kids.
so my rights to remarry are null and void because HE doesn't like it? I am not the one focusing on gender. I believe that is was joni that said I am on the wrong site and need to go to singlemomz.com where they would help me screw my ex over. I am not just looking to move just to have a fresh start. I have VERY SPECIFIC reasons for needing to do this.
What YOU don't know is that I would have access to flights from the miltary base to a base here in WI and THAT was how I was planning on taking care of that!! Like I said, YOU DON"T KNOW IT ALL!! Rather than accusing, or trying to make me look bad, why not ask a question!!
This changes everything! Don't look to move your daughter away. My DH is in the horrible position of living 1400 miles away from his daughter because mom made a unilateral decision that it was in her (SD's) best interest. It is a horrible strain on the child and a horrible strain on the relationship you will have with your ex for the next 13 years. I honestly think BM is evil for doing that to her daughter and my DH and the thought that someone would do that to someone elsa and justify it on this board is sickening.
I can not express what a terrible thing this is. I can not express what a nightmare it has been for SD and for DH and honestly fo BM because of all the drama associated.
It also appears that you were deceptive in your post. If you will be this way on an message board, what's to keep us from thinking you are being deceptive to you ex?
Regardless of whether or not you can get flights out of the base, it is still screwed up that she would have to fly so much to have a normal realtionship with her dad.
Also, this board is chuck full of moms and step-moms (like me) both custodial and noncustodial, so it is not a gender issue.
Best wishes for you little girl
the other thing is that this would be temporary like three years. it isn't forever.
Apparently you didn't appove of the 3 1/2 years your ex was not in her life. That was too long for him to not be involved without your critisism. I think you know what a differnce there is in three years, otherwise you wouldn't have brought that up.
Really, picture the changes that will happen to your daughter from now until she is 8. Don't fool yourself into thinking it is ONLY 3 years. Those 3 years will change you daughter into a totally different person, and will be 3 years your ex will miss out on. You wouldn't think it was ONLY 3 years if she was taken away from you, would you?
I am still talking about having her with him AT LEAST one weekend a month, all holidays and vacation. I was also telling him that he could have liberal everything (phone calls, emails, pictures, postal mail etc)
but can you blame him for not wanting his time with his daughter to be cut down to 1/3? Can you imagine what lengths you would go to if someone tried to take her away from you so that you only had her 1/3 of the time?
It is a shame that when we have children our lives are put on hold for them. Yes, this means that you have to deny yourself things in order to do what is right for your daughter. This means either not moving or letting the dad have custody and you can see her one weekend a month.
Just like what the others said, put yourself in his shoes. You would be freaking out too.
I am doing what is right for my daughter. She would still be seeing her father as well as having a good life with me and her brother. She would have a good home, good school, 2 little step sisters that she is wild about having. He doesn't participate in her life aside from his required weekend currently anyway.
I am sorry for your daughter and your ex. I hope the court will stop you.
And what happens when you decide you don't want to be responsible for all transportation? Or you decide you don't want to deal with the phone calls, e-mails, etc?
I think that I can decide for myself if that time will come. My soon to be husband has been on the receiving end of a move away parent and wouldn't let that happen. He is willing to help out to make this work for ALL of us even my ex. I would be a stay at home mom so it wouldn't be hard to devote time to that stuff.
>What YOU don't know is that I would have access to flights
>from the miltary base to a base here in WI and THAT was how I
>was planning on taking care of that!!
Lol, you are so full of crap. Of course you wouldn't tell us that....it's probably not even true.
>Like I said, YOU DON"T
>KNOW IT ALL!! Rather than accusing, or trying to make me look
>bad, why not ask a question!!
Why not quit bullshitting us and tell the truth for a change.
>My son has no father figure and my
>soon to be husband is a great dad.
Stand by for Rationalization.
I love how you can manage to justify this while still claiming it would be no problem for you. Of course you've lied about practically everything else you've said here, so it's not like it's a big surprise.
>so my rights to remarry are null and void because HE doesn't
>like it?
Don't be stupid, you can marry whoever is dumb enough to hook up with you. No one says otherwise, so quit with the "I can't marry!" nonsense.
