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Lance Armstrong may lose his 6th Tour De France title, after evidence has been found that he used 3 substances, illegal in France.


Tooth paste, deodorant, and soap...


He is also being accused of having body parts in his possession that are also illegal in France; a spine, and balls...

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." --David Letterman

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." --Norman Schwartzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." --Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." --Jacques Chirac, President of France....."As far as France is concerned, you're right." --Rush Limbaugh

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." --Regis Philbin

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." --John McCain

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." --Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!" --Jay Leno

For sale: French military (oxymoron) issued rifle - Never fired and dropped once.

The French have a Terror Alert System similar to the one here:

Alert Level - Response

Green - Eat cheese, spit on foreigners.
Yellow - Cower in basement, prepare for surrender.
Orange - Surrender, then turn in friends and neighbors.
Red - Capitulate immediately. Emigrate to USA.

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Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend France?

A: No one knows; it's never been done before.