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Back in 2004 we separated and my ex and daughter moved to Iowa.  I live in AZ and have been paying CS ($1100/mo) through the clearinghouse since that time without fail.  Initial calculation included child care for my daughter, then 4, that she never went to and my ex working part-time at $10/hr after she got settled which she agreed too.  In our parenting plan, I was to pay for travel expenses for myself and daughter until mom got a job then we would share expenses.  My daughter is now 12, I am still paying the same amount and mom still is not working for various reasons.  Back in Sept 2011, mom decided to pull my daughter out of public school and home school which I didn't agree with but she did anyway.  She is the CP but we have joint custody. About 16 months ago I had to take a position that paid $20K/year less but I didn't adjust the CS because I didn't want my daughter to be affected.  I also pay for all of my daughters medical, dental and vision coverage as well.


Now, due to financial reasons and my new position I am unable to see my daughter as often as I used to.  Historically I would see her every 8-10 weeks both there and here in AZ.  I would like to have my daughter here with me for my next visit (she hasn't been here since March 2011) but my ex will not allow her to leave.  She says, if I want to see her I can go there.  Well since I have to pay for flight, hotel rental car and other expenses it isn't possible at the moment.  Having here here with me eliminates the need for hotel and rental car which after a week could be ~$1000. She isn't required to help pay for travel at this time and I am entitled to have my daughter here in AZ 2x a year. I think she is in contempt at this point.

So my question is, if I petition to modify CS based on my current salary, what do I put down for her if she isn't working?  Is there a default of PT at min wage or just $0? 


Obviously I think my ex is being unreasonable in trying to control the situation.  I just want to see my daughter and she is keeping that from me unless I see her there...under her terms.


Thank you.


PW7285

gemini3 - thank you for your response.

It is frustrating to hear/see the lack of participation from her mother when it comes to school.  The only one that is being affected is my daughter.  She has to be embarrassed walk into class late, struggle with her studies all because mom won't get her butt out of bed and drive her 4 blocks to school.  I have been contacted by my daughter's teachers and guidance counselors since 1st grade regarding her attendance.  I have no doubt that if it came down to it that I could get letters to support this from each one of her teachers.

No it was not an affair.  They had been separated for 6+ months and I for almost a year.  We had lost contact but when I had my daughter with me in the summer we got together for dinner and so the kids could see each other.  That is when we connected.

Was defining "best interest of the child" made to be so subjective?

At what point (if any) can a father tell the court that his daughter is not getting the best support from her custodial parent with regard to school?  Does this even matter to the courts? My daughter is in 3rd grade and lives in another state with her mother who does not work and lives literally 2 minutes if that from school and she can't seem to get her there on time?!?!?!?  This has been going on since she was in 1st grade and is becoming very frustrating.  We have joint custody and I live 1500 miles away.  I see my daughter every 8-10 weeks and when I am there during the school week I am a room dad at the school.  Her mother only goes to school for PTC and thats it.  Again, she doesn't work and lives 2 minutes from school.

Our daughter is having trouble with some subjects so the school offered her before or after school tutoring and mom refuses, she says it's too early or too long of a day.  I could go on and on with this but I won't.  My question is do the courts look at school as being part of what is in the "best interest of the child" or is this just a drop in the "she is not being physically abused so she is fine" bucket?

Thanks

Unique situation....

I have known my now wife of almost 2 years for about 10 years.  We dated 2 years prior to our marriage.  We both have kids, she a boy 9 years old and I a girl also 9 years old.  When we were both in our previous relationships we all knew each other therefore, the kids have known each other since birth.  Months after we both separated (she divorced and I was not married to my ex) we got the kids together for dinner and have been together since.  We had a house built 2.5 years ago, she doesn't work so that she can spend time at her sons school and take care of any errands that need to be done.  Although there is always time for shopping, Yoga and coffee with the girls etc...

My ex and daughter live in another state and her ex lives in another state but we have custody of the son.  They are on good speaking terms when it comes to their son whereas my ex ("the victim") and I don't always get along the greatest.  My issue is with their relationship. I am very envious that they are able to have one and I am not.  This envy leads to jealousy which then becomes suspicion as to what they are talking about knowing it isn't always about their son.  He pays her CS by check and not through the Clearinghouse so checks are addressed to her with her previous last name.  This to me is disrespectful but she doesn't think it's a big deal. She flys their son up to see him in the summer and she is still close to his side of the family so they pick them up at the airport, have dinner, go to the park all as if they were still together. Dirves me nuts but I know that in their sons best interest it is good to see his parents can still get along.

