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Thank you again- I will definitely heed your advice regarding pick-ups and drop-offs.

... and you are right- the one parent vs two is definitely a sticky debate, with so many complexities and unknown variables that it is impossible to really evaluate...

Thanks so much- your insights will help me keep my head on straight : )

Thank you for your insights- I really appreciate them.

And I agree (to an extent) that he can only dominate me if I allow it. However, calls to my cell phone at midnight, finding ways to touch me during pickups and drop offs, and the various thinly veiled threats are attempts to exert some form of control over me that are difficult to prevent. There are many other ways he tries to intimidate me- most of which I have learned to ignore, however it is still wrong. Eventually my child will pick up on the behaviors. They may sound stupid or petty to an outsider, but they are very real and frustrating (and sometimes scary) to the person experiencing them. My ex knows how to walk the line though- he has kept from doing anything overt for a few months.

Anyhow, I wasn't saying that one parent is preferable in raising a child. I was only making the point that there are times that it IS better to have just one parent as the main presence in a child's life, especially if the absent (or limited visit) parent is abusive (whether it be emotionally, verbally, physically). I am not necessarily saying it is appropriate in my case- I am still trying to do what I can to make things work in my child's best interest. But it is an oversimplification to say that it is always better to have both parents.

Ya'll are being silly and attempting to continue the great societal prudish myth.  I hate to kill your joy but everybody knows females are far more sexually aggressive than their male counter parts.

So it follows that it is highly likely the father was assualted or raped and probably absent a comdom in hopes of a financial reward to take back home to mama along with baby.

In addition, I have never found any evidence that a child, young or old, is better served with the mother vs the father.  In fact, just the opposite. 

It seems these posts are often brain-dead with assumptions while we should be accentuating the need for a child to be presented with both parents. 

Right... If you honestly believe that I took advantage of the father, you need a quick little math lesson- I'm sure even you can do this simple computation:
When he and I dated and I became pregnant: I made about twice as much money per month than he did.
                                         I had ZERO debt
                                         My earning potential within my career is about three times as high as his
                                         Oh, and he hates to work- is incredibly lazy.
                                         And it deserves mention that I have never asked for/received any money whatsoever

                                         Oh, and my family is extremely affluent

On the other hand: He made less than me (by alot)
                  He has a huge amount of debt
                  He works a mediocre sales job- calls it his career (top salary is 1/3 my top salary)
                  He cannot seem to work a full 40 hour/week job (too many hours)
                  

So I ask you, why would I have assaulted him? To take his "money"? Really? If I wanted to trap someone I would have at least made it worth my time.

As for the statement about females being more sexually aggressive: I do agree that women can be aggressive, and they can certainly be devious. However, to pretend that a 105lb female has a prayer of a chance when a 225lb male forces himself on her is ridiculous. To pretend that all women are more sexually aggressive and thus cannot be taken advantage of, assaulted, or raped, is also ridiculous. I am very interested in where you find your information

As for attorneys- I have met with 3- spent almost $1000 in initial consultations, and have yet to find one that is anything less than very liberal- the least I have been quoted for representation is $5000. As a student, I cannot afford the cost of an attorney, so I am trying to represent myself. While I understand that I should have brought up everything the first time we went to court, in my defense, I was trying very hard to maintain a somewhat reasonably "friendly" relationship for the sake of my child. Unfortunately, I have tried for months to be friendly, and it has gotten me nowhere- he walks all over me, and capitalizes on any opportunity to dominate me. I agree that both parents should be in a child's life, ideally, however, I do think time with my ex should be limited considering all the circumstances. A child should not grow up learning that men can treat women in the way that the father treats me... he may not be abusive to the child, but that does not excuse his behavior towards me, and it certainly does not mean that the child will not be hurt/affected by it. In addition, because my ex drinks very excessively, he is hungover (sometimes still drunk) when he has visitation- and yes, he drives in this condition! So while he may not be abusing the child, there is definitely a heightened risk of harm.

With regards to the move: again, ideally, moms and dads shouldn't live in different towns, states, etc. But realistically, if there are no decent jobs in a place that is not my home, that has relatively high crime rates and a crappy education system, is it unacceptable to think that a better life can (and should) be pursued elsewhere? That because I conceived/gave birth in this state, I now should not be allowed to leave? As a reminder, he is free to go wherever he may choose- he has a job with the flexibility to literally go anywhere, and he has been in this area less than a year (and has only worked this job a few months).

By the way, the information that many loosely refer to, that "both parents should be in a child's life" is somewhat misleading. It has been shown that children raised by one parent can (and do) thrive when other factors, such as income level and level of conflict within the home are controlled for. I am not advocating for divorce or single parent households, but I think it is important to consider other facets to custody issues than the blanket statement that 2 parents are always better...

Thanks for the responses

I am a new mother of a 4 month old. His father and I were not married- dated on and off less than one year- broke up when I was 6 months pregnant. My ex had unprotected sex with me against my wishes (I told him no before and during- we both knew I was ovulating). He is a controlling and unstable (emotionally, physically, financially) person with a massive alcohol problem. I could go into further detail, but that is it, in a nutshell. He wants half time custody. He was granted 6 hours twice a week, 5 and a half on Saturdays (I was advised to be "generous" in mediation). He has opted not to pick him up on Saturdays. Now he wants "full days" (not sure the extent of hours, but greater than at least twice a week. I am trying to find reliable empirical evidence as to the amount of visitation that is considered ideal for a nursing child of 4 months. In addition, I have spoken with the father about a possible relocation. He works a low-end job, I will be pursuing my career and/or graduate school. I was only in CA for my education. My family is elsewhere, and I graduate soon. Hypothetically, he could relocate and find similar work anywhere else... but he has filed new papers requesting that if I leave the state it will not exceed 1 week. Any advice? I am at a loss as to what to do, what my rights are, what is in my son's "best interest" in this complicated situation. Any info would be appreciated. Thank you