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Main Forums => General Issues => Topic started by: littlebitt on May 16, 2006, 12:01:40 PM

Title: BM cut tires...advise please
Post by: littlebitt on May 16, 2006, 12:01:40 PM
I am CP of 12 yo.  BM has visitation.  She does the trasportations but we meet at nutral location.  BM called the house to say she is waiting for us to bring son.  SM tells her that son is not going there this weekend (another story in itself), and BM starts yelling that "I AM going to get my son!"

Minutes later BM is at our house.  SM is there alone, calls police for assistance, does not go to door or answer phone.  BM finally goes away.  SM calls police to say its OK, no need to come.

An hour later SM get's in car to leave and finds that both back tires are flat.  They have been cut.  Police come out and do a report.

SM had BM arrested and court date has been set.

The policeman who came out for the report basically told us, yeah of course she did it, but no way you can win in court if no one saw it.  The clerk who did the arrest warrant even tried to talk us out of it for the same reason.  She even added that when BM is found not guilty, she can file charges  against US for false arrest!

A side note...this is not the first incident we've had.  BM was arrested in 2003 for disorderly conduct against us, and was given a no-contact order for 6 months.

Does anyone have suggestions on what would give us better chances in court?  

It is true that no-one saw her, and she is claiming that her sister was with her and is her witness.  On the phone, she actually laughed and said there is nothing we can do because no one saw her do it, and so we can't prove it was her!

Any ideas?

Thanks for the help!
Title: Any chance a neighbor witnessed anything?
Post by: notnew on May 16, 2006, 12:32:03 PM
If you have no witness to testify, then you are out of luck. If it were me, I would drop the charges.

Since you are having so many issues, I would think that a video recorder used at ALL interactions with each other would be sufficient to deter any further problems.

I have to tell you though, that I would be upset if I were denied my visitation and while I would never resort to vandalism, I can certainly understand that BM was upset (absent additional details that may justify your denial of visitation).

If you don't have a solid reason to deny visitation and are in contempt of a court order, then you could be the one explaining yourself.

Also, your wife (SM) needs to be in the background. Communications should be between yourself and the BM to ease things and make life easier (again, absent details it is hard to understand why you wouldn't be speaking to BM yourself).

Perhaps you all can agree to meet at at neutral place like a police station or something to ease the issues that seem to flare up around the exchange. Remember, it is about the child, not you. Think about the memories your child will have of these years. Do you really want that for your kid?  Doing what you can to keep things business like is the best you can do.

Good luck!
Title: a few more details
Post by: littlebitt on May 16, 2006, 12:49:55 PM
Thanks for the response.  I actually agree with most all you've said.  

A neutral location is used for exchanges even though it is not court ordered.  It is a mile from our house.

SM definately stays out of the middle.  We did not expect BM to show up or call that day.  That's one reason SM did not answer door or phone when she showed up.  Just trying to avoid any conflict.  

Me and BM had words earlier in the week about visitation.  
Son had been staying after school 3 days a week for 7 weeks, as a member of the Math-Team.  (He's in 5th grade)  The 7 weeks of practice is for ONE competition that happened to fall on her Saturday.  She said that was HER weekend and she would not be bringing him to the school for the math competition.  So I told her to pick him up from the school on Saturday after it was over, instead of the usual time and place on Friday.

As for a witness, none.  We did ask around at the neighbors, but no luck.  It is tough just to drop charges and walk away.  Especialy when she is being so brazen as to gloat about it and just laugh.  But maybe I have no alternative?

thanks for the advice
Title: can you get a confession?
Post by: catherine on May 16, 2006, 01:42:48 PM
is your state a two party or one party state for recording?  It would be nice if you can get her to say that she did it over a recording or in an email or something similiar!
Title: Option for future problems
Post by: hagatha on May 16, 2006, 10:32:09 PM

I would find a spy shop near your home. Failing that look on-line. You can buy video recording camera's for under $60. and install them yourself. They hook up to a regular vcr. Then when/if she shows up at the house, you simply pop in a tape and let her screw herself.

My camera is supposed to be installed this week. But my brother works for a security company and I am getting this free. My FSIL got one for his home and he only paid $40 for the unit and $20 for the jack.

The Witch

Remember . . . KARMA is a Wonderful Thing!!!!!
Title: RE: a few more details
Post by: step_momma_2boys on May 18, 2006, 11:09:56 AM
Did you offer her a make-up day for the one day she missed out on?  A judge will be more tolerant of you withholding parenting time if it is for the child, which in this case it is, but you still need to show you are willing work w/ her about her missing time w/ her son.
Title: RE: BM cut tires...advise please
Post by: ocean on May 20, 2006, 07:29:33 PM
I agree with Catherine. See if you tape her in a phone conversation or maybe an  e-mail. Some states you do not have to tell the person you are taping so you can just start talking about it and have her dig her own hole. If it is a two party state, tell her in one conversation that all conversations will be taped (or send her a certified letter) then let a week go by and call her and see if she will talk. Good luck!
Title: RE: BM cut tires...advise please
Post by: Sunshine1 on May 22, 2006, 10:18:30 AM
See, I would bait her first.  I would tell her that you have no doubt in your mind that you will obtain a conviction based on the witness that came forward and the camera on that person's garage...or your camera you had installed after..(name an incident that would have warranted getting one).  Tell her you will offer her a deal (while taping her confession), but she needs to pay for the damage. hehhee

If anything you will get her freaking out until the court appearance.  And thinking twice.

This is NOT legal advice...this is torture advice!  LOL!  :)
Title: statutes on recording
Post by: smtotwo on May 22, 2006, 05:00:19 PM