I am not the one focusing on gender. I believe that
>is was joni that said I am on the wrong site and need to go to
>singlemomz.com where they would help me screw my ex over.
You'd fit right in there.
> I have VERY SPECIFIC reasons for needing to do this.
I don't give a crap about your reasons, I give a crap about your child. It's good that at least one of us does.
Poor you, you're not getting all the "You Go Girl!" strokes you expected. We don't like move-aways, they usually suck for the child and the NCP. But you don't care.
>My soon to be husband has been on the receiving end of a move
>away parent and wouldn't let that happen.
Right, like he has any input into this, lol!
> He is willing to
>help out to make this work for ALL of us even my ex.
Then HE can move to YOU and the child gets the best of both worlds.
>I would
>be a stay at home mom so it wouldn't be hard to devote time to
>that stuff.
It must be nice to live off of the work of others. I wouldn't know.
I have read ALL of the posts and honestly I have to say that I am sorry that your daughter has such a SELFISH mother! All you can talk about is what you are getting out of the deal. In all honesty I am a custodial and a non custodial mom and I WOULD NOT move my daughter away from her father and he DOESN"T EVEN SEE HER, BY HIS CHOICE!!! But if the chance ever presents itself, it is available. I have since remarried and my daughter has a bonus dad and a "father figure" he is greater than anything we could have EVER asked for. She also has step siblings that she loves dearly, but nothing will ever replace a biological father. You are very selfish and if your husband to be truely went through it, he would NEVER request it EVER happen to another child or parent! You obviously have your mind made up, but please know that when your daughter realizes that it is you that screwed up that truely important father daughter bond, you will be lucky if she forgives you...you are the bad guy here, not the man that realized he made a mistake and stepped up to the plate...better late than never...
with your soon to be husband? If you think it is OK for your daughter's time to be cut from 3 wknds a month to 'at least 1', why not try that schedule with your soon to be husband? You will have access to flights, right? So why not fly to CA 'at least 1' weekend a month to see your new husband? Try spending holidays and vacations with your new husband.... oh, and don't forget 'liberal everything' on the e-mail, phone, postal, etc. That should all make for a fulfilling marriage, right? After all, isn't that what you expect of your daughter and her father? To just be satisfied with 'at least 1' weekend a month?
It doesn't matter that the father was not part of her life until she was 3 1/2. What matters is the bond and relationship they have developed since that time. And since you haven't mentioned their relationship, I think it is safe to say that a bond has been developed... one that would be destroyed by the distance you are proposing.
I agree with the other posters, the move-away is a bad idea. You dump on the child's father for not being a part of her life for the first 3 1/2 years, yet when you flip the coin, it is ok for you to remove your daughter for the next 3 years... of course because of what YOU want. This has nothing to do with your daughter's best interest. And, btw, what happens after 3 years? Can you guarantee that you will live in the father's area again? If you are proposing that this is temporary, then you must be moving back to WI in three years, right?
You state you can get off of public assistance by getting married and moving... Believe it or not, that CAN be accomplished without getting married and moving across the country! You also state you can go to school. Did you know that there are criminal justice schools in Wisconsin, and I believe Iowa has a college or two mixed in the cornfields...
Are having step-siblings and a step-dad and a school for mommy really more important than the child having a consistent relationship with her father? More important than her father being able to attend soccer games, school plays, parent/teacher conferences and her first day of kindergarten?
Your priorities are mixed up. You are not thinking of your daughter, only to use her to justify what you in your heart know is wrong. You say you would let her dad move, but would you really? Not if he had custody, you wouldn't! You wouldn't want him to pick up your daughter and move her to CA anymore than he wants the same from you.
Stop thinking of yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nobody can stress that enough... especially since you are not getting it! Start thinking of your daughter. She is the one who matters.
BTW, how to the father of your son feel about the move?
Check out this page where they describe what they call Space A travel.
Yes, you can fly out of the bases for real cheap, but you have to be amazingly flexible. Sometimes you are strapped into a cargo plane and somehow I don't think they do the "unaccompanied minor" thing.
http://www.militarymoney.com/lifestyle/1084556064
>I think that I can decide for myself if that time will come.
