I'm sure you hear this type of thing all the time, so I will be brief.
My wife recently took our two young children and moved in with her parents. She closed our joint accounts, first emptying them and transferring the money to an account of her own. I have not seen my children in seven days, and I have been told by the police that they will not intervene. At this point, I just want to see my children, but I also need help with custody in the long run. I have worked at an academically elite private school teaching 4th grade for the last 11 years. I have never been arrested for any violent offense, and certainly not one that involved any sort of abuse. My older daughter currently attends kindergarten at my place of employment, but I imagine my wife is working on stopping that. My ex-in-laws are very wealthy, and have always disliked me. They have hired an expensive lawyer, and I am just getting by on gift cards my students gave me for Christmas.
When I tell people my story, they always come back with the question, "What happened to make her do this?" There are two factors, neither of which reflect particularly well on me, but neither of which preclude my being a good father.
1. My marriage has been bad for a long time. Last year I had an affair, confessed it to my wife, told her I thought we should divorce. Then I backed off because of our two young children, went to marital counseling 26 times in the last 8 months, and tried to repair. I realize now that she never forgave or forgot, that she was just biding her time while scheming with her parents. I am not defending the affair, I know it was a terrible thing to do.
2. When I learned that she had taken all the $$$ (Earned almost exclusively by me) I demanded that she give me access to the new account. She refused and I called the bank to see whether what she had done was legal. They told me that it was and that there was nothing I could do. I, very very foolishly, threw the phone in frustration. The back panel for getting at the batteries popped off, but the phone is functional. My wife told the police that I had destroyed the phone to keep her from getting help. Not true. As a matter of fact after I threw the house phone she walked outside and used her cell phone to call the cops and all of her relatives.
Thank you for any time or consideration you can give me. I am not an abuser looking to mess with a spouse. I am a decent man that misses his children, and is worried for them. Please help. I miss my children.
1. Has she filed anything with the court? If not, then you need to jump and jump NOW. File for Temporary Custody and use the fact that she abandoned the household. Remember, you are now in a war for your children...it sucks I know, but if you want a relationship you have to put all "feelings" aside and just FOCUS on the kids!!
2. Do you have proof of her clearing out the accounts? If so, that's a BIG NO NO in divorce proceedings...you need to get a lawyer ASAP to see what can be done about this.
From now on, have witnesses present whenever dealing with your STBX. DO NOT go over without someone with you. Check into getting phone calls recorded and start documenting EVERYTHING. Every attempt to call your children, but don't do it excessively maybe just 1 x per day to say good night or something.
Btw...having an affair does not make you a bad father, only a bad husband, you now need to focus on your children and their best interest. Most courts order some sort of parenting class for divorcing parents, seek one out and take it, it may help in the over all scheme of things and should show the judge that you do have the best interest of your children in mind.
Also, if you have legal type questions, consult with Dear Socreteaser on this forum, but follow the posting rules. I am no lawyer and my advice is just my opinion, he's the expert...
Good luck!
>I'm sure you hear this type of thing all the time, so I will
>be brief.
>
>My wife recently took our two young children and moved in with
>her parents. She closed our joint accounts, first emptying
>them and transferring the money to an account of her own. I
>have not seen my children in seven days, and I have been told
>by the police that they will not intervene. At this point, I
>just want to see my children, but I also need help with
>custody in the long run. I have worked at an academically
>elite private school teaching 4th grade for the last 11 years.
> I have never been arrested for any violent offense, and
>certainly not one that involved any sort of abuse. My older
>daughter currently attends kindergarten at my place of
>employment, but I imagine my wife is working on stopping that.
> My ex-in-laws are very wealthy, and have always disliked
>me. They have hired an expensive lawyer, and I am just
>getting by on gift cards my students gave me for Christmas.
>When I tell people my story, they always come back with the
>question, "What happened to make her do this?" There are two
>factors, neither of which reflect particularly well on me, but
>neither of which preclude my being a good father.
>
>1. My marriage has been bad for a long time. Last year I had
>an affair, confessed it to my wife, told her I thought we
>should divorce. Then I backed off because of our two young
>children, went to marital counseling 26 times in the last 8
>months, and tried to repair. I realize now that she never
>forgave or forgot, that she was just biding her time while
>scheming with her parents. I am not defending the affair, I
>know it was a terrible thing to do.
>2. When I learned that she had taken all the $$$ (Earned
>almost exclusively by me) I demanded that she give me access
>to the new account. She refused and I called the bank to see
>whether what she had done was legal. They told me that it was
>and that there was nothing I could do. I, very very
>foolishly, threw the phone in frustration. The back panel for
>getting at the batteries popped off, but the phone is
>functional. My wife told the police that I had destroyed the
>phone to keep her from getting help. Not true. As a matter
>of fact after I threw the house phone she walked outside and
>used her cell phone to call the cops and all of her
>relatives.
>
>Thank you for any time or consideration you can give me. I am
>not an abuser looking to mess with a spouse. I am a decent
>man that misses his children, and is worried for them. Please
>help. I miss my children.
>
There may not be anything that you can do about it this minute, but you can gather all of the info about how much was in the accounts at the time that she emptied them.
You can also file for emergency custody. You probably won't get it, but you will get court ordered visitation. I would also address that there are to be no changes where they go to school in the same motion. This way, she can't pull your child out.
And when you do have contact with her, make sure you have a witnesses with you when you talk to her in person.
And don't throw anything. You could end up with a restraining order against you. Throwing something at someone is an assualt. Just remind yourself that you need to keep control for your children's sake.
As for the affair, that has no bearing on custody and visitation. But it may in the settlement talks. Talk to your lawyer about it. Good luck.