SPARC Forums

I posted a little over a month ago about my SD being molested by her SF.  I hotlined it and my SD spent a month and a half with us until they closed the case saying they didn't have the evidence they needed to charge the SF.  

My SD went back to BM's a couple weeks ago and has been back for a visit since and says the SF acts as if she doesn't exist and she has all new rules put on her.  A bedtime of 9:30 and gets up at 7:30, and this is summer, they have no where to be, mom took a break from work.  BM isn't letting her go see her friends and has cut way back on everything she used to let her do.

BM or SF haven't confronted my SD about her accusations.  SD has brought it up to BM and she told her to never bring it up again.  She has asked her over and over if she could go live with us.  Her mom says no.  

While my SD was staying with us I got her started in counseling.  Today the counselor tried to get BM to stay for the session and BM didn't understand why and said she thought her daughter was there for teenager reasons and the counselor said, "no, it's because of the sexual abuse" and BM said, "there was no sexual abuse, she lied about that".

Our attorney says we can't use the hotline because the SF wasn't found to have done it, but she thinks we will still get custody because my SD wants to live with us.  She said she will put in the papers that SD wants to live with her dad and the reasons why and the situation with the SF will be one of them.

We retained an attorney this week and will probably go sign the papers Monday.  We are asking for custody and that BM pays support.

1.  Can you think of anything we should add besides custody and support?

2.  What do you think the chances are of getting custody? SD is 14. We live in Missouri.

3.  Can we recommend family counseling for SF and BM with SD? Or is that silly?

Thanks.

>I posted a little over a month ago about my SD being molested
>by her SF.  I hotlined it and my SD spent a month and a half
>with us until they closed the case saying they didn't have the
>evidence they needed to charge the SF.  
>
>My SD went back to BM's a couple weeks ago and has been back
>for a visit since and says the SF acts as if she doesn't exist
>and she has all new rules put on her.  A bedtime of 9:30 and
>gets up at 7:30, and this is summer, they have no where to be,
>mom took a break from work.  BM isn't letting her go see her
>friends and has cut way back on everything she used to let her
>do.
>
>BM or SF haven't confronted my SD about her accusations.  SD
>has brought it up to BM and she told her to never bring it up
>again.  She has asked her over and over if she could go live
>with us.  Her mom says no.  
>
>While my SD was staying with us I got her started in
>counseling.  Today the counselor tried to get BM to stay for
>the session and BM didn't understand why and said she thought
>her daughter was there for teenager reasons and the counselor
>said, "no, it's because of the sexual abuse" and BM said,
>"there was no sexual abuse, she lied about that".
>
>Our attorney says we can't use the hotline because the SF
>wasn't found to have done it, but she thinks we will still get
>custody because my SD wants to live with us.  She said she
>will put in the papers that SD wants to live with her dad and
>the reasons why and the situation with the SF will be one of
>them.
>
>We retained an attorney this week and will probably go sign
>the papers Monday.  We are asking for custody and that BM pays
>support.
>
>1.  Can you think of anything we should add besides custody
>and support?

No. That's about it.
>
>2.  What do you think the chances are of getting custody? SD
>is 14. We live in Missouri.

Pretty good, as long as the child testifies that the abuse occured.

>
>3.  Can we recommend family counseling for SF and BM with SD?
>Or is that silly?

I think it's a huge waste of time. BM will never admit the abuse occured. This is pretty typical pattern of behavior. The wife will remain forever in denial about the abuse, because to admit it makes her a failure as both a mother and a spouse -- essentially, it challenges her entire existence -- which is too much for almost anyone to live with.