>My soon to be husband has been on the receiving end of a move
>away parent and wouldn't let that happen. He is willing to
>help out to make this work for ALL of us even my ex. I would
>be a stay at home mom so it wouldn't be hard to devote time to
>that stuff.
I am sorry for you and your daughter. You've deluded yourself into thinking this is what's going to be best, when the truth is you've made up your mind that your desires are more important than your daughter's needs.
If your STB Husband is such a great guy, then why not do the long distance thing... After all, it's only for 3 years.
Or give custody to your ex-husband... After all, it's only for 3 years.
Eventually, you'll get bored with being the "good guy" or decide that so much time with his daughter is too much of a "reward". Or else you'll decide it's too much hassle.
And please tell us...
Why was your ex-husband involved for only 1 year? Did you keep her from him?
From Dear Socrateaser to Ice Princess
------------------------------------
OK, well for me the pertinent facts are:
1. Parents share joint legal custody.
2. You want to locate to Iowa, but only temporarily, and then to California.
3. There are more extended family members in the area where the child presently resides.
4. The issues re school and work are extremely speculative at this point, as no actual plans have been made, plus you are not actually married at the moment, and therefore you are not yet entitled to any of the benefits that you are claiming as part of your rationale for moving.
Under the circumstances, I'd say that your desire to move is outweighed by the father's right to exercise custody, until such time as you actually are married and you are vested in the opportunities that you suggest should weigh in your favor. Moreover, your case is weakened substantially by the fact that your move to Iowa is actually temporary, so any benefits derived therefrom may disappear or be substantially altered with your later and already proposed move to CA.
It's one thing to move 4 1/2 hours driving distance -- it's quite another to move 1,750 miles -- the move to CA will effectively destroy the child's relationship with the father.
So, if I were judge, I would deny the child's relocation and tell you that if you move, I will award custody to the father. After you are actually married, then I would consider the move, but I would want some credible evidence of the new husband's dedication to the marriage, and I would want to know if the father is actually exercising all of his visitation. Also, if the child is in school at the time you move, this would cause me to likely rule against you.
None of these things are clear at the moment, but, if I allow the move, then i will probably substantially increase father's weekend time with the child, and charge you with a substantial cost of the transportation incident to exercising custody.
Of course, I'm not the judge, so all of this is just my wild ass guess. Nevertheless, it should give you some idea of the issues that you may confront should you go forward with this move.
Lastly, remember that you are free to go where you wish. It is only the child who the court can restrain, and the only resolution for the court is to determine with whom the child will spend the majority of her time.
As for moving to CA, that is too speculative to even consider at this point.
PS. Your first post suggested that you were being "chained down" by the child's father. I suggest that you reconsider your feelings in this area. Both of you apparently enjoyed each other enough to have had sex and produced a child, that child should be able to have substantial access to both of parents throughout childhood. If and when you remove the child from the father's locale, I can practically guarantee that the father will vanish from that child's life, because even a 4 1/2 hour drive becomes an insurmountable obsticle to overcome as a routine part of everyday life.
The child's father is not chaining you down. You are dispensing with the child's father. Obviously, if the father isn't interested in parenting the child, my opinion here would be quite different. But, as you haven't alleged that the father is entirely disinterested, my opinion stands.
You could move tomorrow if you want but you can't take your daughter with you. This agreement isn't restraining you it's restraining your daughter. I can't say that I wish you luck with this because I don't. I think a child needs it's father and you have given no evidence that this move is in the best interest for the child but instead the best interest of you.
