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Main Forums => Visitation Issues => Topic started by: sabor06 on May 01, 2006, 09:29:25 AM

Title: Catholic 1st Communion
Post by: sabor06 on May 01, 2006, 09:29:25 AM
Non-Custodial father does not want my daughter to attend Saturday preparation classes when he has them. When we divorced we alternated weekends we did not go by Divorce Decree, now he wants to go by Decree every 1st & 3rd weekend. My daughter does her first communion on June 17th, which I would have had them that weekend, but since it is Father's Day weekend he would have them 3 weekends in a row, now he wants to do 1st & 3rd which puts us back to he having them that weekend. My daughter wants to do her 1st communion, in our family it is a BIG thing, he has never gone to church in the 12 yrs we were married, I was not married by church to him, which was one of our issues between us. He is rude and beligerent in regards to having her attend services. Any advice?
Title: RE: Catholic 1st Communion
Post by: ocean on May 03, 2006, 08:21:51 PM
"I" would just tell him that she is not free the weekend of June 17th for the communion (but if he wanted to attend the church, go ahead) and that she is available the other weekends. She has been gettting ready for this day all year! I would put it in writing and mail it certified...(put no emotion in it, just facts). This way you have proof that you tried to work with him to a point. Tell him starting in July, you will be happy to go BACK to starting the old schedule. Good Luck!
Title: RE: Catholic 1st Communion
Post by: sabor06 on May 04, 2006, 06:45:53 AM
I spoke to the father of my church and he said GOD is grand and finds ways of helping those who really make an effort to worship in his light. There is anohter group 4, 5 & 6 graders graduating the following weekend and my baby girl can be in that group. Also the confession on friday at 6 has been moved to June 1 on a Thursday when I have them. so over all life is grand and god is good.
Title: Read on Soc's page
Post by: Ref on May 04, 2006, 08:06:01 AM
He said that would be perfect evidence for the dad to file for contempt against  her. Not a good idea.

Take care
Ref
Title: RE: Read on Soc's page
Post by: ocean on May 04, 2006, 03:28:29 PM
Sure the father can file contempt but what is he going to say in court? The child has been studying all year for that day and she should be allowed to attend the day she is suppose to. What if the father has her for HS graduation and said too bad, your not going...I think he would really look bad to take it to court....JMO
Title: True nm
Post by: Ref on May 04, 2006, 07:16:17 PM
nm
Title: BUT
Post by: MixedBag on May 05, 2006, 12:14:45 PM
for high school graduation, there is only ONE ceremony period.

For Holy Communion, there are other days for this event to happen.
Title: RE: BUT
Post by: sabor06 on May 05, 2006, 01:09:04 PM
No true there are no other days only one for her class my priest is going to make an EXCEPTION and put in with the older group of kids. But her confession will still be an Issue due to it being on Thursday when it is his scheduled time with them too.
Title: RE: BUT
Post by: MixedBag on May 05, 2006, 04:08:01 PM
See -- when the priest made an EXCEPTION, that's what I mean by another day.

Even for confession (or reconcilliation), that can happen on any day.

Priests hear confessions all the time....

There's flexibility on your end and if you put the child first, you'll figure out how to work around him.
Title: RE: BUT
Post by: sabor06 on May 08, 2006, 12:49:29 PM
True, but not for 1st time 1st Communions they only have two confession dates the Friday before father's day and the 1st of June, which is a Thurs.


Another topic, he never returns my calls and I have to be talking to his voice mail on topics such as illnesses, accidents, report cards, clothing left at his home, toys left at his home, etc.

Which is really frustrating to me "A type" personality. Quick resolution.

I was thinking on sending return receipt mail to him informing him of all above topics with I tried to reach you DATE/TIME.... etc...


Watcha think? I hate to think he can't get over his bitterness to have a civilized discussion about the kids. period.
Title: RE: BUT
Post by: MixedBag on May 09, 2006, 04:22:43 PM
NOT TRUE -- when it really comes down to it, so totally not true about confession.

I'm Catholic, and while I understand that the church has probably set aside those two dates as special dates, confessions can be heard at any time, any day, at any hour.

That's the point I'm trying to get across.

I'm not disagreeing that the other parent could give you better answers "in the best interest of the child" -- BUT when it comes right down to the nitty gritty......you have options.

Tell me the priest is gonna deny that child an opportunity as a result of dad's decision?  It just ain't gonna happen.

See -- you can't MOVE Christmas and Mass on Christmas Day, but you can have confession, baptism, holy communion, confirmation, marrige and the other sacraments on different days....

Again, I'm not saying that you're the one to blame for all of this etc....

But I am saying that the child doesn't have to miss out.
Title: RE: BUT
Post by: sabor06 on May 11, 2006, 06:23:34 AM
We will see I am tired of him calling all the shots, and malipulating me into submission, which was the running theme all my marriage.

He is intimidating and scary.

I will give him "make up time" on June 1st, since he has the kids that weekend I will tell him come by and pick them up at 3 instead of 6pm. I will be prepared with letters from my childs counselor from school and from the Sister at the Church. So if anything materializes, which he is found of calling the sherrif, I will have some evidence of the trama and hoops I have had to do to get this man to do
"in the best interest of the child"

I have made arrangements for my baby to do her first communion with a whole other group, that by the way chose not to have an after party, and she doesn't know it yet but will not be able to attend her class reunion party after mass, the day of 1st communion. And she will be with strangers that day. Overall, I think it is MORE important she get her sacraments, but you know kids...

