long story short, in june of 2003, i filed to establish paternity and BM immediately ended visitation and denied all following visitation requests. since that time i have spent half an hour with my son, when she brought him in to visit a sick aunt in the hospital... EVERY SINGLE step in this process has been delayed by the bm, and i mean EVERY SINGLE one, without exception. last week a GAL was appointed to our case, she is coming to visit next week, and i need to know how to prepare. my son will be one year old shortly.
i should mention that we (seven of us) live in a four bedroom house. my parents, me (29), my sis(26), bro in law(32) and their daughter (2), and my bro(23). i am a small business owner. i had a downpayment for a house but chose to invest in expanding my business. last year my net went down 30% but my gross went up 22% (not bad for a recession year, TYVM.) my bro in law got transferred here, and my sis is working through nursing school at the moment, and we're all saving up for houses. yadda yadda yadda.
my bedroom is the former master br (12x15) and has room for both the queen bed and a crib, but is the center of the home network with lots of wires running along the floor and would be a monstrous undertaking to completely child-proof. my door is always shut so the 2yo (and the cats) are never allowed in to roam around.
my brother's room is about 10x12, and it wouldn't be too hard to hide his stuff and set it up for the GAL to look like my son would have his own room when he comes to visit.
my niece's room is 10x11 and is pink and purple. my sis would have no problem setting him up in there with his cousin if that was the best option.
the bm (30) also lives with her parents and my son probably has his own room there. i would bet that the bm would schedule the GAL visit in august if given the chance.
if i end up with standard visitation (one night a week, eow) i'll just throw a portable crib in the corner of the room for my boy, but if i get shared parenting with substantially more time, i'll have a more permanent solution.
i'll have baby food, diapers, clothes, and a big pile of unopened xmas and 1st birthday presents. i just need to know the best way to set them all up.
Ok, for a home visit...
CHILD PROOF!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you have a toddler,, the big thing is going to be child proofing. Cabinet locks, babygates , and yes, the wires running all over,, gotta be childproofed.
The gAL will be looking for that.
While the GAL visits, the best thing you can do is be yourself. Relax (as much as posssible). Don't try to over-impress, but make it clear that you know what you are doing and that you love your child. If they are there when the child is there then interact as much as possible. Again, don't over-do it. It seems as though your whole life depends on this brief interaction so make the best of it. I wish you well.
P.S. As big an undertaking as it may seem..childproof it ALL..it may speak volumes for you.
Do not forget the working smoke detectors, covers for electrical outlets, food in the fridge, food in the cabinets, get the beer out of there, bowl of fresh fruit, clothes for your child in the closet, anything your child needs like diapers, baby shampoo, toothbrush, all the goodies a child requires. I would also have some books, and educational toys.
Can you borrow a crib from someone?
GAL's do not like to see locks on bedroom doors.
Just use good common sense, you'll be fine.
'children learn what they live'
Child being under 1 yr. you would want a crib in your room so he would feel secure, have a night light for him. Stress how he would have this great family around him and you have lots of family to support your parenting. Go for equal placement in these formative years of your son's life. Have a five year plan ready for buying a house and moving out but staying close to your family. Stress how you are looking for a house considering schools & neighborhood safety. Show that you are planning running your business around your placement schedule. Check into day care and preschool options available. Show long term planning. When you get placement (don't call it visitation!) times ask to be given make up for time that was denied. Make sure you get joint physical and joint legal custody.