I guess you can make the relationship you have with a spouse or soon to be one the same as what a father has with his daughter as he sees fit. You talk about all the stuff that he is gonna miss out on, but sadly he never attempts do participate in any of this anyway. If my daughter'd father could promise me all the things that I am offering him, I WOULD let him move. My son's father is deceased. After living on an army base for the 3 years, we would be moving back to Iowa where we would already have a house. I am MOST DEFINITELY not thinking of JUST myself. I KNOW that this move would be VERY GOOD for my son and good for my daughter too. I regret it being this way and REALLY REALLY wish that my fiance had been from WI, but the fact is HE ISN'T! I have to try to do what is best for my son, my daughter and me. I know that her being away from her dad isn't the best way for things to be but I KNOW that being away from me would bother her MORE! You can believe that or not I guess, but I know in my heart that it is true. Being away from her brother would break her heart too. My son has lived most his life wanting a father figure SOOOO badly and now I found someone that I love, that loves me and my kids and would be a GREAT father figure to my son. I am not looking to replace my daughter's father in her eyes but I want my son to be able to have what he has longed for AL his life.
He has up to present only been involved for one year because he CHOSE not to be a part of her life til they told him that he was going to have to start paying child support. When my daughter was born, I called him and told him the news (that it was a girl, her name, etc) and asked for his info for the birth certificate. He wouldn't give it to me because he said that he wasn't going to be a part of her life because it would confuse her ( was engaged at the time). Then I didn't hear from him again until the child suport thing came up about 3 1/2 years later. I tried sending letters, pictures etc to him and he says he never got them but they never came back return to sender. You tell me if it sounds like he gives a crap. He ignored her existance until he had to start paying for it, and I didn't even WANT his money, but since my daughter was on medical assistence, the county MADE me go through with it.
oh and BTW way he was never my husband. we were never married.
for that distance? Your head is really far up your a$$, isn't it? Bottom line is that you will NOT be granted a move away by a judge based upon the facts as you have presented them. Bottom line is you can move, but your daughter won't be moving with you. Of course, you can move without your ex's approval, but then he can take you to court for contempt and probably end up with custody anyway.. You have two options. 1) Stay where you are. 2) Give custody to your ex.
That about sums it up
move away, you will have to go to court. Your reasons for moving the child away from the father are petty and silly. A judge will deny your move away. You will have two choices:
1) Stay where you are.
2) Give custody to the ex.
Period. Bottom line.
Oh, and the costs for a judge, probably a court appointed attorney for the child, custody evalulators, etc., will probably cost upwards of $30,000-$100,000 plus, so I hope your fiancee has gobs of money.
nm
I never said I was putting her on a plane unescorted!
dad's for one weekend visit a month and you are going to fly with her? Or do you possibly have a magic carpet in that magic bag where the magic judge is that will grant you your magic move away?
yeah I was going to fly with her, why wouldn't I?
approved... and with you flying with her out to see dad and then you flying back to get her 3 days later from seeing dad.. and all holidays and blah blah blah... wow.. your soon to be hubby must really have a lot of money!
With a JAG attorney it isn't going to cost that much and you're all a bunch of crack heads. Don't bother to write to me anymore because you are all bitter for one reason or another and using me to vent! I am not gonna keep coming here to listen to your bullshit. I know what my chances are and what I have to prove. I have NO NEED for any of your approval. That isn't even the reason I came and if you guys have nothing better to do then pass judgement rather than trying to pass on advice or friendship, you will be chasing a lot of parents away from here. I have a better forum to go to where people are accepted no matter what their situation. You can take your mean spirits and unfounded accusations and stick them up your ASS!!
move away with her 3 year old to join her husband.. after spending 50K she was denied the move away.
Your move away based upon your fiancee being in the military will be shot down very fast and quick. Put your little head in the sand and keep telling yourself everything is okay.
Yea, right LOL
Well, it looks like everyone gave this a gallant try, but this is someone
who is going to rationalize away anything she's told. Our energies are better spent with parents who are trying to get and make joint custody work.
Here's my prediction:
She'll do what she wants and move their daughter along with her almost hubby across the country.
By the time this goes to trial, unless the father somehow finds SPARC, she'll claim that the father let her move and now it would be a change in circumstances for the child to move back.
The travel part will become an inconvenience as soon as she gets pregnant by her new husband.
She'll sell new husband as "daddy" and real daddy will be a disembodied voice on the telephone.
OK, and how do I know this you may ask?