Title: RE: BUT
Post by: Finnchadh on May 12, 2006, 06:55:00 AM
You are working this to death.  As the husband has failed in his Duty as Head of House, Sacrificially as Christ is to us – the Duty yet remains.  Here also the child chooses the better thing; community in Christ within your family as well as the Church community.  For you to deny your child these things would be a testimony against the most basic of Christian Doctrine; that which belongs to God -.  

Also consider this – the testimony of your daughter of Christ to her father may be the difference between salvation and damnation.  The love for Christ she will show may touch her fathers heart.  Your support for her love of Christ will be a foundation stone upon which she will stand and pass along to her children.  You have the authority of 'Duty in Christ' and that of law as CP [making an assumption here]; exercise them jointly as you have said and allow GOD the regulation of the outcome.  Trust, you may be doing as much for your X husband through your daughter as GOD has done for us in Christ Jesus.
Title: UHHHH WTH?????? nm
Post by: Ref on May 12, 2006, 07:21:13 AM
NM???
Title: RE: UHHHH WTH?????? nm
Post by: Finnchadh on May 12, 2006, 08:05:32 AM

Hello is there a problem...?
Title: Obviously
Post by: Ref on May 12, 2006, 08:26:50 AM
but this is not a forum to discuss how some people use their religious beliefs to put themselves on false higher moral ground and strip away the rights of others.

End of discussion

Ref
Title: RE: Obviously
Post by: Finnchadh on May 12, 2006, 10:32:47 AM
>but this is not a forum to discuss how some people use their
>religious beliefs to put themselves on false higher moral
>ground and strip away the rights of others.
>
>End of discussion
>
>Ref

Regardless of the belief vehicle employed by people, you have provided an excellent example of false grounds, moral or otherwise without regard for altitude or attitude, used to strip away the rights of others; kudos.  

Obviously this topic concerned a Catholic Parent fulfilling an obligation each Catholic parent has to their children.  I tried to answer her question to the best of my understanding of Catholic (Roman Catholic Western Order I believe) dogma and basic Christian principals; specifically and on topic.

As to your belief of what this forum is and or is not, that is your opinion – something I will respect because YOU the individual have the right as well as the accountability for YOUR opinion; just like I do.  I do not agree with your opinion – here in this forum within this topic.

I find it antidotal that you Ended the Discussion; however, I was originally addressing sabor06.  You entered the dialog with criticism and not curiosity or even an attempt to understand what sabor06 and I were discussing.  I did ask you if there was a problem.  I did not accuse you of having a problem; quite unlike your implications in your last post.

One of the powers denied our Government is the power to make laws respecting the establishment of Religion.  Along with that prohibition comes an Absolute Command to exercise its power; Nor abridge the FREE EXERCESE thereof.  They are also good words to apply in social interactions – they imply mutual respect for individual liberty and tolerance for its exercise.  

Finnchadh
Title: OK I'll bite
Post by: Ref on May 12, 2006, 11:04:28 AM
I agree that it is her right (legal) based on the information given about her parenting agreement and obligation to the church. I will not argue that point. It is NOT her right as a Catholic OR a CP to impose this on the time that her ex has legal rights to visitation with the child.

The implication that she is given the power to do as she wishes simply based on the fact that she is CP or that she is Catholic was extremely objectionable. This is the false grounds I spoke of. She can take the child to church for communion at another time. It stinks, but all of us married or not have to make adjustments in life and this is not a lesson to be lost on the children.

My belief that this forum is not one of dicussions on religious rights vs legal rights is simply based on the fact that this is a forum called "VISITATION".  I was simply stating that there are other boards where I would happily discuss religion in today's society.

I am not sure what you say you were discussing with sabor. I only responded to a comment that you made. I did not interrupt a conversation between you.

There is a problem. I think a very serious one. Based on you jumping to some conclusion and rant about government powers etc, I assume that you believe that to be the case as well. That, like I said is not a topic I wish to discuss on a visitation board, as I said above.

My "end of discussion" was supposed to hint to you that I wish not to muddy this board any further with such off topic items. Guess you didn't get the hint.

I find it very interesting that you assumed that my problem had something to do with your posting you religious views. I actually have a problem with the false sense on entitlement evidenced by your comments on the husband being a failure and her right to take the child to communion during ex's time because she has some special set of rules based on her religion and the fact that she is CP.

Ref
Title: RE: OK I'll bite
Post by: Finnchadh on May 13, 2006, 04:37:38 AM
"I am not sure what you say you were discussing with sabor. I only responded to a comment that you made."

Your words above were the curx of my response; they are concise, self explanatory and put my position into the appropriate perspective, thank you.
Title: RE: OK I'll bite
Post by: sabor06 on May 15, 2006, 06:55:32 AM
I totally agree that this is within itself a "visitation issue"

Part of the reason I joined this website was because of the openness that I could express my frustrations in dealing with my X, no matter the topic. I am grateful for the advice given to me and the support that you all give unconditionally.

Part of the problems I have with my ex are many but the one close to home now is her first communion at age 9, I have nine more years to go....

Part of being a Catholic and a CP, above all this a MOTHER; is that we have to respect our children. My daughter wants, craves, desires to attend and practice her faith, I am amazed that after 13 yrs of marriage, and sporatic church attendance she has thrived in her new environment filled with love in Chirst.

Thanks again for your support and words of wisdom.

God Bless, sabor