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Has anyone lost their custody case because of the "de facto custodian" law?

I am looking for case histories on this topic,,,

      * Did you lose custody because of this law?

      * Was this law used in the wrong context in your case?

      * Were you able to regain custody after someone else was
         given de facto custodian status?


What I know about "de facto custodian"

   *This status is used after a child has been with a guardian,
    family member, foster caregiver, etc,,, for 6 months or more.

   *De facto custodian status gives the guardian, family member,
     caregiver etc,,, the same rights (equal footing) as a biological parent.

   *De facto custodian is usually given to a person when the child they
     are caring for has been abandoned by one or both parents.

If I am wrong about any of this please let me know. I need to know as much as I can about this BEFORE December 14, 2004. I lost custody of my daughter to MY mother because of this law and I need to find out if this law was used in the wrong context as far as my case is concerned.

Does anyone have any website, book, or article  suggestions?  

Any help you all can give me would be greatly appreciated.

For those of you that may be wondering what the outcome against my mother was... here is a brief summary and  an update. I apologize in advance for this being so long.

I was having financial difficulties about 3 yrs ago... My mother asked if she could take care of my daughter until I got back on my feet... I agreed to let my mother take care of her... (Because I didn't think I would have any problems what-so-ever getting my child back from my own mother.)

After repeated attempts to get daughter back from my mother and her refusing to let daughter come back,,, I took her to court. She file for custody AFTER I filed my motion to terminate her guardianship.

First court date, the DRC gave my mother "de facto custodian" status... Second court date Domestic Relations Commissioner gave FULL custody to my mother because my mother said I never attempted to get daughter back (which was not true I have proof that I tried many times)

We appealed this decision to the judge... This judge affirmed what the DRC decided. We have appealed this as well.

We have recently come across new evidence and have filed a Motion to Alter, Vacate, or Amend and now have a court date set for Dec 14, 2004. This will be going in front of the judge that affirmed the DRC's decision the first time.

Also, since the last court date (Oct. 19, 2004) my mother has only allowed me one extra day of visitation with my daughter. She also let my daughter stay out of school for a week because she took my child to Disney World in Florida for her birthday. (How can I compete with this type of gift?)

 The judge knew about this and allowed her to go. This interfered with my court ordered visitation with my child. I was allowed to make up some of this time but not all of it.

My daughter is being turned against me by my own mother and my daughter's attitude toward me shows that my mother is planting terrible things about me in her head.

Hopefully this new evidence will help get my daughter where she belongs.

I also took my ex husband to court over my son. (Circumstances with son were same with daughter described above) BUT,,,

We had joint custody of son, he was primary caretaker, ex let me have son every other week and let me babysit for him while he was at work on his weeks.

After 8 months of it being like this he stopped it without notice or explaination. I took him to court on Nov. 23, 2004. I got true joint custody (every other week) NO primary care taker, NO child support, and I am the babysitter (1st right to refusal?) ex has to pick son up from my house on his weeks after he gets off work. (An extra 28 miles both ways for him to drive,,, he's not happy about that)

In short. I finally got my son where he needed and wanted to be. My ex no longer has the control he swore he would never give up. I am very happy about the way this one worked out.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this post. Good luck to everyone with their cases and thank you for your input and opinions on my case(s).

I had custody of my children until I started having serious financial trouble (no drugs or alcohol involved). My son went to live with his bio dad and my daughter went to stay with my mother (all temporarily, of course,,,, or that's what they told me at the time)

I had to choose between feeding my children or paying utility bills,,, well, I chose to feed my babies,, i lost my house,, i lost my car,, i lost my job,, AND i lost my kids because I thought I was doing "what was best for my children"

It was the right decision at the time but now,,,, My mother and my ex have taken advantage of the fact that I was in a difficult situation and are using it against me. (surprise, surprise!!!)