I don't like that her ex still addresses her with his last name, I am bothered by the fact that she seems to protect, defend and accomodate him and dismisses my feelings.  It makes me feel as though I am not her husband but rather an outsider when it comes to him. Although in the past 3 years I have been more of a father to her son than his bio father has and have provided for him far better than he ever did I am still treated (in my mind) as the outsider.

This has caused many arguements and quite frankly I am tired of arguing but I also do not want to conceed to being disrespected.

Am I being too sensitive?

Some of the long-standing members have helped me in the past and it is greatly appreciated.

My ex feels that she should have an increase in support for no other reason than she has accrued some debt and feels I should pay for it.  Our daughter is 8 and lives with my ex in another state.  The ex does not work but goes to school full time in a blended program (online and in class).  We were never married and have been apart for 4.5 years.  I pay $1100 a month in CS, see my daughter every 8-10 weeks, pay for ALL of my own expenses, talk to her almost everyday, provide great medical insurance for my daughter which includes an additional FSA card for mom to use for co-pays and medication when needed and also help with school clothes, supplies and whatever else is needed. I even went as far has sending my ex the tax refund difference over the past 3 years when claiming our daughter.  I felt that since she wasn't working and caring for our daughter that she should get the $ not me.

The ex is always on me since I make more $ than I did 4.5 years (~$10K more) that her CS should be adjusted.  Let me be clear, I am all for meeting my obligation for my daughter and if it were deemed that I needed to pay $1500 a month I would have without a question. Here is where the problem is, the ex doesn't realize that 4.5 years ago when she left the state, the CS was calculated with my salary, her paying for daycare of ~$450 a month and ex working part time at $10/hr.  My daughter NEVER went to daycare and obviously doesn't now either and ex never got that job.  So in her mind since I am making a little more and she doesn't work...her support should go up.  Well I have kept track of my salary increases and spoke to my attorney about CS modifications and there are none.  In fact, under the current situation with daughter not in daycare, mom not working and my new salary I should be paying ~$270 LESS than what I am paying now.  I have no intention of lowering my support and compromising my daughters' care because her mother is greedy so I have not pushed for this modification.

I have explained all of this to the ex and she of course doesn't believe me.  She wants proof of my income, thinks that since I paid off some of my bills and vehicle that she should get some of my newly found "extra cash".  A part of me wants her go through the process and petition the court so she can see that I am not in any way screwing her on CS. The other part wants her to just accept that she really doesn't have it that bad and to leave it alone. I am considering a visitation modification but not to lower CS.  Scheduling additional time in the summer for example is like impossible.  I should be getting 4-8 weeks but she only "allows" 2-3 weeks.  Our decree states 4 weeks.

She is an extremely unreasonable person and makes it very difficult for anyone to get along with her.  She blames me for all of her problems and uses our daughter as her excuse for everything.  I have offered many times to care of our daughter until she was done with school but the answer is always NO.  I expect that because without our daughter, what would she have to complain about...

I am very focused on my relationship with my daughter and don't want her moms immature behavior and lack of responsibility to jeopardize it. I am now married to a wonderful women and my wife and I should not have to be responsible for her debt and be harrassed.

Your comments are welcomed.

Thanks -

Quick question:

When I have my daughter during my time of visitation isn't it true that I am responsible for ALL expenses including but not limited to any medical visits and/or prescriptions? And that the money spent during my visits are NOT to be deducted from the child support payment?

I believe this to be true just need confirmation or a link to the guidelines.

Thanks

Quick question:

When I have my daughter during my time of visitation isn't it true that I am responsible for ALL expenses including but not limited to any medical visits and/or prescriptions? And that the money spent during my visits are NOT to be deducted from the child support payment?

I believe this to be true just need confirmation or a link to the guidelines.

Thanks

Thank you very much.  This at least gives me hope that it is possible.  I see my daughter now about 8-9 weeks a year but would of course love to see her more.  The fact that it wouldn't impact the CP financially, she would only reject my request out of spite.  

Appreaciated

When will good fathers have rights?

It is so frustrating that no matter what we do we always get the short end of the stick.  So basically, keep kissing her a** if you want to see your daughter more cause she is in control.  Nevermind that she doesn't have to pay a dime for anything.  She doesn't work, I pay more in CS than probably most fathers do in the the entire state of IA, I am more involved with her from 1500 miles away than most are in the same state, I help the ex with bills at times, give her $ every year during taxes because she can't claim our daughter but I want a few extra days and I have to jump through hoops to prove to a judge that my daughter and I want to spend more time together during our visits?

Our court system really s****.