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Main Forums => General Issues => Topic started by: Crockpot on Oct 10, 2008, 06:32:27 PM

Title: Mediation question
Post by: Crockpot on Oct 10, 2008, 06:32:27 PM
Are people required to go to mediation?  I know it's sometimes required by CO before going to court, but if one party wants to go - and the other doesn't can the party that doesn't want to go refuse?

DH's ex wants to go to discuss some STUPID crap.  I really am not sure what it's all about.  She's been leaving ranting VM about the stupiest things.  She's completely insane.  In her last message she said she's getting a mediator and DH will have to pay for 1/2.  

I can't image she can force him to go, but I've been wrong before!

Title: RE: Mediation question
Post by: gollymolly on Oct 10, 2008, 08:50:04 PM
depends on what  is in the CO/final judgment.

my final judgment specifically states 'mediation' as a step in dispute resolution prior to litigating issues. so in a disagreement, if one party requests mediation on the matter and the other party denies the request... it is contempt.

if it is not specifically stated in the final judgment, then it is not 'required'.
she can however, file with the court to get court ordered mediation.
and that depends on if this is a major decision.

it also depends on if your final judgment mentions anything about decisions regarding the subject matter.

on the other hand.... cooperative parenting and conflict resolution is best for children dealing with high conflict co-parenting relationships.

sometimes we have to be the better person and try to work these situations out for the better good.... for the children.

of course.. keep the VM recordings.

Title: RE: Mediation question
Post by: Crockpot on Oct 11, 2008, 09:12:31 AM
I'll check DH's divorce.

She's mad because she got cornered in the same spot she puts DH in.  She's been getting daughter's ADHD meds filled at a pharmacy near her.  Out of the way for DH.  We asked her to pick one in between.  She refused.  She has his portion of the pills left there for him.  Even though she sees him at exchanges and could just hand them to him.  

So this month DH had to get it filled (long story) and told her he'd meet her at the exchange point to give her part of the pills (our pharmacy won't hold the pills for other parent).  She's pissed that he won't bring them to her.

Plus she's proabably off her own meds and has lost it.  She also recently wanted to go to mediation because she wants to force DH to make oldest daughter wear a bra when she's at our house.  She's 9 and we don't believe she needs one or is ready to wear one.  

Just another day...  
Title: RE: Mediation question
Post by: gemini3 on Oct 11, 2008, 10:50:42 AM
I would just ignore her unless you get something more than just the smoke she blows.

Once she realizes she's not going to get a reaction she'll most likely move on to something else.
Title: RE: Mediation question
Post by: ocean on Oct 11, 2008, 10:54:04 AM
LOL...that made me laugh!
Ignore...that is what we do for the most part, Keep ALL voicemails....if your cell phone company does not save them then put them on tape. You may be able to use them in court but a mediator/counselors all can listen to them.  Let all phone calls go to voicemail and try to use e-mail for replies. This way there is little contact for her to get to you.

Why can't SD carry the pills with her to each house with her bag? BM wants control...just ignore for the most part...and send SD with enough until she gets back with you...
Title: RE: Mediation question
Post by: gollymolly on Oct 11, 2008, 12:19:38 PM
i totally agree... ignore her.
DH has made his statement about the options to meet to provide the medication. this is absolutely reasonable. do not respond to anything else.

does DD only have one insurance provider?  meaning do you and DH carry family insurance and BM carry family insurance as well?

i have had the VERY same issue about bras with my DD.  it is truly ridiculous.

basically... BM is a very unhappy individual. and wants to upset your happiness. so don't allow her tantrums to be a dark cloud over your lives. focus on your family and keeping a close bond with DD.
lots of family time... talking, playing board games, etc...

this has kept our family very close thru the turmoil of our co-parenting battles and the children even comment on how they really like how our family is so forgiving and closely bonded. they need to know that the other parent will never break that bond.

it is very important.

stay strong... it isn't easy dealing with a hostile parent.
Title: RE: Mediation question
Post by: Crockpot on Oct 13, 2008, 11:35:41 AM
There's only one insurance - ours.  BM does not carry insurance even for herself.  But the girls are on medical assistance through the state so she pays nothing out of pocket.  And nothing for day care of course...

The medication is Adderall (an amphetamine) so we can't have SD carrying it around.  She's only six and is not allowed to take it without an adult handing it to her.  

Right now we have two exchange points, one close to her house and one close to our house.  I'm suggesting to DH that he talk to BM about finding one in the middle.  She wants DH to come to her and DH wants her to come to him.  This is so stupid.  She said she didn't budget for an extra trip to us.  It's 10 miles away - maybe $1.50 in gas.   But to counter that - we brought the girls to her on Sunday (when she was supposed to come to us) because she was sick.  So in essence, she's not driving anymore than she would have.

She's just being a pain in the A$$!

I'm inspired by the response.  We do try and make a very stable home for SD's, and spend lots of time with them together and one on one.  But the posts just make me want to double our efforts!

Title: RE: Mediation question
Post by: ocean on Oct 13, 2008, 05:21:00 PM
I still do not understand why the medication can't go with the child in her bag at the exchanges? If you have the bottle...then send it with SD when she goes to mom's with enough until she gets back to you... BM can take it out of bag when she gets home and give it to her.

Title: RE: Mediation question
Post by: Crockpot on Oct 13, 2008, 05:50:37 PM
We drop SD off at school, not directly to BM.  And then SD goes to day care after school.  Either way BM was going to run out of pills today and we don't see SD again until Thursday.

The only time the child goes from parent to parent is Sunday PM.
Title: RE: Mediation question
Post by: gollymolly on Oct 13, 2008, 06:35:34 PM
i have passed medications thru the school.... basically the same way you would if the child would be taking the medication at school.
fill out a Rx form (without indicating that the school should administer the drug) at the front desk and leave the medication. then BM can pick it up at the front desk.

but really... it is all a hassle. and that is what the BM wants it to be.

so maybe you could arrange a mail order Rx and alleviate this problem all together?  

i guess it is just about problem solving to remove the drama from your family's life.

and this problem will be replaced with a new drama for you to solve.
Title: Also depends on your state's law
Post by: MixedBag on Oct 14, 2008, 05:49:25 AM
some of them have included it in one of the steps the judge must (not should, but must) take in family court.

Have you been before?

See -- I went two rounds with EX#2 while he was NCP, then got trained to be a mediator, and after all that I'd ask our judge to skip that if he ordered it due to past experiences and professional experiences UNLESS EX paid for it and the mediator used "shuttle mediation".

Then he'd have a reason to cooperate.