I am currently fighting my mother in court over custody of my daughter (which by the way, I ended up losing in court last week)

I have no intentions of giving up and letting my mother keep my child. She raised her kids and now it is time that I raise mine.  (Appeal already in progress)

TO THE AUTHOR OF THE ORIGINAL POST:

 I think it all boils down to NCP Moms doing what they think is best for their children and end up getting burned, sucker punched, blind-sided or stabbed in the back by ones that "PROMISED" not to make it hard on them to visit with or get their children back.

Being a NCP (mother) I sympathize with all the NCP (mothers or fathers) that are having a difficult time visiting with or getting their children back.  

My opinion is this,,,, I think that if all CP could see both sides of the fence (which I have been on both sides,,,i.e. receiving and paying CS,,, controling and having no control over visitation schedules) there wouldn't be so many children suffering due to the fights and need to control between the parents.

Remember,,,, it is about the children and the children only. Not how ticked off you can make the other parent. Think of the children being witness to this.

Thank you all so much. I would say that you don't know how much it means to me but, I'm pretty sure most of you do know, and that is the sad part.

It is a bunch of crap because family courts think they have a right to put OUR children through this. They don't care about what is best for the children, as long as they piss off the one that they don't like (which is what happened in my case).

I found out (through the way my hearing went) that Kentucky is not a "best interest of the child" state, and I am working to fix that. All I ask is that you pray for me and that I succeed. Who knows, I maybe able to do something that will eventually help other mothers (and fathers) on this site.

Again, thank you all so much for your support

The thing about the video,,,,, the DRC is the one who turned it on!  He knew he was being recorded by audio/video and he still chose to act like a prick. Goes to show you,, not all lawyers are as smart as they claim they are.


*NOTE: The Domestic Relations Commissioner, DRC, is nothing but a lawyer given the power to make the decisions of a judge. In fact he's not even considered a judge. But, unlike me, most people just take what his decision is and move on.

Not only was it recorded but the recording is VIDEO!!!!

How's that for proof of his behavior? and we are appealing ASAP.

I'm not letting this go lightly,,, I am in for on hell of a fight, and I'm ready for it.

My custody hearing against my mother was yesterday. It did not go in my favor and needless to say, the DRC gave custody of my daughter to my mother.

The DRC had an attitude before the hearing started, he was unprofessional throughout the whole hearing.  He made a comment stating "If the parents had supported the child we wouldn't have to be here today."  He had his decision made before the hearing began

Believe me when I say this but every last bit of it is true and right now I am looking for ANY help that I can get because this is not over.

The DRC did not listen to any of the evidence or testimony, (literally) he slouched down in his chair, had his arms thrown over the back of the chair, he picked at his fingernails, he looked at the pictures on the wall, he picked lint off his jacket, at one point he was sitting there with his eyes closed, he kept looking at the clock, he did not make eye contact with anyone, and he continued to make malicious comments toward me throughout the hearing.  He refused to enter my documents and records of denied or refused visitation time into evidence.

My mother admitted to emotionally abusing my daughter by calling her names such as, "fat ass", she admitted to offering me money so she could keep my child, she said that the only reason I wanted my daughter back was for the child support that is paid by the bio father, she repeated many times that she thought that I would cause my daughter harm, and her main point was that I wouldn't keep my daughter in Girl Scouts. (that is what they used as leverage.)

My mother and step-father said that I only wanted to see my daughter when it was convenient for me (which is totally false), they said that I never called and asked for extra visitation time, they claimed that my documentations were fabricated (I used the PTT from this site and the DRC refused to look at it)

My mother's attorney "knew" that they had lost and we "knew" that we had them beat, but like I said earlier, the DRC had his decision made before the first word was ever said and no matter what evidence we had against my mother, despite the fact that both my mother and my step-father looked like total idiots and they both were irate from the very beginning, nothing that was said or done could change the DRC's mind.

I guess what I am looking for is, information on how I can:

 (a) change the Kentucky Family Laws in this county and
 
 (b) how I can get this man removed from the position of Domestic         Relations Commissioner, because he is not an impartial "judge", he makes his decisions based on his own biased opinions.

