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Main Forums => General Issues => Topic started by: nerd on Dec 03, 2003, 09:42:43 AM

Title: How does one stop harrassment by X????
Post by: nerd on Dec 03, 2003, 09:42:43 AM
Hi all.  First I would like to say I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving!

It never ends does it.  Last visitation NCP tried to give SM a letter of intent to exercise holiday visit, because father did not show up.  we pick up at the police dept, because father has been convicted of assault and battery on several women.  daughter waved letter in clear view of sm and called out asking if she would give it father.  she backed the car up to where daughter was standing in parking lot, all windows rolled up and just sat there looking straight ahead.  I was in my car, ahich was facing them and saw and heard everything.  
again daughter asked if she would please give the letter to father.  no response.  she then, I guess thinking something was wrong or that she did notice(yeah right) her standing there, took her forefinger and tapped on the window, called her name and asked her please to take the letter.  
at that point sm backed the car up, turned the front in toward my daughter and hit the gas!  my daughter scrambled to get out of the way.  sm then sped out of the parking lot.  my daughter turn around came back to the car threw her hands up and said , she tried to run over me, what was that all about???
I told her to go into the police dept and tell them what happened,which she did.  she came back to the car and since we had an appointment with the GAL(first time)  we started to leave.  an officer then came up to the car and asked what was going on.  
You see, it seems that an off duty police officer was sitting across the street in his private vehicle eating and witnessed the entire thing.  he had already called into the station and told them about this women driving crazy in the police parking lot!  the station had already dispatched a car to pull her over.  and they had been hunting for her and finally found her driving around the backs of shopping centers where the dumpters are!  
the officer that was at my car asked if my daughter wanted to press charges, but we had to get to the GAL's office and the children were crying " don't have SM arrested."  So we decided under the circumstances, that it is best we just go on.  
well, the father, being an opportunist, decided that sm was going to file charges on my daughter, claiming she damaged the hood of their car!
police dept, told him that there was an off duty officer that witnessed the entire thing and that they did not have a leg to stand on.  also the officer that pulled her over for driving so dangerously , said there was no damage to the car what-so ever!  sm decided to just file a "report"  then of course my daughter had to give her report.
My daughter did not press charges on this person even though she had ever right, the sm tried her best to run her down with her car.  
well, this morning my daughter gets served with arrest papers, where sm (ex is now using her as a pawn) decided to file charges now claiming 1.  curse and abuse, 2. destruction of personal property.

the officer that witnessed the entire thing said he did not hear any curse or shouting.

Now my daughter is having to go back and file charges for her trying to run her down.  sm did not want to file charges because she knew that my daughter did not do anything and the entire incident was due to her failure to communicate with the children's mother.  and the ex probably has a big hand in this latest incident.

the sm has to know that she is a person who also takes care of my grandchildren and that she must communicate with the children's mother on some level.  my daughter has never said a word out of the way to her.  In fact, she is grateful that the sm cares for the children as well as she does.  

My question is:  How do we stop this man from using the children, his current wife, his ex wives, girlfriends, family, school personnel, etc.  from harrassing my daughter?  He manages to drag her into court at least once a month on trumped up, bogus charges.  

all my daughter wants to do is live in peace.  she does what she is suppose to do, she pays her cs.  she has suffered a lot at the hands of this man, who has abused every woman he has been with.   He has the children now because his constant harrassement nearly put my daughter into bankruptcy.  employers won't keep someone who constantly has to take time off to go to court, or whose ex constantly calls complaining about something.   It does not matter wheather he has the children or he has the children, he harrasses her.  any suggestion would be grateful.  

Title: Have you ever heard of the postal service?
Post by: nosonew on Dec 03, 2003, 05:12:42 PM
It is obvious that there are major problems with drop offs and pick ups, so why not avoid any type of problem and MAIL the letter???
Also, WHY in the world would you EVER put the CHILD in the middle?  If you read anything on this site, that is one of the first things you should learn.  Keep them out of it!  

I completely disapprove of SM's behavior, AND i completely disapprove of your behavior which led the child to be put in this positition in the first place.  You handle your own crap with the other parent, don't put the kids in the middle!