Just so our writer knows, I am a mother who's ex husband decided that when he remarried he could just make her the "real" mother. My ex used rationalizations as to why this was so justified. Mostly, just plain resentment and a need for revenge.
It took a year for the judge to have the final hearing. It was hell on the kids---completely unfair. That's what the judge thought too. He led decisions to be made prior to his verdict. It cost my ex somewhere around 16K to learn this lesson.
I'll tell you what a "man" is. A man is my husband, who has been taken off the fastrack with his career. Why? Because his wife has three children who spend equal time with both of their parents and he cannot relocate because of that. My husband turned down the offer of his company to provide us their corporate lawyers so that I could go for sole custody. My husband told them "that is wrong on so many levels that I can't help but just say no".
Oh well, she may have her daughter until she's 18, but when her daughter finds out how her father was kicked out of her life she will be a lonely old woman. It hurts when I overhear my kids say things like that about their father.
FLMom
>My son has lived most his life wanting a father
>figure SOOOO badly and now I found someone that I love, that
>loves me and my kids and would be a GREAT father figure to my
>son. I am not looking to replace my daughter's father in her
>eyes but I want my son to be able to have what he has longed
>for AL his life.
So your son is more important than your daughter? Simply because HIS father is dead?
If your fiancee really loves, you, your son will get the father figure he has always wanted and you can still live in the area. It's only 3 years. You haven't offered up a valid reason to take your daughter away. You've even said that your daughter adores her father. Obviously, whether or not he wanted her around in the first place, he wants her now and it is not your place to take her from him. The only reasons you would be doing it, no matter how you try to paint it, are petty, selfish and vindictive ones.
What you've said is: "I'm in love, I don't care what my ex-boyfriend wants, since I'm the mother I know best and I'll do whatever I damn well please."
This is a BAD idea. BAD BAD BAD.
I've got to tell you that you are way over estimating how much help the military will be.
The JAG:
They will NOT touch your civil divorce proceedings.
They will NOT go to court for you.
They will NOT represent you in any way.
My first husband was an officer in the Air Force. The JAG was no help even when we went in together and asked them to just look over our paperwork. You are way off base on this.
Space A Travel:
will NOT be convienent.
will NOT be consistant.
will cost you more money when you have to buy a one way ticket back from where ever you managed to get.
will NOT be available most of the time.
My current husband "owns" 12 airplanes as the DO of a flying squadron. He is in charge of the day to day workings of every aspect of the flying squadron. He can't be sure of getting Space A to travel to see his daughter because there is just no way of controlling all the factors involved. So, pardon me for sounding full of myself, but if hubby can't do it, there is no way you will be able to do it every other weekend.
From someone who knows, you are being incredibly unrealistic in your thoughts about the military being helpful in your life.
Oh, and lets not forget that the "three years in CA" could turn into who knows how long with Stoploss and that silly inconvience called the war. There is NO certainty with the military these days and you are kidding yourself if you think otherwise.
Go to Soc's board and see what her response was and his response back. Makes for some interesting reading!
Poor little "Innocentprncss" emailed the Admin whining that people were being mean to her and she wanted them all banned or reprimanded.
Lol, I know the Admin better than to think he'd go for her petulant little tantrum. As I understand it, he told her to grow up and stop lying to everyone.
Now she's busy making it up as she goes along, pulling out every justification in the book as to why she's right and everyone else in the universe is wrong.
Watch as her story gets more and more convoluted. She's already lied her ass off here and has lost all credibility as far as I'm concerned.
"With a JAG attorney it isn't going to cost that much and you're all a bunch of crack heads."
Crack heads, lol. Is that the best you can come up with? Nice to see you don't have ANY substantive arguments to refute what EVERYONE here is telling you.
"I have NO NEED for any of your approval."
TRANSLATION: "I need your approval."
"I have a better forum to go to where people are accepted no matter what their situation."
TRANSLATION: "I have a better forum to go to where they don't know what a hateful freak I am."
"You can take your mean spirits and unfounded accusations and stick them up your ASS!!"
TRANSLATION: "You aren't agreeing with me like I wanted!!"
>Go to Soc's board and see what her response was and his
>response back. Makes for some interesting reading!