If anyone can lead me in the right direction I would greatly appreciate it.  Like I said before, this is not over and I am not going to accept this decision.

My fiancee and I are at a loss for words, we plan on getting another attorney to come in and help our current attorney to take this to the next level.  What else can we do?

**Just keep telling yourself that this is not about you
or your ex---it's about what's best for your kids**

It is actually MY mother that I am fighting in court. And to her, it is "ALL ABOUT HER" and not what is best for my daughter. My mother  found out that if she kept my daughter she could get CS from not just the bio dad but from me as well. That is when she became interested in getting custody of my child.

**It's OK to walk away from it all for thirty minutes and clear your head**

I tried that but it followed me,,,LOL     it even shows up in my dreams. (It's that bad)

**You have to be strong but that doesn't mean carrying the weight of the whole world on your shoulders.**

Isn't it a mother's "job" to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders? (Oh, sorry that is what my mother led me to believe when I was growing up. Man she was a great mom,, x()

As far as keeping records,,, I have introduced the PTT to my attorney and she loves it,, she said that she wished everyone involved in custody cases were as organized as I am when it comes to keeping up with records.  (Had to brag  on the SPARC sitea little bit)

 **(I joked to my atty that I could throw a few more his way if I hadn't included enough)**

I had pages upon pages of information for my attorney and she asked me to cut it down a few pages. She said it was too much irrelevant information. (Thought I could get everything my mother has ever done wrong, as far as my child was concerned, brought up. But attny said no.)

**You are allowed to disagree with your atty.**

My attny said that if the judge (actually the DRC) does not give me custody back that we couldn't appeal because she has never seen a judge overturn a Domestic Relations Commissioner's decision. We told her that we would hire another attny and appeal anyway if she didn't do it for us. So she knows that I'm not going to just sit back and let my mother win.

My mother's attny couldn't spook a ghost. He is the type of lawyer that goes into the courtroom and shows his butt and picks fights with the judge if he doesn't get his way. (In the words of a secretary that has seen him in action, "His lawyer skills in a courtroom suck."

I really appreciate all of your advice, it helps tremendously.

I guess I just assumed that everybody knew my situation. (I told you my brain was in overload mode,,,LOL)

I know that many of you are thinking that I am fighting the bio dad but I'm not it is my own mother.

Actually, I WISH I was fighting the bio dad because it would seem so much easier. (he hasn't been in my daughter's life in (ummm let's see).......NEVER..... by his own choice) and she is 8 yrs old.

In short, the situation is,,

I let my mother take care of my daughter (because of the worst financial difficulties you can imagine) and now she won't let me have her back. She is brainwashing my daughter, denying me time with her (even after the judge told her to encourage and allow extra visitation) and she is trying to "buy" my daughter with expensive items and trips to Florida.

Can you compete with things like that? (actually you can but it is difficult. I do tell my daughter all the time that I love her but it doesn't seem like it is enough.)

Again I'm sorry for not being more specific on what I was asking for.

 

Ever experience extreme confusion? It's happened to me! ;)

My court date is 8 days away, I have an appointment with my attorney this afternoon, and I have absolutley no idea what I should ask her. I don't know what is relevant and what isn't.

Does anyone have any tips on questions that need to be asked and what preparations I need to make before next week? (Custody hearing is Sept 15th)

I have gone over everything in my head so many times that I can't remember anything. I have it written down, but right now it just looks like a big ball of jumbled words.

(Needless to say I am extremely nervous about all this.)

 I've been to court before over my children, but there was never this much at stake when it came to my childs/childrens future and well-being.

I will gladly acept any and all advice, suggestions, tips, pointers, and opinions without attacking or judging anyone.

I come here for advice and support not to pick fights, insult, degrade or upset people. I only care about my children and their future.

Thank you in advance for your input.