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Main Forums => Father's Issues => Topic started by: joni on May 20, 2004, 08:06:31 PM

Title: Interesting Law & Order CI tonight
Post by: joni on May 20, 2004, 08:06:31 PM

Mother and father divorce.  

Mother has custody, tells children that cell phone father gave them will cause brain cancer, kids throw phone away.  

Mother tells children that father wants to kidnap them, children refuse to go on vacation with him.  

Mother tells children, who they adopted from Romania, that if father ever had custody of them, the father would ship them back to the Romanian orphanage they fear and have nightmares about.

Oldest son kills father.

Mother says she didn't mean the things she said about the father, the kids should have known better, they should have known she was just venting.

Maybe we should all tell our stories to the writers of cop and law shows, looks like their finally giving us some air time...interesting.
Title: RE: Interesting Law & Order CI tonight
Post by: dipper on May 20, 2004, 08:53:03 PM
I love the Law & Order shows.  While there are steps being made into the importance of both many people get away with their games.  

I am glad L&O exposed one of the seedy aspects of life after divorce.  I wish the courts were tougher - carrying a child does not make one more fit.....

I am just at the beginning of this with my fiance.  I thought my divorce and the subsequent events with the children were awful - but he never gets peace with his ex.  She wanted out, cheated, tried to have him arrested - that didnt work, so then she had him charged with abuse even though he never laid a finger on her...and for three years she has trashed him.......and there's no stopping her.....

Title: RE: Interesting Law & Order CI tonight
Post by: nosonew on May 21, 2004, 02:22:48 AM
Was a good show, and I thought of this board while watching it too! Hope alot of people out there watched it, and hopefully it made a few of them even think!! (As long as it didn't give a few "moms" ideas!)-nosonew
Title: RE: Interesting Law & Order CI tonight
Post by: Kitty C. on May 21, 2004, 08:16:25 AM
Saw it too, but only the last 15-20 minutes, but what I saw curled my hair!  Because I KNOW that it IS possible!

What I thought was unique was having them ALL in the same room, so that everyone heard everything.  I think you're right, especially since these crime dramas are all the rage now.  They certainly had no inhibitions to show the mother is such a bad light!
Title: RE: Interesting Law & Order CI tonight
Post by: lacunar on May 21, 2004, 08:49:14 AM
Law and Order writes in general have addressed the issue of child custody in a favorable way in my opinion.  

Title: maybe its time for letter writing...
Post by: SLYarnell on May 21, 2004, 09:53:29 AM
to let them know how pleased we were with it and encourage other issues of the same type for new shows.
Title: RE:Dr Phil
Post by: mango on May 21, 2004, 11:46:31 AM
Maybe we can get Dr. Phil or Opera to have a show about PAS, and how badly it hurts the children, and the target parent. How the court system doesnt' do anything about either.

They need to put some serious consequences on parents programming their kids.
Title: RE:Dr Phil
Post by: Kitty C. on May 21, 2004, 12:12:35 PM
Forget Oprah, she's too biased.  You'd be better off with Dr. Phil and he's even doing a segment right now on a nasty divorce, walking a couple thru it who has kids.  Could get interesting.....
Title: RE: wrote to Dr. Phil
Post by: mango on May 26, 2004, 12:52:06 PM
Wrote Dr. Phil about the PAS and how destructive it is for the children to be used as a pawn for revenge, and how the courts don't seem to have much ability to do anything about it. They seldom remove the child from (mental) abusive situations, if ever.

We shall see if he has a show about it.
Title: RE: wrote to Dr. Phil
Post by: bigdiol on May 26, 2004, 02:26:10 PM
In response to your letter, here is what I would send:

Dr. Phil,
I would love to see a show about divorced spouses that refuse to move on --YEARS after the divorce, and are bent on destroying any life, children, and relationships to their children their former spouse has. "Keeping the relationship alive through constant conflict."
IN our case, we co-parent (we have full custody now) with my husbands ex wife, who left my husband after a year or so, had many relationships since, has a 4year old son by another man, and still is just as bitter, jealous and angry towards my husband 11 years after the divorce as if it just happened. (She has been called a "classic borderline personality" by our therapist - I call it unbelievable).  
I have been dealing with the rages, emotional blackmail, non-stop negative brainwashing of her daughter, and undermining of every activity, celebration and holiday for the past 4 years.My husband and family have had 11 years of this.
She puts so much pressure on her daughter to hate every second with us (me) is at the expense of this girl's emotional health, as she is under constant pressure to choose her mother as the favorite parent.
 She has made me (step-mom) the "target" of all her problems, and changes history of events to suit her version of reality. "Everything was FINE until SHE came." It wasn't.
There have been false accusations of abuse, (dismissed),telephone calls EVERY calendar day from Thanksgiving until May (a court order stopped it for a while), a few days we received as many as 25-30 calls, police called to our home because she claimed her daughter was being abused and beaten, and in terrible danger because she hadn't called for a day or 2-- and her constant breaking of court-orders, because she felt they were "unfair" or that they really didn't apply to her. We however, are held to the every letter of any agreement.

She consistently puts her daughter in emotional harm to satisfy her desire for revenge. This is NOT in the best interest of “her” child. Her mantra is "You're going to pay!!" My husband is the most low-key, caring, truly one of the kindest people I have ever met. So many times he allowed his ex to have extra time with his daughter for an event she planned on his time - to get paid back in spades by her telling his daughter "see- your daddy doesn't WANT to spend his time with you- he's out with his new wife!!! If he loved you he would have spent more time with you. Pretty soon he wont want you at all."

She treats her child as a pawn to "get back" at my husband, and her child is supposed to take care of her emotional needs, not the other way 'round.

The campaign waged against me has increased to the point where she wants zero contact between me and my step-daughter. The animosity and constant reminders that I am ugly, bad, and “stealing her life” are repeated over and over to her child. "She needs to go have her own child and leave mine alone" is a phrase we all hear ad nausium.

It is reaffirmed that it is unacceptable for her daughter to have any affection for me – even mild.  
She has managed to program and brainwash her daughter to the point that she now mimics her mothers agenda, and feels that she must do what her mother expects to get any love from her. This creates a problem in our household, because we do not believe in giving in to the unreasonable demands of a 10 year old.
There  are MANY people who deal with the non-stop, years long constant battle and the chaos these people create. The financial drain and expense is incredible for those forced to constantly be dragged into court - When they enter the court system --there is nothing to stop them from going wild, and no consequences for their crazy actions. (entire other show)

Dr. Phil, it would be great to have some advice for all us families out there on how to deal with those with borderline traits or full-blown borderline personality disorder, or (drop the label) how to deal with those in our lives that REFUSE to follow any rules-- if not for our sanity, but the future well-being of these kids caught up in the middle of this poisoning of their daily lives.

getting tired of always being the bad guy


Title: You know..........
Post by: Kitty C. on May 26, 2004, 02:50:29 PM
I think if enough of us sent letters to him in this vein, it would be damn hard for him to ignore!  Have you guys been watching what's been going on lately, with the 6 couples on the verge of divorce?  Many of them came from broken homes and are still paying dearly for what their parents did to them SO many years ago.

Another suggestion to him, to tie it with the 6 couples, is to see how it affects kids BEFORE they carry it into adulthood.