Indeed... She tells Soc that her daughter was born when she lived with the man, but here she says she called him when her daughter was born and he didn't want to have anything to do with her because he was already engaged.
What's the point of lying on an internet forum?
out the posts but I remember specifically where she said that she lived with the father when her daughter was born, but then she posted that she just called him and he didn't care. Definite contradiction. She also said he had nothing to do with her for 3 1/2 years and only wanted to spend time with her when he had to pay child support. My guess is that mommy dearest probably denied vistiation as much as she could, and dad probably made the move for visitation and support to be set up so he could see his daughter legally.
There isn't a chance in hades that a judge will grant this moveaway based upon the circumstances she has presented, and even half of those are untrue! LOL
there is no such thing as a remarriage if you weren't married in the first place. You need to look at your values and see that it's not right to take a child away from their father.
Gee, I am gone for a few days and look what I missed! So many opprotunities to blast this one...
I feel bad for this little girl.
"Innocentprincess", even this says so much about you...
"Children learn what they live"
>He still
>flat out refuses.
Wouldn't you?
Is this Will's ex? Might as well be, she has no intention on following the visitation she is so generously offering. Classic Narcissist. I feel for this father and child. They will suffer life long grief.
ME, ME, ME, ME, ME...oh yeah, my child, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!
Your daughter will hate you some day, mark my words.
Wisconsin has a specific statute about it. Neither parent may without the other parent or the courts permission move the child more than 150 miles from the non custodial parent.
And the parent requesting the move must submit a parenting plan, and if nothing is resolved mediation WILL be ordered before you can move.
DH's ex moved 148 miles away in order to keep us from the kids and asked that we do all transport.
However, as our attorney so eloquently put it to the judge...
He who wants fetches. So we pick up, but she must drive all the way to
our home to do pick ups.
Since the order she has moved a little closer, around 95 miles now.
It may not be written in your paperwork but it is the law here.
I know this is getting to be an old thread...but I am just baffled by "Innocentprincess". How can someone truly justify changing her daughter's parenting time with daddy from 36+ weekends per year to..."AT LEAST 12" plus holidays, etc?!
We all know that children need regular quality time with their parents...often doing nothing. You know, just living together. This father may not be perfect as the mom certainly isn't but he is seeing his daughter 3 weekends per month and that is INVALUABLE to the child. Either now or in the future as their relationship grows, the father will feel the same way, (sounds like her already does).
The daughter may internalize it for years...but someday her rage about her mom's choice to move away from her dad WILL manifest. Sad, sad, sad.
SEM
To innocentprinces:
It's amazing what some people will think, my ex has violated every part of the PP, continues to violate any part of visitation (shared 50/50) and one day, while we are in court, she indicated that she refused for my son (16yro) to go to a camp during the summer because as she stated to me "Can you imagine not seeing him for the summer?? I (BM) couldn't handle not seeing him for that length of time". She never really gets it either, since we have been wrapped up in court for some time and two years of summers have gone by for me.
It's easy for me to understand my situation since she (BM) is on depression med's, 15 years in psychiatric therapy (for mental illness) and one of the most narcissistic people I have ever come across. Every evulation she ends up recieving, ends up with "They don't know what they are talking about" and looks for someone else to get agreement.
To my face and to the court, she cries out "I am not trying to keep the kids from anyone" but her actions speak loud and clear.
Take a look in the mirror, talk out loud to your reflection, and truly listen to what you are saying (Do this more than once, since it is not easy for us to see what is truly infront of us).
It's nice to see that my BM is not one of a kind!! But I truly feel sorry for the damage that will be done to this little girl. My daughter has been turned against me by her BM and her boyfriend with very similar situation and while the courts look for compromises, any legal action far under reports the pain and suffering this little girl will go thru (and of course the courts act so swiftly on this!!). My little girl will need many more years of consoling and probably therapy and only by the grace of God will I have an opportunity to have a renewed relationship with her as she grows into a young adult. She is truley the innoncent princess in this mess.
Please stay on your meds, and additional consoling for your thoughts. I may not help but it couldn't hurt.