(I realize you are gma, but this is to your daughter!)  Better judgement and common sense is needed here.
Title: RE: Have you ever heard of the postal service?
Post by: kiddosmom on Dec 03, 2003, 05:21:38 PM
WHOA! nosonew, please reread the original post.
Title: RE: How does one stop harrassment by X????
Post by: kiddosmom on Dec 03, 2003, 05:32:14 PM
Nowsonew, did have good advise - have your daughter send any messeges through the mail, return reciept requested-
It will cover her but, and not put BM in danger.
Title: RE: Have you ever heard of the postal service?
Post by: nerd on Dec 03, 2003, 06:46:21 PM
notsonew, maybe you misunderstood.  we were there for the pick-up, the kids were in the back seat of my car and saw the entire thing.  I realize that we need to use the mail service, but quite frankly, we had just found out about the need to give cp this letter at once.  And why shouldn't my daughter be able to hand a simple envelope to the woman who also cares for her children?  Should not they try to work together for the benefit of the children.  Should not we try to communicate as best we can and not give in to this refusal of one of God's greatest gifts: to be able to communicate our feelings, our hopes, our dreams to another human being without grunting it out like animals?
one thing I cannot quite get use to is the refusal to listen and communicate like human beings. It is as if we are less than human, without mouths to speak with, or ears to listen with, or a mind capable of logical thought.  We, as humans, seem to have regressed to something primemordial and slimey, instead of going on to better thinking, more compassion, and a love of peaceful life.  
sometimes misunderstandings come about because we hurry through our dealings with other humans because they have touched a nerve we don't want to fire at the present time, or they feel an obligation to address an issue that they feel is being imposed upon them.  often when this happens we fail to get the whole picture and end up sticking our foot in our keyboards.   communicate, don't capitulate!
Title: OT :)
Post by: Brent on Dec 03, 2003, 08:04:05 PM
Your sig says:

"always view your cup as half full rather than half empty"

I said something like that to an engineer once, and his reply was that  engineers would view the cup as "having twice the required volumetric capacity for fluid containment".
Title: RE: How does one stop harrassment by X????
Post by: nosonew on Dec 04, 2003, 06:24:59 AM
My point was, according to your post, you have to meet at a police dept for pick ups and drop offs due to past problems.  Nothing was said about not having time to mail the letter, and I have re-read the post and see no such reference.  

I realize communication is a huge problem and there should be no big deal about sm taking a letter to dad via child.  But there were problems, big problems. And daughter could have been run over by this woman.  

In a perfect world these issues wouldn't be here, and we certainly wouldn't be posting on this board.  

My whole point was: Take the kids out of the middle.  Thats it. No harrassment or offense meant.  

Best of luck
Title: RE: U begin by taking control of you....
Post by: Indigo Mom on Dec 04, 2003, 06:43:29 AM
because you can't change another person, ESPECIALLY a nut job like the x.  

Take the good as it comes, and just roll with the bad.  Never let him get to you, never let him see you upset, angry, or crying.  Eventually, the guy will ease up, but probably not totally.

Start with yourself.  That's all you can do.  

Oh, and accept the fact that you're gonna be stuck with him for life as there are children involved.

Title: RE: U begin by taking control of you....
Post by: nerd on Dec 04, 2003, 09:29:59 AM
I understand.  and we are all trying to do this.  we try to forget and just enjoy the time we have together.  but this has been going on for 8 years and I can no take the threat of jail or prison hanging over my daughters head everytime she turns around.  I say that because I know his ultimate goal is to see her in jail and I have seen judges do some very bizaar things.  I have seen this man work the judges and system as well as any educated, seasoned attorney, and gotten by with so much.  does that sound like we are afraid.  we are very afraid.  because he has threatened our very livelihood as well.  How?  to give you an idea of the ex and his family, my husband and I worked at the same place.  one day the ex's father shows up out of the blue to "volunteer" to build some shelves.  before long, the entire place started asking us how we could put up with our daughter being the way she was!  we were shocked to say the least.  we were never able to overcome that poison.  we both finally had to leave our jobs.  why did we leave? because of the poison the ex father spread, everyones entire attitude about us changed.  we could not overcome that no matter how hard we tried or what we said.  that is how vindictive they are.
the ex has given our address to every bill collector he owes.  you don't know how many times our door has been beaten on by a uniformed server, or warrents in dept taped to our door for all to see.  I sit at this computer and look out my window into the cul-de-sac and can guarantee that at least twice a week his mother will circle the cul-de-sac.  Why?  who knows.  we have people who walk up to us in the store and ask us how we feel about our daughter being a lesbian (nothing against that -she's just straight that's all), an alchoholic, a prostitute, up for imprisonment, etc.  
when the pet incident came up, my granddaughter (6) was in her yard playing her dog.  My daughter stepped outside to check on her, we caught a man in a white truck taking pictures of her!  we chase him out of the church parking lot!  A PI?  A pervert? who knows.  but our lives are being invaded.  

we live in a small town and believe me we can ignore it, but it wears us down, and I am so tired of dealing with it, so tired of going to court, so tired of watching my daughter  try to defend herself against bogus charges.  so I can imagine what my daughter is going through.  
I was jsut hoping that if others have gone through this, there might be some recourse we take to stop this harrassment.  sorry for the ranting.