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Main Forums => General Issues => Topic started by: melissa3 on Sep 27, 2006, 06:45:27 AM

Title: His Mother's ring......
Post by: melissa3 on Sep 27, 2006, 06:45:27 AM
My fiance and his ex were together 9 yrs. They were never married or engaged. When he moved out, he got a court order to get all of his things but that never happend, the ex still has EVERYTHING, including fiance's mother's ring, which her never gave to her.

Recently, fiance's father asked for the ring back and the ex refused, stating it was for her daughter, although she has no right to decide that!

Anyway, how can fiance get this ring back?? (hopefull before she pawns it)

Maybe I should ask Soc??

Title: Yep
Post by: notnew on Sep 27, 2006, 10:04:27 AM
Ask Soc. However, realistically he may never get his things back. He should have taken everything he wanted when he left. I know hindsight is 20/20. Believe me, I know. I thought I'd be able to get the rest of my things and they have all been stolen. Pictures of my family (grandparents, etc.), my coin collection, model collection, my master tapes of music I had recorded, clothes, on and on. BM has told my child that it all belongs to BM now because I left.

If nothing else, I wanted my child to get the things like the musical instruments, coin collections, pictures, etc. BM says they are her things and not the child's.

Another weird aspect of this. BM has kept my "things" out and in the places they were when I left (not everything but a lot of stuff). I feel uncomfortable with this and I think it has made the situation a LOT harder for the child then it needs to be. This is over 5 years old, but less than 10. Also, BM has a BF living with her now. Don't you think another guy would have a problem with the ex-husband's personal belongings all over the place? Mental case I believe.

Just prepare yourselves for the worst. If the court order allows him to get his things, he needs to take the steps via court and/or police to have it enforced if possible. The longer he waits, the harder it will be.
Title: RE: His Mother's ring......
Post by: mistoffolees on Sep 27, 2006, 11:33:58 AM
Realistically? It's very unlikely that he can force her. All she has to say is that he gave it to her as a gift. Since they were together for 9 years, that is plausible. How can he prove he didn't?

I would suggest that you might have to buy your way out of the situation. Since the ring has sentimental value for you and him (and presumably not as much for the ex), I would offer to exchange cash for the ring. Most rings from our parents' era weren't all that valuable in dollars, so it might cost you less than buying a new ring - and you'd get the sentimental value.

It would probably also be less expensive than fighting it out - and certainly less painful.

Is it right? Nope. But sometimes you have to do what's prudent even if it's not fair.
Title: RE: His Mother's ring......
Post by: annemichellesdad on Oct 15, 2006, 06:14:51 AM
I understand a lot about narcissism, but this is one aspect I can't quite figure out. My ex also has extreme NPD characteristics and had the exact same attitude in regards to property, blatantly just keeping things not only that didn't belong to her but some things for which she had little or no use.

And a ring? Yes... she was given an engagement ring a year before she left (we never married, as well), but didn't return it. Actually, I didn't even mention it for about year, following the tradition that "a gentleman doesn't ask for it back, but a lady never keeps it".

When I finally just noted that she still had the ring, she blew up, as if she had been waiting for the very word to be mentioned every day for a year! I casually asked why she wanted an engagement ring from a person whom she never intended to marry. Her reply was a defiant: "One day, this will be for my daughter!"

Now, I've never been accused of being a genius, but that claim has never made much sense to me. Plenty of mothers give daughters their wedding rings, but I cannot imagine at all what sentimental value an engagement ring from someone she hates and never married would have.

My only guess about the whole thing is that it's simply yet another act of "control", a strong NPD characteristic. Of course, an NPD would want to legitimize their desire for control, so maybe the whole "it's for my daughter" claim is simply that... an attempt to put a benevolent face on a belligerent act.

Title: RE: His Mother's ring......
Post by: 4honor on Oct 16, 2006, 04:02:49 PM
He has a court order to get his things... he should take his order and contact the police to assist him in getting it taken care of. They may coordinate, or instruct him in how to set it up. If the order is older than 1 year old, it is likley that he will have a harder time of it.

Prepare a statement to give to BM stating his name, a line for the date and  where he picked up his items. Also add a line which ends "I have retrieved all of my belongings except: ---------- " If he gets everything he puts "nothing follows" on the line. If he is missing something important, then he should list it. Clothing items and old shoes should be let go, but family heirlooms and photos should be listed.

ALL rings not given as a gift for a birthday or Christmas should be returned at the end of the relationship. (ask Judge Judy who reemed a girl for not returning it.)

And if she keeps it up, call Judge Judy or The People's court and see if you can get it taken care of.
Title: RE: His Mother's ring......
Post by: melissa3 on Oct 17, 2006, 06:45:08 AM
OMG!!! I told fiance we should take her to judge Judy!! BM is sooooo used to the court being on her side and it would be "priceless" to watch her get ripped apart by JUdge Judy. I mean, that woman does not put up with ANY BS and, let me tell you, BM is FULL of it!!! Bm has no grounds to keep the ring and I would just love to watch someone tell her so.

As far as the court order, its 3yrs old and as of last month there is a new one in place which does not mention the retrivial of personal property.

Maybe we take this to small claims?

PS: If we do make it to Judge Judy, I'll post the air date so everyone can get a good laugh and finally see some justice being served=)